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Homeopathic Trituration Proving of Albino “Ghost” Redwood (Sequoia sempervirens)

Difficult Transitions: Crossing the Boundary Between Life and Death Led by Anneke Hogeland, MS, MFT, CHom and Judy Schriebman, CCH, RSHom(NA)

Written and compiled by Sonya McLeod, BA, DCH, RCSHom

Index About Albino “Ghost” Redwood ……………………………………………………………………………………………… 2-5 Albino Redwood Trituration Proving Introduction …………………………………………………………………… 5 Proving Date & Location, Source ……………….………………………………….………………………………………… 6 Remedy Modalities, Affinities, Miasm .…………..……………………………………………………………………….. 6-7 Major Remedy Themes, Remedy Nucleus………………………………………………………………………………… 7-11 Pre Trituration Journal Entries ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. 11-17 C1 Trituration Proving Notes, August 26, 2011 ………………………………………………………………………. 17-25 Saturday Morning Discussion, August 27, 2011 ……………………………………………………………………… 25-29 C2-C4 Trituration Proving Notes & Discussion, August 27, 2011 …………………………………………….. 28-50 Sunday Morning Discussion, August 28, 2011 ………………………………………………………………………… 50-53 C5 Trituration Proving Notes & Discussion, August 28, 2011 …………………………………………………. 53-61 After the Trituration ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 61-67

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About Albino Redwood

Albino Redwood Etymology

The word albino is from the Latin word albus, meaning white. Redwood literally means “wood that has a

red hue” referring specifically to California Redwood, Sequoia sempervirens.

Spirit Tree is another name for this tree. The word spirit is from the French “espirit” which means “the

animating principle in man and animals,” and from the Latin “spiritus” meaning “soul, courage, vigor,

breath,” related to spirare “to breathe,” and the Indo European word (s)peis “to blow.”

Some also refer to this tree as the Ghost Tree. Ghost originates from the old English word “gast”

meaning “soul, spirit, life, breath; good or bad spirit, angel, demon,” and from the Indo European word

“gheis” meaning “to be excited, amazed, frightened.”

What is an Albino Redwood? Albinism is always the result of a genetic defect. In plants, albinism is characterized by the absence of chlorophyll, the vital substance that makes plants green. Chlorophyll collects light energy to be used by green plants to manufacture food in the process of photosynthesis. Lacking chlorophyll, the albino redwood has to obtain nutrients by some other means than photosynthesis if it is to survive. By sharing a common root system with regular redwoods or by attachment to a parent tree, albino redwoods tap the food supply of normal redwoods to sustain life and growth. Albino redwoods are essentially parasitic. Because the coast redwood is among the most genetically complex of plants, it is not surprising that genetic mutations (albino redwoods) exist. Genetically, the coast redwood is what's called a hexaploid. That means that each of its cells contains six sets of chromosomes, for 66 chromosomes total. In contrast, humans are merely diploid, with 23 chromosomes. Thus, the tree has a large capacity for genetic experimentation. Physical Properties and Description

Normal coast redwoods are massive trees, growing up to 200-300 feet tall. In contrast, albino redwoods consist of small sprout groups or modest shrubs under five feet tall, found at the base of the parent (normal) redwood. They are most often found in the darkest parts of old-growth forest regions.

Their leaves are an ivory shade of white, and feel waxy to the touch. Unlike regular coast redwoods, the wood isn't strong and lacks critical chemicals. Their internal vessels are narrow. And their growth rings are very close together, suggesting slow growth.

When times get tough, the parent tree withdraws all support and the seedlings perish, turning brown. In times of abundant rain, they sprout again, flourishing. "They come and go, like ghosts," says Cowell Park CA docent Dave Kuty, "They starve to death and shrink back. Then they reappear."

Those who are lucky enough to have seen an albino redwood describe its appearance as very striking and beautiful.

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Distribution

A mere five dozen albino redwood sites have been recorded. All occur in the coastal redwood region of

California (the one and only redwood forest in the world).

Albino redwoods are notoriously hard to spot, and California’s coastal redwood forest is spread over 1.5

million acres and 450 miles, so there is a possibility that many albino redwoods remain undiscovered.

Those who have knowledge of their locations are often protective of this information, fearing vandalism.

Climate

Coast redwoods are intolerant of wind and sea spray, preferring more protected areas. They are

moisture-loving trees, depending on fog and/or rainfall for their survival (fog decreases water loss

through transpiration and evaporation).

Albino redwoods are much more sensitive to temperature extremes than their green relatives. Even

normal redwoods will suffer from moisture stress, which is the inability to supply water to the top

foliage as fast as it is lost through transpiration, the evaporation of water through leaf pores. The upper

side of albino leaves have many more pores than green leaves, indicating an increased capacity for

transpiration. Because albino redwoods rely on transpiration to draw food through the xylem (sapwood

layer), they cannot close their pores to conserve water without simultaneously depriving themselves of

nutrients.

The albino redwood will immediately begin to wilt and expire at the approach of a hot spell. If high

temperatures persist for a week or more, smaller albino shoots may die back completely. Drought has a

particularly devastating effect on albino redwoods.

Spells of below-freezing temperatures are also devastating to albinos. Albino foliage has been known to

die back following night time temperatures of 20 degrees F, whereas nearby clumps of regular coast

redwood foliage remains unharmed.

Traditional Use

It is said that the First Nations people traditionally used the albino redwood for the purpose of good

luck, spiritual cleansing, and burial rituals.

Albino Redwood Mythology

Monacca and the Albino Redwood Retold by Bernyce Barlow About 400 years ago, along the coast of Big Sur, California, lived a young Indian maiden whose name was Monacca. Monacca's family belonged to the Esselen tribe, who considered the coast of Big Sur their homeland. During the day, members of Monacca's tribe would hunt sea otter for food and fur along the rocky shoreline. At night, they returned to the mighty Redwood forests where they lived.

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The Redwood trees were majestic. Their massive cinnamon-brown trunks and verdant green needles dominated the forest. Only the luckiest of sun rays could reach the forest floor because the groves were so dense. Monacca's grandmother told her the Redwoods were very wise and had seen many things during their long lives. Near Monacca's home grew a very special redwood tree. Its branches and needles were pure white instead of green. The leaders of the tribe said the tree was special because it was different, and treated the Redwood with great respect. They also said that on a moonlit night, the glow of the albino redwood could be seen from the heavens. One late summer afternoon, Monacca was picking sweet berries for her mother. many of the berries had already been harvested throughout the summer. Because there were so few berries along the creek, Monacca decided to go deeper into the forest. Monacca's family had often warned her about wandering too far from home, that the forest could be too much of a challenge for a lost girl. But Monacca carefully looked at her surroundings, memorizing certain rocks and trees as landmarks, just in case she lost her way. She even made some trail markers pointing toward home. Confident she had taken every precaution, Monacca set out to fill her basket with spring berries. The redwood groves were like giant umbrellas keeping the heat of late summer out. It was difficult to know what time of day it was in the forest because the sun was always blocked out by the taller trees. By the time Monacca reached the spring berries it was later than she thought. She knew there was no time to waste because it would soon be too dark to see her markers. She quickly filled her basket to the rim and started down the trail, but she was too late. The forest was almost pitch black. Monacca shivered when she thought about the forest animals that ate the berries and hoped they did not care for little girls. Monacca could hear twigs snapping and night critters prowling about, owls hooting and leaves rustling, but she could not see a thing. she wished she had taken her family's warning about wandering off more seriously. As the hours passed, Monacca thought about her mother and father an how much she missed them. She remembered the stories the elders would tell around the night fires. She filled her mind with these stories so she would not think about the scary sound all around her. As Monacca thought about the legends, a full harvest moon was rising above the valley floor. It illuminated a nearby ridge that stood high over the forest. The moonglow reminded Monacca of the story of the albino redwood and how it could be seen from the tallest of mountains, even from the heavens on a moonlit night. This gave Monacca an idea. If the sacred tree could be seen from the heavens, surely it could be seen from the ridge, and the tree was right by her home. Monacca quickly hiked toward the ridge. The moon was so bright once she got above the treeline that she could see reasonably well. With hope in her heart, she climbed to the top. When Monacca reached the summit of the ridge and looked down on the valley floor she saw one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen. In the distance, a shimmering tower of silver seemed to be dancing with the moonbeams. It was the albino redwood, piercing the darkness of the forest like a dagger of light, illuminating the way home. Monacca smiled for the first time that night. Soon she would be with her family.

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By following the top of the ridge and using the white redwood as a landmark, Monacca finally found herself above the night fires of her community. All she had to do now was follow the sparks and flicker through the forest, and she would finally be safe at home. When Monacca's family saw her, they cried tears of joy. They knew the dangers of the forest and had feared the worst. Monacca told everyone how she became lost and how the albino redwood guided her back to safety. She also said how sorry she was for worrying her family. Monacca's adventure had made her very tired. There were only a few hours until the sun came up. so she lay down on her bed and fell asleep quickly. In her dreams she knew and sang melodies that belonged to the windsongs that whistled through the branches of the mighty white redwood. From that night on, Monacca understood the specialness of the albino redwood and treated the tree with the respect it deserved. References

Ahlquist, Cynthia. “Llewellyn’s 1996 Organic Gardening Almanac,” Llewellyn, Woodbury, MN, 1995. Davis, Douglas F and Holderman, Dale F. “The White Redwoods: Ghosts of the Forest,” Naturegraph Publishers, Happy Camp, CA, 1980. http://www.proudtobepagan.com/stories.htm http://www.etymonline.com/ http://www.mercurynews.com/top-stories/ci_16730597?nclick_check=1 http://www.parascientifica.com/index.php?f=11&t=6900#84325 http://science.kqed.org/quest/files/imp/WS105_AlbinoRedwoods.pdf Introduction by Judy Schriebman

We were shown this tree while camping one year about 6 years ago. We’ve been back to visit it every

year since. It looks like a thick clump of dead shoots, except for the few that are still alive, nearly 6 feet

tall coming off the mother tree at the base. The ghost tree shoots can only grow so far and then cannot

sustain themselves and die but new ones continue to come up. The Mother tree grows in a grove of

many other redwood trees, near a creek which regularly floods in the winter.

The shoots look ghostly, ghastly white; translucent. When I first saw it, I wondered what it might be

good for homeopathically. I had read Kate Birch’s proving of redwood many years ago and wondered if

this would just present as redwood or if the lack of chlorophyll would show us a different signature. The

idea of leukemia came to me. All white and no green; like too many white cells and not enough red. The

proving will bear this out or not.

Another homeopath has written of redwood trees being useful for dealing with radioactivity; we’ll see if

this subject comes up also during the trituration.

Proving Locations

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Vancouver, BC, Canada (main location)

England (Prover #11 and #12)

Provers

Anneke Hogeland, MS, MFT, CHom Judy Schriebman, CCH, RSHom(NA) Sonya McLeod, BA, DCH, RCSHom Prover #4, female Prover #5, female Prover #6, female Prover #7, female Prover #8, female Prover #9, female Prover #10,female Prover #11, female Prover #12, female Prover #13, female Sahara Majeed, artistic and creative inspiration Aysha Majeed, timekeeping Date August 2011

Trituration Proving Method The trituration proving protocol used is outlined in “The Trituration Handbook: Into the Heart of

Homeopathy” by Anneke Hogeland and Judy Schriebman.

Source

Mendocino, CA, USA

Pharmacy

The C5/40 potency of this remedy has been hand potentized by Little Mountain Homeopathy

www.littlemountainhomeopathy.com

Remedy Information

Physical Affinities Hands Feet Skin Eyes Back (lower & cervical) Throat & Neck

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Heart Chakra Affinities

BASE Brow Throat Heart Modalities

Desires Food and Water Care and Nurturing Sleep Aversion Responsibility Strong smells Walking (during foot pain) Worse Overheating Chill First movement Death of a loved one No male father figure Better Cooling down (after overheating) After continued movement Miasm

Cancer

Albino “Ghost” Redwood: Major Themes

Tree Themes

A feeling of loneliness and isolation are symptoms found in this proving that are also symptoms that are

common to all tree remedies. People needing tree remedies will often feel cut off and find it difficult to

connect with others. There was also a desire to be alone, for quiet and isolation.

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Weak Vital Force: Lack of Incarnation

A feeling of fragility and brittleness is another common theme of tree remedies, but in this remedy, the

feeling of fragility is very pronounced. The person who needs this remedy has a weakened vital force;

s/he may look deathly and pale like a ghost. One has the feeling that this person just barely exists. This

remedy is for a person who lacks courage, who would rather run and hide from situations instead of

facing them head-on. There was an increased need for sleep and rest; this remedy may be useful in

cases of chronic fatigue. Fatigue and weakness were also sometimes accompanied by dizziness.

Difficult Life & Death Transitions

“Transitions” is a major keyword and theme of this remedy. Think of this remedy in situations where

there is difficulty with life’s major transitions, such as birth and death. This remedy could be given to a

woman who has a tendency to miscarry in order to strengthen the fetus and give it enough strength to

incarnate fully. Babies born with a genetic defect or prematurely could also benefit. Also helps with a

dying soul’s transition to the spirit world, especially if they are halfway between life and death such as in

a coma, or they are close to death but insist on holding onto life, refusing to accept the dying process.

