Depersonalisation: A Comprehensive Guide on How to Cope with and

Alleviate it

By Shaun O Connor, A Recovered Sufferer

v 1.0

Shaun O Connor 2006

For my Family

And the wonderful friends who helped

me: Carrie, Ruth,

Johnny and Sherri.

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Table Of Contents Part I: Defining Depersonalisation Introduction ………………………………….....7 The Nature of Habit…………..………….…...14 Audio File………….………………..…………..19 How You Think About DP……..……..……...21 Getting Back To Normal……………………...23 The Choice of DP……………………….....…...24 Ok. I Have Depersonalisation. But what exactly is it? ………………….……26 Fighting the Feeling……………....…..……….31 Other Causes of DP………………………...….32 Concern For Friends and Family Members……………..………….…...…33 Initial Reactions to DP………………………...34 Childhood Trauma…………………………......35 So, Basically Speaking…………………….......36 The Connection with Sleep…………………...38 State-Specific Memory…………………………42 Who gets DP? ………………………………..….43 What DP is Not………..…………………………43 Part II: How To Deal With Depersonalisation: Or: On to the good stuff! Keeping Your Mind Constantly Occupied…………………………………...…..…47 Reading……………………………………………49 Music………………………………………………51 TV / Film…………………………………...……..52 Socialising……………………………...…………54 Dealing With DP Thoughts……………………56 Knowing But Not Feeling……...…………….…58 DP and Anxiety�…...……...………………………59

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DP and Depression....……………………...……61 DP and the Nonsense �“Illusion�” …………...…63 Why DP is like the School Bully………...……64 Fact: DP Will Not Lead to Anything Worse.…66 Writing Exercise……………………………..……68 Prioritising School and Work………..…………70 Dream Logic….……………………………….……73 Fluorescent Lights and Vision…………………75 Size & Shape Of Objects……….……………..…77 �“Floaters�” …………………………………...………77 Glasses and Contact Lenses……………………79 Sunglasses……………………………….…………80 Changes In Time….…………………….…………80 Memories…………....………………………………81 Neck and Shoulder Pain…………....……………82 A Clean Environment….…………………………83 Personal Hygiene……………..……………………84 Food and Drink…………………...……..………...86 Caffeine……...………………………………….…...87 Salty Foods………….…………..……………..…...88 Candy, Chocolate and Sweet Foods.…..……...89 Soda Water…………..………………………….….90 Fruit and Veg……..………………………….…….90 Not Hungry? ……………..………………………...91 Supplements………………………..……………...92 Meditation / Yoga Etc………………....…………94 Mirrors…..………………………….……………….96 Travel…………………..………………………….…97 Drugs………………...………………………….…...98 Feelings of Guilt………………...…….………...101 Alcohol…………..…………………………………103 Smoking…….…..………………………….……...105 Current Research: Neurofeedback…...……...106 Current Research: EMDR………….………..…107 Misdiagnosis and Medication……..………..…108 Coming Off Medication…….………….……..…111 St. John's Wort….…………………….…………112 DP Websites and Reading Reactions…...…...113

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Long Term DP…………..…………….….…….…115 Sleeping Patterns…………..…………….…...…117 Can DP Return? ……………………..……..…...119 The Paradox of DP…………………..……......…121 Letting Go Of The Past, Living For Now…….122 Talking to Others About DP…………...………122 You Must be Patient! …………………..….……124 After DP………………………..…...……………...127 P.S.………………………………..……………...…129 Recommended Further Reading…………...…130

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NOTE 1: I am very much aware of how difficult the very act of reading can sometimes be for someone with DP �– and especially when reading about the condition. In fact, reading and hearing about it can often set off all sorts of negative thoughts. I know how tough it can be, I�’ve been there! So with that in mind, I have tried to write this book in as easy and accessible a manner as possible, with as little material / words etc that, in my experience at least, aggravated my DP. NOTE 2: Also, since I am writing specifically about my experience with and research of depersonalisation, I cannot strictly say that the techniques outlined in this book apply to derealization too (since I did not have it). But what I can say is that all of the evidence I have encountered in my research suggests that depersonalisation and derealization are two sides of the same coin. Just as some people, when they get they get hayfever, will get sneezing fits while others will have runny nose and itchy eyes etc �– they are different symptoms for what is essentially the same condition. Hopefully the advice and techniques I outline in this book will help to alleviate both.

Please note that the medical information contained within this book is not intended as a substitute for

consultation with a professional physician and is not a recommendation of specific therapies.

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Part I

Defining Depersonalisation

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Introduction Hi there! My name is Shaun. I am a true Irishman, born and bred. I am 25 years old. I

have just completed a Masters Degree in Film Studies, I play guitar in a band, I exercise every day, I have a great social life and a loving family. I am and have always been an avid reader, and consider myself to be quite a creative person.

And for many years, I took all of these wonderful things for granted. I thought that as long as I lived, I�’d always have them available to me. But all of that changed on the night of the 31st of August 2005 �– when I suffered an intense panic attack. It happened as I was sitting alone, watching television, and seemed to come out of nowhere. It was terrifying. I suddenly felt an overwhelming, debilitating fear, though I could see no danger around me. I had no idea what was happening to me, and for a moment I seriously thought that I was actually going insane (a feeling commonly reported in panic attacks). Of course, I wasn�’t going insane. I began to calm down a little, though I still felt terribly nervous. And yet, even after the worst of it had passed, I had calmed down, I noticed that my mind felt �‘fuzzy�’ and I was quite disoriented.

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So, I went straight to bed, confident that I could sleep this feeling off �– and everything would be fine in the morning. Except that it wasn�’t. I woke up the next day with that same weird feeling, and just couldn�’t shake it. I still wasn�’t particularly scared at this point, as I was still quite confident it would pass. But that didn�’t stop me constantly examining the feeling and ruminating on it. In the days and weeks that followed, I tried to figure out what had happened to me (since at the time I had not recognised it as a panic attack). This worry caused more, lesser attacks, and I began to feel worse and worse. The �‘fuzzy�’ feeling was now constantly in my head, and I could not stop thinking about it. I could not concentrate on any book, film or even conversation anymore. I felt somehow disconnected from the world around me. My mind was racing all the time, trying to understand what was happening. I began to get quite anxious. I went to my local doctor, who, to be perfectly honest, was no help at all. He didn�’t even recognise the possibility that I�’d had a panic attack, though I described the symptoms to him in vivid detail. So in the weeks and months that followed, I tried a variety of different treatments to help myself: these included meditation, massage, reiki, intensive exercise etc. Unfortunately, none of these were effective for more than a short time, and my symptoms generally got worse and worse.

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At first, though I�’d been thrown into a state of fear and confusion, I had been sure that it would eventually pass. Even my doctor�’s first opinion (which I completely trusted at the time) was just that; everyone gets down on themselves from time to time, and this feeling would probably disappear on its own. It didn�’t, though �– and as time passed, I became more and more used to that horrible mental state, and my hope that it was just a temporary condition began to erode.

It was only weeks later, after much researching of my symptoms on the Internet did I begin to understand what was happening to me. I had indeed suffered a panic attack, and was now experiencing the common, related symptom known as �‘depersonalisation�’.

Depersonalisation, as various websites informed me, manifests as a feeling of unreality, of not being connected to your surroundings, as if you are watching your life through a screen. I couldn�’t believe it when I read it �– this was exactly the feeling I had! I read that panic attacks like I�’d had were extremely common, and that though depersonalisation was not usually as persistent as mine, it was certainly not unheard of. And though I initially felt very relieved that it was actually quite a common condition, I was upset to find that there did not seem to be any specific treatment that could cure it immediately. Would I end up having Depersonalisation for years to come?

I was extremely frightened at this point. In fact, to describe the terror that I felt in the

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weeks and months following the attack would be a difficult thing. I felt constantly afraid of the world around me; everything and everyone I knew and loved were suddenly things to be scared of, and I was cut off from them utterly. I was living in my head, watching the world pass by. My enthusiasm for life left me. Getting up in the morning seemed futile; why bother exposing myself to a world of stimuli and fear, when I could stay in a safe, darkened room for the day? I knew, empirically, that I was safe, that I would not go crazy, that I would not die; but I couldn�’t feel it. The safety in existence itself that I had always taken for granted had left me.

Also, though I knew that my condition was almost certainly anxiety-related, and therefore treatable - I couldn�’t feel that, either. In fact, I found if I dwelt for more than a few minutes on what was happening to me, I would panic, convinced that I was stuck this way forever. The absolute despair of those episodes is beyond my descriptive ability; I genuinely felt that I was losing my mind, that my life was over. I considered the possibility that I had actually died on the night of the first panic attack, and that now I was either in purgatory or Hell, depending on how bad I felt. I stopped sleeping, reading, writing, and eating. I lost two stone. I seriously considered dropping out of a Masters for which I�’d been accepted.

I know that all of this sounds terrible, but please bear with me here!

As more weeks passed, and I felt even worse, I was considering the possibility that I had some

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horrible, incurable mental disease or even brain cancer. Those thoughts would lead to more fear �– and all of this, of course, was self-perpetuating �– the anxiety, the depersonalisation, not eating etc �– all part of the same downward spiral. I could see it happening, but I couldn�’t do anything to stop it. The more deeply these habits became ingrained, the further away from normality I slid. I tried to remember what I�’d been like before all this; I mean, I had used to enjoy horror movies, now even �“Charlie And The Chocolate Factory�” seemed terrifying!

The condition reached its worst point when I had to attend a family wedding abroad. For a full weekend of forcing myself to be social and active, my life turned into a movie before my very eyes. Nothing seemed real; I was scared out of my mind at every turn, freaked out by every conversation, sick at the sight of food, and convinced that I was ruining everyone�’s time. I wanted to curl up in a ball on the floor and weep, though I also felt that doing so would only make things worse. I knew that any admission of defeat would later taunt me into complete submission.

During that weekend, I woke up in the middle of the night with the feelings of panic upon me. I remembered that I had dreamt of panicking - and had woken up with it actually happening. I just couldn�’t escape from these feelings of terror, even in my sleep. And I had another severe panic attack on the plane on the way back. At that point, I thought that reality itself had collapsed around me. I genuinely felt like I was watching my sanity leave me, I would

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never be the same again, and I�’d spend the rest of my life in a quiet, darkened room, terrified of intrusions. I felt intensely jealous of all the people living normal lives, watching TV, working boring office jobs, drinking to forget at the weekends. I had once vowed never to end up living like that; now it seemed like a Utopian fantasy.

I went on anti-anxiety medication (SSRI�’s) two days after the panic attack on the plane. There followed an agonisingly slow recuperation, and I had to remember to think about the recovery in terms of weeks, not days (i.e., �‘You feel bad now, but remember how bad you felt on this day last week�’). Being on the medication initially made it both better and worse; when I felt ok I knew it was helping, but when I felt bad I thought that the medication - seemingly, my only potential escape from this state - was not working and that, well, that was that and life would be like this from here on in.

But I was determined to get better. I did not want to live with this condition for one moment longer than I had to.

During all this time, I had noted that certain factors, both environmental and psychological, seemed to directly influence the intensity of the DP I was experiencing. Certain things made it better, certain things made it worse. And then I realised something:

If particular elements (thoughts, environmental factors etc) can affect this, then it must be possible to get out of it altogether by

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establishing precise habits that simply didn�’t allow it to persist.

It occurred to me that DP was not something that you could consciously �“stop�”, like you might turn off a TV or put down a book. No, the only times that DP was not on my mind was when I was able to forget about it; when I was distracted enough to focus on something else completely. Of course, this was incredibly difficult at times �– the thoughts of DP can often get in the way of many activities you used to enjoy and be involved in. But then again, that�’s just another potentially positive fact. Why?

Because by that rationale, it must be possible, by retraining your focus and concentration, to at least diminish DP to an acceptable level and even get out of the condition completely.

Put simply, there seemed to be an obvious correlation;

If I could learn to forget about the DP, then the DP would stop!

Unfortunately, the human mind operates for the most part on autopilot; for example, if I was to say to you, �“Whatever you do, don�’t think about pink elephants!�”, then the first thing you do, whether you like it or not, is think about just that. So of course, if I didn�’t feel anxious, I would out of habit think about how good this was, start contemplating whether I was getting better or not - panic - and find myself back at square one.

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The very act of thinking about the condition constantly is what makes it worse �– and for me, it had permeated my every thought and action from the moment I awoke in the in the morning until I managed to fall asleep at night. The DP habit of thought had been firmly rooted in my daily routine, and everything, even the most innocuous of items and events, seemed to remind me of it.

The Nature of Habit

You see, the nature of habit means that you are denied the opportunity to compare it objectively with old behaviours. A habit isn�’t just a finite occurrence that has clear �“before and after�” stages. It sneaks up on you and welds itself onto your personality. It is something that is learned; and once something is learned and practiced, it is extremely difficult to forget. My DP habit of thinking negatively and anxiously was learned in the moments of panic attacks, and practiced in every subsequent fearful thought. Before I knew it, I�’d been habituated entirely with constant fear and anxiety, and a terrifying awareness that if I was going to get out of this at all, it would take weeks, possibly months of recuperation.

So I started a strict regime, based on what I knew aggravated and calmed the depersonalisation. I didn�’t know if or how much the medication would help, but one way

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or another, I was determined would get out of this condition. And thankfully, about two months later, there was a marked improvement. I began to read again; though I had to do so out loud to regulate my concentration. I forced myself to walk into town, though the DP and anxiety was insisting that I stay �‘safe�’ at home. I began to watch and enjoy television and films again, forgetting myself by concentrating on the storylines. I spoke to people without thinking that any minute, I might start to panic. I started to experience very brief periods of time in which I felt completely fine, in which I forgot about the condition altogether.

And eventually, the DP began to leave me completely. Wait, let me rephrase that: The mental training regime I had used on myself had replaced the thought-habits of DP. Though I was still vaguely aware of the memory of it at times of anxiety, it became something I could control. I could just read a book, flick on the TV, talk to someone �– the smallest distraction helped me forget about it.

In the time after the illness passed, I noticed changes in myself. One of the mantras that I had while sick was, �“If I ever get out of this, nothing trivial will ever really bother me again �– how could it?�” Though I was sure that the re-establishing of normal habits would almost certainly overrule this, it hadn�’t done so.

