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http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/essential-characteristics-good-parent-4977.html (12 mei)

What Are the Essential

Characteristics of a Good Parent? by Kathryn Rateliff Barr, Demand Media

Your child should know that she is a priority in your life.

Related Articles

Characteristics of the Parent-Child Relationship What Are Three Qualities of Every Good Parent? Qualities That Make a Good or Bad Parent Good Characteristics of a Student What Does It Take to Be a Good Parent? Characteristics of Single Parents

Parenting is an incredibly demanding job and you may have some days where you wonder if youhave what it takes to be an effective parent. The job is easier if you have cultivated the rightcharacteristics before your first child arrives on the scene. If you find you lack a few of thesecharacteristics, you can acquire them in the process of rearing your child.
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Active ParticipantParents need to be active participants in the life of their child. Your child learns by watching you,so be aware of what you project. Embrace your parenting job with enthusiasm, compassion, asense of humor and a clear memory of what its like to be a child. Take the time to know yourchilds personality and parent your child based on her strengths and weaknesses, according tofamily relationship expert, Dr. Gary Smalley. If your child is loyal, consistent and compliant

because she wants your approval, a disapproving look or a soft word could rectify a misstep. Astrong-willed, take-charge and independent child, however, requires more discipline.

NurturerWhether you are male or female, you can nurture your child. You can demonstrate unconditional

love by addressing the behavior and not the character of the child when applying correction,advises KidsHealth. Express forgiveness when your child shows remorse for a misdeed. If youknow what behaviors are mistakes or age-appropriate exploration, you can make allowances forthose behaviors in ways that encourage your child to grow and learn. Employ positivereinforcement when you set limits and keep your expectations realistic and appropriate to yourchilds development and abilities. Your toddler probably wont sit still for several hours and yourteen isnt going to blindly accept everything you say.

TeacherA large part of your job as parent is to teach your child what he needs to become a productiveand responsible adult. Model the behavior you want to see and take advantage of teachablemoments to impart wisdom and common sense to your child. Your child will respond best tolessons that are creative, fun and impart a sense of adventure and discovery, according to Dr.Lisa Marotta, a private practice psychologist in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Set clear limits foryour childs behavior and employ logical consequences when your child complies or defies thoselimits. Your child should know that you have confidence in his ability to learn and respond tonew challenges.

CommunicatorFamily communication isnt always easy, but it is a priority if you want to be an effective parent.Actively listen when your child speaks, looking directly at her and making it clear that what shehas to say is important to you. You can validate her feelings and repeat the important points inyour own words to make sure youre both on the same page. Negotiate with your child,

presenting clear choices whenever possible. Always treat your child with kindness and respect,giving praise and encouragement when you have the opportunity, advises Dr. Marotta.
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http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Parent (12 may)

1Express love and affection :

A gentle cuddle , a little encouragement, appreciation, approval or even a smile can go a

long way to boost the confidence and well-being of your children. Sadly, many childrenseek this kind of acceptance from their peers.

Tell them you love them every day. Give lots of hugs and some kisses. Love them unconditionally; don't force them to be who you think they should be in order

to earn your love. Let them know that you will always love them no matter what.Part 2 of 7: Praising Your Children

Avoid comparing your children to others, especially siblings. Each child is individual andunique. Celebrate their differences and instill in each child the desire to pursue theirinterests and dreams. Failure to do so may give your child an inferiority complex, an

idea that they can never be good enough in your eyes. Teach your children that it is okay for them to be different, and they do not have to

follow the crowd. Teach them right from wrong when they are young, and they will(more often than not) be able to make their own decisions, instead of listening

to/following others. Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an individual

under your care, not a chance for you to relive your life through them.Part 3 of 7: Avoiding Criticism

Avoid criticism of the child and focus on the behavior instead: Stop being judgmental and judging your child's friends they choose to talk to. When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that

such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives. Avoid statements such as:

"You're bad." "Go away!", etc. (as difficult as it may be to remain positive). Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be stern/serious,

but not cross or mean, when you tell them what you expect. Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold them

privately.
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Reasonably model the behavior and character you hope your children will adopt andcontinue to live by the rules that you set. Show them by example in addition to verbal

explanations. Children have a tendency to become what they see and hear unless theymake a conscious and concerted effort to break the mold.