This may also be a remedy for people who have to make unnatural transitions, such as accepting the

death of a child. In situations where someone seems stuck and feels blocked in their life so that they

cannot move forward, this remedy could also be helpful as an intercurrent remedy.

Looking for a Father: Emasculated Men Who Cannot Pass on the Mantle

This is a constitutional remedy for weak males who may be impotent (sterile) who are not able to pass

on their line. These men have lost their courage and masculinity; most likely they had no male figure in

their lives to show them how to be a man. This condition may also result from a genetic ancestral

disease (e.g. a genetic disease passed down the ancestral line). They are completely dependent upon a

(usually female) caregiver who must “be the man” for them and take the responsibility. They cannot

earn a living and/or cannot be a real father to their children.

Boys who are drawn to gangs as a way to develop an identity within a clear male structure. Boys living

without a clear father figure, who cannot make the transition to full manhood. Lack of ceremony for this

transition in Western culture and poor or absent role models for what a fully developed man should be.

Many children are being raised in single parent, usually female, homes and the dominant culture

emphasizes violent male images.

Being in Limbo: Stuck in a Negative Space

A depressed person, stuck in their negative space, being able to see only black and white, and having

next to no energy

An autistic child, locked in their very own world, unable to have any communication with those outside

that world

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A person so stuck in the old familiar interpretations of life, that the transition into something different

seems alien - literally as if from a different planet. Saying something cannot be done allows one to

remain in the old story - gaining no chlorophyll means I only have to grow up so tall and then I can

disappear - I need not have any impact; definitely I will not carry any mantles. This person takes the

easiest way out, and can complain, feel victimized, may even have some mild addictions, probably

would not ever stop smoking, drinks a bit too much, but not all the time, dabbles a bit with pot smoking

- always choosing the weaker option precisely because of the lack of chlorophyll (courage, energy,

strength). This type of situation is often seen in CFIDS sufferers.

Themes of Death & Foreboding

This was a big theme during the proving: many symbols of death and the afterlife came up. Some

examples: owls, vultures, angels, gangsters, poison, toxic, crosses, bones, black flag, ghosts. Many

provers had a sense of foreboding, leading some to conclude that perhaps they should not even be

participating in the proving and one woman adamantly backing out. This remedy could be used as an

intercurrent remedy to help a person to face their fears about death or other “ghosts” in their lives, the

shadow side that they do not want to face or deal with so that they can move forward with their life.

Such a person might be stuck in an in between state, like a ghost who cannot really participate fully in the

world of the living nor cross over into the next world. A state of limbo. This sense of foreboding also

speaks to this remedy’s need for protection because the person needing it is so weak and fragile they

may rightly perceive their environment as threatening.

Crossing the Boundaries: Genetic Interference

Albino redwoods are a result of genetic mutation, debatably they are something that should not even

exist. Whether or not the albino redwood, or this remedy, should exist begs the question because it

does indeed exist. This could be a constitutionally useful remedy for babies with a genetic defect, or

people who have a disease that has been passed on genetically. It may also be a useful remedy of the

future for clones or people who have been subjected to genetic alteration.

Clear Boundaries: Polarities/Opposites/Contradictions/Split Of course this can be found in any remedy, but in this remedy, the theme was quite pronounced and very characteristic of this remedy. Everything in this remedy was seen as a split or polarity rather than as a whole. Because the split was so defined in this remedy, there were also issues with crossing boundaries, especially in dreams (e.g. of strange people coming into one’s house or room). Some examples of polarities in this remedy: Good/bad – slow/fast – jagged/smooth – black/white – confident/overconfident – relaxed/tense – serious/funny – light/heavy Fastidiousness & Getting it Right

There is an exactitude about this remedy, a fastidiousness and a desire to get it right. Provers wanted to

organize and control things.

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Difficult Communication/Expression

Provers found it difficult to express themselves correctly, verbally as well as written (e.g. I kept

transcribing letters while transcribing this proving). Because this remedy has the desire to be alone, and

run and hide, they may find it difficult to communicate with others. As an acute remedy, this remedy

could foster easier communication with a dying loved one. It may also allow someone in mourning to

express their grief instead of suppressing it. The first four rounds were done in almost complete silence,

despite encouragement to speak about what was coming up.

Dreams & Other Imagery Other imagery which showed up in dreams and during the trituration include snow, ice, strange people coming one’s house or room (boundaries), and the ocean/water. Sensitivity to Environment: Temperatures, Smells, Dryness, Thirst & Water Loss

All plant remedies have sensitivity to their environment but with this remedy, this sensitivity is very

pronounced. The albino redwood is much more environmentally delicate than the parent tree.

Temperatures were an aspect of sensitivity: overheating was quite unpleasant and resulted in copious

perspiration, ameliorated by cooling off (e.g. a cool shower). Getting chilled was also an issue: ideally

the tree thrives in a temperate environment. Water loss was also an issue. There was a sensation of

dryness in the throat leading to cough, ameliorated by drinking water. Mucus secretions (e.g. from

nostrils) also tended to be thick rather than watery. Also, there was increased thirst as well as increased

urination. Provers also had an increased sensitivity to smells.

Skin Symptoms

Skin symptoms have an affinity for the extremities: arms and feet. Eruptions are itching, and look like

blisters or bug bites, sometimes oozing and breaking open. If there is itching there can be an urge to

scratch until it bleeds. Provers also experienced peeling of the skin.

GI Symptoms

Many provers became very hungry, with a craving for a great volume of food. Some provers also

experienced nausea (especially when feeling fatigued) and there was abdominal cramping that seemed

unrelated to eating.

Pain Themes

Joint pains were arthritic with typical Rhus Tox modalities (worse first movement, better once getting going). Joint pains were mostly centred in the small joints of the hands and feet. Headaches centred around the eye and/or temple region. There were a lot of eye symptoms: sensitivity and pain, sometimes burning or aching. There was also lower back pain and/or pain in the cervical region. Abdominal cramping was also experienced by a number of provers, especially on the left side. Some provers also experienced some heart pain.

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Main Remedy Sensations

*Heaviness Paralyzed Cramping Fragile Swelling Stinging Sharp/Stitching Poking Remedy Nucleus

Difficult life & death transitions: miscarriage, abortion, dying process & mourning Weak emasculated men who lack courage and give all responsibility to the female Inherited genetic disease or genetic interference (e.g. clones) In limbo: people stuck in a negative space Helps people face their shadow side so they get on with their lives and start to live again Strong polarities & boundaries: black & white, good & bad, inside & outside, etc. Trituration Proving Notes and Journal

Before the Trituration

Judy’s Journal

Aug. 17, 2011

In the past week, I have been noticing severe stinging pains in isolated spots. I’ve scratched the skin off;

it’s slow to heal, oozy. Is this an outbreak of the poison oak I got in June? Or something with the

remedy? Left forearm; right little finger have been stricken. Really itches in one place; nothing to be

seen. Itching till taking the skin off stops the problem.

Aug. 26, 2011

Dream this morning: My daughter had come home again, very quiet and subdued. Something is on her

mind. I suspect she’s broken up w/her boyfriend but don’t immediately say that. I keep asking open

questions. She’s telling me about all her responsibility at work; she seems tired to the bone. No spark.

Listless almost. I’m bustling around as she follows me around the house. We’re at my parent’s old

house. I’m also preparing a syringe of a clear fluid to give her. I don’t know what’s in it or what it’s for;

something to perk her up? I keep dropping it. At one point I stop and R. just climbs into my lap, or tries

to; she’s almost too big to do this but she want to lie in my lap like a little child and just be held. But it’s

like she’s too tall and stretched out (taller than she is in real life) when she tried to get into my lap.

Husband is in another part of the house and calls to her to come see him “just for a minute” for some

reason. I get mad at him; saying “I need her for a minute first,” because I’m trying to give her this shot,

and find out what’s wrong.

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Sonya’s Journal

August 6

A couple nights ago Sahara had some very thick tough mucus that was stuck in her sinuses and would

not come out of her sinuses even after many tries with a neti pot. The next morning she bumped her

nose against the wall which finally loosened the mucus and she was finally able to blow it out of her

nose. Sahara has also been having some periodical sneezing.

Told Jenny a couple days ago that I was feeling lonely in my profession then afterwards realized it could

be a proving symptom. Last night I had a dream about an old friend and I woke up longing for the

friendship yet knowing that the friendship cannot presently work.

August 10

For the last couple days I’ve been getting a strange sensation in my throat, like scratching. Yesterday I had a sensation of dryness in my throat which made me cough (husband also got the coughing). For the cough, husband felt relieved after drinking water. Yesterday I then got a sharp pain in my right ear while we were walking through the forest. I was also getting some sneezing and mild congestion (right nostril). Then I woke up last night with thick congestion in my right nostril which was difficult to blow out (same symptom as Sahara). This morning I was able to blow out some thick yellow mucus from the right nostril. There is a stopped up sensation in my right ear. August 16

For the last few nights at least husband has been feeling sleepier than usual, what is most unusual is

that he is falling asleep before I do, usually he is a night owl.

Mom possible symptom: about 2 weeks ago she hurt her back bending over and has Rhus Tox

modalities, worse if sitting for a long time, bending over or beginning to move. Rhus Tox has helped a bit

but she can't seem to recover. Riding in a car for long hours aggravates (i.e. sitting a long time).

August 17

Last night I had a dream about kissing another man, and my husband saw and got jealous. I also had a

dream about seeing my husband’s friends, who told me they had tried to contact me but couldn’t look

up my name in the phonebook because they had forgotten my last name.

Feeling gassier than usual the last couple weeks ago, farting more. This morning I had the same dry

sensation in my throat which made me cough spasmodically for a few minutes.

August 21

Two mornings ago, I was awoken by one of my kids whispering “wake up mama” in my ear, at the exact

time that I was supposed to wake up. I opened my eyes but nobody was there; the kids were still asleep.

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Yesterday was the field trip to Redwood Forest. When we arrived at the forest, even though there were

people around, it felt empty. I felt like nobody knew about it. In fact, I knew nothing about this forest

until I started doing research, a few weeks ago (maybe not surprising? I don’t know all the parks around

the city). When we got to the grove of redwoods everything seemed very still and empty. There was

nobody else around. Nearby was the treehouse that the twins who planted the redwood grove had lived

in (a replica but it was built in the same location as the original treehouse). It stood right in the middle of

their property, surrounded by trees. I felt the reclusiveness and isolation of their home. These twins

fascinate me and I will be doing more research on them.

That same evening I went for dinner with my mom. I noticed that she had some bumps on her skin that

looked a bit like acne or boils. She said she had never had this kind of symptom before.

Last night I dreamt of taking off and landing in an airplane. The plane was trying to take off, going down

the runway.

Prover #4’s Journal

August 22

5pm: Cramping pain in lower abdomen Feeling old Empty space inside – not sad just a space This week – extreme states UNDERCONFIDENT/CONFIDENT RELAXED/TENSE – TOO MUCH TO DO August 25 DREAM: Walking along a path – narrow but clear – trees either side hanging down – in the dark – 2 owls – small, light colored (little owl?) and one horned owl at the back in the dark. The little one speaks – I understand that I need to be careful, I am warned – a pass through a dark “arch”/gate and awake feeling unsettled. I sense something bad (foreboding) I remembered the owl very clearly – see the eyes. Very sensitive – particularly not being seen – heard – felt. August 26 a.m. – awake 6:30am – get up but felt very tired – dragging myself around – back to rest – feel OLD Left side of throat and upper palate, peppery sensation, pricking and achy Left sided distal joints on fingers – sharp cracking pains, then achy – almost cramp Then moving to right hand, distal joints on fingers, moving up to wrist Left sided toes – cracking pain in 4 toes (not big) moving up from distal phalanx to middle to proximal to ankle – moving through the front of ankle. Makes foot feel stiff – immobile – I am feeling concerned – I have to walk quite a long way today Knees stiff! FEEL ROOTED, pulled down.

