harry potter and the medlical records
TRANSCRIPT
Uh, ahhem…for me, learning to Uh, ahhem…for me, learning to read was as hard as french kissing read was as hard as french kissing
a cobra, you know…? a cobra, you know…?
Excerpt from: Excerpt from: The Biography of Albus, the MagicianThe Biography of Albus, the Magician
Die, Die, Voldy!Voldy!
Alas, I am about to Alas, I am about to die! Wait, Dumby, die! Wait, Dumby,
how about a couple how about a couple pounds and we call it pounds and we call it
even…even…
Hello, and welcomes Hello, and welcomes to another to another
interesting year at interesting year at Hogwarts castle of Hogwarts castle of ministry and magic. ministry and magic. Oculus repairs!!……Oculus repairs!!……
……Welcome to another Welcome to another great year at Hogwarts! great year at Hogwarts! And as I was saying this And as I was saying this year we will celebrate year we will celebrate
Voldemort's return,Hip Hip, Voldemort's return,Hip Hip, Hurry! Hip, hip, Hurry!!!!! Hurry! Hip, hip, Hurry!!!!!
Another Round Another Round waiter!! waiter!! ÜÜber! ber!
Don’t tell me what Don’t tell me what to do you mogul! to do you mogul!
Petrificus Totolos!! Petrificus Totolos!!
Sir, you’re alcohol Sir, you’re alcohol level is getting really level is getting really
high tonight!high tonight!
……This year will be very This year will be very exciting at Hogwarts, exciting at Hogwarts, as we will be battling as we will be battling memento-dragoons! memento-dragoons!
They are a mix They are a mix between demeanors between demeanors
and dragons!and dragons!
ÜÜbeberr
Harry, Harry, what’s that, what’s that,
your 7th your 7th drink drink
tonight!?!?tonight!?!?
Waiter, Waiter, Harry Harry Potter Potter
commandcommands some s some Crispy Crispy
Ale!! Now! Ale!! Now! Crucial, Crucial,
Shut Hermione, Shut Hermione, or I’ll petrify or I’ll petrify
you!! Crucial!! you!! Crucial!!
Salazar’s beard!! Salazar’s beard!! Gimme that beer or Gimme that beer or
I’ll seduce you!I’ll seduce you!
……Now before we begin, I want Now before we begin, I want to make this very clear: Do not to make this very clear: Do not
fool around with these fool around with these memento-dragoons because memento-dragoons because
they are deadly creatures that they are deadly creatures that will chop off your meaty head. will chop off your meaty head. (breath) Whoever can defeat (breath) Whoever can defeat
the most will get to face the most will get to face Voldemort in the final Voldemort in the final
destination!! (breath) Please be destination!! (breath) Please be aware that if you choose to aware that if you choose to participate, you will need to participate, you will need to
obtain a physical. No Physical, obtain a physical. No Physical, NO participation. (breath) It is NO participation. (breath) It is
of paramount importance to me of paramount importance to me that whoever signs up wear a that whoever signs up wear a jumpsuit so as not to impede jumpsuit so as not to impede
another swimmer’s pace!!another swimmer’s pace!!
Let the Let the feast begin! feast begin! Where’d I Where’d I
put the put the sorting sorting
hat?! OOH!hat?! OOH!
Would you like Would you like more tea, prime more tea, prime
minister??minister??
No, but I No, but I would like would like more juice!more juice!
Aye!Aye!Aye!Aye!Aye!Aye!Aye!Aye!
Perv! The Perv! The ministry will ministry will turn your turn your
niece into a niece into a ferret! ferret!
Crucial, Crucial,
That is preposterous!! That is preposterous!! How in Gryffindor’s How in Gryffindor’s
girdle did Voldemort kill girdle did Voldemort kill the bartender?!?! the bartender?!?!
Ahhhh, choo! Ahhhh, choo!
Gesundheit! Professor Gesundheit! Professor Dumbledore I think Dumbledore I think
you’ve drank too many you’ve drank too many Margaritas. Margaritas.