A child may have an opposite disposition, ie: introverted when you are extroverted, forinstance; and not be able to fit into the pattern and style that you choose, but will make

ones own decisions.

2Be consistent :

Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy and productive life -- not modelrules of your ideal/dream person.

Enforce the same rules all the time, and resist your child's attempts to manipulate youinto making exceptions.

Control your temper. Communicate clearly. Children should be very familiar with the consequences of their

actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason and thefault, if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault the punishment willnot have the discouraging effects you desire.

Life is a great teacher. Don't be too quick to rescue your child from the results of their

own actions if the consequences are not overly severe. Example: Cutting themselvesmay hurt, but it's better than leaving them unaware of why sharp objects should beavoided.

3Listen to them:

Express interest in your children and involve yourself in his and her life. Create an atmosphere in which they can come to you with a problem however large or

small.

Part 4 of 7: Being a Role Model

1 Be a Role Model . Young kids are like sponges, they notice everything. As parents weare our children's first role model. Pay attention to what you say or do around them andthink about what kind of example you are making.
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Want to teach kids about charity? Get involved and take your kids with you to a soupkitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals. Explain to them why you do acts

of charity so they understand why they should. Teach kids about chores by setting a schedule and having them help you out. Don't tell

your child to do something, but ask for their help. The earlier they learn to help you, thelonger they will be willing to.

Want your kids to listen to you? Show them you can listen to them. If you want your son or daughter to learn to share, set a good example and share your

things with them.

2 Give up your vices. Gambling, alcohol and drugs can jeopardize your child's

financial security. Smoking, for example, almost always introduces healthhazards to your child's environment. Second-hand smoke has been linked toseveral respiratory ailments in children. It could also contribute to the early deathof a parent. Alcohol and drugs might also introduce health hazards or violence toyour child's environment.

Part 5 of 7: Helping Your Children Feel Safe

1Help them feel safe:

Respect their privacy as you would want them to respect yours; for example, if you

teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to them, respect the same with theirroom. Allow them to feel that once they enter their room they can know that no one willlook through their drawers, or read their diary.

Let your child live his/her life and let them make their own choices in life. Instill in them, a sense of belonging by displaying individual and family portraits on the

walls of the house. Don't argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are sleeping, argue quietly.

Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering. In addition,

children will learn to argue with each other the same way they hear their parents arguewith each other. Show them that when people disagree, they can discuss theirdifferences peacefully.

Give your child some space and let them choose what they want to do with their life.


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Avoid favoritism. Surveys have shown that most parents have favorites, but mostchildren believe that they are the favorite. If your children are quarreling, don't choose

sides, but be fair and neutral.

2 Avoid rescuing them. Help your kids know their options, and the consequencesof each one, then both you and they live with whatever option they select,generally.

Part 6 of 7: Providing Order

1Provide order:

Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have limitations.By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared about by their parents.

They might rebel at those boundaries, but inwardly enjoy knowing that concernedparents guide and love them.

Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a reward forthose jobs give them some kind of privilege (money, extended curfew, extra play time,

etc.). As "punishment" for not doing these jobs, they have the corresponding privilegerevoked. Even the youngest of children can learn this concept of reward/consequence.

As your child grows, give them more responsibilities and more rewards/consequencesfor completing those responsibilities (or not).

Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to the religiousinstitute that you follow. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, teach them your moralstance on things. In either case, don't be hypocritical or be prepared for your child topoint out that you are not "practicing what you preach".

