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Beveridge Family NewsVolume 2, Issue 1 December 2006Holiday Edition

Area Y outh Named M ost Talkative by ClassmatesWARMINSTER, PA The Beveridgefamily added to its list of academicachievements this May as its youngestmember, Keenan, was presented with theMost Talkative Classmate Award by hispre-kindergarten class.

Keenans achievement has touched off a wave of celebration among his family.Sure, being class valedictorian is cool, Iguess, said his father, Mike, beamingwith pride. But the valedictoriansspeech lasts, what, maybe twenty min-utes? My kid yaps for twenty minutesbefore he even gets out of bed in the

morning. Tell Mister Smarty-Pants Vale-dictorian to top that.

The coveted award is a sign of greatsuccess to come, in the opinion of proudPop-Pop Tom Beveridge. I worked inconstruction for nearly forty years, andthere was one key to my success: On the

jobsite or in the boardroom, in the pub oron the golf course, the guy who gets thelast word claims the victory. Being loudalso helps. But compared to that kid, Ima mime.

Theresa Beveridge, the winnersGrandmom, was also overcome with joy

at the ceremony. Its hard to put intowords what this award means, she said,wiping away tears. Hard for me, I mean.Keenans got no problem at all. He has away with words. Like the Pacific Oceanhas a way with water.

After the ceremony, the winner himself made a brief statement summarizing whatthe prize meant to him: It was really

cool. Miss Debbie gave me the paper andI waved to Mommy and Daddy. And Iwaved to Grandmom and Colin, too. Andbefore, I was dressed like a carpenter,cause I want to be a carpenter when Igrow up. And my friend Caroline was ateacher, and I saw my friend CJ, and myfriend Matthew, and my friend Brandon.And he was dressed like a racecar driver.I cant drive a car, but I have a scooter,and I like to ride my scooter with Colin

Keenan Beveridge (right) with his Grandmom ina rare pause between sentences.

hes my brother. Mommy, can I have asnack? [Editors Note: Commentsabridged due to space considerations.]

Delighted mother Kathy Beveridgesaw a bright future for her son. Withsuch a talent for verbosity, Keenan is sureto be a success in life. But whatever hedoes, well be proud of him and wellalways love him, she said tearfully.And we plan to tell him that. As soon aswe can get a word in edgewise.

Local Boy Rides Tw o-W heelerFew Casualties Reported

WARMINSTER, PA Local youth ColinBeveridge took a big first step towardindependence this summer when he rodehis two-wheeler without training wheelsfor the first time.

Beveridges adventure began when hisparents gave him a new big-boy bikefor his seventh birthday in March. De-spite his excitement as spring came,Colin felt the pressure of a looming dead-line: Bike Day at his summer camp wasscheduled for July, and he couldnt bearto face his friends with training wheels.

Beveridges father, Mike, also felt thepressure. Nobody wants to be the dad of the kid who cant ride a two-wheeler, henoted. The tension mounted when Colinsfirst efforts were less than promisingalthough the greatest stress was not onthe boys psyche, but on his fathersheart. I ran behind him holding the seatto the end of our street and back threetimes in a row, Mike recalled, shudder-ing. By the end the bike was the onlything holding me up.

Just when all hope (and breath) seemedlost, inspiration took the place of perspi-ration. After several failed attempts overthe course of three weeks, Colin and hisdad tried again at a local park built on theformer site of the Naval Air DevelopmentCenter. We had a whole section of therunway to ourselves, Mike said proudly,Colin had fallen several times alreadyand was ready to quit, but we decided totry one last time. I ran down the runway,let go of the seat, and he just took off.

Fresh off his triumph, Colin began

Bike Day at camp with a quiet confi-denceand he was even quieter when hegot home. When I asked him how BikeDay was, he didnt say anything, re-called Colins mother, Kathy. When Iasked him again, he got defensive andsaid It was just a little crash. I never didget anyone to tell me what happened. Thecamp counselors would get a farawaylook in their eyes every time they men-tioned the incident.

However, the family refuses to let themysterious circumstances surroundingBike Day diminish Colins triumph, see-ing it instead as a springboard to biggerand better things. This is a big step,noted Kathy. Every day he learns a newskill like this is one more day closer tothe day he gets a job and moves into hisown place.

Thats the great thing about riding abike, Mike noted. Once you learn howto do it, you never forget. Its just like,

just like.Well, I dont know what itslike, but I know its like something.

Colin Beveridge, easy rider.

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Beveridge Family NewsPage A2 December 2006

Trip to Disney Wor ld Captures LocalFamilys Hearts, Disposable I ncomeORLANDO, FL Walt Disney musthave been turning over in his cryogenictank at the thought of the crown jewel of his theme-park empire being desecratedby the most destructive force on earththe Beveridge family.