In fact, the feeling of gratitude for normality is still very much with me today. I know it�’s a cliché, but what importance do money or material possessions truly hold if you�’re not

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essentially happy? If you can�’t connect with your family or friends, if you are cut off from everything that makes you human, that gives life meaning, that tells you in your soul that this is all worthwhile? Never before has the importance of connection in life been made so clear in such a way. Connection is all there is, it is the ultimate motivation in life, to know and more importantly, feel, that we are part of something. As the Desiderata says, and you should never forget:

�‘You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.�’

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Ok, now I know that my story might have been difficult to get through in places for some readers with DP. But I really need you to understand just how bad my depersonalisation was. Though I never got tested by an expert in the condition (and how many of us do??) I am sure that it would be what is considered �“chronic�” DP; that is, relentless and socially debilitating. It was absolutely horrendous, to the point where I had days upon days of it with not a single moment of relief whatsoever. At one point it had even invaded my sleep!

But the point of my story is this:

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I got better.

I recovered completely.

I got back to normal.

In fact, I now feel better than ever! Yes, my recovery was long, slow and extremely tough at times �– but I got through it. I am completely better now, and the only anxious thoughts that come into my head are normal ones �– like hoping you�’re going to like this book!

Throughout my research of the condition, both during and after my DP, I couldn�’t help but notice the lack of general guides on the Internet for specific ways of dealing with this temporary illness (and remember �– it is temporary). However, as I�’ve already said, I knew that certain actions would almost invariably make it better or worse.

These actions would sometimes be discussed - in positive terms - in various places on the Internet. But these discussions or articles were often wedged between other, truly horrible reports that would grab your attention, scare you, aggravate the DP and leave you feeling even worse than before!

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And even in spite of any general tips I did come across, I could find no set list of recommendations for how to deal with DP; nowhere was there any sort of specific plan for it, for dealing with it with precise goals in mind. So, I set up my own personal goals. I decided to myself that I would win this thing out, little by little, no matter how long it took. I began to think carefully about what could have caused it, what it actually was, and how I would train myself out of it.

And that�’s essentially what this book is: A training program. During my recovery, I vowed that if I could find ways to deal with depersonalisation, I would collate all of the information I came across, every email I sent and received about it, every single method and medication I tried - and put them all together to help people with the problem. This book is a detailing of the regime that, through much trial and error, I found was most effective in coping with, and eventually, alleviating and ending the condition.

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Audio File

Here�’s something that I used, and found to be very helpful. So will you, and I want you to start using it right now. You should have received an mp3 file with your download of this book. It is a short spoken-word track about how to deal mentally with DP thoughts. I want you to download this and copy it onto a portable music player (iPod etc). Set the track to repeat (this can usually be done in the settings menus of mp3 players) �– put on your headphones - and listen to it over and over again.

Listen to it as much as you can. Put it on while you�’re washing the dishes, going for a walk, whatever. Put it on when you�’re going to bed. The rule is to keep it repeating in your ears until you find yourself getting bored of listening to it�… then switch it off and go do something you enjoy, something to keep you busy. It is powerful yet short �– so you should find yourself getting bored of it quickly! But that�’s a good thing �– it means it�’s working. So play it regularly, and especially any time you feel the thoughts of DP coming on. This will be a very useful part of your recovery. If for any

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reason you cannot access the file, you can record yourself reading out the following text and use that instead:

Dealing with DP Thoughts:

Recognise each and every DP thought for what is really is. When you have any sort of DP-related thought, tell yourself: “No, I’m not about to lose control of myself. I’m not going to go crazy. That is nonsense. Nothing bad is going to happen to me - this is just a habit of thought creating a false alarm.” Tell yourself that this thought is nonsense and does not need to be examined. It’s not me, it’s my DP. Just because the stress centre of my brain is overly active right now does not mean I have to take it seriously.

“My brain is not shifting gears for me, so I must do it. I know that my DP is an obsession I’m stuck on, so I’m going to shift my attention to something else instead.” Invest yourself in this activity instead of analyzing, examining or trying to get rid of the DP thoughts. Try to let at least 15 minutes pass before you do anything about an obsessive thought. Strive not to do what your DP “tells” you to do.

Don’t worry that DP might develop into a worse condition. It won’t. Don’t worry that any of the nasty thoughts caused by DP might ever come true or actually happen. They won’t. Become an impartial spectator of your own thoughts. Devalue the obsessive thoughts and feelings of DP that have become such a habit. Anticipate these DP thoughts - it’s not a question of “if” they come - they will come. When they do come, revalue them as nothing more than brain noise – temporary and acceptable.

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How You Think About DP

Firstly, if you have not done so already, you must make one small change as to how you think about DP, and it is to understand the following:

DP is not a never-ending, life-long condition.

It is not as if a switch has been flicked in your mind that can never be changed back. Believing that is like assuming that if you catch a cold, or develop athlete�’s foot that you will never recover! Not only does that make no sense, but thinking in those terms will also create a negative mindset that will prolong the condition.

So from now on, I want you to think of it like this:

Imagine that for some reason, you woke up one morning with an extra 200 pounds somehow stuck onto your body weight. You couldn�’t move, you felt terrible, you didn�’t want to get up and move around.

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Well, that scenario is actually a lot like DP: your mind suddenly has all this extra baggage loaded onto it. It feels sluggish, it can�’t seem to move properly. And yet, parts of it move too fast �– your focus and concentration rushes unnecessarily from one thought to another (just like the heart of an obese person pumps extra hard to keep up with the extra weight).

So your mind has suddenly been lumped with all this excess baggage. It�’s terrible, believe me - I know! But here�’s the thing to remember above all else:

YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED. YOU ARE STILL THE EXACT SAME UNDERNEATH ALL THAT UNECCESARY BAGGAGE. And just as you would have to get your body into a new healthy routine to shed those extra pounds, it is up to you to get your mind into a healthy training regime to get rid of all that unwanted stuff, and train yourself back to normal. It won�’t be particularly easy, but you know what? It is absolutely worth the effort and you�’ll even find it even becomes enjoyable after a while!

But you must also understand and accept that just wishing DP to go away will not make it go away. It will not disappear overnight. You must accept that for the time being, you have this temporary condition. The fact remains, however, that you can most definitely get back to normal.

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Getting Back To Normal

One thing that used to scare me a lot while I had DP was the idea that even when I did get out of the condition, that I would be somehow changed; that I would never be quite the same person again. Well, having recovered, I am now on the other side of that fence �– and I can safely tell you that you can get back to being exactly the same person you were before all of this happened. The great thing about getting out of DP (apart from the obvious!) is that recovery is all about getting your old habits back: habits of activity, habits of thought etc that have been disrupted by the condition.

And I guarantee you this: Once you do get back to normal, your love and appreciation for the world and for life will be so much better than you remember it. You will have gone through a difficult journey, and your view on the world will be one that most people will never know �–they�’ll even be jealous of you!

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THE CHOICE OF DP

The way I see it, DP gives you a choice, and it is this:

You can either decide to live with it for the rest of your life, or you can decide to get through it �– and enjoy all the spiritual and emotional strength that getting through it will give you.

And I�’ve got good news: You have already chosen the second option. In buying this book, you have already shown that you are not simply content to live with this unhappy condition. You want to understand and overcome it, and that�’s what this book will help you to do.

So I want you to do something very important:

Stop worrying about DP. From now on, leave that to me. Now, that doesn�’t mean that it�’s immediately going to just stop or anything �– but your worrying about can stop right now. To reiterate some of what is in the audio file:

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I want you to stop worrying that your DP is going to turn into a worse condition.

It won’t.

I want you to stop worrying that you will act upon any of the nasty thoughts that

DP pushes into your mind.

You won’t.

I want you to stop thinking that this condition will be with you for the rest of

your life.

It won’t.

I want you to imagine all the mental �“weight�” of DP being lifted off your head and placed onto this book. It�’s my responsibility from now on. I went through chronic, unremitting DP for the best part of a year. I documented everything I felt and everything I tried to alleviate it. I have read many books on and related to the subject, and have looked at hundreds of DP and related websites �– and I did all this both during the condition (with the reference of the actual experience) and after my recovery (with the benefit of hindsight).

So think of me, and this book, as your guide. I got through DP and I will help you to get through it too. So put your trust in me. All you have to do is follow the guidelines in this book for as long as is necessary.

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Ok. I have Depersonalisation. But what exactly is

it?

Believe it or not, depersonalisation is actually a very interesting condition! It is extremely common �– in fact, it�’s the third most commonly experienced psychiatric symptom (so always remember, you are not alone! Somebody else has almost certainly already had any and every nasty, nonsensical thought that DP pushes into your mind!). Almost everyone experiences some level of depersonalisation at some point in their lives. It can be brought on for many different reasons, most often because of some sort of traumatic experience: A car crash, the death of a loved one, a bad drug experience, even a panic attack. Now, DP usually lasts for the duration of the trauma, and for a brief time afterwards. But for some, like myself, it can stick around for much longer than that. Why does this happen to some people and not others? Well, as I�’ve said, DP kicks in for almost everyone who is involved in a traumatic experience. But it does so for a good cause �– that is, to emotionally �‘remove�’ the person from the dangers that are present in the

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environment (the fire, car crash etc) so that they can ignore the feelings of fear etc that would normally cripple them, and act rationally; to get out of that burning house, crashed car etc. Now, for most people, the DP dissipates naturally when they are out of the traumatic situation �– but this is not always the case. In just the same way that some people are more susceptible to depression or anxiety than others, it seems that some people are more susceptible to DP than others. They can become aware of the feeling of being �‘outside yourself�’ that DP causes �– and say, �“Hey - wait a second, why am I feeling like this�”? That unease creates more anxiety and fear (which is now actually focused on the feeling of DP), with the result that the DP is not able to dissipate as normal. It turns into a cycle of more DP and more fear �– generating the thought habit that becomes the actual condition. This seems to be quite common for people who suffer from panic attacks, since there is no �‘visible�’ danger around. In that case, the person experiences DP as normal (as a reaction alongside the panic attack) �– as they should �– but since there is no obvious threat in the environment, they think that these feelings of �‘unreality�’ shouldn�’t be there. After all, there is no visible danger to escape! Understandably, the person might get very afraid of these feelings, and even think they�’re going mad �– whereas nothing of sort is actually happening. So there are a variety of causes, but what is common to each case is that the person at

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some point focuses on the DP, and tries to understand why they are having these feelings. This makes the DP worse, just as focusing on any thought gets it stuck in your head (even a catchy song!). It doesn�’t get a chance to go away, simply because the person won�’t allow it to do so. There is no longer a fire or car crash (or in the case of a panic attack, there was nothing in the first place) to which you can attribute the feelings of unreality, so you wonder, �‘when is this going to end�’? �– when the truth is that having that very thought is what prolongs the DP. This feeling, which is only supposed to last minutes at most, can, when focused on, turn into a thought-habit that may last for hours, days, months etc with no relief at all. Interestingly, there hasn�’t been much psychiatric research into the condition. This is partly because it has been so difficult to define for so long, and also because in the vast majority of cases, the depersonalisation is a secondary symptom caused by some other trauma. And once the root of the trauma has been dealt with, by whatever means, the depersonalisation usually resolves itself. What prolongs DP beyond the natural reaction to a stressful situation is that it forms into a habit of thought that can persist or recur over time. This happens because during the initial onset of DP, the environment around you seems to become more threatening. Though there is no visible danger, it is how you perceive things that creates the stress.

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DP can quickly generate from this a negative thought-habit. The amygdala, the part of the brain that registers fear, is told that the individual is in great danger. You look around you and see no threat �– no bears, spiders etc! But you are still fearful and anxious. So the amygdala must register your very environment as dangerous. You might say that it has nowhere to go, nothing to focus on; there is nothing specific to be worried about, so the fear is projected onto anything and everything. Suddenly, your kitchen or bedroom can seem terribly frightening. You know deep down that there is nothing to be afraid of here �– but the fear itself won�’t accept that. This is a deeply confusing and scary feeling, and for me at least, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. People often come to the conclusion that they must be going crazy. Why else would this crippling fear of nothing at all come upon them? Of course, they are not going crazy �– the body is simply reacting properly to what it perceives as danger. This also makes the fear self-perpetuating; there is no threat, so you assume that something is wrong with your mind. This in turn generates more fear �– still with no threat around. This can quickly spiral out of control into a full-blown panic attack (not to mention the establishment of DP thought-habits). That is one aspect of DP that can be particularly frustrating: the fear and anxiety has nowhere to go and nothing to focus on. The result is that more and more fear builds until it even gets projected onto even the philosophical thoughts that inspire wonder

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rather than alarm in most people �– questions like, �“Why am I here?�”, �“Who am I?�” etc. The fear can�’t find anything to focus on in the environment, so it eventually focuses back on the individual �– and suddenly makes thoughts that others usually enjoy or take for granted seem unreasonably frightening. All of this contributes to the DP sufferer getting caught in a cycle of self-observation and analysis. Every little twitch, itch and movement becomes something to fear. The sufferer becomes overly aware of their body and mind, so analytical of each sensation and movement that the inattentive ease of normal functioning is diminished. These analytical thoughts can become very intense, even so much so that they can actually feel like a �‘barrier�’ between the mind and body, to the point where the body, or parts of it, don�’t even feel like they belong to the person anymore. Now I know, as I�’m sure you do too, that living like this on a day-to-day basis can be very difficult. It wears you out, both intellectually and physically. And of course, being in a weak physical and mental state diminishes your defences all the more, further building up the negative thought-habits. All of this contributes to a bad pattern of thinking that can very quickly become part of your everyday routine.

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Fighting the Feeling

Some people react to the initial feeling of DP by trying to fight against it. But if you think about it, the idea of fighting against one�’s own natural defence mechanisms is pointless.