No, I haven't. Professor No, I haven't. Professor McGonagall. Go to bed McGonagall. Go to bed or I’ll seduce you with or I’ll seduce you with my salt and pepper! my salt and pepper!
Achoo!Achoo!
Why no, Why no, headmaster. But headmaster. But who would think who would think of them at this of them at this time?! We are time?! We are being attacked being attacked
by the memento-by the memento-dragoons!dragoons!
Tell me Tell me professor, do professor, do
you know you know anything about anything about
Scottish Scottish caddies??caddies??
Harry Potter? That’s Harry Potter? That’s unfeasible! He unfeasible! He
barely knows what’s barely knows what’s in his sleeve! I can in his sleeve! I can
assure you-assure you-
Well, you did not Well, you did not know that our young know that our young
Mr. Potter was a Mr. Potter was a caddy, did you, caddy, did you,
McGonagall!?!?!?!McGonagall!?!?!?!
Shut it! And you also Shut it! And you also didn’t know that he didn’t know that he
was a stand-up was a stand-up comic for 3 bloody comic for 3 bloody
years.years.
Oh? I’m Oh? I’m flabbergasted!!flabbergasted!!
Well, that’s not Well, that’s not all. If you look all. If you look
into my into my pensive…pensive…
Come closer, Come closer, my child…my child…
CloserCloser……
OK. Now stare OK. Now stare into the shiny into the shiny
liquid of liquid of illumination…illumination…
Harry, where’d Harry, where’d you put my you put my
shaving cream?shaving cream?
Ohm, Ohm, Harry not Harry not in public.in public.
Shut up, Shut up, Ron!Ron!
The pensive does The pensive does not lie, McGonagall! not lie, McGonagall!
Do not rub the Do not rub the wrong way!wrong way!
What? That is What? That is horrendous! horrendous! Professor Professor
Dumbledore, you Dumbledore, you are sure?are sure?
Sorry, Sorry, headmasteheadmaste
r!r!
Keep looking, Keep looking, you old swineyou old swine
Harry, I was the doctor Harry, I was the doctor that brought you into this that brought you into this
world… I am Dr. world… I am Dr. Voldemort! Your mom Voldemort! Your mom
used up all the morphine, used up all the morphine, and 2/3 of the other and 2/3 of the other
patients died!!patients died!!
I was also your I was also your father’s father’s
therapist!! He therapist!! He was so evil that was so evil that
his glasses broke his glasses broke telling me his telling me his
stories!!stories!!
And Harry doesn’t mind if And Harry doesn’t mind if he doesn’t…make the he doesn’t…make the
scene. He’s got a scene. He’s got a daytime job, he’s doin’ daytime job, he’s doin’ alright. He can play the alright. He can play the
honky-tonk like anything. honky-tonk like anything. Saving it up for Friday Saving it up for Friday
night!night!
Yes, I shaved it. Yes, I shaved it. Because he Because he cannot see cannot see himself in a himself in a mirror, he is mirror, he is
Dracula’s Dracula’s nephew!nephew!
Hufflepuff’s Hufflepuff’s Horcruxes! It’s Horcruxes! It’s Voldemort! He Voldemort! He
shaved his shaved his head that fiend head that fiend
did!!did!! Ai caramba!!Ai caramba!!
Ah, we are under Ah, we are under attack. The memento-attack. The memento-
dragoons will take dragoons will take over Hogwarts. over Hogwarts.
Wedgies!Wedgies!
Gurgle, give it up, Gurgle, give it up, Dumbledore. I have strict Dumbledore. I have strict orders from Voldemort to orders from Voldemort to
capture you and bring you to capture you and bring you to him. I will not fail, Chewbacca! him. I will not fail, Chewbacca!
Hold on, let me get Hold on, let me get down there. Darn, I down there. Darn, I left my wand on the left my wand on the
toilet seat!toilet seat!
We have no time to We have no time to waste, my tea is getting waste, my tea is getting
cold.cold.
Oh, you’re Oh, you’re so slippery!! so slippery!!
Ahhhh, help! Ahhhh, help! Nagini is Nagini is
harassing my harassing my wife!wife!
