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First, Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask
Session 2: Improve your moods, improve your behavior
Sarah C. Wayland, Ph.D.Special Needs Care Navigator
Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) Consultantwww.GuidingExceptionalParents.com
Ground rules
� Focus is on teaching skills to help you manage your mood.
� Support each other.� Provide equal time.� Respect confidentiality of group members.
Homework Review
� Which Self-Regulation domains are currently draining your resources?
� Which Parental Factors are at play for you? � What did you learn about how your mood, your child’s
mood, and your parenting interact?
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Triune* BrainSurvival Brain Emotional Brain Thinking Brain
Brain stem & cerebellum Limbic system Neocortex
Fight, flight, or freeze Emotions, memories, habits Language, imagination, abstract thinking, consciousness
Autopilot Instinctually-based decisions Reasoning, rationalthought
The Triune Brain in Evolution, Paul MacLean, 1960
The Rumble-Rage Cycle
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
Survival BrainEmotional
BrainEmotional
Brain
ThinkingBrain
ThinkingBrain
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
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The Rumble-Rage Cycle
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
Keep everyonesafeComforting
worksComforting
works
Thinkingworks
Thinkingworks
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
Pressure builds before you see it
Internal vs. External
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
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Kids AND Adults
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
Different Calm Down Times
Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments
When rumbling….
� Recognize that your body is having a response.� Have you previously had a similar response in another
situation?� Is your reaction reasonable given the current
situation? Or is it based on your previous experience?
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You create your feelings
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Not
Saf
e Safe
Lethargic
Activated
Social Context
Tha
yer
Mat
rix
Not
Saf
e Safe
Lethargic
Activated
Tha
yer
Mat
rix
sym
path
etic
parasympathetic
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Stre
ss –
Not
Safe Normal – Safe
SocialEngagement
MOBILIZATIONwork, sportdance, art
IMMOBILErelaxation
rest, meditationsleep
DANGERfight / flightTHREAT
LIFE THREATfreeze,
dissociation, faint, shock
CO
RTEX
SYM
PAT
HET
ICPA
RA
-SY
MPA
TH
ETIC
Lethargic
Activated
Not
Saf
e Safe
Lethargic
Activated
Tha
yer
Mat
rix FIGHT / FLIGHT
FROZEN ASLEEP
NERVOUS
ENGAGED & PRODUCTIVE
CONCERNED PROBLEM SOLVING
Your mood, your child’s mood & your parenting
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Bad moods lead to bad behaviors
What leads to a bad mood?(brainstorm)
Thoughts
Behaviors
Feelings
Body
Cognitive Behavior Therapy
adapted from Lewinsohn, Burns, Zucker
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Feel bad
Feel worse
Feel even worse
Engage in few interactions with
positive outcomes
Do even less
Become less active
Challenges are not threats…
They can be controlled and mastered.
The Science of Character
Tiffany Shlain & The Moxie Institute Films
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Feel great!
Feel better
Feel bad
Engage in many interactions with
positive outcomes
Do something important to you
Do more fun things
Feel even better
Emotions & associated thoughts
� Sadness or depression◦ loss, rejection, or failure
� Guilt or shame◦ hurt someone, failed to live up to expectations
� Anger, irritation, annoyance, resentment◦ unfair treatment, being taken advantage of
� Frustration◦ unmet expectations
Emotions & associated thoughts (cont.)
� Anxiety, worry, fear, nervousness, panic◦ danger, something bad will happen
� Inferiority or inadequacy◦ comparisons make you look bad
� Loneliness◦ you aren’t getting enough love & attention
� Hopelessness or discouragement◦ problems are never-ending and will never get better
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Feelings & your body� sweaty palms� heart palpitations� stomach ache� headache� chest pain� crying� brain fog� sensory overload� tingling/numbness
� diarrhea/constipation
� restlessness� tense muscles� sweating� lump in throat� shaking� jelly legs� dizziness
� difficulty breathing
� exhaustion� hot flashes/chills
Negative behaviors
üdemandingüstubbornüviolentü impatientüover-reactiveüyellingüwithdrawnüavoidant
üacting nervousücontrollingü….?
Thoughts
Behaviors
Feelings
Body
ü worriesü thinking errorsü negative self-talk
ü yellingü withdrawingü avoidingü acting nervousü ….?
ü sweaty palmsü fast heartbeatü stomach acheü headacheü chest painü cryingü brain fogü sensory overloadü ….?
ü sadness ü guilt or shameü anger, irritationü frustrationü anxietyü inferiorityü lonelinessü hopelessness
Ø Relaxation Ø Calm BreathingØ Mindfulness
Ø Face Your ChallengesØ Control Your Behaviors
Ø Conquer Your WorriesØ Identify & Replace Your Thinking ErrorsØ Positive Self-Talk
ü demandingü stubbornü violentü impatientü over-reactive
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Thoughts
Behaviors
Feelings
Body
Ø Relaxation Ø Calm BreathingØ Mindfulness
Ø Face Your ChallengesØ Control Your Behaviors
Ø Conquer Your WorriesØ Identify & Replace Your Thinking ErrorsØ Positive Self-Talk
Cognitive Distortions
� All-or-none thinking� Overgeneralization� Mental filters� Catastrophizing� Magnification� Should statements� Personalization & blame
Cognitive Distortions (cont.)
� Mind reading� Fortune-telling� Emotional reasoning� Mislabeling� Selective attention & selective memory
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Examples of distorted thoughts
� If I give up a little bit of control, disaster is inevitable. � My child’s differences mean s/he cannot have a good life.� A few steps backwards mean irreversible freefall.� S/he will never be an independent adult. � If I disagree with my spouse our children will be totally messed up and our
marriage will be a disaster. � If my friends do not understand, I will be alone. � I don’t deserve compassion. I should do better.� It’s all my fault. My genes. My parenting. � My child misbehaves just to get me angry.
Exercise (handout)
� Describe a situation where you felt stressed. (Event at the bottom of the page)
� Under each area, write your◦ negative thoughts◦ negative feelings◦ negative physical symptoms (body)◦ negative behaviors
Exercise (cont.)
� For each thought, evaluate whether it is a cognitive distortion.
� Now think of replacement thoughts.
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Homework for Session #2
� Track Moods & Parenting� Analyze: ◦ For problem situations that arise this week: � analyze your thoughts, � determine if your thinking is distorted, � come up with more rational replacement thoughts