“Show don’t “Tell”

Tips & Tricks

Using action, sensory details, dialogue and personal thoughts to improve your Personal Narrative Essay.

Show me...Show me, don’t tell me…

Often times, writers fall into the habit of telling a reader, but to engage the reader, make him feel like he is in the situation with you vividly describe it.

Don’t just tell me – “It was incredibly funny”

Instead, show me with vivid, sensory details. Put yourself it the role of a Producer. What elements are part of your movie?

**Keep this in mind for the next slide…

HookShow me – “The dog and the baby were incredibly funny.”

To help you get started, watch the following funny clip and then write a description of what is happening that would let a reader come to the conclusion that it was incredibly funny.

Literally write down what you hear, see, or any dialogue that is used. Try to answer the following questions: What is the baby doing? How is he laughing? What is so funny? What is the baby laughing at? What is the dog doing? How does the dog look? What does he remind you of? What is so funny?

Use your answers to help provide the description of what is happening.

Laughing baby and dancing dog

Laughing Baby

Example of “Telling”One day George was riding his bike. A guy came up to him. He chased George into a dark alley. George rode through it fast and the man stopped to rest.

How could we revise this using action, sensory details, dialogue and personal thoughts? How would you make the “movie”?

With your elbow partner, rewrite one sentence form the paragraph above on a separate sheet of paper.

**Some points you may to keep in mind to show instead of tell are..

Where was George when he saw the man? Describe the settting

1) What else did he see as he rode (setting)? Tell about the alley..

2) What did the man look like? Characterization….

3) What did he do? Did he say anything? Characterization

4) What was George thinking as the man approached him?

Revised for “Showing”George pedaled into the dark alley. Off to his right he glimpsed an overflowing dented trash can. Crouched behind the can was a man in a dirty short-sleeved T-shirt. George could see a skull and crossbones tattoo on his forearm. (sensory details)

Seeing George, the man held out a cigarette. “Gotta light?” a low voice growled. (dialogue)

“Smoking’s bad for you,”George responded. Suddenly his adrenaline began pumping and the hair on the back of his neck tingled. What if this guy tried to kidnap him? (personal thoughts)

Example of TellingMary opened her present quickly. She took out a doll. It was the one she’d always wanted. She thanked her parents, and happily started to play with it.

How could we revise this using action, sensory details, dialogue and personal thoughts? How could we make this movie?

With your elbow partner, turn the “telling” example into a “showing” example. **Pick one of the sentences and “film” it. Consider showing some of the following.

Where was Mary when she opened the present?

What did the doll look like?

What kind of doll was it (brand)?

Why did Mary want this doll in particular?

What did she specifically say to her parents?

How did she play with the doll?

Where did she take the doll to play?

Example of “Showing” “Wow! Awesome!” shrieked Mary. (dialogue) The

“new toy smell” filled Mary’s nostrils. (sensory details) Before even taking her out of the box, Mary noticed the silver spur boots and pink leather cowboy hat. (description)

“Mom and Dad, how did you know I wanted her?” she purred.

Mary’s father shot her mother a wink making a note of the price tag.

“We noticed that you could not keep your eyes off of her when we went to the American Girl Store in Chicago last month,” replied her mother cheerily.

Mary’s eyes lit up and a smile spread over her face from ear to ear.

“You are the best parents a girl could ask for,”she sighed happily.

What would she do if she found out her parents bought her a knock off? (personal thoughts)

One More ExampleSHOW (don't tell) your character's traits and feelings!

Example: Jerry is a spoiled and difficult child.

ACTION/DESCRIPTION (Think VERBS! and sneaky description): Jerry's brown eyes NARROWED into slits. He STAMPED his foot.

DIALOGUE: "I don't care what you say. I want some candy and I'm going to have it!"

THOUGHTS: Mom would have a fit if I acted like that, thought Sharon.

SENSORY DETAIL: Jerry screeched as food missiles whizzed through the air clattering across the floor creating an obstacle course as his wearied baby sitter gritted her teeth and smiled broadly, “It’s okay, Jerry,” she soothed as the stench of stewed spinach emanated from the high chair.

On Your Own

Look at your narrative.

Find a place where you can add detail, dialogue, imagery, and action.

Make a change

Roll the video tape!