8/7/2019 Freud Ian

1/2

Freud Sigmund (1856-1939)

Our beloved Sigmund Freud died yesterday at the

healthy age of 83 in his house located in London (Freud,

Access) . Doctors say it was a quiet event, and Freud

F r e u d , F at h e r o f P sy c h o a n a l y si s , D i e s at 8 3

In t his issue:

Freuds Death 1

How Do We

Remember Freud?

1,2

Top 10 2

Ask a Freudian 2

H O W D O W E REM EM B ER FREU D ?

Explaining why youre a sexual deviant since 1914

http://www.holocaustresearchproject.org/

T h e D a i l y F r e u d i a n

passed peacefully on one of his therapeutic couches.

Reports say he was psychoanalyzing his death up until his

last minute.

He seemed to believe that his Jaw Cancer was a result

of his abnormal development of his psyche during his oral

stage, and he kept tracing the root of the disease to a

physical manifestation of being prematurely weaned as a

child. It was quite fascinating, but it made me quite

parched reports an unnamed observer.

Sigmund Schlomo Freud died as the father of

psychoanalysis, but his theories had countless detractors.

He received two Nobel Prize nominations for his works

on the human brain, one for literature and another for

medicine, but he failed on both accounts after a letter

from Albert Einstein, a physicist, disapproving of his

nomination (Bloom).

Before he died, his last words seemed to mention

psychoanalyzing that damned Einstein in hell for his failed

anal development claimed another close friend.

Freud is survived by his wife Martha and his funeral will

be the next Thursday, prospecting visitors are advised to

search for the funeral without a gravestone or a podium.

His last wishes were to hold a funeral without phallic

objects. He didnt want to be remembered as just

another man with penis envy r emarked Martha.

Last Night, Freud ended his longand prolific life peacefully as he

died at the respectable age of 83.

But this weeks column isnt

about how Freud died, but rather,

how we should remember Freud.

Do we remember him as a great

innovator of psychology and the

inventor of the unconscious or

overly ambitious, pedantic

theoretician?

In my opinion, he is both yet

neither of the two sides. While

he was the father of both the

modern theory of the

unconscious as well as

psychoanalysis as a whole,

When in Doubt, its

probably Phallic

http://scatt ergather.razorfish.com/

Column written by Professor

David. L Brooks.

Commentary Continues on Page 2

8/7/2019 Freud Ian

2/2

Tip: When confronting your Oedipal issues, try to realize your dad went through the same thing.

Dear Mr. Frued,

Im a English teacher in high school and Im trying

to juggle both writing graduate school term

paper and handling their schoolwork as well. Im

feel like Im a messy person and I cant seem to

get everything in my life as organized as I want it

to be, and Im afraid its going to affect my

teaching. What should I do?

Danforth B.

__________________________

Dear Danforth:

The reason why you returned to school in order

to spend the rest of your working life is your

inability to let go of the past, as well as to let go

of certain material possessions. The reason for

this is probably because in your early childhood,

your mother failed to properly toilet train you,

and thus, the anal stage of your development

A sk a F r e u d i a n

http://www.theora.com/msdb.php/life/

msdbNavPage/10

Signature from http://

www.gardnerschemist.co.uk/

was improperly executed. The reason you

are anal is because in the past, you were

unable to properly let go of your feces and

curr ently you face the same dilemma. You are

probably very organized in real life and not

messy as you say you are. You need to let

go of the anal part of your childhood by

finishing what your mother started. Now I am

by no means suggesting that are incont inent,

but now, every time you visit the lavatory,

think to yourself the progress that you made

since the anal stage and realize that you arephysically and consciously a grown, developed

man. You need to tell your unconscious to

back off and verbally say I am a grown man, I

am past my anal development! .

Best wishes,

Jim Frued

HO W DO W E (Cont. from 1 )

Top Ten Reasons W hy Your e Act ually Sexually Confused

10. Your mother didnt love you enough

9. Your id and your ego are sexually attracted to each other

8. Your super-ego disapproves

7. Your mother loved you TOO MUCH

6. Societys phallic insertion of finger into ring has made your

super-ego deathly afraid of sex before marriage.

5. Mary had a Litt le Lamb has given you the impression that

you can control societys sheep with your Sheppards

staff

4. Baseballs repeated contact between ball and bat has made

you homophobic.

3. The reason you cant eat ice cream is because your mother

weaned you much too late.

2. Your lack of a penis has made you hate your parents for

taking it away from you

1. Societys idea of getting 100 percent in school has made you

believe a two round circles and a single long line is the

only way to succeed in life.

T o p 1 0 R e a so n s W h y Yo u r e

A c t u a l l y Se x u a l l y C o n f u s ed

Jim Frued has formally met Dr. Freud and has studied at Pathway Township HS for 3 years. He holds an informal B.A. in psychotolology as well as telecommunications.

and we should fully commend him for these fine

achievements, we have to put his accomplishments into

perspective. His theory of erogenous zone development

(oral, anal, phallic, genital) is at best speculation. It fails to

account for uncommon family structures, such as children

without a father, mother, or even both. While his id, ego,

superego of the mind is beautiful in its simplicity, we have

to remember his obsession with everything sexual and

how that limited the true scope of his work (Freud,

Encyclopedi)

50 years from now, he will still be regarded as one of the

most influential psychological scholars to ever exist, but

hopefully, we as a society will begin to take some of his

lesser theories with a grain of salt by then. Only by actu-

ally discriminating between his scientifically developed

theories versus his whims of his mind will we truly be able

to understand his deserved impact on the world.