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Feeling that I have enormous amount to DO and wanting time. I weight upon me. Pulling down my BACK. – Thoracic and lumbar regions – relief on rubbing. Prover #5’s Journal August 16

2:30 appt with Dr. and he finishes root canal with a permanent filling and reseals and fills crooked tooth in front. I experienced a bit of anxiety last night worrying about the effects of the freezing as well as the financial repercussions of all this. After several sessions in the garden my hands are dry and itchy again. Right heel continues to be sore especially on first movement, better continued motion. Cough has returned, although not as often August 18 Right hand is itchy and dry as well as spot on lower right leg Working on a case and considering a mineral from the gold series or ferrum series, also working on another case which is more of a wait and see Period has started August 19 Very light cramping but flow seems heavier Last remedy I took from my homeopath was July 12, thinking about what I will tell her during follow-up Working in the garden, weeding etc. Looks quite bare with all the potatoes gone. August 20 Not remembering dreams. Very loud party down the road. Felt irritated and impatient. How could they be so selfish. It went on until 2:30am. Wake up feeling very tired and physically vulnerable. At 7:00 right leg itching, right hand itching. Using only calendula and only sparingly. Trying to keep my hands out of water but no luck as I’m out in the garden repeatedly and don’t like to wear gloves unless absolutely necessary August 21 Roasting an organic chicken, new potatoes and beets. Friend arrives around 2 and we sit and chat about a client’s case. According to referenceworks I need a remedy that seems weird and not consistent. I wonder if this is an error. We discuss her snake case and I feel again how much I seem to attract snake energy cases. I do a meditation on the 1st chakra and heart and I’m annoyed at the results, seems the first “download” about money was fear, confusion and anxiety. The EFT improves the feelings. August 22

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Friend arrives from the union conference and is in tears about her dogs. I am instantly hypervigilant about all the different energies in the house and how they will all fit/mix when one is so obviously in distress. We talk it through and she relaxes. We get into a discussion about polarities which never fails to rouse us all. I have the distinct feeling that I’m not sleeping enough which makes me anxious about going to the city and all I have to do there. Still bleeding and flow is definitely heavier than the last one. August 23 I am packing and trying to do everything before I leave tomorrow. Friend goes to the vineyards via cycle. My other friend and I make soup and kale salad. I feel a kind of headache from something. Lack of sleep? A kind of nausea in my head. Behind my eyes which feel strained from so much reading probably. August 24 Nightmare last night. Don’t remember what happened but remember waking myself up and feeling very fearful of going back to sleep and into the dream again. To the farmer’s market to get peaches, beans eggs and falafel to take on the road. I feel an exacerbation of the headache and nausea of yesterday. Almost feel car sick. It’s very hot. My eyes are sensitive. I can hardly keep up a conversation after the first 2 hours. The sun is right on me. After a bit of food I feel better for awhile until we get stuck in rush hour traffic and I am again very hot and nauseated. Friend is very distressed by all the traffic and I just want to lie down. August 25 At friend’s I have a cool shower and drink tea. Lie down but I’m buzzing throbbing behind my eyes like after they’ve been squeezed. Still feel slight nausea all evening. When friend comes home we talk about our week. She has logistical issues with booking four separate therapists and I have logistical issues with prescribing a remedy. I feel so tired but I can’t seem to settle. Get up several times to pee from all those fluids I drank yesterday. Now I am up for my appointment and then off to meet my friend. A great day of laughing, talking and remembering what we were like and what was happening 27 years ago. I have blisters on both feet from walking on concrete all day but am tired and hazy. Prover #7’s Journal Lower back pain (severe) Neck pain Skin eruptions/peeling Taking on others’ symptoms (hip, sad and unmotivated) Alternating poor/good sleep pattern Car problems (locks) – window Had disagreement with coworker (upset, problem thinking, boundaries) Red welts on face

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Dream of Earthquake: felt like forever though not that long Avoidance Dream: metal vehicle type box, male finger trying to get it started. Felt that I had been insensitive, now trying to help. Used my hand (on wall), together we get it going again (motor). Prover #8’s Journal Signed up – very excited, bubbling Yoga – saw third eye in mirror for a split second Shopping – cherries, knew other would take my bag of cherries and he did Bookshelf fell apart totally Last week, very busy with new clients Feeling happy, content, not wanting anything Prover #9’s Journal In the past few weeks since the end of July, I have had a case of tinia (probably from the gym / yoga studios) and have had severe peeling on feet. I have been using an anit-fingal cream which seemed to take effect around the 23rd. Tues, Wed & Friday I had very sore feet - felt like I had a big bruise on my left foot. I want to avoid walking as much as possible, which is unusual for me because I absolutely love to walk & hike etc. I had mosquito bites that were incredibly itchy, and lasted days and came up as raised welts. I had many nostalgic moments of feeling sad that I was so far away from my mum, sisters and grandparents. I felt like I really wanted to connect with my family, but the distance and time zones made it very difficult. I listened to music that brought back memories of old friendships, and a deep sense of longing to reconnect with people. I was worried about the health of my grandparents. Sleep - always deep, I always dream. Had been waking up very sleepy, and like I could have used a lot more rest. Prover #13’s Journal A BIG surge in appetite for protein (especially meat)- I probably ate 4 double sized turkey sandwiches in a time span that would have justified 1. A mild headache that was located on the sides of my head towards the front and over the ears. A sudden drop in sex drive. Internal mentally centered irritation with my partner. I started having concentrated pre-menstrual symptoms two weeks ahead of schedule- I really thought I was about to start bleeding.

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The final symptom was probably the 'cut and run' reaction I had to the workshop. Everything had faded by Sunday, and my cycle seems back to normal (did not get my period) Sonya’s Note: #13 backed out of the workshop/proving the day of the event. Later I tracked her down and she told me she was just too shy/embarrassed/not feeling confident enough to expose herself to everyone so she just “ran away” (backed out).

C1: Sahara’s Illustrations

C1: Judy Both girls have heads in mom/grandma’s lap.

Felt too tall in the chair—too far away w/Anneke in the chair at the far edge. Prover #4 is way down in

the couch; usually likes to be up in the chair.

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Quiet….after the beginning. Sadness/stillness.

Image of rain dripping off the needles. Long and short 7minutes; time already felt to be off.

Rushed feeling inside. Wanting to get going. Wanting to Rush to get things done.

Dark specks in the powder during the grinding, so it seemed. Like avalanche crevasses.

Yawning. The sun is going down. Sliding hand down on pants feels good; smooth feels good. Getting

lactose prickles between fingers.

I don’t want to be in the teacher capacity. I want to be part of the group. No responsibility but to be a

part. Uncomfortable being in this teacher position. I’m nervous because it’s my substance; what if it

doesn’t do anything?

Talk about grinding ink to make ink. “Hated it cuz I was so impatient.” Sizing to help the ink stick to the

fabric; paint stick to the canvas.

I need to get out of here. If nothing happens, it’s ok. No faith. Run and hide.

Cramping L side abdomen.

C1: Sonya

Sahara: “something is too strong for my eyes, they hurt” Strange feeling in my neck a few hours ago, like my neck hurt but not quite, maybe like a finger was poking at the beginning of my spine at the back of my head. Feeling a bit isolated and separate, physically separate. A bit in my own world. Now a bit of a heavy feeling, like a sinking feeling in the stomach or abdomen. Finding it a bit hard to breathe. As Prover #5 coughs I wonder if she is finding it hard to breathe, the air seems a bit stale, pollution from the cars outside? Feeling a hot burning flush inside my body Feeling exposed. Would be nice to hide Saw a square with a dot in the middle in the bowl. Would be nice to be a hermit. Nobody would bother me. I would live in the woods. Got up at 3am last night to go to the bathroom, unusual for me, I don’t usually get up at night to pee, had a full bladder even though I didn’t drink much water that night. Where did all that water come from?! It would be nice to live in the woods. The woods is cool, I could get out of this heat. I would be alone but not lonely. I could get some peace and quiet. All these people around me talking, I’m trying to empathize with them but wondering why this talking?! I would rather be alone and quiet. My God they are talking so loud, is this really necessary?! It’s nice to have a shared experience, people laughing together, sharing a moment, yet somehow I don’t feel part of it. I’m glad they’re having fun. Should I even be saying this? What will they think of me when I read this out loud? I just want to run and hide, hit delete. Feeling a bit shameful and guilty about I don’t know what. Maybe better not to say

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anything at all. I feel a tightening in my chest, a grief. There’s something there, if I could just get to the core of it. Feeling like I could cry but not sure why. It must be sad to feel so lonely and alone. Away from people. Isolated. So sweaty. Eyes feeling heavy. Feeling tired. Prover #4 mentions owl imagery – an owl flew down on a tree branch and tried coming close to me in Musqueam creek Prover #5 says she’s sensitive to odors – I’ve been noticing odors now as well C1: Prover #10

Remedy for joints, when inflamed For protection Toxic, kills spiders. Small dose to human is ok. Large dose might paralyze human (neurotoxin). Possibly drying effect of respiratory system Opening up the third eye and open up the access to earth energy Imagery: Double helix like string. One string is black and one string is red. The space between

two strings is orange in colour Possibly hallucinating effect to human, like drugs, ecstasy. While grinding I was thinking this is toxic I should get out. The lactose is diluting it so it’s not as

toxic. At one point I thought everybody stop doing this, this is toxic.

2 days ago I was holding an iron then it slipped as I grabbed the iron, used aromatherapy.

C1: Anneke Worried about Prover #13. What info did she get? What made her so animate, she knows something.

And then, there’s nothing in this. And then got “Just wait”. Nasty, threatening; foreboding. Image of

crosses; many crosses. Thing of people being late; airplanes being late; responsibility, what you can and

cannot do about it.

C1: Prover #4

Past few days, pain in lower abdomen, left hand side, sharp. Lots of pain in feet this morning and now. In the joints, very sharp. Crackling feeling in hands. Great depth of sadness about the tree, very steady sadness. Blue jays Owls – eagle owls

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Jagged images. Left foot – ache in upper part of foot Contradictions & opposites– slow/fast, serious/funny, hard/soft Don’t want to be part of the group or too be seen, invisible. One flew over the cuckoo’s nest – which one? Can’t remember. Lack of clarity. -song about a rainbow – Right toes – twinges in all toes – joints Heart twinging, left hand side Itching toes Headache starting at back of head. Fuzzy –

Fuzzy, tingling tongue. Back of tongue. Left sided headache. (Sonya’s note while transcribing this: keep misspelling words frequently as I type this, unusual) Losing words – can’t remember what shape words are – there is a blank in the space where the word should be. EMPTY. TEMPLE – a place of worship. A sense of shiftiness in lower jaw. Slowing down is difficult – the pace is fast but there is a slowness that interrupts – Stop, Start, Stop, Start

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C1: Prover #5

A lot of symptoms before I came here; had a nightmare; unusual for me. Woke self up cuz so terrified,

didn’t want to go back to sleep so fearful. Can’t remember it. At farmer’s market, got sick; very

nauseated, so ill I couldn’t speak. Very sensitive to odours; smelled Diesel and felt I was going to vomit.

HEAT really sensitive to it; sweating a lot and usually don’t. Felt better to have a cool shower. Had to lie

down, difficult time sleeping. Felt nervous; anticipation. Buzzing. Hobbling since I got here. Have

bandaids all over my feet—got huge blisters! Feet are so sore; were hanging over the bed; kept me from

sleeping. Nervous about walking to the bus cuz it was so sore. Now my feet are throbbing; heel and ball

of R foot.

Little concepts: the voice, singing; silence and quiet and then being silenced; suppressed voice. Choking,

before coughing. Rough and smooth. Strong sense of leaning to the left. Feeling of scraping of the skin;

throat scraping lead to cough. Image of eyes; shape like a classic eye; the idea of being split. Babies.

Bleeding and bright red, light and dark. Prickling. Absorbing. Absorbing energy; like a dryness then

absorbing something. Fragile, exhausted, breaking off, splitting apart. Noticed today that my feet were

so sore, I was just lying on the bed trying not to move all afternoon. Sensitive to sounds; any little noise I

could really hear; sensitive to temp. Sweating profusely. Wiping under glasses. Forehead covered

w/beads of sweat.

Group Discussion: Other provers resonated with sensitivity to the heat and sweating. Anneke’s shirt was

totally wet. Judy felt like there was something under her skin, like a blister, wanting to come out, itching

until it does break open. #4 had been bitten by an ant and had an excruciating blister on her foot. #8’s

feet have been swollen and hot.

Sonya: we were driving, on vacation, all of a sudden husband had this dry cough, told him to get some

water. An hour later had the same dry cough, dry feeling on the inside of my throat. Husband says it

feels so dry and rough inside throat.

C1: Prover #6

Like snow

Soft

Concentric circles (formed in the trituration bowl by the substance)

Very soft

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Concentric circles change into patterns resembling electron pathways/orbits in an atom (as depicted in

science diagrams); then the concentric pattern is re-established.

Do I hear a baby cry...?

I notice the pattern formed by the substance in the bowl... spiral formation... It 'falls' into this shape

naturally; the spiral formation reminds me of spirograph patterns ... like snowflakes... like Mandelbrot

sets... Like the shape of a galaxy... a whirl. (This is not intentional, and I haven't noticed this ever before

in previous triturations that I have been involved with.)

Shapes of supernovas and galaxies form in the bowl and I actually see them in my mind's eye – similar to

the pattern(s) noticed in the last round.

Similar tendency as during the last scraping; however, it is as if the pattern becomes blurred.

Again the concentric circles. Less aware of the softness, of the etherealness of the substance. Some

banging of the pestle on the sides of the bowl, which disturbs the flow, and disturbs me – an

interference.

Harmonious concentric circles once again. Naturally – there is more sac lac in the bowl now (I think to

myself)... Larger circles form.. The pattern in the bowl looks very beautiful and harmonious, less

ethereal, more 'substantial'.

I ask the substance: “What happened?”