By fighting against it, you are making the anxiety worse, and prolonging the DP that is trying to stop that very anxiety (Isn�’t it incredible? DP actually happens initially to protect you!). The result is that the intensity of the aforementioned analytical thoughts is continued and the barrier between the conscious mind and physical perceptions remains. It this gap created between the two that eventually becomes persisting DP. This gap can often feel like it is physically present, and is often described as a �“pane of glass�” between the sufferer and reality. Because the sufferer �‘feels�’ this gap between themselves and reality, between experiences and observations, they find that all their thoughts become directed back at themselves. They become stuck in a negative thought-habit of constantly observing and checking themselves. But don�’t worry �– because no matter how ingrained that habit, it is, like all habits, reversible!

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Other Causes Of DP Remember that DP can also be caused by periods of depression; the brain uses it as a coping mechanism. But the habit of thought it generates can remain, so the DP may persist even after the depression lifts. It can also be brought on by episodes of other mental illnesses, such as anxiety disorders. However, for some people, there seems to be no trauma, no drug-inducement, no nothing that caused the DP. They may have been just walking along the street one day, when the condition suddenly hit them. The fact that there seemed to be no cause whatsoever can make the condition all the more frightening; it�’s as if something has gone wrong in the person�’s brain for absolutely no reason at all. But things are not always what they seem. There are a huge number of elements that, when combined, can cause a person to experience an episode of DP. For example, your work might be a little stressful. You might be drinking some caffeine and soft drinks etc. You might not be sleeping as well as you should. You might have small some problems in your personal relationships. You might be suffering from a common ailment like post-natal depression, mid-life crisis, exam stress etc. And of course, all of these things on their own can seem like they can be coped with on a day-to-day basis. But these various stresses combined over time can cause the body and mind to react in very strange ways.

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For some, it may be an anxiety attack, for others, a general depression or a bad headache �– and for some, it can be, simply, the onset of DP. As I have already said, it should be nothing more than a natural, momentary feeling, but the fact that the person gets a chance to focus on it intensely (and not have to deal with any coexisting dangerous situation) is what prolongs the thoughts and feelings of DP, thereby starting the habit of thought that leads to the condition developing. For some other people, DP can appear much more slowly, with the feelings of unreality gradually moving into everyday life. While this may not be quite as scary as a sudden onset, the final condition is the same. Concern for Friends and Family Members One particular factor that seems to sometimes cause the onset of DP is concern or worry about family members; it certainly was in my case. If a close friend or family member is going through trauma or a time of crisis, it can deeply affect the other friends or members of the family. The best way to deal with this is simply to be as open as possible with the person you�’re concerned about, and to get them to do the same. DP seems to emerge when latent stresses accumulate �– so don�’t keep them latent. Address them, talk about them, and try to fix them as best you can.

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Initial Reactions to DP

A person who has recently developed DP can respond in a number of ways. Unfortunately, these can often be actions that tend worsen the state. For example, someone who interprets the sensations of DP as a feeling that they are somehow �‘not fully awake�’ may have a few cups of strong coffee to get themselves fully alert. In reality, this is one of the worst things you can do; not only does it aggravate anxiety and therefore DP, but drinking lots of coffee tends to upset your sleeping patterns, making the DP even worse. You may think that a run in the fresh air may clear your head. But instead, the world seems threatening and dangerous (indeed, exercising heavily can aggravate many people�’s DP). These reactions are perfectly normal considering the symptoms (I initially tried to get rid of DP by doing these things), and yet, they usually only serve to make things worse, and ingrain further the negative thought-habits. I want you to look back now over your initial reactions to the condition and try to remember if any of them could have made it worse. The point here is to understand that (primarily because of a general lack of information about the condition), it is so easy to react in the wrong way to feelings of DP. You must remember that it is not your fault that you have it; it is just your body reacting to a combination of different stresses.

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Childhood Trauma

Also, it is very important to note that DP can also be brought on by childhood trauma. This may have been sexual / psychological abuse, or any form of intense trauma experienced as a child (though DP seems to be more linked with emotional abuse). It can even be caused by something in the immediate environment that reminds you of a traumatic childhood event. I don�’t mean to generalise this too much; almost everybody goes through tough times as a kid. But you should consider the possibility carefully - and if you think that you may have something serious in your past that you haven�’t properly dealt with, then you need to go and discuss it with a qualified therapist. I won�’t go into this topic in detail here, since it has been covered in many other publications �– and this is a book about DP. But if you have reason to believe that you were abused physically or emotionally as a child, then you absolutely need to get it out in the open and deal with it carefully.

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That will be the first step in getting rid of your DP for once and for all. So, Basically Speaking…

�…Depersonalisation is simply your mind�’s way of reacting to an event that�’s been too traumatic to deal with up front. When you go through an experience that�’s very difficult, your mind says, �“Right - this is too much for me. I�’m staying out of this one!�” - it pulls back from reality, because it seems too scary. Once again, that�’s why DP so often seems as if there�’s a �‘pane of glass�’ between the sufferer and the rest of the world �– it�’s not because of any permanent change, any distancing �– it�’s simply because your mind is trying to stay away from anything dangerous and has created a temporary �‘screen�’ to keep that stuff out. Think of it like this: A guy walks down the same street every day, happy and content. Then one day, he gets mugged. He is shocked and traumatised. Of course, there is no

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permanent damage, but for a while he is scared to leave the house. It�’s a perfectly natural reaction! And that�’s exactly what the mind does with DP �– it says �“I�’m staying in the house for a while until I get my confidence back up�”. Of course, getting your confidence back up takes a lot of effort. But it must be done. Otherwise, that man who got mugged can end up staying in the house for much longer than he should, afraid of going out again. And here�’s the most important part: It�’s up to you to get your confidence back up. You must learn to calm your mind down and coax it out of its fear, out from behind that invisible barrier.

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The Connection with Sleep

In almost every text I have looked at about DP, there has been some mention about how the condition is somehow associated with sleep. For example, they mention how intense DP feels like a waking dream; how DP is worse in the mornings or after a nap; how sleep patterns are disrupted by the condition. Ok, so just how is DP connected with sleep? Well, let�’s again use the metaphor of the man who got mugged. He returns to his house, where he knows he is safe, and stays there for a while. Now, when your mind panics, when it wants to retreat to safety, where can it go? What�’s the �“house�” that the mind goes into? It would have to be somewhere comfortable, right? And what�’s the most comfortable state your mind knows? SLEEP!

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To find safety, the mind accesses the comfortable state of sleeping - but does so while you are awake. So part of the sleeping state is temporarily shifted into the waking state. That�’s another reason why DP constantly feels like a mental grogginess, and why concentration becomes difficult �– your mind is in that place where you�’re just about to drift off to sleep, though your body is fully awake. It�’s also why DP is always worse after a nap �– the mind is much closer to the sleep-state. So, in order to deal with a scary waking reality, the mind pulls the warm blanket of the sleep-state over itself and waits until it�’s ready to come out again. The mind�’s proximity to the sleep-state explains further many of the difficult existential / philosophical thoughts that DP generates. You can find yourself asking questions like, �“Why am I here? Why am I me?�” etc, constantly questioning your own reality: Because of the mind being so close to the sleep-state all the time, life can actually feel like a dream. And what happens at the end of a dream? You wake up. The dream reality disappears, and normal reality resumes. So one reason for the constant nasty existential thoughts of DP is because you keep expecting reality to somehow stop �– because all your previous dream experience tells you that it should! And of course, that�’s a scary thought. But that’s all it is – just a thought.

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One thing you absolutely have to remember with DP is that reality never changes. It will never �‘stop�’, it will never �‘fall apart�’ �– none of those horrible thoughts will ever actually take place. Those thoughts are nonsense. All that has changed is your mind�’s ability to deal with everyday life �– but it�’s a perfectly natural and understandable reaction to a trauma, and it�’s only temporary. The sleep theory would explain many of symptoms of DP. For example, parts of sound and vision often seem exaggerated with DP �– music seems too loud, the stuff on TV seems to go too fast. Why is this? Well, you know that feeling when you are half-asleep in front of the TV or the radio? The sound can seem a bit louder than usual. Sometimes specific words can set off a strange train of thought. It�’s usually a nice, cosy feeling �– being set adrift on the river of the mind! But with DP, you can have those long trains of thoughts even when you�’re fully awake. The anxiety and fear of being in this state tends to generate fearful, rather than happy or creative thoughts. It can get very scary at times, yes, but just remember that�’s it�’s nothing more than a slightly different level of awareness �– one that everyone around the world experiences every day (I will address this feeling in a later section entitled �‘Dream Logic�’). All that is happening is that the DP has temporarily pushed the sleeping level of awareness into waking life in order to protect you from some perceived danger.

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Also, DP tends to disrupt sleep on a more basic level. People often complain of being unable to relax in bed due to the �‘racing thoughts�’ that the condition generates. I myself remember getting only 3-4 hours sleep at most during my worst times with the condition. This lack of sleep can wear you down physically and mentally; the restorative effects of normal sleeping patterns are diminished, making it quite difficult to deal with the symptoms of DP. So, to sum up: After a traumatic experience, your mind reacts by hiding in the comfortable dream state that we call DP. And though it may seem comfortable for the mind, it is not at all comfortable for the owner of that mind! But remember, it was a natural, protective thing for your mind to do in the first place. Now what you have to do (and what this book will help you do) is bring it back out of the dream state, and back to the normal waking state.

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State – Specific Memory It might seem astonishing to anyone who suffers from DP on a daily basis, but the following is true: People who have recovered from DP almost always say, �“What on Earth was I worried about?�” Because nothing really changes at all with the condition �– it�’s just the way you look at it! In fact, DP is very much an example of a condition that features what psychologists call �“state-specific learning�”, and refers to any type of experience that is difficult to remember emotionally. That means that what you feel when you have DP - all the fear, anxiety etc - is very difficult to recall once you get out of it. For example, I can describe DP to someone in vivid detail, but I cannot remember the feelings of it in the same way that I can remember, say for example, the sadness I felt when I finished college and said goodbye to my classmates. I know that this may sound unbelievable right now, but I guarantee that when you recover completely from DP, you will find it very difficult to even remember these emotions that seem so important at the moment.

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Who gets DP? People with DP are usually the sensitive, intelligent and reflective type. This is not entirely surprising, since it is introspection and contemplation of temporary feelings that create the condition in the first place. In my experience, this has actually been a very positive thing, since all of the people I have contacted in researching the condition have always been open, intelligent and optimistic, even in the face of what is often terrible fear. You couldn�’t ask for a nicer bunch of people! Also, it�’s noteworthy that DP happens to both men and women in equal measure, at any age (however, it is more frequent in teenagers and people in their early twenties, probably due to the stresses - and often, drug use - associated with those ages). What DP is Not

When I first experienced DP, I became obsessed with trying to find out exactly what it was.

I spent hours upon hours on the Internet, looking up all sorts of websites that even suggested my symptoms. At various stages, I thought it was:

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Insomnia Brain Fog Cancer Depression Early Mid-Life Crisis Existential Crisis Schizophrenia Amnesia Fybromyaglia Bad Eyesight (!)

�…and a whole host of other things. I�’m pretty sure that most people with DP go through a similar experience. I think that the general lack of knowledge about DP is a bad thing. The more people know about it, the quicker they�’ll be able to recognise the symptoms, and to understand that what they have is both known and treatable. I think that it is very important for people to talk about DP openly, to write about it, to recognise it. And most important of all �– remember this: DP is absolutely not any type of psychotic condition. People who suffer from psychoses tend to regress into their own, self-created reality. With DP, true reality is exactly the same �– it just seems too amplified and intense because of the constant anxiety that accompanies the condition.

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Part II

How To Deal With Depersonalisation: Or: On to the good stuff!

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So far, we have established that DP is essentially a habit of thought, brought on by a number of different factors. Well, what�’s the best way to get yourself out of a habit? You don�’t try to kick it �‘cold turkey�’ �– that�’s too difficult and often fails. So don�’t assume that you�’re going to wake up tomorrow morning with no DP at all - it doesn�’t work that way. Like getting out of any habit properly and effectively, you will train yourself out of it. In the same way that waking up one morning with 200 extra pounds stuck onto you means that you have to go into physical training, getting DP (and the accompanying anxiety) means that you�’re going to go into mental training to get back to optimum mental fitness. So in the following sections, I�’m going to guide you through what you need to do to achieve just that.

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Keeping Your Mind Constantly Occupied

Ok, so we�’re looking at DP as a habit of thought. Now let�’s compare it to another habit: smoking. If you�’re a smoker, how do you deal with cravings after you quit? Sure, you can use nicotine patches, gum etc�… but the bottom line is about having the will power to get past it. But you can certainly help your will power out by distracting yourself from the craving, by ignoring and trying to forget the habit. For example, a very common tip for smokers is, keep your hands busy. If you play an instrument, go practice it. If you like to knit, go knit. Go look at some interesting websites for a while. The exact same idea works with DP. But because it is a habit of thought, getting out of it is more difficult than simply not picking up that cigarette. The �“pink elephant�” principle applies here - if you think, �‘right, I�’m not going to think about DP�’, the chances are that you won�’t able to stop! And with DP, that tends to happen over and over again. The harder you try to not think about it, to forget about it - the more you do think about it and the more ingrained the habit becomes. That�’s why the condition can be so frustrating: it�’s very much up to the individual to take action �– but the action taken by the individual often makes the condition worse. But the bottom line is this: you must train your mind to not think about DP. That doesn�’t mean you will learn to stop thinking about it,

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or get rid of the thought �– but just to think about something else. And the best way of doing this is to keep your mind constantly occupied. So how do you do that? Well, Take a leaf out of the smokers�’ book: Keep your hands busy! If you play an instrument, go practice. If you don�’t play an instrument, start learning one. If you like to knit, go knit. Go surf the web for a while. Always keep busy. And remember: Every time you are busy, you are absolutely working towards something �– your own recovery. So don�’t worry about doing even the most frivolous thing. Enjoy it. But stay busy all the time. It�’s also better to stay busy with activities that involve your mental input more than others. For example, reading or writing can be better than watching TV, since it�’s easier to drift away into your own thoughts while doing the latter (That said, though, television can also be the source of a good, positive routine, as I will later outline). Learning an instrument is also a good example since it absolutely requires your full attention!