Make sure that they have a healthy way of life. Many parents do this the wrong way.Instead of forcing children to try eating something, give them a choice between two

things. It can push children, especially preteens and up, to a very emotional point, if youbegin to harp for them to change their eating habits. If they want something unhealthy,

suggest an alternative or a smaller size. If you know they favor a certain unhealthy foodat a restaurant, taking them there a lot is not good. And if you start over-explaining to the

child that it is unhealthy or that they shouldn't get it -- they may take it the wrong wayand feel like you are insulting them. Once this happens, they will no longer want to go
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out to eat with you, and they will feel bad eating around you which could make themwant to sneak and hide junk food from you. When you tell them they can't have

something or shouldn't... it can create one of two things. One, it could make them want iteven more and find out how to get it anyways. Two, it could make them feel extremelybad (contrary/oppositional), and they might go all out with all unhealthy foods exceptthat one which could be worse than giving choices to get cooperation.

When trying to enforce healthy eating habits, start it at a younger age. Giving rewards ofcandy to children may create a bad habit, because once they get older, some may feelthey should reward themselves which can lead to obesity. While they are young, start

them out with healthier snacks. Instead of chips, try goldfish (crackers), grapes, etc. Theeating habits they learn as they are younger are the ones they continue to have. Also,never make your child finish their plate, if they say they are hungry. This can continue

throughout their life causing them to finish no matter what portions are on their plate. Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves. While

getting them a glass of water before bed is a nice way to make them get to sleep faster,don't do it so often that they come to expect it.

Emphasis moderation and responsibility when it comes to alcohol consumption evenwhen children are young. Explain that they will have to wait until they are old enough to

enjoy a drink with friends, and talk about the importance of designated drivers. Failureto discuss these issues early sometimes contributes to sneaking and dangerous

experimentation, if they don't understand. Again, don't be hypocritical or your child will(more than likely) ignore your advice.

2 Allow your kids to experience life for themselves. Don't make decisions for

them all the time; they must learn how to live with the consequences from thechoices they make. After all, they will have to learn to think for themselvessometime. It's best they start when you are there to help minimize the negativeconsequences and accentuate the positive ones. They need to learn that their

own actions have consequences (good and bad). By doing so, it helps them tobecome good decision makers and problem solvers so that they are prepared forindependence and adulthood.

Part 7 of 7: Spending Quality Time With Your Children

1


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Spend a lot of time with your kids and love them with all your heart. Be careful notto stifle/smother them, however. There's a big difference between protecting someone

and imprisoning them within your too unyielding demands.

2Spend time with each child individually: try to divide your time equally if you havemore than one child.

Listen and respect your child and respect what they want to do with their life. Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library depending on their

interests. Attend school functions. Do homework with them. Visit their teacher at open house.

Even if it means taking some time away from work. Remember that children grow fast,and soon will be on their own. Your boss may or may not remember that you missedthat meeting, but your child will most certainly remember that you didn't attend the play

they were in.

Tips Reflect on your own childhood frequently. Identify mistakes your parents made, and

make an effort to avoid passing them on to the next several generations. Every

generation of parents/children gets to make a whole set of new successes and/or

mistakes.

Listen to what your child has to say.

Don't live your life through them. Let them make their own choices and live their life how

they want to.

If you're trying to quit a habit yourself, look into groups that can help you overcome it.

Always get support, and have someone you can talk to when you begin to get a craving

for your habit. Remember that you're not only helping yourself, but you're helping your

child as well.

A teen who is on the brink of adulthood needs the support of a parent more than ever.

Do not think that just because they are almost 18 or 21 years old that you can leave


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them to figure it all out on their own. Do not intervene/interfere unnecessarily, however.

You have to walk a fine line.

Encourage introspection by sharing with your children your own self-evaluations.