My thoughts go to the symbolism of white in African indigenous traditions ...: white in regalia is symbolic

of the presence of the ancestral shades ('Spirit'; the 'living “dead”')

“I'm a shade” *response from the substance]

I remember seeing the first white whippet I've ever seen... It happened a few weeks ago. It was walking

into the forested area in our neighbourhood with someone (probably its owner); I was curious, because

white whippets are rare, and I'd never seen one before. So, as I passed, I looked back over my shoulder

to take another glance at it, and notice that the whippet looked back too – as if it had become aware of

something behind it and wanted to take a glance at it ... We both glanced in one another's direction. It

felt like a special moment. It was rather unusual.

And today...: I saw a white cat on the side walk close to the street where I live – the first white cat I'd

seen in years... (since the one I owned about fourteen years ago). Another oddity today: my daughter

found a white eyebrow hair on her right eyebrow this afternoon ... “Mommy, look! An albino eyebrow

hair!” Someone at the trituration mentioned that she had found a white hair on her arm today – 'an

albino hair'... !

I remember: a vision that occurred one morning in August 2009 : of a healer in white regalia – I only saw

the lower part of whoever it was – the lower end of the thick white coat made of skin and white fur, the

lower legs and the feet, wearing white moccassins... walking in snow ...He or she was wearing

indigenous Canadian regalia, and by the regalia, I knew s/he was a healer. The rest remained an enigma.

It was a dynamic energy, a focussed spirit. It is now August again... exactly two years and six days later

since the time of that vision.

“What happened?” (I ask the substance again)

A very smooth, round shape – the shape of a sphere – appears in the bowl.

Very smooth movement / motion / energy in the bowl.

Like walking in soft, clean, dry snow.

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Very white... I'm very much under the impression of the 'very whiteness' of this... and it has nothing to

do with the whiteness of the sac lac...

C1: Prover #7

Cosmic joke: the trunk of my car won’t open. Lot of trouble w/locks; car broken into and lock broken.

Lower back hurting; almost immobilized. Back pain now gone. Lonely, sad, brave little white ghost tree.

Felt pain in throat; intense. Words “right expression” came to mind. Trouble with trying to express

something but it got messed up. I didn’t express enough and I overexpressed myself. Feelings of being

different. Feeling intense sadness; physically different; someone in my class who was an albino; another

child who was a dwarf; physically handicapped child. Remedy to feed a spirit. Has been used before by

native people (haven’t read this; it just came). Feelings of sadness and different and not being able to

express yourself correctly. Hot flushes. Enjoyed the scraping. Expansive feeling to it. Problem w/neck

lately. Whole back started hurting again; posture. Sacred usage; spirit plant. Whirlwind dance. Thought

of a bear.

C1: Prover #8

Soft; felt I was grinding too hard so went softer. Fast/slow. Smell off of it; odor; pungent; from the

kitchen, like something was cooking, weird. This is an eraser; this can take things away. Jagged. Feel

open to learning and being here. A bit of a boring process.

C1: Prover #9

Awareness of R forehead at hairline. Felt slight nervous energy; anticipation. Train of thought; a journey,

trains and a sound; distant journey; a cycle; coming back and repeating thing. Endless journey. It’s ok; I

can go back and redo things, constantly forever. Hard/soft; slow/fast. Sleepy towards the end. Real

sense of determination, like when you’re hiking and you have a long way to go. Rainbow thing. Saw

rainbows on TV screen. 4 rainbows w/shaft of energy coming down. Soft, slow, gentle.

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C1: Prover #11 This was done late in the evening and that is why it was not well done, because I was tired after a long and full day. However this is what came up: Again exactitude, noting the exact time of starting, very unusual as I am often cavalier about that There was again something about lightness and heaviness. My thoughts/ emotions felt so heavy; I had to my embarassment spent the day eating and eating, as there were guests but even after that I found

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that I continued to eat. I really do not know why. It was not any particular food as I ate many, but just a huge quantity. So there was an element of heaviness there too. And yet again the powder was deliciously light, and when I was walking outside i delighted too in a certain lightness of movement. Containment and free feeling: I felt uncontained in the space i was sitting in, as if I was spreading in all directions in a formless way. I started to feel hemmed in by everything in this room e g all the books and all that is in them. It would be better to just wander alone in the woods, in the space. Then again what about other people? Living in the woods as two people are about to do here is very attractive and I had been to see the space he has cleared in the afternoon, for their yurt, but they will be a couple together and no hermits. So the answer is not running away from people either. I was again thinking of the deaths of two people recently, neither personal friends. The difference between the brightness of our life and then how that is extinguished in to nothing, the flesh and blood and fieriness of those two people gone, to no colour. Like as if life rises and falls. I then had a strange impulse to scratch or rub my cheek very violently till I drew blood. Or else pull my ear. This was to connect to a strong sensation. I looked over at my bo,, the staff we use in shintaido, and felt I could never take it up again because it represents straightness, connection between heaven and earth, energy, vitality- however it was late at night and I was tired so that may be just a personal effect of that. Again the feeling that there are secrets and another life beneath the surface. I looked into the mortar and wondered what secrets were in there. This was like the wanting to draw blood impulse. Even the grinding seemed to have two layers of sounds. I found the trek things of red and purple in the corner repulsive in colour. Dream involved having a house like one I lived in London once, and I saw someone parking and so realised its perimeters on one side, as I was looking down from upstairs: then on the other side I saw it was a public space with a few trees, maybe a cafe as people were sitting there. I was surprised I had chosen to live so near what would be a noisy public area. Some people were carrying a large Buddha statue there which was however not for me but for that garden, I could not see where they placed it. There were builders in the house doing works. Also there was some kind of queue and in it was the proponent of natural birth I went to for all my children and still see for gynaecological things but he was very small in the dream. Later today Prover #12 and I will go to the next round. I will be fascinated to discover if all this is just me communing with myself or if any of it is shared with others. It is strange to triturate entirely by oneself. Saturday Morning Discussion: August 27, 2011 Anneke Saturday Morning Discussion Some discussion after trit re Prover #10, she was truly afraid of the substance and/or the process. Really

she was afraid to come back. My sense is that she has a main line into the core of this substance and I

hope she does come back. We encouraged her in different ways. Sonya feeling very responsible and

wondering if she should ever invite people who are not homeopaths. Interesting that I did not see the

thing about Judy’s dream, re the mother not being able to nurture the daughter even though she could

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see what the daughter needed, and even though she might have what the daughter needed, and also

that she did not have any bad feeling about this.

A very good and deep sleep, waking once to pee. No dreams consciously.

It’s also that we are in a house with two daughters, and there is a mother of a mother here. Some theme

perhaps??? The two little daughters are quite involved in the process. Is nurturing a theme???

Lots of talk about hair—the two little girls are having their “messy” hair brushed; one likes it messy.

Egyptian mummy on internet—ancient Egyptians use hair gel. Talk of “Tangled” the movie re: Rapunzel.

Prover #4 Discussion/Journal Saturday morning

HEAVY DULL SLEEP, dead sleep GETTING IT RIGHT SORE DRY THROAT HEAVY HEAD – FUZZY, OVERLOADED, PUSHING DOWN – “Sore eyes” Thirsty. Drink lots (and yesterday) Dream: in a recording studio and doing the weather. And the weather is fantastic; beautiful, but I feel really miserable. Sunny and bright but this is terrible. “Hot and dry and not good” and I turn and it’s snowing and I’m absolutely delighted by large snow flakes. Great joy with the snow.

Feelings of the ocean – gentle meditations of blue azure blue, bright clear blue seas stretching into a far distant place SHOWER – absolute delight at the water playing on my spine – long long time – the splatter felt sensations and delusions – sending in in a kind of trance. Sonya Journal/Discussion Saturday Morning Dream about being on the roof of a building, a little bit like Harry Potter, it was still the trituration weekend and a bunch of us are staying in the same house together, with husbands/boyfriends as well. On the roof I am with Anneke and Judy and suddenly the remedy washes over me like a drug and it is so strong that I can barely move or stand. Anneke and Judy tell me you must learn to harness the energy properly but I can’t seem to do it, it just overtakes me and I can barely move. One of the boyfriends is very rude and I don’t like him, he is with his GF in our bed, husband is watching wondering what to do. I go over and tell him to leave and he does. Husband: Dream of being in a hotel, there were some kids who had a dog and it peed in our bed. Anneke says it’s an issue of boundaries Prover #6 Discussion/Journal Saturday Morning

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[After the C1 session I notice that my handbag feels remarkably heavy, as though weight had been

added to it as from 'heavy energy' – energy perceivable physically and concretely as being literally

heavy. On my way home I experience miscarriage pains.]

I did not sleep much. Lots of smells in the house. Past week had heightened sense of smell; people

downstairs smelling. I couldn’t stand it. Coming into my space and I don’t want it. Struggled to fall

asleep. Linking things that have been going on the past weeks. Water and the sweating the drops and

the interference: went to Dr. Emoto’s book on healing message in water. Water that’s been polluted is

like a glob; shapeless and dark. The perfect shape has been interfered with. Eyes. Been sleeping in a

basement. Radon emissions in basements. Wondering whether –the tree has had a mutation—

something that interfered with genetics. Earthquakes recently; things that come up from the earth that

are toxic. Certain basements that are eerie; some energy there so you don’t want to be there.

I don’t feel groggy. Unusual. Waiting for sun to come up; things were bright.

#4: The tree is non-viable, it defies the laws of nature, it shouldn’t exist in the first place. Anneke: so

when you say it shouldn’t exist in the first place, what do you mean? #4: Laws of nature, can’t survive,

can’t support itself, taking energy from and being supported by parent plant, it can’t make its own food.

Anneke: but it absolutely has to be there, it’s there for a reason, everything that exists has a purpose #4:

Which makes it very very special Anneke: We don’t know what it is but it’s those aberrations that give

us more answers than the regular things Judy: Do parasites have a right to exist because in a way it’s a

parasite. Perhaps they are different expressions of the laws of nature. We have two strong opinions

arising. We don’t say that in every trituration. #4: For me, things are coming up in very strong polarities,

all over the place

Prover #5 Discussion Saturday Morning

Eczema on her fingers are much better; says it feels different. Feet are still open sores where the blisters

were

Extremely restless; pain in feet became stinging; sharp; could not get comfortable; laid sideways w/legs

full out w/need to stretch and flex them, went on and on. Then was just out; dead asleep. Woke up and

it was like reading a line;” Enemy at the Gate.” Protection came into my mind. Saw an animal; don’t

know what; then dog started to howl. Stayed at this house for 6 years; never heard a dog howl like this

at 1:50 in the morning. Howled like a wolf. Bizarre. Then fell asleep and was bang out again. Usually

wakes easily w/alarm, but not this morning. Felt like I was coming up from a deep place. Groggy.

Prover #7 Discussion Saturday Morning

No dreams. Woke w/headache. Compelled to wear silver when getting dressed. Yesterday when doing

grinding, had an image of how this was used by the natives; linked to spirit, googled it, and found out

that the Pomo Indians did use it. They called it the Spirit Tree. Couldn’t go further than that; the

connection to natives, feeding the spirit. Get stuck w/one idea and can’t go further. Not trusting

something, need to see it written down.

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Prover #8 Discussion Saturday Morning Good sleep; dream but can’t remember it. Yesterday drew a star w/jagged edge; in glial cells there is an

astrocyte shaped like a star w/many points; wrote multi-layered next to it. Neurotoxicity. Astrocytes are

the cells in the brain that get tumors and have scar tissue.

Prover #10 Discussion Saturday morning Tiring dream. Me and whole bunch of people in a building. 2 other ghosts. I’m hunting them down, and want to dodge them because they’re interfering with what I do. The ghosts are bothering people. Trying to hide the people from these two ghosts. Chasing and was floating also; could control height and speed. When the ghosts see people, they just want to go in; then they go into the room, then after they come out the rooms are a mess. So when they enter a room I try to get the people out, and interfere with the ghosts so they won’t do as much. Colorful dream. Felt tired when woke up. Ghosts recognized me somehow because I keep appearing . Don’t usually dream about ghosts. Can’t see their form. Anneke: The ghosts are interfering Prover #9 Discussion Saturday morning Slept really well. Had a dream; could only remember this: idea that vertebrae, C4, if we had wings, that’s where they would come from. Visualized a woman or angel was telling us that if we evolve to this point, we’d have wings. That part of the back was really strong and the wings would support us in flight. Like shower—with top of back feeling good w/shower. Sensation of ache in R hip. Groggy; woke sleepy. Judy talks about the dream she had of her daughter before the trituration. Anneke: The mother couldn’t nurture the daughter even though she knew what the daughter needed and she had what the daughter needed. We have two daughters and a daughter and a mother here at this proving/workshop. Anneke & Judy: Key Words Interference. Split. Isolated. Excluded? Different from. Diametrical opposite. Spine? Boundaries. Peeing.

Snow. Owls. Dog. Smells. Ancestors (exclusion/inclusion). Sweating and hot. Enemy at the Gate

(foreboding). Issue of Fear. Neck. Circles/orbits/rings. Motion. C4 vertebrae. Feet. Swelling. Angels.

Eyes. Tangled/Hair. Quiet; still.