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Reading

Read, as much as you can! But remember: you should, for the time being at least, be reading only fun, entertaining books, not stuff about DP, psychology, religion, philosophy etc. The study of existence / perception etc is fine �– and if that�’s your thing, you�’ll be able to get back to it soon enough. But for the moment you have to fill your mind with entertaining, fun, enjoyable words and images. You have to get the basic happy thought processes back into their routine before you can analyse anything deeper. So find a good story that you want to read. Something juicy! A romance, an adventure, a thriller, a good comedy, whatever. Make sure it�’s easy reading, and something you will probably enjoy. Now don�’t worry one bit if the act of reading seems too much for you at times �– the temporary effects of DP on concentration means that it�’s extremely common to find reading difficult. So if you find you are having

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trouble with it, here are some useful tips:

Read out loud to yourself. Do it slowly, one line at a time. Put on different voices for the characters,

if you like! For the more exciting parts, speed up a

bit. Read as if you were reading aloud to a group of kids sitting around you. Make it as dramatic and as exciting as possible. Of course, it may seem weird at first, but the point is this: You are narrating a story �– reading it and saying it out loud. You are keeping the interpretive, speaking and listening parts of your brain active, and thereby making it very difficult for any unwanted thoughts to annoy you. This is a fantastic way of training your concentration, so do it as often as you can!

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Music

Ok, this next point is very important: Keep music with you, as much as you can. Buy an iPod, a Walkman or some sort of portable music device. Put all your favourite albums on it and listen to them as much as you can, especially when out for a walk, going shopping or whatever. Personally, I would advise against �“darker�” music like Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead etc - I found that poppy, upbeat music like the Beach Boys etc was the best for me �– so you should put on whatever music makes you feel best and puts a smile on your face! And just like the reading �– sing along to the music! If there�’s an album you like but you�’re not sure of all the lyrics yet, then play it over and over and over until you can sing along with whole thing. Do the same for all your favourite songs and albums. Make that your goal: Anytime you go for a walk or a drive, put on songs that you love and learn to sing along to them. It doesn�’t matter of you actually can sing or not, do it anyway! So,

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anytime you leave the house at all, you�’ll have your favourite albums to look forward to (Also, it is a good idea to keep a copy of the �“Dealing with DP�” audio file from the beginning of the book with you). TV / Film

TV has often been described as nothing more than a big distraction �– usually in a negative context, but not here. TV can be a great way to divert yourself from thoughts of DP. Personally, though, I think it�’s not quite as effective a concentration exercise as reading, and I would advise only watching shows and movies that you know are going to engage and interest you. But I will say this: during my recovery, I got absolutely addicted to �“Lost�” �– and found that whenever I was watching it, I had very few thoughts about DP. In fact, if you have the money, I would definitely recommend buying (or renting) a full series of a really good TV show on DVD (The Sopranos, 24 etc) and watching an episode every night or every second night. This will give

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you an interesting distraction to look forward to in the evenings and provide a good routine. As for going to the cinema, well, that big room and screen can sometimes be intimidating (as I found out for myself!). I would wait until you�’re at least pretty comfortable with the television, but then, definitely, going to check out a few films you really want to see in the cinema. You should also remember that, as with any affliction, laughter is an absolutely wonderful medicine for DP. Rent out all your old favourite comedies and find some new ones too. Watch your favourite sit-coms regularly. And if you find that you are not laughing as much as you used to, that�’s totally fine. Sometimes the thought-habit of DP makes it difficult to concentrate, even on good jokes. This will change in time. In the meantime, just relax as best you can and enjoy your shows and movies! Note: Video Games It seems that some people with DP find video games to be very helpful, while others find them to be of little or no use at all. Personally, I do not play computer games that much, but I did purchase one or two during my DP and found that they did help to distract me from the condition. I would personally recommend getting strategy or role-playing games that take much time and effort to complete. These can be highly entertaining and diverting and give you a good challenge to look forward to for an hour or two each day (but you should play whatever games you prefer). Also, though I never had one

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myself, I think that a portable games device could be very helpful for anytime you are on the move, especially on buses or planes. Even a basic game like Tetris can keep you occupied and happily diverted for hours! Socialising

Socialising is, in my experience, a great way of getting your mind off DP and anxiety. You may find that going out at night is easier (it was for me) or then again, you may find the daytime more welcoming. Whatever your own experience is, try and go out as much as you can �– each time you do, you are desensitising yourself and retraining your mind. Talk to as many people as you can. Remember that in spite of any anxiety you may feel, that each and every time you go into town, shopping, meeting friends etc is another bit of progress! Go out and have fun with your friends. If you stay in all the time, that will become a habit �– and one that probably won�’t help. And if on the off-chance you are out with friends and find that you�’re getting a bit

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scared, don�’t worry about it at all. Just tell whoever you�’re with what�’s happening and find a safe, quiet spot to relax. Listen to the �“Dealing With DP�” audio file on your mp3 player for a little while if you can. There�’s absolutely nothing to be worried about - just remind yourself that as difficult as may seem, you are making a valuable contribution towards your recovery. The goal with all of the above is to keep positive information constantly flowing into your eyes and ears: DP and anxiety work like weeds in a garden: left untended, they will grow on their own. Don't allow yourself time for contemplation, that�’ll only make them seem worse. Keep your mind busy and entertained all the time. This may seem like a funny image, but you have to fill the garden of your mind with colourful flowers and positive imagery �– and eventually the weeds will be overcome and die away on their own, without you even noticing. The golden rule is: DO THE THINGS YOU ENJOY!

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Dealing With DP Thoughts

Since DP is just a habit of thought, all you have to do is change that habit. I know, it�’s a lot easier said than done �– but it can be done, and you are going to do it. We already know much about the thought processes of DP: for example, as I�’ve already said, DP is like a dream state pushed temporarily into the waking state, and also a result of unfocused fear being reflected back onto the sufferer. One feeling that these thought processes can generate is the idea that reality has somehow �‘changed�’. You may come to some very strange conclusions about the nature of the condition: for a while, I entertained the nonsensical thought that was in some sort of �‘purgatory�’, that I had somehow �‘lost my soul�’. You may think that something dreadful is going to happen, like reality �‘falling apart�’. Another common thought is that you are somehow going to �‘disappear�’ altogether. But just remember this:

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These things have not happened, and will not happen. I promise you that. I have been to the absolute depths of this illness, and I have come out it completely unharmed. There is absolutely no permanent mental damage, there is absolutely no permanent physical damage. Hundreds of thousands of people have had this condition before you, and none of them �– not a single one �– ever managed to �‘change�’ reality! It�’s all based on irrational fears created by nonsensical trains of thought. All DP/anxiety can ever do is make things seem more amplified, more threatening. But reality itself doesn�’t change. Even if you wanted it to, it couldn�’t change! All that�’s happening is that your mind is scared and jumpy at the moment, and seeing danger everywhere (even in the normal philosophical thoughts that everyone has from time to time). I know it can be tough, but just remember that this state is temporary and entirely reversible. You have not changed in any fundamental way. The world has not changed in any fundamental way. You are suffering from an ailment that yes, can be very scary at times, but is relatively very mild. It is not even close to the risks associated with most other conditions. I think that may be one of the reasons it�’s not recognised as much as it should be; because as scary as it can get, it is a non-progressive condition and, believe it or not, is simply not that dangerous for the sufferer.

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Knowing But Not Feeling

One very common way of describing DP is like being a state of �“knowing but not feeling�”. I said it myself in my own initial description of the condition. For example, people with DP might say:

�“I know I�’m real, and I�’m still here �– but I can�’t feel it.�”

Or, �“I know I�’m not going to go crazy or anything �– but I can�’t feel it.�”

Well, that�’s pretty much a perfect analogy of what it physically happening in the brain of the DP sufferer; the neocortex (the seat of rational thought) is in overdrive, while the limbic system (the seat of emotion) is very quiet. Remember that! The way you are feeling is not because of some deep, philosophical journey or some horrible disease. It�’s just a habit that your brain has established, and that you can get back out of soon. You know that none of those nasty existential thoughts are true - - now all you have to do is train yourself back to feeling it!

And remember: I never, and have never come across, anyone who has harmed themselves or anyone else because of DP. You might have unwanted thoughts like that, but it�’s perfectly ok. I know that when I had DP, I had long, unconnected trains of thought; these sometimes included hurting myself of others. But if you have thoughts like this, all you have to do is put them into perspective:

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They are part of a huge train of thought that can include anything and everything. Just because you happen to have one particularly nasty thought, or even recurring thoughts like that, doesn�’t give them any more credence or importance than anything else. And just because your thoughts seem out of control does not mean that your actions will be �– there is a big difference between the two! Though the DP might make you feel that you will physically �‘lose control�’, the simple fact is that that will never, ever happen. DP and Anxiety Anxiety and DP are definitely linked, and tend to make each other worse. Being in a pressure situation or breaking one�’s routine are events that can cause normal levels of anxiety in everyone. But for a person suffering from DP, it can intensify the condition. That in turn makes the anxiety worse, which intensifies the DP�…and so on until the person becomes temporarily debilitated with fear, has a panic attack etc. The thing is that if you can learn to control the anxiety, then the DP will never get worse than what you might call an �“acceptable�” level (i.e., not interfering with the person�’s thought or actions). And pretty soon after that, you will find that you simply stop taking notice of DP altogether �– at which point, you no longer have DP!

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So if you ever feel like you are getting into the aforementioned nonsensical thought-loop of anxiety and DP (that goes nowhere!), then just remind yourself of what is actually happening. It is simply anxiety and DP making each other worse. And if you can�’t control it �– you know what? That�’s fine. In time, you will develop a positive habit of dealing with it, of recognising the futility of thinking like that. For now, all you need to do if you feel scared is to be aware of what is actually happening. Remember, always, that you are not going crazy (and that's not just an opinion, it's a fact - DP never, ever leads to anything worse than itself). It is not something like a tumour that needs to be invasively fixed; it is not a permanent change in your brain. DP is nothing more than a habit, something that your mind has trained itself into - and by definition, it is something that you can train yourself back out of. And bear this in mind - though I was so scared for every moment of my DP; when I got out of it, I felt fantastic. Believe me, going through a traumatic experience like yours or mine gives you an amazing perspective on the world that most people will never have. It will make you appreciate love and life like never before, and your confidence will shoot through the roof! Any hang-ups you used to have will seem completely trivial. Believe me, I wouldn't wish DP on anyone, but I am glad to have been through it. I have never been happier, and I promise that when it ends for you - and it WILL end - that you'll feel better than ever.

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I'm telling you all this from the perspective of a person who has been through all of this. And I�’m telling you, simply, that you will not have this thing for the rest of your life. But it's up to you to start getting out of it. So take the first steps to get out of it, and do them today. DP and Depression

DP is in some ways quite closely related to depression; in fact, a lack of serotonin (a chemical in the brain associated with happiness) is invariably a symptom of both conditions. However, these two conditions are vastly different in terms of how people see them. Depression has become very an accepted part of today�’s society, with a vast range of relatively safe treatments. Depersonalisation, in comparison, is almost completely unknown in the medical community (and among people in general). This disparity in awareness means that people who develop DP not only find it very difficult to identify, but also that DP is

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commonly misdiagnosed as depression. The thing is, though, that since DP can also create a profound depression in the sufferer, the diagnosis is often partially correct. Getting rid of this melancholy can often be a hugely important step in finally getting completely out of the thought-habit of DP, so it may be necessary to seek medical treatment in the form of anti-depressants to give you a helping hand (I will discuss these medications in a later section). But another thing the conditions do have in common is this: People with depression don�’t go �‘crazy�’, and neither do people with DP. Both can be intensely difficult to deal with at times, but people are certainly able to cope. In fact, I believe that it is actually better to have a condition like DP than something along the lines of bipolar disorder �– since DP is a thought-habit that you can train yourself out of, whereas bipolarity is based on chemical imbalances that need constant treatment. DP is absolutely not something dangerous like a tumour or a lifelong mental illness. It�’s a transitory condition, brought on by any number of factors. Indeed, the fact that a great deal of the recovery is actually in your hands is something you can look forward to! Remember I was talking about TV shows earlier? Well, there was a wonderful quote in an episode of one of my favourites series, when one of the characters observed that: �“Nature makes us tougher�”. That statement had a lot of resonance for me at the time, and it still does.