Improve your child's social skills. Address your needs to be loved, but value your children's needs over others. Do not

abandon your children for your love interests. Make your child a priority when you are

dating, and do not put your child in danger by introducing someone new into the

household that you do not know well. Children need to feel safe, secure and loved. If

you are suddenly leaving them out and not addressing their needs in order to tend to a

new boyfriend or girlfriend, your children will grow to feel insecure and abandoned. Love

is needed by everyone, but not at the expense of your child's emotional health. Thisalso applies to older children.

Don't belittle their choice in friends. Furthermore, try to maintain your own friendships.

Do not share your own past misbehavior with your children because they will compare

themselves to you and thus, expect less from themselves. "So! You were like that too".

Warnings Do not strictly follow the parental behavioral stereotypes of your culture, race, ethnic

group, family, or other defining factor. Please do not believe that there is only one way

to raise a child.

Do not be afraid to be a parent . Do your best, be their friend, but never let them forget

you are their parent , not a collaborator.

Never over-indulge a child. It can lead to stubborn and irresponsible behavior.

Parenting does not stop when a child grows up. Being a good parent remains a life-long

role. But remember that once they become adults, the decisions they make in life are

ultimately theirs with their consequences.
http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Social-Skills-in-Childrenhttp://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Social-Skills-in-Childrenhttp://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Social-Skills-in-Children


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http://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/ 12

may

Conclusion

A good parent prays for his/her children . One of he greatest privileges I have as a parent

is to pray for my children. It occurred to me a few years ago, if Im not praying for mychildren, then who is? I pray for my children in both the big and little things of life. Ipray for their protection against the evil one. Most of all, I pray that they might come tolove God and treasure him above all else.A good parent is gracious . Her children see the way their mom treats people. They seeher graciousness in the way she talks with the person at H.E.B. or Walmart. They witness graciousness in the way mom or dad relates to their friends. These children seegraciousness in the way their parents relate to one another. No smart aleck talk between

mom and dad. No put downs. These parents exude grace.Good parents understand that kids first learn about the grace of God not in theologicalexplanations but in lives of their mom and dad.

A good parent builds an atmosphere of encouragement . Youve seen them. Moms anddads who love their children and yet, for whatever reason, constantly discourage andfrustrate them. This may be the dad who regularly second guesses his son ordaughter. He communicates doubt instead of confidence. Consequently, his son ordaughter grows up to be hesitant, afraid to step out and risk, and unsure of himself. A

good parent communicates that she believes in her children. Regardless of their age,children need parents who are encouragers.A good parent creates an atmosphere of joy and laughter at home . I know a father wholooks like he is miserable much of the time. I suspect there is little laughter in hishome. How sad! Our children live in a tough world. At school they may feeltremendous social pressure, hear many put downs, and yet have to deal with thepressure of grades, the future, etc. Home should be a place where we look forward to being at the end of the day. A good parents works to create a home that is a place of

warmth, acceptance, and laughter.A good parent realizes that one of the best gifts that he can offer his children is

himself . Too many parents try to buy their way to their childrens hearts. Ive beenaround many teens during the last eight years. I have not known any who I thought weredeprived by having to drive an older model car, etc. However, I have known a numberof teens whose parents were too busy for them and unavailable emotionally. I haveknown several who received no moral or spiritual direction from their parents,
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whatsoever. Consequently, these kids felt as if their parents really did not know what was going on in their lives not to mention their hearts. My children need a parents whois fully engaged in their lives. When my children were small, I would generally run every morning. I remember them

asking me a few times, Why do you run, Daddy? My general answer was, so I can be your Daddy longer. That is true on many levels. I bless my children when I takecare of myself. When I spend time in daily prayer, reading Scripture, and perhapsreading a book that feeds me, I bless my children. I want to give them a dad (or mom)that takes care of himself.

- See more at: http://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/#sthash.L4xB38mA.dpuf

Parenting is difficult work but can ultimately be so rewarding. In the meantime, knowthat we are all learning (or should be learning). The following are some reflectionsregarding wisdom and parenting.