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#4: Owls in mythology have to do with death and foreboding, they are death bringers. Bad omen if you

dream of them. Also eyes, it was the eyes of the owl that was the significant part. Wisdom. Sonya: A few

days ago I went to Musqueam Creek and saw an owl, swooped down and got close to me on a branch

and looking at me. Judy: Lived in my house 20 years and this is the first year we’ve had owls in the trees.

C2: Sahara’s Illustrations

C2: Judy

Sense of a hole going down to the center of the earth; one could fall in and be gone. Forever.

Remembered my hair felt heavy; Prover #6’s bag was heavy. Eyes drawn together sensation, as if

they’re going to a point. Hera’s eyes; owl’s eyes; painted on the prow of a boat to guide it. Withdrawn.

Hushed. Story of Snow; the child withdrawing into his own world, seeing Snow everywhere although it’s

really sunny. Sadness of the parents seeing their child slip away into his own world. Slow to heal. Grief.

Still; cold; isolated; firm; that’s just how it is. Inside oneself. Nothing to touch you or disturb you, silence.

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All participants are quietly intently focuses on the grinding; writing. Introspective process. Conversation

not happening; just the girls say things but not for long and feels like an interruption. Yawning again.

Stuffed nose while sensitive to smells.

Conversation starts halfway through: “Sometimes you have to do some things you don’t like. Thanks

mom. Don’t want the little mortar to feel left out. People knew how to use the things in nature w/such

precision; ditto the mythology.”

Stretching; had to open the door for air. Feel like working in partnership w/the past right now. Going

back into the past.

The Ice Age. Cold for thousands of years. Nice and quiet. Able to think deep thoughts w/o any

distractions. Long, slow, cold, deep thoughts. Contained. No distractions or interruptions. No

interference. Shutting down for the winter. Rest. Sleep. Slow; not stopped. Setting down deep roots to

the center of the earth. Coming together; gathering it all in. The wind is the only interference, when it

blows hard. Deeply meditative state.

Nose blocked. Odors still strong.

Anneke: Is the state of the boy like autism? Judy: Yes that was the sense. Shut up into his own world, I

want to be insulated, quiet, calm, inside. Anneke: Autistic kids have a wilfulness about staying where

they are even when they have the capacity to come out, they insist on it, that’s the feeling I got from the

story

C2: Anneke

Really hungry—gnawing hunger, even tho just ate breakfast. Wanted to organize how people share the

bowls but thought that was a bit controlling but not doing it felt bad too. Something should hang

together but it’s not an easy union. Uneasy feeling. Tightness in both jaws; worse left side. Circles

w/gaps in them; broken mandalas, something leaking out. Tremendous pain in L temple with a lot of

pressure going down to ear and neck, could be a migraine but it’s lessening now. Symmetry or breaking

symmetry; what is symmetry about? Soreness in R wrist; L jaw worse. Feet feel swollen. At the end,

circular and flowing.

C2: Prover #7

All will be revealed! Thought in my head. (from Battlestar Gallactica). Felt the tree’s sadness, regret,

frustration. Fell into the duality; the split; special vs freakish. Discontent/gratitude. Frustrating feelings

and confusion. The sadness of never being truly independent but always tied to the mother. Pain in

temples and back of neck; top of eyes. Big aha when fingers started to hurt—arthritis—tears came to

eyes but joyful feeling. Discomfort and pain disappeared. I have arthritis in joints; hadn’t been conscious

of it, then joints suddenly really hurt, as Aysha wrote down the word, felt moved

C2: Sonya

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Jagged lines in the bowl like pine needles. An eye in the bowl. Fear rises up from the chest into my throat. Now I feel it in my abdomen, now my throat again, almost sharp. The thought of ghosts causes fear. They are scary. They are something that have to be banished, like Ghost Busters or the Exorcist – they are evil, you should fear them and they must be extinguished and sent to the afterlife. They are stuck in an in between world and can’t get to the afterworld. We must help them get there, so in a way you can see Ghost Busters as benevolent, they are doing a good thing for the ghost as well as for the living. Ghosts are outcasts – not living yet not quite dead. I wonder if ghosts want the exorcists’s help, or is the exorcist interfering? What right does the exorcist have to send the ghost into the afterlife? I feel indignant. Well, after all, it is the ghost who interferes with humans, it is they who are trying to harm us. They’re toxic, an abomination, it is our job to “show them the light,” to lead them to a better place. They need to be saved because they can’t help themselves. We are like angels, we are doing a good thing. Then why do ghosts exist? Is there a purpose to ghosts? Surely there is….(eyes start hurting, a dull pain behind the eyeballs). Feel like someone or something is trying to poke my eye out. Why can some people see ghosts and some people can’t? Is it because the ghosts are hiding from some people and not others, only bold enough to show themselves to a select few? The people they reveal themselves to have lessons to be learned from these ghosts. What can people learn from ghosts? What do people mean when they say they are haunted? They are not always literally talking about ghosts. Sometimes its’ just a memory they can’t escape, perhaps a lesson that was too painful for them to learn from, a memory that keeps replaying in their head again and again. Dull ache on the back of my head Boo. Ghosts are scary. When people see them, they run. What is so scary about ghosts? Is it their appearance? They look like a human but they are different from us. Like a human but you can see through them and they are a pure white. In a way they are beautiful, like snow. Beautiful and exotic, like a white snowy owl, peaking out at you with its eyes. But nobody ever says, oh what a beautiful ghost. Instead, they call them an abomination. Back of neck hurts again The ghosts in our life are the things we don’t want to face, the shadow side of ourselves, those memories that are just too painful. Maybe that’s why we’re so afraid of ghosts. Maybe a ghost is just an extension of ourselves, that part of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge, or can’t acknowledge. Best to cut it off, like a cancer, like a parasite, let it wither and disappear. C2: Prover #9 Incredibly tired. Just ready to curl up and go to sleep. Would’ve probably been a deep dreamless sleep. Felt knocked out through the whole thing. Couldn’t keep eyes open. Curl up in a ball. Would rather be asleep. Unusual state; not just drowsy. Longing to sleep. On autopilot. Now a lot more alert. C2: Prover #4

Deep sadness. Daughter images – feeling sense of wanting to be with them – stroking head – stroking hair. Deep longing – lack of physical contact Strong sense of heat in my ears – I can hear them calling – sirens – from the blue blue sea. Seaweed – must eat it – good for you – (also fish) looking after the brain development iodine from the weed/water

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Calling, calling that endless calling that has such an urgency – can never be filled. Yearning. Learning to be alone.

The sons will walk in the forest Where will the sons sleep - The sons will not need to sleep (the sons who walk in the forest are the ghosts who walk in the forest, it’s the male energy) STRONG FOREBODING, warning Image of massacre. Mantles – The boys will need to take the mantle, the boys haven’t taken the mantle Scraping the bones of the ancestors Male energy, this remedy All the angels are male What does androgenous mean? Male genetic weaknesses are building – they need to start again You need to ask the right questions The Knights of the Round Table – the knight comes to ask the right question. The question is more important, and the question is - What is to heal? What is transparent – transsexual - translucent SPLIT The ghost walkers Ancestral disease – it’s developing because there is no one taking the mantle Eugenics – purifying the race – deep distrust of the old magic, the need to distill despair from the young, the courage is lacking Heart contracting – very strong sinking sensation Scraping skulls, is to pass the old knowledge Responsibility is onerous – take hold of it before it takes hold of you Walking the paths of the dead.

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I can’t quite hear the warning – it’s represented as a Black Flag – Headache at the side and back of head Running out of time – had to keep scraping as not enough time Male weakness, energetic weakness

#7: By making this remedy we are carrying the mantle and connecting with people from the past who

used this tree herbally #5: What is the mantle? #4: Taking on responsibility for healing Judy: The Knights

of the Round table had a duty to protect the poor and the weak and the children and that was their job,

that is taking on the mantle. Chivalry. Honour.

C2: Prover #5

Very fragile Be careful Tender, easily hurt, broken Slow movement, painful It’s like if I grind too hard I’ll hurt the powder Blisters oozing, weeping Water under skin – painful blue Tingling along bra strap at back Want to close my eyes. Sore, stinging, watery, translucent. Don’t touch me No clothes, clothes hurt Fragile, brittle, breaking off Breaking bones Excruciating pain An image of very fragile androgenous person in traction in hospital bed, very pale almost blue. Death. Bloodless. White skin. Emaciated. Deathly pale. Pallor. Broken arms/legs bruising easily Pale purple blue bruising Can see the veins arteries blue Breaking down, bloodless Grey blue watery transparent Don’t jar the bed. Don’t touch A mother can’t hold her child She’ll break it, bruise it, it will die Don’t talk, whisper or sing Singing helps. Feels good, quiet singing.

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Can’t lift my head. Only liquids Cool liquids, water. Don’t touch me. Too rough You’ll break the skin and all my fluids will drain out. I’ll die. Don’t break the skin. (At this point everyone is aggressively scraping and it feels almost painful like I want to move away from it) Restless Like I don’t want to grind It’s painful for the powder Bruised If you touch too hard my skin will break, fall off, bruise I have no skin Raw No protection Nothing between me and outside I’ll disappear, dissolve, die Bedridden, can’t stand Bed is painful. Feel bruised, sore, tender, watery My legs feel sore up to my waist Aching, bruised, I want to move Hip joints sore, worse right side No pressure, no responsibility Right hip like something pressing hard inside (like a ball) I’m small, fragile, looked after by a lot of others. A child. Can’t walk or stand or sit up. I can’t get comfortable (I lie down and then sit up) Just as Aysha says stop I want to yell stop talking!! Sound of scraping makes me feel irritable It’s painful Time going very quickly Lots of images of windows Trying to scrape powder off and it’s sticking Magnetized, clinging – kept trying to get it off and it was going back like a magnet C2: Prover #8 Stuff in the bowl seemed heavy and thick. Scraping seemed lighter. Then got very hot. Discomfort on R

from hip to neck and head. Eyes stinging. Tired. Choking on the powder; burning in throat (same

sensation when I was going home last night). That smell came back again. Kept wanting to add water to

the bowl!

C2: Prover #10

Used by Indians, boundaries to connect to the dead Also put on dead people helping them go to the other side faster: by opening up the door. This plant is weak and not being used anymore. Feels lonely.

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The plant wants to hide and disappear. Imagery: squares to each other at the tip to form a long chain. This chain serves as a transition

for the lost souls outside the chain to get into the center of the square; and the chain will send these lost souls to the light. When the lost soul has entered the square it forms a dark spot in the center of the square.

When this plant is caught in flame, most likely it will create white smoke and will dissipates in

the air with white smoke. No ash remains Hallucinations. Comfort for the dying. Numb their senses and for peaceful dying process.

Method of use: place the leaf on the tongue (the poison comes in and they die without pain) Small dose ingestion: pain relief. Saw the dinosaur period Some human also use this to as fish poisons to captures the fish. It paralyzes but in large doses it causes peaceful death

C2: Prover #6 Body heat intensification in head, upper arms and torso, in waves. Recapitulation of things that have come up so far (as noted in C1) Shade... : Here not of a departed spirit, but of a spirit who couldn't / cannot incarnate fully – due to some sort of an interference... (Command:) Slow down and listen... Get into silence and know what it means... Without disturbance... (Command:) To order... (Command:) Listen and pay attention... Smell... Activate all your senses – the ones you know of and those we don't know of...! Pay very close attention... And nurture. Weave. Love. Action... “Who are you?” (I ask the substance) (Response:) “Nurture the aborted one... Make whole the broken spirit... Make whole the..~~~~~~~”(just a blur, not clear) I find myself meticulously scraping the blue bowl. “Don't throw out the baby with the bath water.” I contemplate the nurturing capacity / nurturing action / nurturing spirit of the mother tree. I contemplate the nurturing mothers I remember the African women who took my daughter in their midst and sang over her Instinctively I start to grind in an anti-clockwise direction (for the first time in this trituration) I see the nurturing circle of mothers the mother spirit the nurturing circle of mother spirits

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I remember 'the heaven children' – Down Syndrome children, re-names as it were 'the heaven children' by a well known public personality, who did much to improve people's attitude towards Down Syndrome children. The 'mother redwood' keeps nurturing the one that cannot incarnate 'independently', cannot incarnate 'fully'. She nurtures because... 'xyz' – and because the little ghost tree 'keeps hanging on... clings'. “Distil the despair from the young.” “Carry the mantle... protecting the weak.” (Cf Knights of the Round Table) Do we exorcise the ghost or do we bring it in Anneke: Drawings of the mandalas, something trying to be whole but can’t make a whole out of this #6: I was dreaming that I had become lost; had landed completely in the wrong place and completely

lost. I was looking for him; the male that was carrying the mantle. I couldn’t find him. Where are you—

you should have helped me not lose my way. I woke up. And then husband told me he had a weird

dream. He normally doesn’t remember his dreams. Remember that in the meantime, I’ve been doing

soul work about that which has fallen into shadow. What has fallen into shadow and why? What

happens when we integrate it and bring it back and make things whole. So his dream, he was looking for

me, and he was holding me in his hands and I was in water and I was suddenly gone. Kept looking for

me. Then found me on the bed and I was bundled up, curled up very tiny and asleep and I was

transparent and content; like a frail crustacean. Then he picked me up and I became larger and

stretched out and became content and happy and there was so much hope and happiness in the dream.

