HOW TO HELP WORKSHOP:CHILDREN OF DIVORCE
Maddison Davis
School Counseling Services
Overview
Statistics Divorce in America Are the Children At Risk?
Affects on Children How Can You Tell A Child is Hurting? Parental Reactions How Should A School Counselor React?
Advice for Parents Activity: Letter to Parents
Statistics: Divorce in America 1 million +
children feel the effects of their parents’ divorce every year
Nowadays: 50% of marriages
end in divorce 60 % of second
marriages end in divorce
Statistics: Are the Children At Risk?
Studies show that divorce may negatively affect the children later on in life They are more likely to:
have trouble with commitment and intimacy as adults
have negative attitudes towards love and marriage develop a variety of psychosomatic symptoms exhibit a decrease in school performance experience depression show signs of behavior difficulties get a divorce themselves
How Divorce Affects Children 0-3 year olds
Can show irritability, increased crying, fearfulness, sleep problems, separation anxiety, regression, and aggression
4-5 year olds Can become clingy, act out, show fear of abandonment, have
nightmares more frequently 6-12 year olds
May show more aggression, act out, have more mood swings, feel rejected by the “secondary” parent, have decrease in school performance
Adolescents Can have decreased self-esteem, experience more relationship
problems, engage in substance abuse and inappropriate sexual behaviors, experience depression, delinquent behavior
At all ages The children may try to play one parent against the other They also
may feel guilty—like the divorce was their fault—and feel that they should try to restore the marriage
How Can You Tell If A Child Is Hurting?
Children may come in or be sent to your office because they… Become oppositional and
defiant Experience their own
relationship difficulties Show a decrease in academic
performance or behavioral conduct
Engage in substance abuse behaviors
Develop eating disorders Withdraw from family and
friends
In an attempt to bring his or her parents back together, a child may Act out Be “the perfect child”
Parental Reactions
overreact to daily stressors
consume more alcohol seek out mental health
services for depression or anxiety
become more distant feeling pushed away
abuse alcohol or other substances
develop depression or anxiety
Mother is more likely to Father is more likely to
How Should You React As A Counselor?
With students: Always have an open-door Offer ideas for healthy displacement If a student is upset, offer alternative ways
for looking at each situation It is incredibly important for a counselor to
not choose sides with either parent, but to instead choose the student’s side
Advice for Parents
Encourage children to maintain a positive relationship with both parents
Maintain a stable routine Don’t bash the “other” parent in front of or to
your children Don’t lean on your child for emotional
support Make sure your children are surrounded by a
supportive network of friends and family Above all else: LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU
WILL STILL BE THEIR PARENTS
Activity!
Letter to Parents
References
http://counselingcorner.net/parents/divorce.html
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/110/5/1019.full
http://www.cadivorce.com/california-divorce-guide/parenting-through-divorce/activities-to-help-children-with-divorce/ http://www.boyertownasd.org/Page/1208
Thank You!