Hey, you, Perv! Hey, you, Perv! Your husband Your husband will be forced will be forced to clean my to clean my
bathroom for a bathroom for a year, oh hopf!year, oh hopf!
Wh-what? No, no my Wh-what? No, no my child. I was just child. I was just resting my neck!resting my neck!
Caught you Caught you looking! Perv!looking! Perv!
Ah! You’re not Ah! You’re not Dumbledore, Dumbledore,
you’re an you’re an impostor! Do you impostor! Do you have a six-pack? have a six-pack?
No, you’re an No, you’re an impostor!impostor!
I am Count I am Count Dracula, from Dracula, from Transylvania. Transylvania. Hand it over. Hand it over.
What are you What are you looking for?looking for?
My scalpel, My scalpel, hand it over!!!!hand it over!!!!
Thank you! I Thank you! I believe the time believe the time has come to suck has come to suck out your soul!!out your soul!!
I sold my soul I sold my soul for rock and for rock and
roll!roll!
Tell me, where is Tell me, where is Mr. Harry Potter? Mr. Harry Potter? Or I will suck out Or I will suck out
your soul…your soul…
I’ll not tell you! You I’ll not tell you! You evil vampires will evil vampires will never kill Harry!never kill Harry!
Gasp*Gasp*Hold it right there, Hold it right there,
Dracula! Dracula!
Oh…my Oh…my herohero
STOPSTOP! In ! In the name of the name of love………love………
There’s There’s Potter!Potter!
Do u mind!Do u mind!
Don’t worry, little Don’t worry, little squirrel! I, squirrel! I,
Dumbledore, will Dumbledore, will seduce him with seduce him with
my salt and my salt and pepper. pepper.
Harry Potter, my Harry Potter, my senses tell me you senses tell me you are going to be my are going to be my
next meal, next meal, Chewbacca!Chewbacca!
Dracula, I will Dracula, I will cremate your cremate your
residue and scatter residue and scatter your vestiges into your vestiges into
Voldemort’s Voldemort’s coffee!!coffee!!
Imperious!!Imperious!!
Imperious!!Imperious!!
Bah, my Bah, my tresses are tresses are
on fire!! on fire!!
Oh, OOOOH!! Oh, OOOOH!! Chewbacca will avenge Chewbacca will avenge my cremation!!!! OLmy cremation!!!! OLÉ!É!
You spineless rat! He You spineless rat! He killed my uncle!! I do not killed my uncle!! I do not
fund industries for fund industries for failure….disintegration! failure….disintegration!
You will burn at the stake! You will burn at the stake! Crucial!Crucial!
Oh-h-h! Master…Oh-h-h! Master…please don’t please don’t
eradicate me! It was eradicate me! It was Dracula’s fault. Dracula’s fault.
M-hmmm! I scrutinized a little M-hmmm! I scrutinized a little after his death and discovered an after his death and discovered an unforeseen fact: Harry Potter is unforeseen fact: Harry Potter is older than he looks…He ages 1 older than he looks…He ages 1 and 4/7 times faster than his and 4/7 times faster than his
peers!! In actuality he is 21 years peers!! In actuality he is 21 years old! That makes him old enough old! That makes him old enough
to vote!! Needless to say, to to vote!! Needless to say, to drink! Bubble wrap!drink! Bubble wrap!
……Oh, yes. Dr. Oh, yes. Dr. Voldemort has the Voldemort has the
lowest rated lowest rated therapeutic therapeutic
massages. No, no massages. No, no he’s in a meeting with he’s in a meeting with
a colleague… a colleague…
Master, I will not fail Master, I will not fail again. But again. But Chewbacca Chewbacca
persisted, I-persisted, I-
Don’t bring your cousin into this, Don’t bring your cousin into this, Wormtail! He followed my orders! Wormtail! He followed my orders! AGHH!! You always disobey me! I AGHH!! You always disobey me! I
won’t be indulgent this time!! won’t be indulgent this time!!
Imperious!!Imperious!!