Walts nightmare came true in May2006 as the Beveridges descended uponThe Happiest Place on Earth for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. The trip was madepossible by family friends Wende Petersand Steve Bonsall, who offered to sharetheir rented house, and by sister-in-lawStephanie Beveridge, who helped scorediscounted park tickets. I hadnt been onvacation with Kathy and Mike since wegraduated college, and it was so much funI always wanted to do it again, Peterssaid in recent interview. Besides, withtheir kids teaching my kids, we figuredwe could do twice as much damage.

Of all the terror-inducing rides at theDisney parks, the one that was mostfraught with peril was the airplane ride toFloridathe first-ever trip for seven-year-old Colin and four-year-old Keenan.We were pretty worried, admittedGreatest Mom Ever Kathy Beveridge. Imean, we dont even like going to thegrocery store, because after ten minutesin the cart they start terrorizing the othershoppers. Now imagine the grocery storeis 20,000 feet in the air, and you can ap-preciate how tense it was.

Nevertheless, the flight ended withouta major incident, and the family set off ona voyage of self-discovery in the MagicKingdom, EPCOT Center, MGM Stu-dios, and Disneys Animal Kingdom.Each family member had an importantrevelation during their stay. Seven-year-old Colin learned that he is an adrenaline

junkie who is drawn to the most thrillingrides, such as the Tower of Terror, Test

Track, and Space Mountaina ride heenjoyed so much he rode it four timeswithin a half-hour span. It was awesomebut scary, Beveridge recalled. After thefourth ride, they wouldnt let us back onbecause of all the screaming. But Daddywouldnt stop.

Kathy learned that the greatest thrill of a Disney visit was leaving at the end of the day with money left in her purse.You want to know my favorite ride?she snapped in an interview. Its the onethat doesnt have a freaking gift shopbetween us and the exit. I swear, theydput a gift shop in the ladies room if theythought people would pay for the soap.

Not coincidentally, Keenan learned thathe cannot live without making a gift shoppurchase every three hours. MusthaveStitchaction figure, the young-est Beveridge stammered recently, clearlystill in withdrawal. The strength of thisattachment nearly caused a riot in theMagic Kingdom ( inset below ).

The family agreed that Mike had themost disturbing revelation. When askedwhat he learned on the trip, the glassy-eyed husband and father pointed out that

Disney Security Force: I ncident R eportTranscript of a Disney Security Force reportabout Keenan Beveridge dated May 26, 2006:

7:45 PM. Suspect boards Buzz Lightyear ride.

7:52 PM. Suspect has picture taken by in-ridecamera for later sale ($9.95).

7:55 PM. Suspect disembarks and sees pictureon hallway monitor. Suspects father refusesrequest to purchase photo.

7:57 PM. Suspect exits through gift shop, seesBuzz Lightyear Action Figure with RotatingLights [TM] ($12.95), and throws whining fit.Father folds like cheap tent.

8:14 PM. Suspect re-boards ride withLightyear action figure.

8:16 PM. Lightyear action figure falls out of car. Suspect wails like banshee.

8:24 PM. Suspect exits ride, still wailing.Staff reports an event and shuts down ride tofind missing action figure.

8:26 PM. Smart-ass German teenager makesobscene gesture at in-ride camera. Obscenepicture stuck on monitor after ride shutdown.

8:30 PM. Crowd trapped on ride getting rest-

less. Staff dispatched to hallway monitor toput hand over obscene gesture. Event up-graded to incident.

8:37 PM. Action figure not found. Suspectstill wailing. Smart-ass teenager climbs out of ride. Safety protocols activated. Incident up-graded to situation.

8:46 PM. Suspect still wailing. Magic King-dom Parade starting in 15 minutes; guests stilltrapped on ride.

8:58 PM. Replacement action figure given tosuspect for free. Suspect leaves to watch pa-rade. Stormtroopers dispatched to quell upris-ing of guests still trapped on ride.

it's a world of laughter, a world of tears.It's a world of hopes, and a world of fears. There's so much that we share, thatit's time we're aware, it's a small worldafter all. [Hes been repeating thatsince we got home, said a worriedKathy. The doctor said the only treat-ment is to play Hakuna Matata. Some-times the cure is worse than the disease.]

None the worse for their experience,the family returned home with warmmemories and a credit card that was stillhot to the touch three months later.Well, they say its a once-in-a-lifetimeexperience, noted Kathy. Even if ittakes several lifetimes to pay for it.

Mike agreed, noting: Its a small,small world.