Wise Parents Teach Their Children to Accept Responsibility.They dont spend a lot of time blaming other people. It is easy to get into the habit of blaming others for the behavior of your children. I ts the coachs fault. Its the teachers

fault. Its the youth ministers fault. The larger issue is if I am teaching my child toaccept responsibility or to blame others when things go wrong.

Wise Parents Allow Their Children to Experience the Consequences of Behavior. Youve seen this person. This parent will not allow his child to experience pain as thenatural consequence of the childs behavior. If he throws a toy out the window of amoving car, the toy is gone! If she throws a tantrum in Toys-R-Us, we leave the store without a toy. Far too many parents verbally fuss at their children but instill no realconsequences.

Wise Parents Look Down the Road. What is the future going to be like if things continue the way they are now? You either pay now or you pay later. Parenting is hard work. If you refuse to address misbehavior when children are young, you (and they) will ultimately pay for it. For instance, if yourchild fusses and whines, you may be able to stop this by going to McDonalds for a treat.
http://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/#sthash.L4xB38mA.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/#sthash.L4xB38mA.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/#sthash.L4xB38mA.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/#sthash.L4xB38mA.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/#sthash.L4xB38mA.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2005/09/11/top-ten-characteristics-of-a-good-parent-conclusion/#sthash.L4xB38mA.dpuf


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When she gets ice cream, she may stop fussing for a while, but think about what thischild is learning: If I want something or if I am disagreeable, mom and dad will buy mesomething to make me feel better. I once overheard a parent requesting that others lethis child win at a game so that he would feel good. What?

Wise Parents Love Their Children for Who They Are.

You may have a child who has special needs. Your child may have physical or emotionalissues that need to be addressed. Perhaps your child has great difficulty reading, doingmath, or just keeping up. Sometimes parents will get caught up in wanting to create agood impression before friends or in what their friends say regarding their children. Wemay constantly talk about how incredibly amazing and wonderful our children are. Oneparent is talking about their gifted and talented son. The other parent is talking about

their daughter who was chosen for this or that award. Meanwhile, many, many parentsare silent as they wonder why their children s truggle so much. Dont get caught up in your childs feeling inferior or different. Your child needs to be loved just as she is.

Wise Parents Dont Try to Fill Their Own Emptiness by Using Their Children.

Youve seen him. Hes the dad who is almost living vicariously through his son. He goes ballistic with the coaches. He never stops talking about his sons athletic performance.In fact, all he ever says about his son is what he did in the last game. As one young mansaid, My dad only sees me as a footbal l player. That is all he talks about with me. Maybe

it is the mother who pushes her daughter to date the quarterback. She pushes herteenage daughter to run with a popular crowd and date popular people. She lives vicariously through her daughter. Wise pare nts dont use a child to somehow satisfytheir own emptiness.

- See more at: http://godhungry.org/2013/01/29/question-what-kind-of-wisdom-is-needed-to- be-a-good-parent/#sthash.j29Dmjrr.dpuf
http://godhungry.org/2013/01/29/question-what-kind-of-wisdom-is-needed-to-be-a-good-parent/#sthash.j29Dmjrr.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2013/01/29/question-what-kind-of-wisdom-is-needed-to-be-a-good-parent/#sthash.j29Dmjrr.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2013/01/29/question-what-kind-of-wisdom-is-needed-to-be-a-good-parent/#sthash.j29Dmjrr.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2013/01/29/question-what-kind-of-wisdom-is-needed-to-be-a-good-parent/#sthash.j29Dmjrr.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2013/01/29/question-what-kind-of-wisdom-is-needed-to-be-a-good-parent/#sthash.j29Dmjrr.dpufhttp://godhungry.org/2013/01/29/question-what-kind-of-wisdom-is-needed-to-be-a-good-parent/#sthash.j29Dmjrr.dpuf


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What Are the Essential Characteristics of a Good Parent?

