“it’s all about me” (iaam)—or maybe it isn’t

nt Session 

Presented by: 

Steven “Doc” List 

Brought to you by: 

340 Corporate Way, Suite   Orange Park, FL 32073 888‐2

W4 Concurre4/9/2014   10:30 AM     

“It’s All About Me (IAAM) – Or Maybe it Isn’t”  

Santeon Group   

300,68‐8770 ∙ 904‐278‐0524 ∙ sqeinfo@sqe.com ∙ www.sqe.com 

Steven “Doc” List Santeon Group  

Steven “Doc” List has spent much of his thirty-five years in the software development community in leadership and coaching roles. Doc’s education in clinical and industrial/organizational psychology has contributed to his understanding of language and interaction between people. Recent roles as an agile coach and trainer have brought the importance of language and interaction into finer focus, as has his writing in his blog at stevenlist.com. Doc's experience as a leader, trainer, coach, presenter, facilitator, and professional speaker blends into an unusual appreciation for and mastery of the subtlety of spoken and written language.

It’s All About Me (IAAM)

Or Maybe It Isn’t

Let’s begin…

• Get a partner - someone you don’t work with, who doesn’t even work for the same company/organization

• Each of you take one minute to tell the other about a situation where someone you work with hurt your feelings, offended you, disrespected you, made you angry, sad, frustrated, or some other negative thing

• Write an outline of your partner’s situation on an index card. Save it for later.

Intro

• Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning

• Focused on how people learn, Agile, teams, collaboration, and all that good stuff

• Doc@Santeon.com

• Twitter: @athought

Who are you?

You have 5 minutes. Walk around the room and introduce yourself to as many people as possible.

Your name, your title, where you work, and a very quick summary of your partner’s story

Sharing - Pop-ups

In the next thirty seconds, please pop up and tell us in no more than three words what the feeling was that you described in your sharing at the beginning (angry, hurt, homicidal, sad,…)

Let’s go for 15 (that’s only one every two seconds)

Whose feeling was

it?

-Thich Nhat Hanh

“Our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if the other person

says and does things that are not easy to accept. We must practice this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the

other person being lovable.”

What do you KNOW?

What do you ASSUME?

It’s all in your head

No, really…

it’s all in your head

“Why would a rational, reasonable, decent human

being do that?”

The Humanizing Question from Crucial Conversations

S T A T EThe Technique

from Crucial Conversations

Get back with your original partner.

You’ll have one minute each.

Tell each other the FACTS about what happened. Not what you thought. Not what you felt. Not what you interpreted. The FACTS.

S

You’ll have one minute each (yes, again)

Tell your partner how you felt. Not how the other person “made” you feel.

T

Whose feeling was

it?

Let’s change directions for a few minutes. I have a

premise…

You were born selfish…

Write on an index card your definition of selfish. You have one minute.

Hand your index card to someone else to read, and someone will hand theirs to you to read.

Read it. ;)

Repeat until I tell you to stop.

…and you learned…

What are some socially acceptable ways of dealing

with your feelings?

Who is in charge of

your feelings?

Whose feeling was

it?

It’s still me

Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning

Doc@Santeon.com

Twitter: @athought