Anneke: Feeling lost. Sonya: I lost the car at the airport #4: Interesting, that little thing that just

disappears, spirit. When I first arrived here I kept getting lost, can’t find my way Anneke: Things can go

away then they can come back, ethereal

#6: This little tree, this is not a parasite; it’s a different spirit than a parasite. The mom keeps nurturing it

for as long as she can. A shade or spirit that cannot fully incarnate independently for some reason or

another. It’s really precious and it needs to be there. It’s fallen into shadow because of genetic mutation

or suppression or oppression or whatever. Because it’s different. It needs to be there and wants to be

incarnated, perhaps. #4: Whole thing about it not being like any other life form. It almost doesn’t exist in

some way, yet it does exist. Between worlds. It defies the possibility of being alive. It defies being here,

somehow. It’s a genetic mutation yet found in several places. So extraordinary. Not viable. Can’t exist

yet it does, in several places. Dies off and keeps coming back. It’s here some purpose, but it defies

understanding.

Anneke: Might be a remedy for people and ghosts, who cannot make the appropriate developmental

transitions. #4: Genetic diseases carried in the male line—like haemophilia. They create beings that can’t

exist on their own. #5: The blood and the bloodless. If there was a needle put in, there is death. #4: It’s

fractured completely. There’s no healing capacity. Hasn’t got anywhere to go. No physical possibility of

living on its own. Anneke: Its life is from the beginning to the end, it is a fact, it exists, it has a purpose.

Judy: It can’t live on its own. #4: There are other things that can’t live on their own, like parasites, but

that’s not it. There is something about this in the sense of the world that doesn’t make sense. Judy: The

boy in the bubble, can’t live on his own with no immune system.

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#5: With all the windows… It is an expression of the tree itself. On the West Coast when the cedars die,

they become nursery logs with the little baby cedars coming along but the mother is dead and dissolving

into the ground. #6 In another reality she’s not dead. Anneke: She’s still nurturing. #5 The dead create

space for new life. The mother is dead; but there is no death. #6: Tree fell down near us; my son was

extremely excited but I didn’t hear it. The tree is totally soft now, it’s becoming a nursing log.

Voldemort in Harry Potter; bloodless, pale and split into several pieces. Needing healing; not evil.

C2: Prover #11 and 12 (written by #11)

Yesterday Prover #12 and I met to do some together. We had both out off doing it and she had therefore only done one round. She did round two while I did round three, and then we both did an additional round. We felt it was dull, boring, and uninteresting whilst doing it. I found the most interesting aspect after we had finished as I will explain below. My hand really aches after only a few minutes of grinding. #12 is having very bad arthritis in only one hand. I feel really really fed up with the whole crap situation.- I do not know what that is but this is the feeling. There is something bleak with this which reminds me of school and strangely enough the smell of school lunches. I think this is because food there was not enjoyable or providing warm comfort. #12 said she wanted more coffee than usual also for its smell. The thing is lacklustre. It is not more fun with #12 than by myself, maybe even worse. It feels vacant I just want to break free of all this. Speaking of the devil and I said that you have to be in contact with the devil for healing to occur The powder is a bit suffocative. I have a lot of itching which is possibly too strong to be just because of being near any powder. I feel that I am annoying #12 and I felt that I annoyed my old and dear friend yesterday too. I felt with her that I somehow managed to miss real communication. as if I went past her. And there was much unspoken anger in her, which was only shown in an accident she had when her pain allowed her to express it. In this substance I cannot find any strong emotion. We now had lunch which would usually be very enjoyable but I still felt dull and going through the motions. C3: Judy Husband won’t interrupt the process to bring the kids out as planned. Event tho we’ve said he isn’t

interrupting. Kinda normal for him but maybe intensified?

Time is now going slow.

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Chatter at beginning of round.

Felt lighter; like spring water flowing down laughing down the hillside. Then got hot flush and a darker

sense of things. Like outside looks ok, sunny and well, but inside is not ok at all. Or is that just a

protection/barrier? An empty threat? Not strong enough to be a real danger. Just a perception of

danger; an illusion of danger. What needs that level of protection? Something weak? The danger colors

of the world are bright and clashing, like the wasp. Yet we fear the dark. There must be a reason. There

is the sudden sharp attack of the spider, the jaguar, the secretive hunter that hides in the dark. How can

we know where there is real danger and when it’s fake? Is this real danger or squid ink, illusion so it can

get away.

Not getting much this round.

Prickling in back of mouth; tongue and upper palatte. Bitter taste. Slight nausea.

Discussion re: homeopathy

C3: Anneke

Time is moving slowly. Pain in chest, tightening. Lots of sighing. Burning behind the eyes. Feel like crying

is too simple. I’m far away and isolated from everyone else, as if I’m on a different planet.

Poem: How far can I go to know? Will I ever be able to come back? Will I ever be able to go back? Is this

the end? Feeling all the feelings, holding them for all of time. How far did I go? There is always

something behind what you see. And even if you look through something, there’s always more.

Seemed like I was very far away. Seemed like an energy shift. What just happened here, this is a

different dimension. Started thinking about the 2 different parts of my brain; the pragmatic part didn’t

know anything and the other part didn’t know words or sentences, spelling, etc. The two parts are very

separate from each other, there is a Grand Canyon kind of split. If you are in one state you completely

lose the other, and same the other way around, and that loss is really, really big. Last 2 grindings, got in

touch w/huge amount of anger; deep from pit of stomach. I could have really been explosive with it.

Way more than irritation. Then wanted to be secretive. Pretty annoyed.

Judy: You looked small and far away in the chair, like in the distance. I see that when people go away.

C3: Prover #7

Sense of the mother who had this little baby tree, the white ghost tree. The ghost tree is attached to her

so what role will she play in this remedy. Article in the Sun about young boy w/muscular dystrophy and

building a house that would accommodate this child, he had a contraption, chair, that would allow him

to move around. Felt how it was like to be that child and mother and love that child, difficult, how hard

that would be. Why not thinking about the father in all this? IS the tree a male? Hard to conjure up the

sense of the male. Dream when I came across a male figure in a Back to the Future type car made of

metal and male was trying to get the car to move and he couldn’t do it; I wasn’t very supportive in the

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past so I really tried to help to get this thing moving again. We put our hands together on the metal.

Only when we worked together were we able to get things moving. Is this remedy for the parents and

their feelings, this connection.

C3: Sonya

Moving van in the background, so loud, feels like an earthquake. Pain in the back of my neck again. Funny feeling in my stomach, slightly queasy. What is it like to nurture a child, knowing that it will die young, that it will slowly fail and wither? Maybe the act of doing this would expand the heart chakra, teaching the mother to love beyond her previous capacity. Maybe, knowing that her child will die young, she stops fearing death and faces it head on. It’s a tragedy but a reality that she must live with. I see a happy face in the bowl. Does a mother who know her child will die soon live more in the moment, does she cherish life more because she know the value of each second? Every moment so precious and fleeting Feeling pain underneath the right jaw, eyes feeling heavy I think these mothers experience grief more deeply as well as happiness and joy. Perhaps they can teach us a lesson about staying in the moment and cherishing every moment we have, of enjoying shared happiness together. I feel like nobody would ever know joy without knowing grief or loss or sadness first. Hard to breathe, feel almost dizzy. Struggling to stay awake. Spacey. I wonder if after the child dies, does she try to distance herself from life. Is the grief too much for her? Does it weigh her down? What’s the point. May as well retreat, stop talking and move into the forest. I feel like lying on my belly. Maybe she tries to cut herself off from her emotions because it’s just too painful. She tries to forget the ghost that she buried too young. I feel distracted and so far away from the people around me, cut off and distant. She probably imagines, now that her child is gone, that she is alone in the world, that nobody could ever understand her pain and suffering, it’s her cross to bear alone. She retreats into herself. Maybe it’s something she did, karma from a past life she wonders, she blames herself, she feels guilty and hides herself away. Pain in my left temple. I feel myself want to cough again, knowing that the lungs are connected with grief. I think the pain might come if one is resisting death, if one sees it as a tragic event. Really at the centre, it’s the fear of death which causes the suffering. Judy drew a spider, they have been in my dreams lately. Are spiders a symbol of death? C3: Prover #8 Eyes stinging and feeling heavy. Hot; felt this was a male energy. Why did the mother create this in the first place? What is the purpose? Do you think the mother has an intention to create this? Was this an accident? Are there any accidents. Yes, I feel the mother had an intention to create this.

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C3: Prover #9 Felt a lot more present. A few drawings. Wrote about ready for the next step; doing deeper. Did not go

very deep this time.

C3: Prover #5 Right shoulder weak as trituration starts Sleepy, eyes feel heavy Flag – pay attention, listen to me, I am here for a purpose What purpose? What can you heal? The grief of loss. Death of someone. Something passing. Passages. One into the other. Circle. Eternal. Eyes very stingy. Sore. What can you heal?

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Near death. Drained away. Empty, dry. All the fluid is gone. Wasted. Pain? Excruciating. Like broken bones. Deep pain. Birth pain and death pain. Moaning like an animal, not human sounding. Nausea, dizzy and anxious. Hormonal nausea to do with babies. Hormones to do with growth are interrupted. Small, tiny bones, fragile, painful joints . Reconciliation between parts that are separated or broken – people, bones, relationships. Creating distance where there is none. The ghosts are here for a reason to allow us to express. The can help us or hinder us. (transcriber’s note: keep transposing letters!) Help? The ghost is like glass, a boundary. You can see through to the other side What is ghost? Like the wind, indicates direction. How does it hinder? Prevents direction. Blocks with no movement. Stops movement. Can we help ghosts? Water What about water? Freezing becomes solid boundary, ice (eyes, burning and stinging, eyes very tired – slight nausea felt in my head). Felt like if I put ice on my eyes it would really help. Ice helps (coughing, tickling) Yawning, tired No boundaries, no differences Spacey, Fuzzy. What time is what? Lost. C3: Prover #4 Intense pain under diaphragm, made me gasp Empty Tired Right ear sharp pain – very intense Tired – eyes heavy Quiet dream Very quiet mind – Numb Appreciative of the female Then everything is surreal and funny C3: Prover #10

Feel the presence of a white angel, it embraces and absorbs the unstable darkness in a ball shape and take it to light under their wings.

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Saw the dinosaur period again. This plant origin has existed since then. The poisonous part of

albino red wood is in the function of protection of the mother red wood plant from being eaten. Purpose is to paralyze any animal that wants to eat the mother red wood tree.

Feels like we don’t need to grind it to know what it is for. We can just hold the leaf or tree and ask them questions. They will still respond back.

Start to feel grinding is cruel. It’s like interrogating a criminal, stripping them apart, torture them to speak. I feel the petals/leaves are screaming

Q: The use for human? A: There are better remedies to human, stronger than me. The functions are: mild analgesic, neurotoxin, paralyze, to make you have a death experience.

This kind of toxins will paralyze you so you cannot move, however with possibly conscious mind. So it looks like it’s a peaceful death, however it can also be scary since you are still aware of the surroundings but you cannot move or talk anymore.

Again, this is not the best remedy for human. It’s designed to protect the parent plant and paralyze the invaders.

The angels you see is the natural form of the plant. Paralyze who’s eaten it, and guide it to the other side.

We should focus more on the parent tree. The parent tree is a lot stronger and a lot more energetic. It does positive to human.

Anneke: Will a person who is in a coma who is physically incapacitated but brain is still active respond to this remedy? #10: Yes. C3: Prover #6 I want to sleep – I feel very sleepy. 'Sleeping partner' (comes to mind).

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My thoughts dwell on the lost priesthood and imperfect priesthood A priesthood lost A priesthood in becoming, yet still a frail incarnation – like a shade yet to be fully incarnated Narcolepsy Miscarriage of priesthood Miscarried priesthood Left for dead, but not dead Atunement Now I just want to sleep and rest; no dreams for a while, thanks...! I feel at peace Very peaceful Still very peaceful I feel drowsy – and peaceful. Harmonious Smooth It is much earlier than it feels. There is still enough time. Wonderful! Angel embracing the unstable darkness with his/its wings Anneke: It’s about making appropriate developmental transitions. #5: I got that too, birth pain and death pain. The death of a child, a person with small tiny bones, and their growth is interrupted (hormones to do with growth are interrupted) Anneke: Interesting to think about what is the intention of the mother. Does the mother make this little tree to represent all the little trees that didn’t make it? #5: You mentioned abortion earlier too Judy: It could also be protecting the mother, it’s the sacrificial tree #4: The tree is diaceous, both male and female, they carry both sexes Anneke: Why say mother instead of parent? Judy: I said it from the beginning because they are called mother/daughter trees, called daughter trees because they come up as clones from the roots, maybe it’s the male scientist model. We don’t see men giving birth to children #4: The men are cutting it all down, they are harvesting #5: That’s part of their providing, lumbar industry, male provider #6: Maybe male wants to be recognized as well as nurturing Anneke: Maybe males don’t want to infuse male characteristics into what they’re cutting down, they make it into something other than themselves #4: Male energy is the active process and the nurturing tends to be the female energy #5: Men call ships female because they are leaving the female behind and to embody some aspect of the female they see the ship as female, and the ocean, a feminine medium ruled by them #4: Water is coming up, and it gets transformed into ice, and the ice is a hard, different sort of thing Judy: Eyes sound like ice C3: Prover #11 and #12

The R breast round the nipple feels swollen and tender. Two sounds, there is something about two, two currents, even in the misunderstanding or miscommunication. Two rhythms We are surprised how light the powder is yet we do not feel that lightness at all. Time passes very fast but there is no joy or spark in this at all. I feel uninvolved, what is the point in this? The initial promise has just gone. It seems that being together only amplifies the vacancy and the nil reception. Do I need to be by myself after all to receive the message of the substance?

