when your student is overwhelmed m - university of toledo student overwhelmed - comm with... ·...

125 Paterson Ave. • Little Falls, NJ 07424 • 973.256.1333 •Fax 973.256.8088 • www.Paper-Clip.com • Copyright 2007

Prepared for our institution by PaperClip Communications. Reproduced or retransmitted under license with PaperClip Communications.

When Your Student isOverwhelmed

any students are guilty of it atone point or another: holding “Ihad less sleep than you did” or“I’m SO busy!” contests. Thistends to be a particular phenom-

enon among student leaders, who are often some of thebusiest students on campus. They swap tales of all-nighters, crammed schedules and three-page To Dolists, almost as a badge of honor, to prove that they arein demand and working hard.

If you suspect that your student is swamped andfeeling overwhelmed, there are a few things you can do:� Ask them to list out their activities and responsibili-

ties for the semester. What time commitment isrequired for each per week?

� Then, ask them about things they want to accom-plish this semester, whether it’s doing really well ina particular class, taking a Pilates class or spending

good time with friends who will be graduating inMay.

� Looking at their list of commitments, ask themwhere they are going to fit in their “wants.”

� Also, remind them of responsibilities that they maynot have considered, such as getting their resumeup to par for a summer/fall internship, researchinggrad schools or volunteeringat the local social serviceagency as part of their class-work.

� Once the time commitmentsseem to be laid out, talkwith your student about liv-ing with a crammed-fullschedule. Is this how they want to operate? Whathappens if a friend needs them for moral supportdue to a death in the family? Will they only be ableto be half there because their commitments are sorigid? Or what if the opportunity to go away on aretreat presents itself? Will the backlog of things ontheir “To Do” list prevent them from grabbing thechance? Feel free to use examples from your ownlife or those you’ve observed to talk about missedopportunities due to too-full schedules.

� You may also want to talk about how some studentleaders feel valued proportional to how busy andneeded they are. Does your student identify withhis work and accomplishments more than he iden-tifies with just being himself? You may only touchthe tip of the iceberg with this topic, as delving intoit deeper could benefit from the assistance of atrained counselor.

� Then, talk about what could be cut from your stu-dent’s schedule. Don’t make suggestions; let himdo that. What activity is on the list that doesn’t feeltotally worthwhile? Could he be a member of anorganization instead of an officer? What are someways to whittle the schedule into something that ismanageable while still being satisfying?These kinds of conversations can help students take

their personal health and well-being into considerationa bit more. You can help your student see that you’renot judging her by the quantity of her involvements butby the quality of her commitment. Have some inten-tional conversations to let her know that it’s NOT acontest to see who can be the busiest and get the leastsleep. A balanced life is much more worthwhile.

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Signs That Your Student May beOverwhelmed

She is…� Constantly feeling behind� Worried about how others perceive her� Feeling like she’s letting people down� Not able to get a handle on her various com-

mitments� Paralyzed by multi-tasking� Consistently disorganized� Not as reliable as she used to be� Frustrated with herself� Burned out� Tense to the point of anger and other intense

emotions (crying, swearing, etc.)� Scattered and unfocused

If you’re concerned that your student isn’t han-dling things well, help her break down the commit-ments in her life into more manageable chunks.Also, suggest that she talk things out with someonein the learning center or counseling center to helpher get back on track. Being overwhelmed can befrightening and frustrating—she needs yourencouragement and support.

125 Paterson Ave. • Little Falls, NJ 07424 • 973.256.1333 •Fax 973.256.8088 • www.Paper-Clip.com • Copyright 2007

Prepared for our institution by PaperClip Communications. Reproduced or retransmitted under license with PaperClip Communications.

Communicating with the College:Why, How and When?WHY?

As a parent, you want the absolute best for yourstudent, and because of this you probably strugglewith when to intervene and when to steer clear ofchallenging situations that arise in his life. This strug-gle does not end when he goes to college, and recentresearch actually suggests parental involvement in acollege student’s day-to-day activities is increasing. Ithas become so common that Neil Howe and WilliamStrauss, authors of Millennials Go to College, havegiven this new parenting style a name—“helicopterparenting”—to signify “hovering” over a student’slife.HOW?

How can you be a partner with the college in sup-porting your student’s personal growth and develop-ment without hovering? Below are some common col-lege student experiences that parents can easily bepulled into, with suggestions on how to empoweryour student to handle each situation himself.1. Roommate Conflict

Your son has complained to you for weeks thathis roommate is messy, stays up late and interruptshis studying and sleep.� First, encourage him to talk with his roommate

about his observations, concerns and possiblesolutions. You can even role-play this conversa-tion with him to help him get comfortable.

� If that doesn’t work, suggest he talk with hisResident Assistant to help mediate a roommatemeeting or provide strategiesfor conflict resolution.

� What Not to Do: Call theroommate’s parents, call theDirector of Residence Life, orcall the President of theCollege – more gets donewhen your student goesthrough the proper channels.

2. Grade ConflictYour daughter feels that a professor is grading her

unfairly.

� First, help her identify why she believes the grad-ing is unfair. Faculty members have open officehours, so encourage her to schedule a meetingafter class or stop in to share her concerns withthe professor.

� If that doesn’t work, suggest she meet with heracademic advisor to discuss the situation and seewhat other options are available to address herconcern.

� What Not to Do: Call the faculty member, call theAcademic Dean, or call the Academic Advisor.

3. Minor Conduct ViolationYour student has been found guilty of a behav-

ioral conduct violation.� First, breathe! Then discuss the violation, the

choices made, and the consequences of his inap-propriate behavior.

� Second, advise and support him as he goesthrough the campus judicial process, and helphim reflect on what he has learned from the expe-rience, and how his behavior will change in thefuture.

� What Not to Do: Call a lawyer, call the Dean ofStudents, or attend the judicial hearing.

WHEN?There certainly are times that contacting the col-

lege directly is appropriate and necessary.However, when possible, try to limit your contact

with the college during times of crisis to seeking sug-gestions on how your daughter can further help her-self. Challenging situations are a part of the learningprocess. When parents limit their involvement to sug-gestions and advice, students gain confidence, self-responsibility, and a skill-base that will last them alifetime.

Times that contacting the college is the bestcourse of action:� Death of a family member� Concern that student may harm self or others� Alleged hazing or harassment� If the college requests your involvement