The Brothers Beveridge take on Mickey.

Mike Beveridge learns the world is small.

(l to r): Jack Bonsall and Keenan and ColinBeveridge get the punishment Disney thinksthey so richly deserve.

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S P O R T S

Beveridge Family NewsDecember 2006 Page A3

Rookie A thlete Takes Soccer W orld by StormWARMINSTER, PA Area fans are

buzzing over the debut of local phenomKeenan Beveridge, whose first seasonwith the Sharks of the Warminster SoccerUnder-6 Smurf league ended in mid-November. However, despite the impacthe made in his rookie season,Beveridges spectacular soccer careercertainly had humble beginnings.

After spending two years watching hisbrother play, the phase of the game thatheld Keenans interest was not its offenseor its defense, but rather its fashions. Hehad an instructional camp back in thespring, noted proud mother Kathy.

Every Saturday he insisted on wearingone of his brothers old uniforms, rightdown to the matching knee-high socks.He was the best-looking kid on the fieldevery week. He didnt know how to play,but he looked fabulous out there.

The official start of the season in Au-

gust was even less promising, asKeenans first-ever practice ended in acrying fit. He watched every one of Colins games for two years, and afterevery game he saw the players get asnack, recalled his father, Mike. So theend of the first practice comes along andhes asking the coach for his juice boxand bag of Cheetos. When he found outthere was no junk food involved, he caredless about practice than Allen Iverson.

However, like all superstar athleteswith a snack-based aversion to practice,Beveridge knew how to turn it on when it

counted. He was a major contributor tothe Sharks winning season, the highpoint of which came when he scored fivegoals in a single game. And while sharinga uniform style and color with 12 team-mates made it difficult to stand out, he

Area Y ouths Hoop Dreams HeldBack by Lame CoachWARMINSTER, PA Local youth ColinBeveridge entered the winter athletics

season with a great deal of excitementover his first experience playing youthbasketball. That excitement has beendampened, however, by a coach who isalso having his first experience coachingyouth basketball.

The young Beveridge was first bittenby the hoops bug this summer, whenneighbors Gene and Nancy Smith gener-ously offered his family their old basket-ball net. Now a permanent fixture in theBeveridges driveway, the net sparkedvisions of high-flying glory in Colinsmind, and he begged his parents to sign

him up for basketball. Those high-flyingdreams came crashing to earth a fewweeks later when the Warminster Basket-ball Association put out a call for volun-teer coachesa call that was inexplicablyanswered by Colins father, Mike.

Our first practice was at 7:00 PM onDecember 12, and I went there planningto teach the kids everything I know aboutbasketball, Mike recalled. By 7:15 Iwas pretty much done, and I was wishingI had brought a video. I thought I wasfaking it pretty well; then I started ex-

plaining a passing drill and one of thekids said I dont know what youre talk-

ing about. I thought the second practicewas much better, until the next morningwhen Colin looked at me and said Youdont know what youre doing, do you?That has to be a record: two practicesover five days, and already the parents,the team, and my son all know Im afraud.

Confusion aside, Mike defends hisdecision to volunteer. The league sentout an e-mail saying they were desperateand that they needed someone to coachbasketball in the worst way. I figured Iwas the perfect person to do that. When

asked what qualifications for coaching hethought he possessed, Beveridge wasquick to answer: Well, I bought a whis-tle. And Kathy got me a clipboard for mybirthday.

If there is one hope for the eager Colin,it is that his father is highly motivated tomake his coaching effort a success. Iknow whats at stake, he said grimly. If he doesnt get a scholarship in 2017, thenthats four more years hell be living inmy house.

took advantage of a pre-game birthday

party in November to make an intimidat-ing fashion statement.He had a mid-day birthday party be-

fore an afternoon game, and they had face-painting, Kathy recalled. He refused towash up after the party, so he played theentire game with his face painted like abengal tiger.

Beveridges meteoric rise to soccerglory has impressed observers around theleague, particularly his father. Yeah,soccer. Great. I cant wait for him to buyme a new house when he signs his firstbig soccer contract. Geez, cant one of

these kids get into baseball or basketballor win the lottery? What, do they expectme to work until retirement age or some-thing?

In spite of all the answers he providedin his breakout season, however, onequestion continued to plague Keenanlong after the final whistle: Whats aSmurf?

Keenan Beveridge shows off his trophy.

Colin Beveridge wishing someone would teachhim how to play a father figure, perhaps.

