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BLOOPERS AND ACCIDENTAL HUMOR

by Don L. F. Nilsen

and Alleen Pace Nilsen

Coincidental Accidental HumorSame Time—Same Place:

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YOGI BERRA

• Yogi Berra was the catcher for the New York Yankees baseball team. He said:

• “I want to win 100 or 105 games this year—whichever comes first.”

• “It’s déjà vu all over again.”

• “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”

• Yogi Berra was the inspiration for the cartoon character on television named “Yogi Bear.”

Oooooooops!

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ARCHIE BUNKER

• In All in the Family, Archie Bunker’s mistakes showed that he was a xenophobic biggot:

• Milton Berlin, Morgan David wine, Blackberry Finn, pushy imported ricans, and a regular Marco Polish showed he was racist.

• Englebum Humperdunk and welfare incipients showed he was uneducated.

• The immaculate connection, Dunn and Broadstreet, and groinocologist showed he was sexist.

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CHILDREN’S BLOOPERS

• Children are often faced with language that they are unfamiliar with.

• That’s why children may change “chess” into “chest.”

• Or they may change the church hymn “Gladly the Cross I’d Bear” into “Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear.”

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• From Richard Lederer’s Anguished English:

• “Queen Elizabeth was the ‘Virgin Queen….’ When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.”

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• Also From Richard Lederer’s Anguished English:

• “It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Frances Drake circumsised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”

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CHILDREN’S EXCUSES FOR ABSENCE

• Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.

• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

• Teacher, please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

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SIGMUND FREUD

• Sigmund Freud said that slips of the tongue often are evidence of people’s subconscious desires, as when the President of the Lower House of Parliament opened a meeting by saying:

• “Gentlemen, I take notice that a full quorum of members is present and herewith declare the meeting closed.”

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SAMUEL GOLDWIN

• Samuel Goldwin of Metro Goldwin Meyer said:

• A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

• Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named William.

• For your information, I would like to ask a question.

• Now, gentlemen, listen slowly.

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INTERNATIONAL ENGLISH

• Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

• “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”

• Sign in an Acapulco hotel:

• “The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”

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• Sign in a Japanese hotel:

• “Cold and Heat. If you want to condition the warm in your room, please control yourself.”

• Sign in a Hong Kong tailor shop:

• “Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”

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NEWSPAPER STORIES

• The United Press International reported a story from Sheridan, California:

• “A farm goose flying along suddently exploded in mid-air. The sheriff’s deputy explained that the goose must have swallowed a blasting cap, which was somehow set off.”

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• An unoccupied car, parked near the Horseshoe Falls, turned its lights on.

• then the lenses shattered,• the horn began to blow,• the engine started,• the car burst into flames, and• the windshield exploded.

• Firemen blamed the car’s activity on a short circuit.

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• The Salt Lake Tribune:

• “The Salt Lake City Track Club’s All-Women’s 10,000-meter race is scheduled Saturday at 8 a.m. at Sugarhouse Park. The entry fee is $4 with shirt or $1 without.”

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NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

• Dr. Ruth Talks about Sex with Newspaper Editors

• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

• Defendant’s Speech Ends in Long Sentence

• Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years

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PUBLIC SIGNS

• Sign on a ski slope in Northern Arizona:• “Out of control skiers yield right-of-way.”

• Sign on a West Coast bridge during World War II:• “In case of bombing attack, drive directly off the

bridge.”

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WILLIAM A. SPOONER

• British clergyman William A. Spooner was a professor at Oxford University who is reported to have said:

• “Three cheers for our queer old dean” (referring to Queen Victoria)

• “Is it kistomary to cuss the bride?”

• “Stop hissing all my mystery lectures.”

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CASEY STENGEL

• Casey Stengel, the manager of the New York Yankees baseball team, said:

• “I guess I’ll have to start from scraps.”

• “Everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.”

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TELEVISION BLOOPERS

• On The World’s Funniest Videos you will find such things as:

• a baseball player who loses his pants when he catches a fly ball,

• a bridegroom in a wedding ceremony who sprays his mouth before kissing the bride

• a child who searches for Easter Eggs in the baskets of other children

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Accidental Humor Web Site:

*KETCHUP CAR CRASH:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQQD9bPrUPU

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Nuns at a Fruit Bar