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Because as scary as the experience of DP is, it is nature�’s way of making you tougher. When you get through it all, your confidence will shoot through the roof: nothing will ever faze you again like it used to. You will have been through the worst of the worst, you will have survived, and you will appreciate the world so much more. DP and the Nonsense “Illusion” One �‘trick�’ that DP might play on you �– as it did with me - is that it will make you think that any nasty thoughts you are having now are totally �“right�”. It will try and convince you were always �“deluded�” about your existence, your life. It will make you think that it is only now that you see the truth, and everyone else is still deeply misled about the nature of life, of everything. This is utterly false. It is nonsense. It is nothing but a negative thought-pattern. It even works on the same predication as depression: Depression hijacks every thought and makes you think that all you are doing in your life is worthless �– even if you are, in the eyes of others, living a good, healthy, productive life. DP does the same thing, even with passing philosophical thoughts of life and existence - it takes them and amplifies them to a deafening level. But the fact is that just because they are

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amplified, doesn�’t make them important. A bad song, played over a huge sound system, is still a bad song! You were not deluded before you had this illness �– no more so than someone with a flu was �‘deluded�’ before they got it, or someone was �‘deluded�’ before they put on a lot of weight. And I promise that you will see the irrefutable proof of this once you get back to normality. Because here�’s the good news: When you get back to happiness and normality, everything in your past, even the worst episodes of depersonalisation will seem like distant memories. Like I said already - when people recover from DP they almost always say, �“What on Earth was I worried about?�” Why DP is like the School Bully Don�’t ever fight with DP mentally. Take it from me: Fighting it, like fighting with any type of pain, will only make it worse. DP is like the schoolyard bully who calls people names: If you respond to his taunts with anger or sadness, he knows that he can hurt you �– and so it will keep happening, day in, day out. But if you simply accept him �– no matter how difficult that may be, and how persistent the bully may be �– it will eventually stop. Accepting DP is like you�’re saying to the bully: If you taunted me for the rest of my life, I wouldn�’t care. You can follow me around and

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shout in my ears all day if you like, but I am not going to give you the satisfaction of getting upset, frightened or angry with you. I will never fight you, because that will only vindicate your silly taunts. I don�’t have to pay attention to you. In fact, if you stuck around me for the rest of my life, I wouldn�’t care. That�’s how strong I am. And what happens? The bully realises that he is wasting his time. Now, he may be very, very resilient �– he may know that in the past, he has been able to upset you and frighten you and make you fight back. And he may try for a long time to break you down, to make you pay attention to him again. But eventually, he will stop. He will see that trying to bother or upset you is pointless �– and he�’ll simply give up. Now on a physical level, you can certainly �‘fight�’ DP - with vitamins, supplements, music, hobbies etc. And these are all vitally important to get through the condition. But on the mental level, if you feel it coming on, just let it happen. Let that bully harass you. Let him taunt you. In fact, the worse he gets, the more you accept him and simply get on with your life. Because that�’s all you ever have to do. That bully will try anything and everything to upset you �– and all you�’re going to do is sit there, cool, calm and collected - and let that bully tire himself out. I know that at times it can be scary and feel very lonely. But you know what? The bully will stop, and the DP will pass for a while. He will probably try to taunt you again in a while, but

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you are progressively training yourself to deal with him. You are building up positive thought-habits that will eventually drive that bully away again and again. And guess what that means? It means that on a long enough timescale, the bully will stop completely and your DP will pass completely. Fact: DP Will Not Lead to Anything Worse Here�’s an essential piece of information, taken from http://www.depersonalisation.info. �“One key phrase in the disorder's ( �…) definition is: reality testing remains intact (�…). While a degree of depersonalisation may be present in other illnesses, like schizophrenia, this is not a psychotic condition. The person knows that something is terribly wrong, and grapples with trying to figure out what it is. If anything, it's the opposite of insanity. It's like being too sane. You become hypervigilant of your existence and things around you.�” So �– �“reality testing remains intact�” This means that you will not have any sort of hallucination and that you are very much grounded in the same reality as everyone else. �“It isn't a progressive illness.�” It is not bound to get worse as time goes by. DP will not cause a nervous breakdown, a stroke, a heart attack or anything even vaguely dangerous like that. And since it is a habit of

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thought, it is entirely within your power to make it better. �“�…it's the opposite of insanity. It's like being too sane. You become hypervigilant of your existence and things around you.�” So there you have it, in plain black and white. It is not insanity �– it�’s the opposite. You know exactly what�’s happening to you and you can get out of it. Remember �– your mind has pulled the dream state into the waking state, to stay safe. Unfortunately, the actual effects of this defence mechanism are quite scary to experience. But that�’s all it is: A defence mechanism deployed by your mind to keep you safe. And it did what it was supposed to, but now you�’re going to train it to pull itself back, to calm down �– and allow you to calm down too!

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Writing Exercise

This is a very effective exercise for alleviating DP, and I want to you to do it right now. Go get a pen and paper. And don�’t just read over the next part and forget about it �– this is very important, so do this exercise right now. I want you to make a list of everything positive in your life, including every accomplishment you have ever achieved. If you have a loving family, put that down. If you have good friends, put that down. If you have a good job, put that down. If you have hobbies you enjoy, put them down. If you listen to or play music, put those down. If you have any educational accomplishments (degrees etc), put them down. If you enjoy reading, put that down. If you enjoy writing, put that down. Take your time and make that list as long as you can! Now, here�’s what I want you to do next. I want you to take that list and put it into the form of a few paragraphs, like a small essay. But write it using positive, meaningful words like,

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�“wonderful�”, �“superb�”, �“brilliant�”, etc. Write it like you�’re really trying to sell yourself! Now, at the end of all great, positive stuff, I want you to write in the following: �“And even aside from all that, I am being made mentally stronger every day by a temporary condition that is completely within my control. And when I get out of it, which will be soon, I will be so much stronger than before. Though at the moment it can be difficult at times, I will soon look back on it as an incredible experience that gave me a new level of strength and confidence that most people will never know.�” Now, read over it. Read over it again, this time aloud. Read it over and over again, and keep a copy of it with you at all times. Read over it every morning when you get out of bed. Anytime you feel particularly anxious, take it out and read over it. Anytime you are about to go out (on the town, the cinema, whatever), take time to read over it over and over again until you are practically bored by it! This list contains the facts of your life, and if you are ever in doubt as to any part of it, all you need ever do it take out that list and read over it. Keep adding to it as time passes; put in all your new achievements, everything new and positive in your life that you can think of. Remember �– this list is a work in progress!

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Prioritising School and Work

Soon after I had my first experiences with panic attacks and DP, I came home to stay with my parents for a while. I hadn�’t started the college year yet, and my work - playing in a band �– fortunately allowed me plenty of time to recuperate. I knew, like everyone with DP does, that there was something very wrong with me, and I spent weeks on the Internet trying to figure out what that was. I looked into many alternative therapies etc, anything that might help me figure out just what was wrong, and get better. Now, I know that this seems like a good situation �– like I had the time and the space to allow myself to heal. Looking back on it now, however, I�’m not sure that that was actually the case. In fact, for the first few weeks, I didn�’t get better at all. Why was this? I think now that it was because I didn�’t have a routine; I didn�’t have a normal regular work schedule, and because I was able to spend so much time researching the condition, trying so

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many different therapies. All this pushed me to focus my full concentration on the condition, thereby empowering it and making it worse. I didn�’t give myself a chance to forget about it. In fact, the only times that I got any relief from it at all would be when I played gigs with my band, and for a few hours afterwards. Indeed, I remember the first gig I played after the DP set in. I sat on the couch at home and felt content for the first time in a long time; so happy to be able to escape the feelings of unreality for a while. More importantly, that night showed me that DP was not a self-contained condition, beyond my control. My activities could affect it directly. That of course depended on a variety of factors, but by far the most important of those were my mood and my activity. When I got back to college for my Masters degree, it was very tough at times. Film Studies required that I watch a lot of strange Surrealist movies that did not sit well at all with my DP! And yet, though it was tough at times, it was so great to get my mind focused on a specific goal. If you are attending school or working, try and invest yourself in these activities as much as you can. Because here is something that every DP sufferer needs to remember: Even though relaxation is vital to recovery from DP, it can at times be all too easy to say that you just need to �“do nothing�”; to just sit in the living room and watch boring TV because you don�’t have the mental energy to do anything else.

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But the fact is that doing �‘nothing�’ actually expends more mental energy, since by boring yourself you are much more likely to get into a thought-loop that drains you of all your mental energy, and gets you further into bad thought habits. So, even when you are relaxing, make sure you are doing something that keeps you occupied. Also, it is a very good idea to try and make your regular tasks more interesting. For example, instead of making the same old dinner for yourself this evening, you could look up some new recipes on the Internet and challenge yourself to cook up something exciting (but doable - If like me, your culinary skills go barely beyond eggs and toast, don�’t try and put together a ten-course opus just yet!). Find your own happy medium between relaxation and work. But however you maintain that balance, make absolutely sure that you keep yourself occupied at all times. Work tends to do that anyway �– even the most menial job has a tendency to quieten down the mind. Physical relaxation may seem more tempting at first glance, but in fact it tends to draw more negative thought. Keep yourself busy!

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Dream Logic What is it about dreams that makes them seem so real? Why is it that, while asleep, you can find yourself in the strangest, most bizarre situations possible, and not question them? Or, put simply �– why do we almost never say �“Hey �– hang on, this is impossible! I must be dreaming!�” You almost never question the dream because the dream itself seems perfectly reasonable; it has its own complete context. The history leading up to any point in the dream is seemingly complete. Though you may have not seen it happen, you seem to feel it, know it implicitly. You could be sitting on an iceberg, flying through the sky etc �– but you know that there is a context, a history, a story as to why you are there, why you can do that. I think that this is specifically one of the things that DP pushes into the waking state: You can take a look at just about anything, and the �‘context�’ (or �‘significance�’) of it hits you hard. It seems to have its own history, it�’s own �‘loud�’, �‘amplified�’ reasons for being there. This was one of the most difficult things for me in dealing with DP. For example, I remember that once, I was sitting calmly in the kitchen. Our dog, Twig, walked across the floor in front of me. Suddenly, I �‘felt�’ the universal significance of this act! I was aware of the seeming hugeness of this event, and it terrified me.

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This happened to me quite regularly. It was actually like pain, like somebody sticking a needle into your hand at random. I could look at something completely innocuous like, for example, my guitar �– and the �‘significance�’ of its existence would hit me like a ton of bricks. It was pretty scary, as was the thought that this could apply to pretty much anything. But, as I thought about it after my recovery, these thoughts made sense. It was simply the effect of dream logic, which can ascribe a loud, unquestionable history / existence / life etc to anything. It happens all the time in the realm of sleep �– in fact, it�’s necessary to maintain the validity of the dream world and produce healthy, uninterrupted sleep. It�’s perfectly natural and perfectly healthy �– it�’s just that with DP, it happens temporarily in the waking state. But don�’t worry if this happens to you. It is not permanent. Yes, it can be one of the most difficult parts of dealing with the condition. But trust me - it eases and stops altogether as your anxiety and DP decrease. So don�’t worry - It�’s one of the symptoms that you have to push back into its proper place, and that will subside with a proper routine.

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Fluorescent Lights and Vision

I found that when I was suffering from DP, I would get more panicky in places with fluorescent lighting (supermarkets etc) than in others. I have subsequently read that this is a common symptom of DP and anxiety. It might seem strange at first, but there is a simple physical explanation for the effect. When your body is anxious, it makes the eyes more sensitive to picking up movements, a perfectly natural reaction that dates back to our evolutionary ancestry. How is this done? By dilating the pupils, letting more light in. When this happens in an environment with fluorescent light (which is very harsh and bright), it seems like there is, literally, almost too much to take in. But don�’t panic �– it�’s simply your body�’s way of reacting to stress. I think that this fact explains a lot of the whole visual �‘fear�’ of DP �– of why there seems to be too much going on in the visual field. I used to constantly question what I was seeing, I would keep thinking I was looking at a screen, etc.

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In fact, why is DP so often described as like living in a movie? Well, picture yourself inside a movie theatre, sitting very close to the front. You can�’t see everything on the screen at once, right? Of course not. And it�’s annoying and disconcerting to have to keep having to move your gaze and your concentration to different parts of the screen. There�’s too much to take in at once! It�’s the exact same with DP �– with the sleep state pushed into the waking state, you�’ve been pushed a little too close to the screen. When your pupils are dilated, there�’s often too much information coming in at once, and your concentration keeps darting around, trying to keep up with all of this (which explains why, for example, reading a book when you have DP can be quite frustrating). But just remember, again, that this is a perfectly natural physical response, and your body is simply protecting itself. It�’s just another effect that will subside once you recover from the condition. There is nothing seriously wrong �– you know that. Now all you have to do is train your mind and body back to feeling that.

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Size & Shape Of Objects People with DP can sometimes experience what seems like changes in the size and shape of objects. Remember that this is nothing more than an effect of concentration �– in the same way that if you stare at a picture on a wall for a few minutes, it seems to fill up your visual space. This happens much more quickly for people with DP, because your concentration is so intensified. It�’s a perfectly natural effect, and one that will pass after recovery, so don�’t worry about it. “Floaters” Also, I have noticed on the Internet that some people describe seeing little dots, or �“floaters�” moving in their visual field. They are sometimes described as looking like small amoebas. Though they are sometimes described as a symptom unique to DP, this is incorrect. The fact is that (just as with the above discussion of size and shape of objects) if anyone concentrates long and hard enough they can find tiny inconsistencies in their visual field. If you got someone to stand, staring a white wall for a few minutes, they would eventually see these so-called �“floaters�” too. Everyone has these little variations in their visual field, and they are completely natural �– it�’s just that most of the time, people are too concerned with moving through their lives as normal to notice them

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DP, by focusing your concentration back on yourself so much, makes you a lot more likely to pick up on these natural but irrelevant physical details. It can even seem scary at times, like they have only appeared since you developed the condition. Just remember: They were always there �– you�’ve only noticed them since you developed the condition. In fact, the whole idea of �“floaters�” seems to me an excellent illustration of the whole effect of DP. That is to say, that people with the condition never actually go through anything really different from what unaffected people do. The only difference is that people with DP tend to notice every little bit of unnecessary information about everyday experiences that other people are simply able to ignore. During my DP, I used to notice �“floaters�” all the time too (particularly if I looked up at the sky). But when you start to recover from DP and your body and mind start to calm down, you find that you stop noticing �‘floaters�’, just as you stop noticing all the other little physical tics that happen naturally.

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Glasses and Contact Lenses

Some people who wear visual aids like glasses and contacts have noted that the stress of DP can be reduced by removing them for a while. I wear contacts myself, and found that removing them did in fact produce a calming effect. Why is this? Because by blurring your vision, you are reducing the amount of information that is being received by your visual cortex. This goes to show, yet again, that DP is to a large extent dependent on your environment and how you experience/interact with it. It simply proves, yet again that DP is not a mental condition that is somehow beyond your control. I�’m just using this effect as an illustration though; I don�’t recommend that people walk around or �– God forbid �– drive their cars without their corrective glasses or lenses in!

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Sunglasses This may seem like a terribly simple solution, but sunglasses can be very effective! If it�’s a sunny day, the brightness outside can mean its an environment where there�’s a lot to take in �– and might cause you to be anxious. So here�’s a tip �– try wearing a pair of sunglasses when you go outside. Not only do they protect your eyes from harmful rays, they also reduces the amount of visual information you encounter and can have a calming effect on your DP. Try it out!

Changes in Time

Some people with DP complain that time sometimes seems �‘distorted�’ to them, that time can seem to go very slowly or even fly by. Also, the ideas of the �‘past�’ and the �‘future�’ can seem bizarre, even scary.

This is important:

TIME HAS NOT CHANGED. IT IS THE SAME AS EVER, AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

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The thought habit of DP is what makes time seem altered. It�’s the same when you watch a great movie: time seems to fly by, because you are entertained and engrossed in a narrative. But when you are watching a boring film, you are not engaged with it, and are constantly being diverted by your own thoughts.

The length of the film doesn�’t matter: It�’s all about the way you are thinking about it. And the same thing goes for regular life: The DP thought habit makes it temporarily difficult to engage with life; so time can seem much longer than normal.