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Beveridge Family NewsPage A4 December 2006

Area W oman Survives BackSurgeryABINGTON, PA Warminster residentKathy Beveridge has achieved celebirtystatus at Abington Memorial Hospital

after undergoing surgery to remove oneof the largest disc herniations on record.The herniation affected the disc betweenvertebraes L4 and L5, putting pressure onnerves in the spine and causing pain toshoot down her back and into her leg.Kathys husband Mike recalled his wifesordeal in the months prior to the surgery.It was pretty bad. For about four monthsshe could barely get through the work-day, and every afternoon she had to liedown on the couch. It was hard for me tosee her suffer like that, he noted. Plus,she was totally hogging my spot on the

couch.Kathy agreed that the pain was unlikeany other she had ever experienced. If Ispent more than a few hours in a sittingor standing position, my leg would goabsolutely dead. It was like carrying anunbearable weight around all day. I mean,Ive been carrying Mike around for tenyears, but this was much worse.

After consulting with her doctors,Kathy decided that the best chance forrelief was through surgery, and she en-

tered Abington Memorial to undergo amicrodiscectomy to remove the herniatedportion of the disc. The surgeon who

performed the procedure, Dr. Guy Lee,turned out to have a Beveridge familyconnection; he performed a similar suc-cessful procedure on Mikes aunt, CealBeveridge, and he also directed the surgi-cal residency of Ceals son-in-law, PatMcDaid. We asked Aunt Ceal for heradvice, and she said he did a terrific job,Mike recalled. Plus, we figured he mustbe genius if he could make a half-decentdoctor out of that quack McDaid.

The procedure was a complete success,although Kathys recovery was not with-out its rough patches. After spending her

first post-surgical day on the couch,Kathy got up and walked into thekitchenand promptly passed out on thefloor, scaring the bejeezus out of Mikeand her father, Rick Welsh. She reallyhad us worried for a minute when shewas lying on the kitchen floor, Rick recalled. Then she regained conscious-ness and started talking about how coolthe tile felt and how nice the cabinetslooked from that angle. As soon as Iheard her ramble on about that remodeled

kitchen, I knew she was back to herself.Her kitchen collapse notwithstanding,

Kathy feels as though she has a new lease

on life. I didnt realize how bad I feltuntil I started feeling better, she noted.Ive been sitting, walking, even exercis-ing, and my back, hips, and legs are to-tally pain-free. I still have a big pain inthe butt, Beveridge confessed, but Icant complain about that one. After all, Imarried him.

Local Mans Healthy Lifestyle Resolution Comesas Surprise to Lungs, MusclesWARMINSTER, PA Area man MikeBeveridge entered the new year with an

ambitious resolutionto exercise regu-larly, pursue a healthy diet, and lose all of the weight he had gained over the past tenyears. He spent all of last Decemberbabbling about getting back to hisplaying weight, said Beveridges wife,Kathy. I assumed he meant playing beerpong, because its not like he ever had anathletic career.

Despite Kathys doubts, Beveridgeboldly launched his healthy initiative inJanuary 2006, joining a local gym, at-tending several nights a week, and eatinga salad with dinner every evening. How-

ever, Beveridge made a critical communi-cation errorhe failed to discuss theresolution with his body, sparking a fire-storm of controversy among his constitu-ent organs.

The first protests came fromBeveridges digestive system. It was a

Friday night, and I was ready for pizza,his stomach said in a recent interview,when all of a sudden its raining lettuce.I thought I was being punkd, but thesame thing happened the next night andthe night after that. I can take a saladonce in a while, provided he covers itwith enough bacon bits to choke a horse.But every day? Gimme a break.

Complaints also came from Mikeslungs. Its crazy. He gets on that tread-mill and starts huffing and puffing us likea freight train. You know, theres only somuch oxygen in the world. Hes being

very wasteful. If he needs to pretend hesin shape, why cant he lift weights in-stead?

When asked to comment, Beveridgeconfirmed that he had not incorporated

weight training into his regimen, pointingout that those things are heavy, man.He stated that he had focused mainly onhis cardiovascular workout. So my heartwill be pumping away when my bodys awreck.

While Beveridges heart may haveappreciated his sudden interest in activity,other musclessuch as his glutealsfeltbetrayed. We had a pact, said a con-fused left buttock, spokesman for thepair. We provide Mike with a broad,cushy place to sit, and he allows us togrow unchecked. Now, between the run-ning and the salads, were wasting away.Were trying to cut him some slack, butreallyhow often can we turn the othercheek?

Despite the outcry over the past year,some parties have remained immune tothe controversy. When asked to commenton Beveridges efforts to lose weight, hisbathroom scale responded: Mike has aplan to lose weight? Cool! When does hestart?

Kathy Beveridge basks in the healing power of her kitchen (dramatic re-creation).