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We then ended and we spoke of the lack of communication including between us. I was able to say all that and then we did begin to have communication. There was then a feeling of sharing. We went into the kitchen and were talking a bit and came to the subject of my mother and whether she might have a heart attack or stroke and how I hope that she will not have to linger for a long time paralysed or bedridden etc. #12 told me that her grandmother had had that fate and for two years was bedridden but worse than that she reverted uniquely to her mother tongue which her children could not understand and therefore she and they could not communicate. This had so affected #12 that she had taught her own children her mother tongue so that if it happened to her they would understand her. So I felt after all this that if part of the issue is the miscommunication there was an answer here, in sharing that and thereby creating that very communication. Strangely I then had a phone consultation with a patient who spoke of two aspects of herself not in communication. C4: Judy

I feel like all has been said that needs to be said. That we’re starting to make things up because there’s

nothing here. I’m feeling nothing more; questioning our assumptions. Glad that someone brought out

our anthropomorphizing; this is beyond that. What is this? The way it disappeared then revealed

everything quite quickly—very different from most trees but this isn’t most trees. That it wants us to be

going back to the parent tree, because it’s stronger. We have all we need from this already.

I went back to the parent tree, then it got heavy. Group: The parent tree would be different but the

coughing and the structural things and some mental symptoms, arthritis, are tree symptoms. The ghost,

and transitions is not about trees. A lot of ancestral stuff with trees, the roots. Tree themes, plus the

specific for this one. Anneke: Maybe the mother tree is a host tree and creates that little tree in order to

create something that the mother tree cannot give itself.

Maybe the groups are getting good enough that we don’t need to do four hours any more. The higher

vibration. We can get other information so easily and we’re running out of time.

The student has no responsibility to the class except to show up and do the work. The teacher has the

responsibility to prepare the lesson, take care of the class, see that all the materials are there and keep

things moving. The teacher also has an objective to present to the class; a lesson to teach. That is not

the level at which I have operated up till now, nor do I know if it is a level at which I want to operate. I

have additional respect for the teacher now. Not as easy as it looks. Easy to be the clown in the fourth

row. Not so easy to be the teacher/leader. This is a good lesson.

C4: Prover #5

Male/female discussion at break Nutrition – no nutrition – anorexia. Not being seen. Disappearing. Only water. Eyes are sore, stinging. A bit dizzy when I close them. Some cramping/period type pains in my pelvic area. Noise from the scraping feels harsh. Feel hungry but just ate. Empty feeling in stomach. Heavy resistance to grinding, pestle really heavy. A ton, heavy dragging down. Weighted down under water. Drowned, sinking down to the bottom.

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Almost falling asleep when I close my eyes, the sounds of the grinding are smooth and gentle now. Relaxing. Lots of yawning. Up and down High and low Faster creates. Slower destroys No roots or too few No circulation. C4: Prover #6 Rose formations shape in the bowl

Feeling of softness in the bowl is once more at the forefront – I'm very much under the impression of

the remarkable softness of the energy here – or soft aspect of the energy... - a profound softness – a

profound softness that has the capacity to heal profound darkness │a profound softness that also has

been borne in response to profound darkness – profound darkness as in 'Black Hole'. And in that

engagement with profound darkness, this softness may come 'into the ground' – trancendentally,

sacrificially.

I contemplate this profound softness and its relation to/with this profound darkness... It is a peaceful,

dynamic softness, and a trusting softness.

Judy: Like the first round? #6: Yes Anneke: Softness now has a context. #7 had the same thing as she

went from 1-4. In 4 everything made sense and a lot of what she had in 4 already came up in 1.

C4: Anneke

Also did not get much. Back of head being lifted off neck. Had my timing exactly correct. Never

happened before. Empty feeling. Separate but not isolated. Eye stuff. Strong desire to lie down.

Peaceful, easy feeling. “Cuz I’m still standing on the ground…” (“Peaceful Easy Feeling” by the Eagles.)

C4: Prover #7

Felt I was getting a summary of everything that was coming up in past two days. Rain washing away.

Remedy working in that particular way. Sharpening—making smarter; making the neurological along the

spine, washing things away, toxins, so your thinking is clearer, the headache and neck pain are gone.

Image of the Native American again; courageous figure. Clearing things away. Little tree—imagine being

it—then separated out and was communicating, not so much a victim or something to feel sorry for but

something pretty strong in its own right. Courage and quiet confidence.

C4: Prover #9

Deeper experience. Shouldn’t have been fighting that sleepiness; that it was really important to go into

that zone of presleep where mind is clear and receptive, flooded with images. Sonya: Interesting

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because last week or so, every time before I go to sleep I see images, like a rat or a spider, not really a

dream

Little mantra in head—voice was clear and well understood. Images of water. Vast blue oceans; whales; sea scapes. Flowed down a stream towards creation, abundance and life. A fish covered in a crust for protection. Freedom.

C4: Prover #4

Creeping anxiety starting in lower abdomen. Eyes feel sore and itchy. Deflection Rejection Feel that my back is against the wall, trapped in this situation, not looking out of the window but looking into the room, different perspective. Irritated by the quiet (usually love the quiet, but this is too quiet) – what are others thinking! Suspicion is creeping in – just a whisper of distrust. Heart pain left side. Lots – sharp. Momentary returning. Male/female conversation we had earlier. Inequality amongst equals. Dog eat dog. Compete and divide. That’s tree stuff. C4: Sonya

Sahara is smelling herbs, and it’s so strong her eyes start to hurt. What does it mean to embrace death? Death is quiet. Death is the absence of pain. But it’s not necessarily lonely in the spirit world. We must accept the circle of life. We must realize that after death we will become one. Then we realize that separation is an illusion once the ego dissolves. This remedy could take away fear to face the natural transitions in life, such as death or miscarriage. Perhaps the spirit becomes stuck in one of the upper chakras and it cannot make its journey through the crown chakra, then this remedy may be helpful. Also if there is grief that cannot be let go of, accompanied by a feeling of isolation, this remedy may also be helpful. Finding it difficult to breathe again. When breath stops so does life. Feeling stuck. Spirit needs to leave but it can’t. Wanting to hold onto the pain. Weakness, fragility, holding onto life that is fleeting. Stretching out on my back, feeling long and tall. Feeling like I could stretch towards the sky. This is a remedy for a life that is quickly extinguished, and there is a weakness to it, a sense of being between life and death.

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Feeling disconnected not interested. Powder splashing around not really caring. Feels like a dead round lol. Kept going and going, felt like 12 lifetimes, not getting anything, dead C4: Prover #8 Wondered that if this albino tree needs the mother, should they be done together? Anneke: But there needs to be a remedy for dying, because dying is something humans don’t do very well. #8: Only saw one person dying; and it was a horrific thing, half fighting to live and half wanting to die. Stinging eyes. Still have that smell. Sense of water. A headless Knight. And a deer looking.

Group: Most provers have been peeing more than usual, some not enough. Kidney stuff. With kidney overload it can either flow out or stop. Kidney is a chi organ for birth and life and death. C4: Prover #10

Light, soft, as it doesn’t exist. Free flowing Promotes fantasy If it disappears, no one would notice Feel like the eyes are getting tight. Trying to open the third eye. It promotes dreaming I see ocean and a cruise ship peacefully sailing in a fair weather day I see my friends, introduce the wrong person to another person, but it’s not true because I

didn’t introduce them, and that part I couldn’t remember clearly, am I dreaming? See Egypt, the inhabitants there keep the seeds in different jars. They take out this jar and

spread the seeds in the ocean for it to free flow and go anywhere it wants to land and grow. See a pyramid. The pyramid is opening up from the base level like flipping a lighter cap open,

and then and aircraft flying out.

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#6: The ocean is symbolic of primordial energy and mothering and birthing and consciousness. Sonya: My next proving is going to be water

Prover #11: Journal after C3 and before C4

Aug 30th dream I wanted to be seen by an old flame. We were in some public place with many other people and I was hoping and waiting he would really see me. I don't mean recognise me as in palladium, but see me and see who I am. It was not anything desperate and not the kind of longing I did actually experience in real life in that adolescent time. Before I went to sleep I had lit Tibetan incense in the room because I had lent it to my friends. I was apprehensive about sleeping in there because of what I felt was my friend's huge anger which was not acknowledged, hence I wanted to protect myself. This is not my usual way of going about things and anyhow these days I usually welcome anger in others and no longer feel so uneasy about it. So I feel this is somewhat delusional. Even more because in the substance I cannot find any strong emotions like anger. Anyhow in the dream there was the border to 'TIbet', and this was a narrow passage behind a curtain like division. In that passage which was like a cave, and on either side, sat shaman like men, with long grey/silver hair or else maybe strips of paper? and yellow green strips in the hair and clothing like shamans wear but which I think are generally blue or red. They were smoking. I eventually went in which was an act of boldness and looked at the one nearest me on the right. He immediately seemed to become quite two dimensional and faint/fade/run/ escape away. Also Aug 30th I had a mail from the client with whom I had had a very good consultation by phone the previous day, and it continued in that vein. In my reply I felt myself distancing myself from that deeper state. I wondered why I was doing this. Why could I not go beneath the surface? Why could my friend not express her anger? Why do we all have to hide everything and be so superficial? These reflections are hardly new for me or unusual but because of the dream and because of the feeling of surface in the substance and because I cannot find any strong emotions whilst triturating I wonder if this is something of the other side. There is something about the birds which feel they remain always on the surface in The Conference of the Birds by Attar, this is I think the complaint of some when asked by the Simurgh. C4: Prover #11

It has taken me days to agree to do this, and I am doing it now only really because I need to finish it, to tidy up and move on. Tidying but also procrastination came up quite a lot in this round as see below. There is something about clutter as the room seems intolerably cluttered and in fact whilst `i do the grinding I find myself with the other hand moving things on my desk and deciding that I will tidy it

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completely because it is unacceptable to have it like this. It is not especially untidy but it is cluttered. In fact at the end of the trituration and today I have thrown things away and reordered others in an ongoing process. There is also an issue of fastidiousness as specks of powder or dirt in the wrong place are also unacceptable and I have to remove them. Yet whereas before I was very careful in the action of triturating and even punctilious this time I find I had put my pen in my mortar< something which was shocking but there was no time to wash the mortar out. I also found that I had far too much powder but again it was too late to change that. I even touched the powder by mistake but just shrugged. I rationalised or accepted this as the fact that in the trituration it is an engagement with the spirit of the substance and not a scientific process. At one point I write + not with and have to cross this out and write with properly. I have again the urge to eat and eat and as it happens had been looking at some notes from Massimo on fullness and emptiness yet cannot identify this urge with either of those. The R arm and hand ached almost immediately on starting the trituration. I have some back pain and it is < whilst doing this but that could be due to my posture. It has been worse in the last few days and usually makes me despondent or fearful- how will I manage? etc but today just makes me irritable and 'go away' feeling. I also had a strong sharp pain in the R calf at one point but it went as suddenly as it came. I again find myself stretching my arms up vertically as happened in a previous round. This > and makes some more space for me. Itching is quite intense by the end of the trituration. Smell remains acute and I smell the pleasant smell of my shirt whilst doing this.I also have noticed that taste is sensitive too and some things do not taste ok such as the felafel I bought at the market today and which had a strange aftertaste, but so did something else unrelated. So my own taste must be awry. Only now do I have an emotional reaction of irritation, there have been very few emotions in this whole trituration. The harvester still working though it is late evening grates. I also have the thought/feeling: 'why the fuck do I have to be in this bad situation in my life?' Then I want to eat something and for this feeling to go away. It does not refer to any obvious situation in my actual life at this time. It feel as if I am stuck in a nasty predicament and want to get out of it. I felt very serious and not carefree as before or relaxed about this trituration. I had been thinking that I had got off lightly this time and that my husband would not know I had even been triturating as there was no obvious signs of it. Suddenly I felt very nervous and that there were no get out clauses here. I thought of Fate, and the book by Kubler Ross on dying which I read recently, how we have our fates and have to live them through, to learn whatever we have come to learn in this current lifetime. It all seemed hopeless to me. I felt too that I could not understand this substance and it would probably never reveal itself to me. But as I have undertaken to do it I will finish it anyhow. I felt and it feels disconnected and I need the outside direction to tell me what to do. There is a wave of nausea which came again but passed quickly. The things around me make me feel rather nauseous too though they are objects and nothing of food. I would like to be in a space with nothing round me at all, probably white. The colour white of the powder is attractive, I would like a limbo situation, pure nothing. No beginning and no end.