Also, don�’t worry about the past or the future. You are training yourself back to living in the now, and so that�’s where you must learn to live. The past and the future are simply concepts; but �‘now�’ is all there really is! So enjoy it!

Memories

Memories can sometimes seem distorted too, but don�’t worry about it. The only reason that�’s happening is because of the temporary habit of thought that DP has created. Imagine trying to memorize a song from a CD when there are people talking loudly all around you. Of course, it�’s going to be more difficult than usual. It�’s the same with DP, memories can sometimes be inhibited by the loud thoughts that accompany the condition. That�’s also why reading, and concentration in general can often be difficult with DP �– because there are a

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lot of other thoughts, like radio static, interfering with your attention span.

But again, remember: This is only a temporary state, and one that you can train yourself out of.

Neck and Shoulder Pain Some people suffering from DP, myself included, have complained of pain in the neck and shoulder area. For me, it seemed to appear at just the same time as I developed DP, and stayed with me for a few weeks. It actually scared me a lot, since I thought in my panicked state that I had developed some sort of muscular disease. In retrospect, however, it seems that this pain is merely a natural physical reaction to the stresses your mind is going through. Since your thoughts are racing and you feel on edge all the time, your muscles tense up accordingly. This can be most obvious in your neck and shoulders (remember that physiotherapists often look for �‘knots�’ in the upper back and shoulders as signs of tension). Also, if your lifestyle has been stressful even before you got the DP, your muscles may have been tense already without your even noticing. The onset of DP just makes it twice as bad as it was, causing what seems to be a sudden pain without any cause. This feeling will pass as the DP fades away. In the meantime, make sure that you sleep in a

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comfortable bed, with a good pillow (Also, make sure that you sleep on your back or on your side; sleeping on your chest can create awkward head and neck positions. If the problem persists, you can purchase orthopaedic pillows from various websites.) A Clean Environment

One of the feelings most common to anxiety is that there is �“too much�” happening at any one time. This, as we�’ve already noted is at least partially due to the dilation of the pupils caused by anxiety. One simple way to relieve this, at least a little, is to be in a clean environment. I remember that during the DP, if I came home after college or work and the house was in a mess, I would start to feel more anxious than usual. This was probably due the aforementioned problem of there being �“too much information�”, and also just the natural stress/annoyance of living in a dirty place. So, try and keep all of your living space as clean as you can. Explain your situation to

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anyone living with you; just let them know that keeping the place a bit cleaner than usual would be very helpful to you. And besides, the very act of cleaning up can be a great way to get your mind off the DP and practice your concentration. Personal Hygiene

Pretty much the same thing holds for hygiene. With DP, it can seem very tempting to not shower every day, to just let yourself go a bit. After all, you are sick, right?

And sick people are somehow �‘allowed�’ to stay in bed, to not shower regularly, not dress properly etc. I know that I used that excuse for many weeks after I initially developed DP. However, that�’s a very negative way of thinking and it will only make the DP worse. In a sense, doing that is actually drawing your focus onto the DP, since you are physically allowing it to affect your life. It�’s basically the same thing as letting yourself sit for hours watching boring TV �– it might seem like the easier thing to do, but in fact it promotes exactly the kind of introspection that DP thrives on and in the long run it will only make things worse.

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So, though it might seem easier to not to jump into the shower every day, go for it anyways! You�’ll look, and more importantly feel much better when you�’re clean and it�’ll give you a solid routine to look forward to every day. Personally, I found that a good time to take a shower or bath is right before going to bed. It calms you down nicely and makes your body tired and prepared for rest. Take good care of your appearance in general. Look as good as you can every day! Wear clothes that are comfortable and that look well on you, especially you�’re going out. Eventually this outward confidence will soak into your mind and you will start to feel better too.

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Food and Drink

As I�’ve said, one of the many ways to get out of anxiety is to train your concentration. And a great way of doing this is by focusing on bettering yourself physically. It gives you goals, and something very worthwhile to work at every day. Your food intake is absolutely of paramount importance here. You are what you eat, as they say, and that has never been truer than within the context of DP. I have found that I actually sometimes still feel a little anxious if I haven't eaten a proper meal at the regular time. It is so important to watch your diet carefully. The main thing is to eat well �– to keep your body satisfied. The last thing you need if you are getting out of DP is to have a body that is suffering from a lack of sustenance. So eat three good meals a day, every day. However, there are still certain types of food and drink that can specifically help or hinder you when coming out of DP.

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Caffeine

Ok �– this is extremely important: You absolutely must cut caffeine out of your diet. Coffee, soft drinks and even tea have high caffeine levels that will aggravate anxiety and DP. Plus, they also tend to disrupt sleep patterns, which as we know are directly related to DP. Taking caffeine out of your diet completely will be a huge step forward for you in terms of your recovery. And I�’m not just talking about avoiding it before bedtime �– I�’m talking about not touching the stuff at all in the long term. I used to be a devout coffee drinker, drinking the equivalent of eight cups a day (four cups with two teaspoonfuls of coffee in each one!). My psychologist told me that this had probably been one of the biggest contributing factors to my panic attacks and DP. In fact, as I�’ve said, one of my worst mistakes throughout all of my DP was that when it first started, I though it was like a heavy drowsiness �– so I thought the way out was to drink even more coffee than usual. Of course, this aggravated my anxiety and DP to even worse levels than before. If you are used to drinking coffee in the mornings, it might be a little difficult at first to

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not get that kick. But trust me, after a few days you will notice your body getting back to a normal, healthy routine. Remember, you can get decaffeinated tea or coffee in any decent store �– and it tastes exactly the same as the real thing! Salty Foods

Ok, we all know that salt makes certain things taste better. But it also has immediate bad effects on your body.

Firstly, it increases heart pressure �– something you absolutely don�’t need when trying to get rid of anxiety. Secondly, salt depletes potassium in the body, an essential element for a properly-functioning nervous system. Many processed foods are salted already when you buy them, so don�’t just cut down on the salt shaker at mealtimes �– watch what you eat carefully. Cut salt out of your diet as much as you can. Your brain and your body will thank you for it in the long term!

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Candy, Chocolate and Sweet Foods

Everyone loves chocolate and sweets �– I�’m a big fan myself. However, these again are bad for anxiety and DP. As they are digested, they cause a drop in blood-sugar levels, which can set off anxiety and moodswings. Stay away from sweet foods! Now I know you might be thinking: �“This sucks. If I didn�’t have DP, I would still be able to eat all these tasty foods.�” And that might be fair enough, but look at it this way: All these foods are basically bad for you anyway. By cutting them out of your diet, you are cleansing your body and brain, and helping to bring them back to their best. In fact, by the time you recover from DP, your general health should be better than ever. Look at anxiety and DP as your body�’s way of telling you that it needs to be rid of all these impurities.

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Soda Water

Though you might think that soda water is somewhat in the same category as soft drinks, in fact the opposite is true. The carbon dioxide in soda water is actually

very good for you, since anxious people tend to have low levels of it in their blood. It is good for preventing hyperventilation and also helps the bloodflow in general. Fruit and Veg

In general, fruit and vegetables are very good for diminishing anxiety and DP. Eat plenty of spinach, carrots, onions, beetroot, celery, wholegrain cereals, asparagus, avocado, garlic, eggs, fish etc. Also, drink plenty of water every day; keeping your body hydrated is essential for overall health.

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Not Hungry? Loss of appetite is a very common symptom of anxiety and DP - I had it myself, for days on end. The very sight of food put me off eating it, no matter how badly my body needed it. This effect is not uncommon and is simply due to the fact that when your body thinks it is in danger, it sends blood away from the stomach and digestive system, and to the muscles of the limbs �– so you can run away from whatever danger is around. The end result is that you may not feel hungry at all, even though you stomach may be empty and even rumbling loudly! Of course, this will pass as you begin to get out of the thought-habit of DP. But in the meantime, it is of paramount importance that you keep your body sustained. So if you don�’t feel like eating at mealtimes, make sure to drink a meal-replacement shake. These contain all the necessary vitamins and minerals that you would get from proper meal. They are quite popular and available in most good health / sports shops. If you don�’t have one nearby, they are also available over the Internet from various sites, so Google it. Make yourself a nutrition drink and drink it at your leisure! You are giving your body exactly what it needs to recover from anxiety and DP completely.

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Supplements

In my experience, health and vitamin supplements are absolutely vital to recovery from DP. Indeed, a deficiency of one or more of these vitamins could have been a major contributing factor in the development of the illness in the first place. In the following section, I will briefly go through the supplements most beneficial to anxiety and DP and explain their benefits.

These supplements are usually available in health stores. If not, they can be ordered from the Internet.

1. Vitamin B6 & 12 Vitamin B6 and 12 are very important for the maintenance of a healthy nervous system, which, I don�’t have to tell you, is essential for control of anxiety and DP. They are needed for the maintenance of myelin, the fatty substance that protects the nerves, and are generally good for dealing with fatigue. Vitamin B deficiencies can be caused by a number of factors, primarily stress and anxiety. This, in turn, can cause increased anxiety, loss of appetite and insomnia �– all of which can make DP worse.

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Remember to be patient with it �– if you have developed a deficiency, it can take time to build your Vitamin B levels back up. 2. Calcium A regular intake of calcium is necessary for the healthy maintenance of nerves and muscles. 3. Magnesium Magnesium supplements are good for the heart, for the blood flow, and can help prevent anxiety and stress. Magnesium can also help to relieve insomnia and depression. 4. Omega 3 Oils I can�’t even begin to stress how important these oils are for mental health. These contain fats that are necessary for healthy brain activity, and the body cannot produce them on its own. They need to be a part of our diet, and the best way to get them is by eating fish. Unfortunately, our modern diets have processed these fats out of our foods almost completely. The best way to get these oils into your diet is by eating plenty of fresh fish. However, you can get the same benefits by taking a good Omega-3 supplement every day.

Also, you should take a good multivitamin supplement every day.

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Meditation / Yoga Etc

I�’ve read in many places that anxiety is the product of a stressed mind, and that techniques like yoga, meditation etc are good for calming down and getting back to a calm state. And this may be true �– but when DP is present, I think it�’s a different story altogether. I used to practice yoga and meditation regularly before my DP experience. So, after I developed the condition, I naturally turned to these practices again to help things �– even my doctor recommended it. But to be perfectly honest, they didn�’t help at all �– in fact, I felt pretty bad during and after doing it. Though it seemed like a good idea at the time, in retrospect, the last thing I should have been doing was engaging in practices that tend to focus your concentration on your thought processes. That�’s not at all to say that yoga, meditation etc are not useful tools �– they most certainly are. But they are best employed by people

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trying to access an alternate state of consciousness. The person with DP, on the other hand, is trying to get back to a normal, regular state of consciousness. Indeed, there are apparently similarities between the psychological states of transcendental meditation and DP, though it is usually enjoyable for the person experiencing the former, and unpleasant for the person experiencing the latter. (One reason for this may be that the person meditating knows that they can end the feeling of detachment at any time, whereas someone with DP must work very carefully on it.) In short, you are trying to move away from the whole realm of self-examination. Meditation, yoga etc promote reflection and self-examination �– again, wonderful things, but not for someone with DP. To get away from DP, you are trying to train yourself out of introspection, out of the constant mind chatter that accompanies the illness. For example, the idea of using a mantra, repeating a word, sentence or sound until it clears the mind is fine for most. But you know the way that if you repeat a word over and over again, or stare at an object long enough it seems to lose it�’s meaning? That seems to be a �‘mini�’ version of the DP experience. So, speaking from my own experiences, I would advise against these practices, at least until you get completely better. Indeed, I would advise staying away from any texts that discuss meditation, psychology, religion etc. These tend to provide DP with more material to

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contemplate. Stick with narratives, stories, easy reading, easy TV, easy movies �– just for the time being!

Mirrors

A lot of people with DP sometimes find that looking in the mirror can seem particularly distressing. It can seem strange to see a normal person looking back at you, when you feel anything but normal. I think that this has something to do with the fact that in general, it�’s very easy to just stare at yourself in a mirror, to look at your own eyes, your own facial expressions etc. But essentially, it�’s the same effect as looking at something �– anything �– for an extended period of time �– or even repeating a word over and over again. The image, or the word, seems to briefly lose its meaning as the person slips into a meditative state. Remember, this happens to everyone �– it just seems to happen a little more quickly for people with DP.

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But if this loss of meaning happens when you�’re looking at your own face, then it may seem to compound, and even verify any feelings of �“unreality�” you may have. So don�’t stare at your own face; in fact, try not to concentrate deeply on anything. As I�’ve said �– keep yourself occupied and entertained. If you�’re shaving or washing your teeth, that�’s cool �– have some music on in the background, sing away to yourself, whatever. Stay occupied! Don�’t give the DP time to grow as a thought habit. Travel

One particular element that seems to aggravate DP is anything that seems quite unfamiliar. That�’s one of the reasons I believe you must get into a solid daily routine �– it calms the mind, lessens anxiety etc. Unfortunately, travelling is not something that helps this. Being in an unfamiliar environment, even if it�’s quite safe, can seem threatening at times for the person with DP. As I said in the introduction, the toughest time for me in the whole DP experience was when I

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attended a family marriage abroad. Even though I was surrounded by loving friends and family, the unfamiliar environment seemed constantly intimidating. I�’m not suggesting that someone with DP needs to cut out travelling altogether �– I�’m just saying that for me, when I was suffering constant DP all day every day, that travelling to an unfamiliar environment was not helpful. It�’s of course up to the individual to judge how good or bad their current DP state is, how safe and familiar the destination is going to be, who they are travelling with etc. And all things considered, it may be helpful to put off travelling just temporarily. And just as a postscript to the above �– I have been doing plenty of travelling since I got out of DP, and I love it!

Drugs

Here follows a golden rule for every DP sufferer: You absolutely must stay away from every type of illegal drug. Indeed, it�’s often

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drugs themselves that can trigger DP in the first place. This can happen either during the drug experience itself, or some time afterwards. Drugs that are particularly associated with DP are marijuana and ecstasy; indeed, marijuana can bring on the DP state almost immediately for many people, and long-term use of it can be very dangerous. Don�’t get me wrong, I�’m not going to start drug-bashing here �– but these substances are absolutely not what the person with DP needs. (Indeed, a great many cases of DP occur amongst students. This could also be related to the stresses of college life etc, but is almost certainly linked to the drug intake associated with this period of most people�’s lives).