No, no!! No, no!! AAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghghghhhhhaaaghghghhhhh
hh!!!hh!!!
Yes, my Yes, my lord.lord.
Now, without additional Now, without additional argument…Chewbacca, my argument…Chewbacca, my plan to overthrow Hogwarts plan to overthrow Hogwarts will begin! Oh, and kill that will begin! Oh, and kill that
British humorist! British humorist!
God save God save the queen!the queen!
Chewbacca, meditate Chewbacca, meditate quietly and reflect upon quietly and reflect upon which level of carnage which level of carnage
you want to see. you want to see.
As hard as fisting a As hard as fisting a velociraptor! velociraptor!
Depravity! How the Depravity! How the heck are we heck are we
supposed to change supposed to change this flat? Grarghhh!!this flat? Grarghhh!!
As easy as As easy as stamping on stamping on
kittens!kittens!
Come here, Come here, I’ll fist that I’ll fist that
guilty guilty demeanor demeanor out of ye!!!out of ye!!!
Merlin’s Merlin’s Mustache!!Mustache!!
Holy Ganzoodles!Holy Ganzoodles!
No, please…I swear I’m No, please…I swear I’m not having an affair not having an affair with her majesty!! with her majesty!! Please no-Aaaghh!Please no-Aaaghh!
Tell me the Tell me the truth and truth and I’ll ease I’ll ease
your your passing!passing!
Ok, I lied…Ok, I lied…she’s three she’s three
months months pregnant…pregnant…ohhhhhhohhhhhh
Harry, Harry! Can you help Harry, Harry! Can you help me a second? me a second?
Crookshanks is acting Crookshanks is acting awfully keen!!awfully keen!!
Yes, he’s the Yes, he’s the Hogwarts Hogwarts
veterinarian! And veterinarian! And he specializes in he specializes in
cats!cats!
Professor Professor Snake?Snake?
Yes, well…rather Yes, well…rather odd indeed. Maybe odd indeed. Maybe
you should let Snake you should let Snake check him out…check him out…
Ohhhhh!! Ohhhhh!! (cough) What (cough) What
meow? meow?
It looks to me like It looks to me like he’s bisexual…he’s bisexual…
Well, it looks to me Well, it looks to me like he’s in a bit of a like he’s in a bit of a dilemma. He thinks dilemma. He thinks
he is a male when in he is a male when in fact he’s a female…fact he’s a female…
But, professor, I But, professor, I hope it’s not going hope it’s not going
to lead to to lead to complications!? He complications!? He
willwill return to return to normal?normal?
Ohh, doctor, I Ohh, doctor, I thought we agreed thought we agreed
to keep this to keep this between us…between us…
Ahhhh…the fate of Hogwarts Ahhhh…the fate of Hogwarts is in the hands of the evil is in the hands of the evil
Voldemort. No one can save Voldemort. No one can save us now!us now!
Hogwarts…prepare for your Hogwarts…prepare for your termination! Harry Potter, termination! Harry Potter, you will be executed by you will be executed by
means of impaling. means of impaling.
Why does it have to Why does it have to end this way? I love end this way? I love you, Dumbledore!!!you, Dumbledore!!!
Without Without Dumbledore, we will Dumbledore, we will
fall prey to fall prey to Voldemort and his Voldemort and his
excavating excavating bulldozers!!bulldozers!!
Don’t panic, Hobbits. We Don’t panic, Hobbits. We will try to defeat them…will try to defeat them…Where’s McGonagall? I Where’s McGonagall? I told Dumbledore we told Dumbledore we
needed Walkie-Talkies!needed Walkie-Talkies!
You know, Professor You know, Professor McGonagall, that you McGonagall, that you can always stretch the can always stretch the truth…I mean look at truth…I mean look at
our president…our president…
But we are held under But we are held under siege… we cannot do siege… we cannot do
anything. If only anything. If only master Dumbledore master Dumbledore were here… What a were here… What a stupid janitor, where stupid janitor, where
did Hatred go?did Hatred go?