Being a good parent is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Once you have a ch ild, youre given the task of ensuring that your

little person has the best possible chance in this crazy world. Although parenting tactics change from person to person, some

essential characteristics remain.

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Loving Your ChildProviding your child with a loving and secure environment should be the main goal of any parent. Children need to know theyare loved, no matter what the circumstances. However, don't make the mistake of thinking that showing love means giving into

every one of your childs demands. Saying no is another part of being a good parent. Your child will test boundaries and ques tion

your affection. Dont back off from a punishment when a child claims you dont love her. Shell eventually realize how your

affection does not wane even when you punish her.

Model Good BehaviorsPracticing what you preach is an effective method of parenting. Your child is constantly watching you for cues on how to behave.

For instance, acting out in anger could teach your child the wrong way to cope with his emotions. If you find yourself unable to

control your anger when your child has misbehaved, walk away for a minute. After you have calmed down, you can react in a

more composed manner.

Don't Always Focus on the NegativeBuilding up your childs self -esteem is another essential component of being a good parent. Poor self-esteem leads to problem

behaviors and difficulties with the childs relationships. To raise confident children, avoid solely focusing on their negative

behaviors. When a child is behaving in a positive way, praise her. Boost her self-image by making a big deal when she

accomplishes a task.

Stay ProactiveFor many parents, outside stressors affect how well they raise their children. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics,

parents should write down a list of stresses that affect their life daily and think of ways to handle these difficulties. Your list

might encompass stresses you have to face at work, your living conditions, your current lifestyle and your personal relationships.

Getting rid of these stresses can improve parent and child relationships.

http://preschooler.thebump.com/essential-characteristics-good-parent-2562.html 12 May 12, 2014
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The Role of Good Parentshttp://preschooler.thebump.com/role-good-parents-1791.html

Build Self-esteemHelping a child build his self-esteem gives him the confidence he needs for a successful future. From the time he is a baby, your

tone of voice, your comments and your expressions affect your child. Offer praise often, even in the small things. If he puts toysaway, even if theyre not in the correct spot, say, You did so great taking care of your toys. Youre such a big boy! Encou rage

him as much as you can whether its playing at the park, meeting new friends or playing at home.

Make TimeWhether you stay home with your daughter or work full time and come home exhausted, set aside time. Take 15 minutes to play

with her and her favorite toy or color in a coloring book. Even a toddler feels more important when you take time to get down on

her level and do some thing she enjoys. If youre tight on time, let her help you with tasks. She can help add ingredients for dinner

or stir ingredients together. She can help you sort laundry or put it in the washer or dryer.

Set an ExampleChildren, younger ones especially, watch everything you do. Pay attention to how you handle anger with others. If you dont

handle your anger well, it sets a bad example. If you face disappointments, show a good example in your reactions. Treat others

the way you want your son to treat others. Teach your son to respect others, their feelings and their opinions by doing the same

with him.

DisciplineDiscipline is one of the toughest roles as a parent. You might be afraid if you discipline your daughter she wont like you

anymore, but discipline helps her learn self-control and enables her to set limits later in life. Even as babies, children can learn

the meaning of the word no. Set up rules that your daughter will understand and have consequences in place for breaking the

rules. With young children, a consequence might be losing a privilege such as a favorite toy or being put in timeout. Most of all,

stay consistent with the consequences.

Know YourselfAs you settle into the role of parent, know yourself. Unresolved feelings from your childhood can hinder an emotional connection

with your son. Address any traumas from your childhood through counselin g or talking with a loved one. Realize that youre not

perfect and even good parents make mistakes. Remind yourself that you love your child and you are doing the best you can.
http://preschooler.thebump.com/role-good-parents-1791.htmlhttp://preschooler.thebump.com/role-good-parents-1791.htmlhttp://preschooler.thebump.com/role-good-parents-1791.html

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