Ecstasy, in particular, can be very dangerous. The effect it produces is to flood the brain with serotonin, the chemical neurotransmitter associated with happiness and good moods. The problem is that for days and even weeks afterwards, the brain�’s serotonin levels are dangerously depleted, leaving the user very susceptible to panic attacks, DP etc. In fact, having low levels of serotonin is one of the main symptoms associated with DP and various panic disorders, and what many anti-anxiety medications try to alleviate. So stay away from ecstasy!

Though LSD has more of a psychological effect than ecstasy, it can still be quite dangerous. A bad trip can be intensely scary, and can be the cause of panic attacks (which are associated with DP) for some time afterwards. Also, remember that even a good trip can sometimes result in the same effects.

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Also, Ketamine, or �‘Special K�’, has been particularly associated with DP. It is actually a dissociative drug �– it artificially generates many of the symptoms of DP (even to the extent that it can produce �‘out-of-body�’ experiences). I know I don�’t need to tell you that a drug that recreates the effects of DP should not be touched�…!

The bottom line is this: All these illegal drugs are designed to produce altered states of consciousness in the user. And that�’s something that someone with anxiety / DP absolutely does not need. You�’re trying to calm your nervous system down, to get back to normal thought processes�…

�…so don�’t take anything into your body that might slow that process down.

That goes for coffee, marijuana, ecstasy, ketamine, LSD etc etc.

Note 1:

If you have friends who use drugs, it is important to remove yourself from that lifestyle as much as possible. It has been reported on some forums that for people with marijuana-induced DP, even the smell of the drug can trigger strong associative memories of being �‘high�’. Of course, this is pretty far from the effects of actually taking the drug, but the goal of all this training is to distance yourself as much as possible from the feelings of DP for as long as possible. So don�’t take any risks!

Note 2:

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I have noticed that on some forums, a few people have been trying to use recreational drugs as a way to try and �‘cure�’ DP. I cannot even begin to stress how imperative it is that you do not try this. Even if there were some positive results possible, there are no specific techniques defined to achieve this. If the attempt went wrong, you could be left in a worse state than when you started. So stick to a strict regime of mental and physical health and you will get out of DP the safe way!

Feelings of Guilt

If your DP has come on because of taking drugs, you may feel quite guilty; thinking that this is somehow your own fault.

Remember: It�’s not your fault!

It�’s nobody�’s fault.

Often, the drug may have been a catalyst �– the metaphorical �‘straw that broke the camel�’s back�’. It�’s quite possible that the stresses in your life were building up anyway, and that you were about to suffer a panic attack, depression or DP (if you had not had one already). The drug simply sped up that process.

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But regardless of whether or not the drug alone brought on the DP or whether it just hurried up the manifestation of the stresses that were already happening, the end situation is the same. It is reversible, so don�’t worry!

And whatever you do, don�’t feel guilty about anything. DP is a natural reaction. It is not something that can be anybody�’s fault, anymore than getting, for example, a bad dose of hayfever is anybody�’s fault. Your body simply reacted to stresses in a natural way, it and it is now up to you to train it back to normality.

Look at it this way: This is your body�’s way of telling you that you need to better handle stress in the future, and also to stay away from any substances that may aggravate it. All you need to do is heed this advice, make the necessary changes in your lifestyle, and soon you�’ll be back to normal.

So don�’t think of this as a �‘mistake�’, or someone�’s �‘fault�’. It�’s a great lesson to learn, it will enrich your life, so just be happy about it! Also, remember that no matter what the cause of the DP, the condition is essentially the same. There is no difference in marijuana-induced DP and DP caused by general stress levels �– and so, getting out of it will be the same. And if you have a therapist, don�’t be afraid to tell them what you think brought on the DP, even if it was illegal drugs. Getting the causes of the condition off your chest will be hugely beneficial to your recovery.

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Alcohol

I�’ve read in a number of places that alcohol is one of the few drugs that can temporarily alleviate DP. I would tend to agree; a few drinks can help you to relax and forget the thought patterns of the condition for a while.

That said, you must be extremely careful with it. The problem is that (A) alcohol tends to disrupt sleep patterns. If consumed early in the day, it can cause drowsiness and cause you to go to sleep early. If consumed at night, it can cause erratic sleep through the night, and waking too early or late in the morning. As I have already said, one of the goals of getting out of DP is getting your sleep states back into their proper place �– so taking anything into your body that might disrupt that is not a good idea.

Aside from all that, there is (B) the more obvious problem of the hangover. Hangovers are usually a nasty feeling anyways, both in the head and in the body. They can cause

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headaches, sickness, lethargy and even depression �– things which the person with DP should be trying to avoid at all costs.

So that�’s the trade-off: Drinking can alleviate DP temporarily, but the subsequent effects can make you feel worse. I would say that if you are determined to drink, then only have one or two drinks at the very most, depending on your tolerance. But if you can manage it, don�’t drink at all. It will benefit you in the long run!

And remember this: If alcohol can temporarily alleviate DP, then that tells us yet again that DP is a temporary state �– a combination of a transitory imbalance of brain chemicals and thought-habits - and can be changed. The practices that you are implementing into your life are all contributing towards making that change �– and making it permanently.

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Smoking

Smoking is a stimulant �– and one that increases your heartrate and anxiety levels in general �– all factors that are not helpful to recovering from DP. I won�’t to go into methods of quitting smoking here, but try looking at it this way: Quitting this nasty habit now will not only be fantastic for your physical well-being, it will be wonderful for your mental health. And both of these factors will contribute immensely to your future recovery.

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Current Research: Neurofeedback

Even aside from all the personal techniques I have already outlined, you should know that there are many different techniques being researched and developed that have shown great potential in helping people with DP. In fact, there are specific DP research units based in London and New York, and many other institutes devoted specifically to the whole spectrum of dissociative disorders.

One of the most exciting new treatments for DP is Neurofeedback. This involves, simply, monitoring brainwave activity via electrodes and showing / reflecting the activity through a video display or sound. What happens is that specific brain activity is �‘rewarded�’, by playing a different tone, or showing a movement (i.e., of a character) on the screen. It�’s like a video game, except there�’s no controller - only a specific thought pattern will create the desired effect.

In this way, the brain can be trained to encourage or discourage certain thoughts. For example, if the Neurofeedback session was for a DP sufferer, the goal of the training would be to calm activity in the neocortex (the thinking, philosophical centre) and increase activity in the limbic system (the emotional seat of the brain). It is in no way invasive, (no head-shaving!) and has been used in the past for successful treatment of epilepsy, anxiety disorder etc.

It has been called �“aerobics for the brain�”, and rightly so. Aerobics is a form of intense

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exercise, designed to train the body. That�’s what Neurofeedback is: training for the brain - training it back to a calm, normal state, without DP (just as you�’re doing by following the techniques and habits outlined in this book).

Current Research: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

This is another relatively new treatment that is generally associated with therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder. It involves using specific therapist-directed cues of eye movement (and also, aural and physical stimulation) while thinking about traumatic memories. It is based on the idea that by doing so, bad memories can be properly accessed, dealt with and re-associated with positive thoughts.

This can take many sessions (often ten or more) to achieve results, but many trials have produced very positive effects in patients.

But remember: I�’m not saying that you should go and try therapies like Neurofeedback or EMDR straight away. I�’m saying that there are many therapies available for people with DP, and that they will be there in the future if you need them.

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Misdiagnosis and Medication

DP must surely be one of the most commonly misdiagnosed conditions in the world. Even my own doctor had no idea what the condition was. He told me, as I�’m sure many others have been told, that I�’m just a bit �“down on myself�”, and that I�’d get out of it. This was in spite of the fact that I�’d told him about my initial panic attack and subsequently feeling of �“floating around�”, as I put it; a classic case of DP �– at least, to someone familiar with the condition.

One of the reasons it is misdiagnosed is a general unawareness of it in the medical community. Also, the fact that the feelings are so difficult to describe accurately makes it all too easy for a doctor to think that the condition is simply a general depression or anxiety. It can become extremely frustrating to go to a doctor who tries to explain away your symptoms with a quick diagnosis of depression or anxiety, especially when you yourself are aware that your condition is different.

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This lack of familiarity with the condition also means that there has been relatively little of research into it and how to treat it. Doctors simply don�’t know nearly as much about DP as they do about depression and anxiety, and there has been no medication yet developed that can relieve it specifically. That said, there are many medications that can treat the various symptoms of DP, and that can be a huge help to the person trying to recover from the condition.

The most common type of medication recommended for the symptoms associated with DP are known as SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). These are a newer type of anti-depressant that build up levels of serotonin in the brain over time. Among their advantages is the fact that they have relatively few side-effects compared to older medications.

SSRIs are a common prescription, and have helped countless people suffering from various disorders, including DP. However �– you must remember that with most anti-depressive medications like these, you must take them for at least two and a half months before you can properly judge if they are working for you. As difficult as it may seem, you must be patient! It is also worth noting that some people experience increased levels of depression as they begin their course of medication; however, this will ease off as your body gets used to the drug.

It is very important to remember that different people react in different ways to medications. It

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is often the case that if you try a medication for a while, it may not work as well for you as it should. If this happens, don�’t worry �– simply try another. People frequently have to try a number of medications (or combinations of medications) before they find the one that works best for them.

As I have said, medications can be very effective in treating the various symptoms of DP. I personally found that my medication (an SSRI anti-depressant) helped very much with certain symptoms (the depression and anxiety). However, it is still up to the individual to train themselves out of the thought-habit of the condition. No medication can do that for you on its own. What medications do is ease the symptoms of the condition �– in doing so, they provide you with a window, an opportunity to make the necessary changes in your life that will end the thought-habits.

Another type of medication prescribed for the symptoms associated with DP are known as Benzodiazepines (Valium and Librium are examples). These drugs are relaxants, and have been known to help people with high levels of anxiety. I was prescribed a short course (two weeks) of these drugs soon after explained my symptoms to a psychologist. However, I did not finish even that; I found that Benzos made me feel even more mentally groggy than I had been, making my DP worse. That said, they seem to work for some people, so don�’t let my negative experience put you off considering them (It�’s also worth noting, however, that Benzos have addictive

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properties, so it is wise not to stay on them for too long).

Coming Off Medication

This is a very important point, and one with which I have had personal experience. If you have been taking SSRI anti-depressants to help cope with DP, remember that, as with all courses of medication, you must be careful and vigilant when coming off them. Whatever you do, don�’t simply cut them out when you have finished the course or even if you start to feel completely better. Consult your doctor or psychiatrist about stopping the medication. The most common way to stop medication is by tapering the dosage off until the brain gets used to functioning properly without it again.

And most importantly, remember this:

The most common side-effect when coming off anti-depressants is a feeling of dizziness and lethargy. But it is not DP coming back. DP doesn�’t work like that; it is not simply a chemical imbalance �– it is a habit of thought, and once you have kicked that habit, you will be back to normal. Any dizziness you feel is just that: Dizziness! So don�’t worry!

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St. John’s Wort

If, for whatever reason, you do not wish to (or cannot) go on standard medications, then I would absolutely recommend that you try using St. John�’s Wort instead. This is a plant that grows wild, and has been used as a medicine in various forms for centuries. As a medication, it can work very well for people with depression and / or anxiety disorders, without many of the unwanted effects of prescription drugs.

After I had recovered from DP and tapered off the SSRIs completely, I began taking St. John�’s Wort every day. Though strengths may vary, the usual dosage taken is three capsules per day, 300 mg each (standardized to contain 0.3% hypericin). However, it can take up to six weeks to start working, so again, you need to be patient. St. John�’s Wort is good for DP because it deals with mild depression and anxiety; symptoms that regularly accompany and precipitate depersonalisation. In fact, in Germany more than fifty percent of depression, anxiety, and sleep disorders are treated with St John's Wort

Note: Never take St. John�’s Wort while on a course of SSRI�’s (or vice versa) �– or quickly switch from one to another. These medications are known to act on the same part of the brain �– serotonin levels �– so one may actually negatively interfere with the other.

Note: St. John�’s Wort is not available without prescription in Ireland. However, it can be legally bought and imported for personal use.

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DP Websites and Reading Reactions

One very common symptom of DP is that when you read about it or discuss it, a negative or positive slant can aggravate or ease the condition. Generally, the trend seems to be that if you read something negative, like someone describing a very negative experience on an Internet forum, for example, the DP tends to get worse. The feelings of anxiety created by reading something like that aggravate the DP, whereas reading something positive, like a recovery story tends to make you feel better. I personally found this to be a very obvious symptom; it seemed to happen like clockwork.

It seems strange to me that many of the books / articles / forums that discuss DP tend not to address this, to even have some sort of disclaimer or introduction that tells the reader this before they proceed. Regardless, it becomes the responsibility of the person with DP to bear this in mind at all times. For example, if you see a post on the Internet with a heading like �“Feeling Terrified�”, be wary of reading the full text �– it may aggravate your own symptoms.

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For example, I first identified that I had the condition when I stumbled across some DP websites. At first, I was delighted to find that I actually had what was a recognised condition. But my enthusiasm quickly fell away when I began to see posts from people saying that they�’d had the condition for ten or more years, that they felt constantly terrible, etc. These posts made me feel worse than ever. How could I possibly put up with ten more years of this?

Well, I�’m willing to put forward here what I�’m sure will be seen by some as a sweeping statement: I think that everybody who has DP for any long period of time has simply not found the correct way to get out of it. And even though it in some ways it can be very beneficial to vent your sadness and frustration with the condition to others who can relate, I think that it is important to not overdo it.

Because wallowing in your own misery will not make DP better.

Wallowing in the misery of others will not make DP better.

In fact, it will prolong it.

You need to be positive, positive, positive, all the way.

If you look at DP websites and stories, stick mainly to reading the positive posts. Stick to the sections that talk about recovery and healing. And remember: This is all just temporary. If you want to help the people who put up the despairing posts, you will be able to

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do so very soon. At the moment though, you�’re getting your thought processes back to a normal calmness and you need to bear in mind that DP is a condition that generally reacts badly to your reading discouraging things about it.