I think we need a new I think we need a new leader, someone to get rid leader, someone to get rid of this maniac Voldemort. of this maniac Voldemort. Someone skilled enough Someone skilled enough to think like him, work to think like him, work
undercover, and strike at undercover, and strike at the right moment. Like me the right moment. Like me
for example…for example…
Don’t be daft!!Don’t be daft!!
Ahhhh! It’s Ahhhh! It’s Count Count
Voldemort. Voldemort. Achoo!Achoo!
Yes! I have used steroids to Yes! I have used steroids to increase the circumference of increase the circumference of
my head. Ahem. my head. Ahem.
And now, prepare to And now, prepare to pay for that pitiful pay for that pitiful
stocking you sent for stocking you sent for Christmas! Christmas!
Imperious! Imperious! Chewbacca, Chewbacca,
attack! attack!
Levitator! Curses! Levitator! Curses! This must the This must the
aftereffects of the aftereffects of the head enlargement head enlargement
curse!curse!
Ahh! You are coming Ahh! You are coming in too rough!in too rough!
Do not worry! I, Do not worry! I, Dumbledore, will seduce Dumbledore, will seduce
him with my comedic him with my comedic sedatives.sedatives.
There must be a There must be a way to rescue way to rescue Dumbledore.Dumbledore.
Stop talking, you Stop talking, you emaciated Death emaciated Death Eatre! No reason Eatre! No reason to get excited! I to get excited! I
have a plan. have a plan.
HEY, HATRED!!! I thought HEY, HATRED!!! I thought you were on your you were on your
honeymoon with The honeymoon with The Kneel?! I have used up all Kneel?! I have used up all
our morphine for our morphine for Hermione’s cat! Darn Hermione’s cat! Darn felines, I should have felines, I should have
clogged Voldemort’s toilet clogged Voldemort’s toilet with its corpse!! Yes!with its corpse!! Yes!
Mahwah! I’ll show Mahwah! I’ll show you fleshy…you fleshy…
Oh, please tell Oh, please tell me, Hatred. me, Hatred.
Yes, well…I doubt we Yes, well…I doubt we will fit in there with all of will fit in there with all of our students. Especially our students. Especially those two fleshy fools, those two fleshy fools, Gayle and Crabs! They Gayle and Crabs! They eat like elephants. And eat like elephants. And you know I’m not good you know I’m not good with irrational numbers. with irrational numbers.
We could set up traps We could set up traps in the castle and in the castle and
barricade ourselves in barricade ourselves in Dumbledore’s Dumbledore’s
quarters.quarters.
OLOLÉ!É!
OOH, Hatred, OOH, Hatred, your pockets are your pockets are
getting fat! getting fat! ARFH, ARFH!!! ARFH, ARFH!!!
BARF!BARF!
SERIOUS! SERIOUS! Québec in my Québec in my
pocket!!pocket!!
Stars spend about 90 Stars spend about 90 percent of their lives percent of their lives
in an equilibrium in an equilibrium between the outward between the outward
thermal pressure thermal pressure from fusion and from fusion and gravity’s inward gravity’s inward
pull!pull!
AHH!! Am I AHH!! Am I going to die??!going to die??!
Well, aren’t you a Well, aren’t you a little fat! You got little fat! You got planets orbiting planets orbiting your fat body!your fat body!
Ahhhhh!!! Ahhhhh!!! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AHHAA! AHHAA! MOTHER MOTHER GOOSE!GOOSE!
OOH, OOEH, OOH, OOEH, OOH!! OOH!!
MASMASÒÒ M MÉÉNOS!! NOS!! Tengo dolor de mi Tengo dolor de mi
cabcabééza! za!
Adios! Tu mama es Adios! Tu mama es muy garganta!muy garganta!
Hey, Hatred! Come on! Hey, Hatred! Come on! We are being attacked We are being attacked by Count Voldemort’s by Count Voldemort’s
entourage!! entourage!!
SSí!í!
Let’s go! Hurry up! Let’s go! Hurry up! Va, va! Tu mama es Va, va! Tu mama es
muy fuertmuy fuertéé! !
I didn’t mean itI didn’t mean it! !
Hiss!! My spleen is Hiss!! My spleen is overflowing!overflowing!
AH! AH!
Ooze! Ooh, Ooze! Ooh, oowe, ooh! oowe, ooh!
We have no time to We have no time to waste, as my tea is waste, as my tea is
getting cold!getting cold!
NOOOOOOOO!! NOOOOOOOO!! Minerva, my love! I Minerva, my love! I
will avenge thy will avenge thy butchery! Or my name butchery! Or my name isn’t Professor Snake!isn’t Professor Snake!
You won’t escape You won’t escape this time, Snake!! this time, Snake!!
Nagini, quick Nagini, quick attack! attack!
Go, Nagini!Go, Nagini!
Pikachu, I choose Pikachu, I choose you!! Use you!! Use
flamethrower!flamethrower!
Grarghhh! The doctor Grarghhh! The doctor recommended recommended steroids for my steroids for my
emaciated figure!emaciated figure!
Nagini, use Splash!Nagini, use Splash!
Yes, Yes, master!master!
My pokemon My pokemon is better than is better than
your your pokemon!pokemon!
Pikachu, stand up! Pikachu, stand up! Don’t be a loser!Don’t be a loser!
Am I going to die?Am I going to die?
What attack What attack should I use should I use
meow!meow!
Master, let me Master, let me finish it!finish it!
No no please!!No no please!!
Nagini, use Nagini, use vine whip!!vine whip!!
Yes, master. Yes, master.
My tailbone! AH!My tailbone! AH!
Hissss!Hissss!
Pikachu is Pikachu is eliminated!!eliminated!!
Washeba! No Washeba! No one can one can defeat, defeat,
Nagini!!Nagini!!
Yes, master. Yes, master. Yes, yes! Calm Yes, yes! Calm
your horses, your horses, Snake. I have a Snake. I have a
surprise!surprise!
Hatred! You lost…Ahh! Hatred! You lost…Ahh! Quick use another Quick use another
pokemon before we pokemon before we lose!! AGGAG!!!lose!! AGGAG!!!
Go! Go! SERIOUS!!SERIOUS!!
Impossible!! Impossible!! That is an That is an
extremely Rare extremely Rare pokemon!! pokemon!!
OOH! OOWEH! OOH! OOWEH!
SERIOUS, SERIOUS, use Barf!!use Barf!!
Nagini, Nagini,
ARFF! ARFF! ARRF! ARRF! BARF!!BARF!!
ARFF! ARFF! ARRF! ARRF! BARF!!BARF!!
EEEH! What’s it EEEH! What’s it doing?! AAH! doing?! AAH!
GGAAAHRRT!!GGAAAHRRT!!
OOH! Nagini is OOH! Nagini is dead. Use another dead. Use another
pokemon!pokemon!
Hashanah!! Hashanah!! Go, Go,
Cerberus!!Cerberus!!
Rhrrrrgh!Rhrrrrgh!Ghhgh!Ghhgh!
Hello!Hello!
Don’t worry Don’t worry SERIOUS, I have fed SERIOUS, I have fed
you steroids…you steroids…AAHAHA!AAHAHA!
Cerberus! Cerberus! Use Surf!!!Use Surf!!!Yes, Yes,
master. master.
Yes, my Yes, my mastermaster
Hello, Hello, master!master!
Ah, I hate Ah, I hate Cerberus. This Cerberus. This
pokemon should be pokemon should be instinct!instinct!
Yes, yes!! Ha-Yes, yes!! Ha-ha, meow use ha, meow use
myst!myst!
SERIOUS, are you SERIOUS, are you ok? Seriously, are ok? Seriously, are
you ok?you ok?
Ok, SERIOUS, use Ok, SERIOUS, use The Head The Head
enlargement curse!! enlargement curse!! Now!Now!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What? What? Curses!Curses!
What the? What the? Curses!Curses!
No, the No, the curses!curses!
SERIOUS, SERIOUS, use body use body
Slam!Slam!