Long Term DP

Some people have suffered from DP for much longer than I did; indeed it can affect some people for years at a time. This does not mean that people are affected with different types of DP that stay longer than others; it simply means that you have not found the correct thought-habits to get out of it. The thing is that it's way to easy to deal with DP by logging onto the websites every day, to read every book you can about the disorder, to go to every doctor in your area (who usually know nothing about the condition). It is not easy, however, to simply try and forget about it and get on with your life. The thing with DP, as with any other type of obsessive thought, is that there is absolutely no point in trying to suppress it, analyse it or get rid of it. As I have already noted, telling yourself "Today, I am not going to think about DP" is the same as saying "Today, I will not think about pink elephants". By acknowledging that you don�’t want to think about the condition, you are already creating an association that will bother you for the whole day.

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Yes, it might be very difficult for someone who has had DP for 10 years (thinking negative thought-habits every day) to re-establish positive thought habits - but only in the same way that someone who has been overweight for 10 years (bad eating-habits every day) or smoking for 10 years (a nicotine habit every day) finds it more difficult to get out of their situation. Yes, of course it will take longer to get out of the habit than say, for someone who has only been overweight or smoking for 6 months... but it is still doable. Think about it; it has to be! It's not as if there's some magical line that you can reach after which point you will never be thin again, will never quit smoking, will never get out of DP. That makes no sense. The fact that so many people can and do get out of DP on a regular basis (as many posts on website forums prove) means that in theory, anyone can get out of DP. Of course, it may take longer for others and it may take more intensive effort on a day-to-day basis, but the more effort that one puts into getting out of these thought-habits, the faster they will see results.

As George Harrison once said, "It's gonna take patience and time to do it right, child"!

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Sleeping Patterns

It has been shown again and again that DP is closely linked to sleeping patterns. It seems to inhibit sleep patterns just as it does thought patterns. So, just as you must train yourself back to a healthy thought pattern, you must do the same for sleep. This will have the effect of calming DP, thereby helping you to eventually get rid of it altogether.

Here are some general tips:

Get up earlier than usual. Get up 20 �– 30 minutes earlier than you normally do. This will help you to shift your sleep cycle, moving the �‘bedtime�‘ state to a little earlier.

Only go to sleep when you are sleepy. If you are not sleepy, don�’t tell yourself you should be in bed. Stay up, relax and read for a while. Eventually you�’ll feel tired and sleepy - then go to bed.

Don�’t do anything except have sex and sleep in bed. This will help you to only associate the bed with sleep.

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Don�’t lie awake at night. If you can�’t sleep, get up and read for a while.

Don�’t fall asleep during the day. Not only will this disrupt your natural sleep cycles, it tends to aggravate DP.

Don�’t worry about DP when you go to bed. Think about the future, when the world will be safe and warm again, just like your bed. Imagine reality stretching out in front of you in 3D; it is warm, soothing and welcoming. It is not dreamlike, it is real, and you are just as important a part of it as the trees, the flowers and everyone and everything else that inhabits it.

Don�’t keep the room too warm or too cold (though it�’s better for it to be a little colder).

Make sure the room is dark enough.

Don�’t drink coffee, tea or alcohol. You should not be touching these anyway! Alcohol fragments sleep.

If you are hungry before bed, only eat something small, like a sandwich or a yoghurt. Avoid meals before bed �– your body�’s digestion of a lot of food can keep you awake.

Take a dose of valerian an hour before you go to bed.

Take a shower or a bath before you go to bed.

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Can DP Return?

Now, I know that it seems that there�’s a lot of things that can cause DP. You might think, �“well, even if I recover, won�’t I be likely to just go back in to DP if I have another traumatic experience or stressful period?�”

Well, if you recover properly, the simple answer to this question is: No.

Like I�’ve said, DP is a habit of thought. What you are doing now is building up a resistance to that habit; replacing that negative habit with healthy habits.

Let�’s take, for example, the following situation: Let�’s say you were a smoker for ten years. And then one day, you just realised that it was bad for you.

So you quit. You didn�’t quit cold turkey, but you phased it out over a couple of months. Eventually, you completely stopped associating cigarettes with your coffee break at work, with your glass of wine in the evening. You learned to stop wanting a cigarette every time you saw someone else smoke one on the street. It took time and effort, but you replaced the smoking habit of thought with a non-smoking habit of thought, with positive thoughts.

And then, for argument�’s sake, let�’s just say that if, a decade after that, that you�’re at a party, and an old friend offers you a cigarette. You think, �‘why not?�’ and you smoke it.

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Now - does that mean that you�’re back to square one, hooked all over again?

Of course not. The positive habits you�’ve built up in the meantime are what count. Even if you get a cigarette craving the next day, that�’s ok �– because you know how to deal with it. You have the experience to deal with it. You have dealt with it long enough to know that you can get past it.

And it�’s the same with DP. After you get through it, you will have completely trained yourself back into a positive habit of thought. And if �– if �– something especially stressful happens to you in the future, and if �– if - you happen to experience the transitory DP that almost everyone does in such situations, you will recognise it, know why you are feeling it, and be able to let it go.

Just like the cigarette craving! It�’s just a habit of thought trying to get back into your mind. But your experience has taught you how to deal with it.

Also, don�’t ever forget that during the recovery process, even minor episodes of DP will seem worse because of the good times that have preceded it. You could have months of peace and then one day (or even a few days) of anxiety and very mild DP �– just remember, it is not the start of a slide back into the condition; it is the remains of a thought habit that is diminishing over time!

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The Paradox of DP

I have discussed this theme at various points in the book, but I think it�’s worth reiterating again: If you consciously fight against DP, it gets worse. It�’s like trying to swim against a very strong current �– it is futile, and will only weaken you, and make things worse. It may seem like a silly thing to do at first, but you must remember to simply go with the flow. Don�’t fight it. Make small adjustments over time, and eventually you�’ll find you are starting to recover.

That�’s the paradox of DP. It is a defence mechanism, and just like scab, if you keep picking at it, the wound will not heal. But if you wash and dress the wound carefully every day, it will fall away. In the same way, the DP will realise that the mental trauma or stress has been dealt with, and it will dissipate.

That�’s why immersing yourself in entertaining narratives is so helpful; it helps you to forget about the DP, and therefore stops it. You can stop comparing the DP state to the pre-DP state, and just be. And in doing so, you have brought yourself back to the pre-DP state of normal, calm thought. The cycle of self-observation is calmed, and you can just enjoy what is happening around you. When that train of thought becomes a habit, then the DP begins to stop.

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Letting Go Of The Past, Living For Now

One of the most important lessons that anyone can learn in life is to the ability to let go of the past. I think that that is the fundamental lesson that DP teaches. Even if you have had DP for a long time, don�’t worry about it. Even if it was a drug experience that brought on the condition, don�’t worry about it. Don�’t feel guilty about it. What has happened is not your fault �– it is nobody�’s fault �– and you could not have foreseen it.

So let it go. You are living for now, with a great future of recovery and strength to look forward to.

Talking to Others About DP

Since the symptoms of the condition are so difficult to describe, it can be very tough to try and explain DP to doctors. Indeed, it can be just as difficult to discuss DP with anyone, even your

family and friends. This isn�’t a condition that a lot of people are familiar with. Describing feelings of being cut off from reality, of feeling as if there is some sort of pane of glass between you and the world, might seem to another person as if you were suffering from a general depression, rather than an actual

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feeling of physical and mental separation from the world.

It can be very frustrating to know that the people around you don�’t know what you�’re going through. Most people have at least some idea of what a depression, general anxiety or a panic attack feels like; but relatively few know exactly the feelings of DP. If you need to discuss the condition with people who understand it first hand, you can use the various websites.

That said, however, you should still try to describe it as best you can to your loved ones and let them know what you are feeling. Explain to them that you have a specific, but very common condition. Show them this book if you want. Show them the websites that discuss the condition.

Discuss it at length, if you feel comfortable doing so. But don�’t mull it over too much: Just let the other person know that what you are experiencing is not just depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. Let them know that you are making changes in your life to get out of the condition. Tell them that any help and support they can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Also, you should be as open as possible about the various problems in your life, especially anything that may have contributed to the stresses that caused the DP in the first place. Whether you think it was a bad childhood memory, a drug experience or whatever �– it is best to talk to somebody about it.

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Even if your friends and loved ones do not completely understand what it is you are going through, a problem shared is still very much a problem halved.

You Must Be Patient!

Also remember: The DP won't stop overnight. There is no miracle cure for the condition, just as there is no miracle cure for any truly bad habit. Getting out of it is a progressive de-habitualisation, like learning to stop smoking, or learning to be more positive in general. You have to think of your recuperation in terms of months, not days. And even at that, it is still quite difficult at times. As with the removal of any habit, you will find that it will return, temporarily, at the most inopportune times. You see, recovery from DP is not a straight line from habit to non-habit. It is more like a jagged downhill mountain slope: at times, you will have to climb tough little peaks, other times, you will find yourself trotting happily down an easy path. It varies from hour to hour, day to day.

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Just remember that no matter how tough those little peaks get, they are still part of a definite movement towards recovery. You see, the thing about DP is that because of its habitual nature, it can be very difficult to judge when you are getting better. For example, you might have two good days in a row. On the third day, for whatever reason, you feel anxious and feel the depersonalisation strongly. Now, if you�’d had that day in the middle of a week-long bout of DP, it would just seem like another bad day. In fact, it mightn�’t even feel that bad �– just another day in which you have had to cope with DP. But when you are back in it after a few days of respite, it can seem much worse. Most of that is attributable not to the intensity of the DP itself, but to the disappointment felt when you think that your �“escape route�” has been closed off. It�’s the same principle as the famous �“bucket of water�” trick: Get three buckets. Fill one with hot water, one with cold water and one with lukewarm water. Place one hand into the cold and one into the hot. Let them sit for a minute. Now put both hands into the lukewarm water at the same time. The hand that was in the cold water will feel the lukewarm water as being hot, while the hand that was in the warm water will feel the lukewarm water as being cold �– two completely different interpretations of the same temperature. Why does this happen? Because

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your brain always compares what is happening now to what has already happened. The same goes for DP. Just as the hot water makes the lukewarm seem cold, good progress in your recovery will make any subsequent bad day seem worse. This happens over the long term; I can remember when I had been recovered from DP for months, with no feelings of it whatsoever. Then, when I finished college, the temporary change of lifestyle was a shock for me; I no longer had something to concentrate on during the day and my routine was totally disrupted. Naturally, I began to feel a bit anxious. Suddenly, I felt a little bit of DP coming on. I was horrified �– how could it be coming back after this long? But it wasn�’t coming back at all. What I was feeling was completely normal levels of anxiety, and a tiny trace memory of DP that I had associated with stress like that for so long. At the time, it felt horrible �– but only because of the months of contentedness I�’d been having. If I�’d had a day like during my weeks of constant DP, I would felt fantastic! Training yourself to retaining proper perspective is one of the best assets you can have during your recovery from DP. So when you have a bad day (and let�’s be honest about it, you will almost certainly have many days that are quite difficult), try not to think, �“Oh no, I�’m back to square one.�” Just tell yourself: �“I am not back to square one. My DP only seems worse because I am getting better in general. I have been making improvements �– and that tells me that one day soon I can

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completely recover from this condition. If I feel bad in the meantime I am happy to simply wait until I feel better.�”

After DP

It seems that most people, when they get out of DP, tend to want to forget about it as much as possible. They stop looking at the websites, books, forums etc. This is probably partly because of the negative effect that looking at a lot of this stuff has had on them while they had the condition. They just want that bad experience, that part of their life, to be over with.

This is reasonable enough in context; for most people, DP is a condition that they never really understand. They find little positive text on the condition, and only recover through a long, difficult process of trial and error.

One thing they were sure of, however, was that the condition got worse when they thought about it �– so once they got out of it, why would they ever want to think about it again?

I hope that, from reading this book, however, that more people will have a better understanding of the condition. I hope that sufferers will learn that the condition is nothing to be feared, that it is simply a defence mechanism that has been temporarily turned into a thought habit. This is important because when we understand something, we generally tend to stop thinking about it �– and the key to

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recovering from DP is training yourself to not think about it.

I hope that people who have recovered from the condition will recognise it as just a thought-habit, and will contribute their thoughts and tips for recovery onto websites. I also hope that more and more people will discuss DP openly; its symptoms, what causes it - and most importantly, how to get out of it. I think that the more information is accumulated and spread about the condition, the faster people who develop it will find out how to deal with it.

So after you recover, turn your experience into something fruitful. Tell people about the condition. Look out for people who might have it but not know what it is, and ask them what they are feeling.

Remember, DP is the third most common mental condition in the world. It is up to people like you - when recovered from it - to help others who have it.

So I am asking each and every person who reads this book to at least consider the possibility of still participating with DP communities after they�’ve recovered. We already know that reading positive things about the condition makes those with the condition feel better, and puts them on the road to recovery. So if we fill up the forums with honest, positive reports, then we�’ll be creating a movement of positivity that will help everyone who sees it.

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This will help to reverse the tide of negativity that surrounds and perpetuates DP.

P.S….

I found that when stopped having DP, that I felt constantly happy and relieved. And to a certain extent, that has never really left me. All the silly things that would have bothered me in the past �– worries about money, sex, college etc have all but disappeared. That�’s not to say that these things are totally unimportant �– it�’s just that after DP, you can see these things as tiny tiles in the grand mosaic that is life. As long as you�’re happy and mentally healthy, everything else falls into place.

And if you are ever tested in any future situation, all you have to do is cast your mind back to the courage and discipline you showed during your time with DP �– and you will know that you can get through anything.

Believe me �– as impossibly difficult as it can seem at times and no matter how long you have suffered from it�…

�…every single minute of this temporary condition will have been worth it when you

recover.

Shaun O Connor

Cork City, Ireland, November 2006

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Recommended Further Reading:

Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior

By Jeffrey Schwartz, MD.

White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts: Suppression, Obsession, and the Psychology of Mental Control

By Daniel M. Wegner

Both are available from all good online bookstores.

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