The Cerberus has The Cerberus has been damaged! been damaged! Hatred wins this Hatred wins this
round!round!
SERIOUS, kill the SERIOUS, kill the Chewbacca!! Ooh, Chewbacca!! Ooh,
OOOE, OOH!! OOOE, OOH!! Ahh, OOH OHM!Ahh, OOH OHM!
No, no! No, no! Beware my Beware my
chain chain saw!!!!saw!!!!
No, SERIOUS! What the No, SERIOUS! What the devil…the aftereffects of devil…the aftereffects of
the Head enlargement the Head enlargement curse!curse!
Sesame Sesame Open!Open!
Je ne te connais Je ne te connais pas! pas! SERIOUS, SERIOUS,
NOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! QuQuébec in my pocket!ébec in my pocket!
No one can defeat No one can defeat me!!! Or my name me!!! Or my name isn’t Chewbacca! isn’t Chewbacca!
OOOH, OOWEH!! OOOH, OOWEH!! OOOH! OOOH!
Wait! Go, Fluffy! I Wait! Go, Fluffy! I brought this one brought this one
over from over from Romania! Romania!
Fluffy! Use OOH Fluffy! Use OOH OOWEH OOH!! OOWEH OOH!! What’s What’s
that?that?
CURSES….they’ve killed all CURSES….they’ve killed all my minions! But I still have my minions! But I still have Dumbledore as an insurance Dumbledore as an insurance policy. Now for plan B…policy. Now for plan B…
Chewbacca is Chewbacca is eliminated!eliminated!
I’m sorry, may I? I’m sorry, may I?
What? No way! Get What? No way! Get away, you bald away, you bald
loser!!!loser!!!
Honey…don’t you Honey…don’t you know who that is? know who that is? OHH…I’m scared!OHH…I’m scared!
Oh!? Big mistake, Oh!? Big mistake, you meager mogul! you meager mogul! Such disobedience Such disobedience
will not be tolerated will not be tolerated by the DARK by the DARK
LORD!!!LORD!!!
What’s that fool What’s that fool saying now?!saying now?!
Oh, no! He sounds Oh, no! He sounds angry….let's just angry….let's just
go!go!
What? Where am I?What? Where am I?
““What? Where am What? Where am I?” HAHA! YOU I?” HAHA! YOU
ARE AT THE ARE AT THE DARK LORD’S DARK LORD’S MERCY, YOU MERCY, YOU
FOOL!!FOOL!!
H-have H-have mercy….please don’t mercy….please don’t
kill me! I can’t see kill me! I can’t see anything!!!anything!!!
You should You should have considered have considered
that before that before insulting the insulting the dark lord!! dark lord!! Washeba!!Washeba!!
Please…I don’t Please…I don’t want to die!want to die!
You have been a You have been a greedy little greedy little
mogul!! You think mogul!! You think that girl you were that girl you were with, the dark lord with, the dark lord
forgot?? forgot?? BEHOLD!!BEHOLD!!
What? No….NO!!!! What? No….NO!!!! YOU EVIL WAR PIG!! YOU EVIL WAR PIG!! What did you do to her What did you do to her
heart?heart?
ENOUGH! You ENOUGH! You weak mogul! I’ve weak mogul! I’ve
had enough of had enough of your putrid your putrid
comments! Avra comments! Avra Kedabra! Kedabra!
AVRA KEDABRA!!AVRA KEDABRA!!
Noo-Noo-
That should teach you!! No That should teach you!! No one can escape the killing one can escape the killing spell! ehh, except one… spell! ehh, except one…
Harry Potter! Now, let me get Harry Potter! Now, let me get back to my plan! back to my plan!
AHH! AHHH, AHH! AHHH, NOO!!! AAHHH! NOO!!! AAHHH! IT BURNS!! AH-IT BURNS!! AH-
AH-AHH!!!AH-AHH!!!
WORMTAIL!!! Dispose of WORMTAIL!!! Dispose of these cremations NOW! I these cremations NOW! I
have work to do, and have work to do, and remember…this could have remember…this could have
been you!been you!
Yes master! Yes master!