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Time still goes fast. I recently noticed that I am out of rhythm with the seasons and what has to be done agriculturally. I was expecting to find spring work on my kind as if I had bypassed all the autumn and winter. I do not remember that confusion ever before. I am thinking about' when it is all over'. I again remember Anne Maguire, the eminent Jungian psychoanalyst and dermatologist who died very recently and to some of whose lectures I had been. Ever since starting this substance she comes to mind, I am not clear why. I have the unusual realisation for me that it does not matter if I do this trituration or not because relative to the substance I am totally insignificant and the substance will far far outlast me and outweigh me. I will perish in an instant and it will live on maybe forever. It is important and I am not. It seems to have something about putting aside what I want or do not want, as this is unimportant. That too is not something easy for me. Even the triturating process has had that quality in it. Somehow this substance seems to suit the end of the day to me, far more than the midmorning or afternoon as we did with #12. It suits the low lights and the evening. But I do not want it to be really dark outside yet and feel alarmed to notice what I think is the moon but is in fact the reflected light in the window. Being alone in the night with no sound and no colour? Outside in the night now would be alright as there are many creatures and sounds but if I were to be totally alone in utter silence? I had another example of my greed today and my grasping. I see it and sigh but do not berate myself. The time will soon draw to a close and I realise that I cannot go beyond it. The time will end very soon. Did I make use of it? It all matters as there is no second chance for things. Leaving things till tomorrow is death, and there can only be one time which is now. Distractions make me feel comfortable but they mean death in the end. There are no excuses or justifications only what is and what was and what i did or did not do. Only this and not the intentions will count. Sunday Morning Discussion: Anneke I want to do another round. I got in touch with anger and it didn’t seem to go anywhere….

Interesting dream last night. Dream of protecting son from being hurt; being followed by three thugs

who are the henchmen dressed in black; boss is dressed in white. My son owes them money. He’s

cavalier about it all. They drag him into this white van and are going to beat him up and I have to get him

out of there. Woke up; went back to sleep. Second dream, same three thugs but now I have a black

motorcycle for him to get away on. He’s still saying mom this is not serious and I’m saying they’re going

to beat you up or do worse! Three guys dressed in black and man in white behind him. I did stop them.

All men; son. I protected him; he got away even tho he didn’t think it was a problem; did not see the

danger. It’s all men, black and white.

Many participants are dressed in black and white this morning. Black and white diametric opposites.

There’s something about the black and being thugs and being blatantly nasty to somebody.

#4: Big split – black/white, male/female. Did your son not take up the mantle—not taking it seriously,

not taking responsibility. And mom is having to take responsibility. Once again the mom has to step in.

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Do we triturate the C5 in the cemetery just down the street? If this is a collective substance, to help

souls pass from one realm to another. Sahara is hiding under the cushion.

#8: Dream; we do have international students. Dream of another student; always trying to keep track.

Had a girl. Didn’t know her. How to keep track. How many are coming for dinner tonight? 2 other guys in

the house; didn’t know they existed, surprised. How could I not know how many students I have living in

the house with me? Who has paid? I have to write this all down and keep track so I know what’s going

on. Very stressful! Boundaries; how can I control this?

Anneke: The control thing came up when I wanted to organize how people were passing the bowls.

#4: Did not sleep well. Dream about mother’s house, who died 15 years ago. I wanted to use the house

but she’s still in control of the thing. So am I doing the right thing? She’s still controlling things; woke up

troubled by it. And we were talking about sons; #6’s son is finding aspects of gangland here in

Vancouver; the boy who walks around at night. Knows the gangs and that they are becoming more

violent. Can recognize the thugs and know how to “be” when they are there. He’s taking responsibility.

Of course he would be more responsible if he didn’t go out.

#6: husband did the dreaming; unusual. He wakes up w/amused expression on his face. Turned into a

rabbit! And was bouncing around. Feeling came over me; hands became paws—like the WereRabbit in

Wallace & Gromit. Many episodes. Changes into this rat. Getting tired of being a rabbit. Thinking genetic

engineering; GMO. Lots of GE dreams; half hamster, half tortoise since living in Vancouver. Keywords:

genetic disturbance/ interference. It’s about responsibility – what are they doing with this genetic

engineering?

All: Crossing boundaries! Can’t recognize it. Abomination; shouldn’t exist. Shouldn’t be here in the first

place. Natural/unnatural. Who’s in bed with me? Sonya’s dream. Intruders. Who are these people in my

house, don’t even know them.

#7: Dream: I’m trying to make a turn into a road. Somehow I’ve missed the easy turn. I end up in a ditch;

backing out and a car is blocking me; it’s in my space where I should’ve been, suddenly it’s appeared in

my space. I’m in front of a house w/beautiful garden but it looks vacant. Something was in my way and I

wasn’t able to navigate the turn. Dreaming of houses and rooms and walking though different rooms.

#6: Dreamt of city where I was born. Ancestry.

#8: You have to be nice, if you have people in your house. You have to pretend, be polite initially. Maybe

you make yourself like the person. Some students you have a rapport with; some you don’t. The whole

family does that. Make nice, be cheery, good morning how are you. You have to put out, be nice, when

you have boarders/borders. Anneke: Does inside/outside resonate with you? #8: Yes, how you feel

inside and how you feel outside, and trying to connect them. Trying to be aligned with everything and

be who you are.

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#9: dream of family. My dad and sister and my dad who has neglected his responsibility as a father; me

wanting to confront him about this. I want to do this in real life. So this is a good process for me. I had a

sense of someone being in my room; a male presence; aware that I was in my bed and someone was

#6: My son, I often sense the energy in him that is like my husband’s uncle; proactive in protection; in

the Boer war; Boer counter-movement. Not always know what he was up to. Amazing person and

strong. Protection.

Judy: We were having a conversation earlier about fathers not being present. Anneke: Where is the

father? In my dream, the father could’ve handled that a lot better than me. #8: No husband, no father;

just me dealing with everything.

Group Conversation

We’re coming into the age of women. Man up—men aren’t taking up the mantle.

Mothers are running families. Children are different as a result.

We have to evolve at a much faster rate than we have before, genetically and in every single way, to be

able to survive in this world. People are making synaptic connections at a much earlier age and much

more rapid pace. Teenage boys—an exception that a boy can communicate well. At that stage of

development a natural thing about being internal for boys. Waldorf schools; you’ll see a different boy.

Can socialize easily with everyone. Those boys don’t use computers a lot, or read until they’re ready; all

about art and movement, creativity and community. Develop and intense bond with the teacher. 20

year old nephew who is different and amazing. He makes eye contact.

#5: my dream, at the end of my trit, someone said “What now?” and Aysha wanted to do a cat; what cat

do we do? And all these cats appeared around her and she’s trying to pick one by feeling all their tails.

Also before I went to bed I read a friend just what I had written; and she started to cry; I was reading

about the fragile, broken, blue person and her mother had died a year ago. This came up big for me

yesterday: passing the loss of someone at death or at birth. This morning thinking about the tree and

the expression of the albino tree and how someone said we are so connected to our mothers cuz we’ve

been in their bodies, and yesterday when I was writing those words thinking about pregnancy and birth

then thinking about the umbilical cord that feeds the child and if the child is not fully developed and is

born premature, they’re extremely vulnerable and its very precarious. Something all fell into place and

that all makes sense. (#5’s friend drew a picture of a person triturating and a ghost on post-it note

below)

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Anneke: Another piece; not fully formed. Thinking of souls and this whole notion of the point of choice;

you’re coming in agreeing to one way or another. The person in an accident at a near death

experience—why would someone choose the ghost tree, a limited life, a life that has a short span?

You’re at that place and you can go that way and you become the ghost tree you’re only here a little

while; if you become a real tree, it’s a long life, where you have to do all the stuff of a long life, all of

human suffering. But otherwise you don’t have to take any responsibility, you’re just there for a little

while then get to go back.

#5: No responsibility; no pressure, came up for me after seeing the really vulnerable person. #4: Genetic

diseases; where children are not viable and often male cuz not two x chromosomes. Genetic diseases

are often expressed in the male. Why would a soul choose that? Is it a gift – is it a way to offer others

your death? Why does this exist, what purpose?

Anneke: Responsibility is a key here. #4: Passing on responsibility. Maybe you take responsibility to give

others an opportunity, rather than no responsibility. Judy: In my dream before we got here my daughter

had said there is so much responsibility at work. Anneke: My two keywords are responsibility and

boundaries Judy: Is it a gift or are we avoiding something? Which is it? Only the soul can tell us that. #6:

How do you know the soul chooses? #4: If you choose, then it is a responsibility, because then you’re

taking responsibility for choice #5: If you are born with a genetic disease, where is the responsibility

there? #8: There could be a responsibility not to pass it onto the next generation #4: The parent’s

responsibility not to put into the gene pool, because it could be carried on by the female line. If you

have a child who is male who expresses the disease, you may have female children who don’t express it

but carry it.

C5: Sahara’s Illustrations

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C5: Sonya

Us vs. them. People who are different are excluded from the gang. If you act like us and think like us you’re one of us. Like clones. We clone sheep. Genetic engineering. If you think differently, act differently, you are excluded. You are the black sheep. Soldiers who don’t take orders are excluded from the army, complete hierarchy. Choosing not to be a parent, infertility, not carrying on the family line, not carrying on the mantle. Does no responsibility mean absence of life force? Fathers not carrying the mantle, sons growing up without a father figure Young men are lost, searching for a road to follow The Godfather, in a gang men have their place and they know what to do Fertility drugs – interfering with nature, abomination, genetic interference Women are trying to do more now, with raising children and working, etc. because men are underfunctioning confused and don’t know what their role is, they refuse to man up and take responsibility

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Absent fathers, refusing to take the proper father role, boys who don’t have fathers who will kick and throw the ball around, no father figure, What is the function of a man. Men can be the provider but they have lost touch with their empathy, their nurturing side, caught up in the disease of capitalism and materialism Feel like stretching out long C5: Prover #10

I see rainbows coming out from the bowl. I hear everyone’s talking about the male and female energy. I wonder how it is shifting and how

it is relating to the source. The conclusion is that with the rise of the female energy, female should just accept it and

dominate it. Stop the blame of incompetence in men. Female should just power up and accept it. Take over the world.

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Anneke: What is the soul? We are thinking about transitions. I’ve had three near death experiences.

Have clear option; to choose to pass is a much easier choice cuz it doesn’t involved any incarnated

suffering. To choose to stay, is to choose to come back, but you’re not in your body when you’re at that

place. Something comes in genetically to become this little ghost tree; is there an intention on the

mother? During the pregnancy the mother feeds the fetus that is not viable. Life stops in the fetus; not

the placenta or umbilical cord.

#7: This tree, this ghost, is kinda a reaching out. A native (Native American) male figure. Maybe trying to

help the male line somehow. A gift; a warrior figure; preparing for something; helps you prepare for

whatever you need. My keyword: Preparing. Judy: Preparing for responsibility #7: Yes and maybe

preparing for death #5: or preparing for the birth of a child #4: The transition of young men into their

maledom, missing now from our society. Women have menstrual onset but there’s nothing for boys.

Gangs offer that opportunity to express that side of yourself. Because the father is missing. There’s a

hierarchy. No trouble with boundaries within the gang. Anneke: Us and them. You’re either in or you’re

not. In a war you throw bombs at each other and you kill and you maim but that’s just what you do,

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those are the rules. The rules are, if I’m fighting you, I can use whatever I want. Judy: Now all rules are

off in war, like guerrilla warfare and suicide bombers. There’s no respect of that border anymore.

#6: with genetic engineering they cannot reproduce, they are sterile. #4: You can no longer grow your

own food. #6: The seed is sterile #5: Infertility in men is rising epidemically. That is extremely

threatening to women because male vitality is so centred around their virility, and if the seed is not

viable that will really hurt the ego which is already extremely fragile and based on illusion Anneke: Male

infertility is like choosing not to pass the mantle on. #7: At the same time that there’s a problem with

male fertility, women are choosing to have fewer kids. But a lot of it is out of their control, not by

choice. Two dynamics at play. But I wonder if more women are having trouble conceiving. #5: All these

studies that indicate in animals that after many generations of being on the birth control pill, they

became sterile. Most modern day women are on the birth control pill. #4: Generational thing, goes

through the generations, mothers and their daughters #6: A woman who wants children but because of

the generations before her, she can’t. She didn’t choose that. #5: There’s the interference again, genetic

interference #6: You cannot express your choice because of what you inherited #5: Also social structures

that impose certain values on others that they don’t necessarily want or choose, it’s an interference

Anneke: In round 3 and 4 and 5; quite serious and focused on substance and by the 5th grind, we were in

a cocktail party. The conversation shifted. This substance only needed 40 minutes to get the important

stuff out. Only 6 feet tall instead of hundreds. The big redwoods are the tallest trees in the world and

live a long time.

Maybe when you choose the no responsibility path you’re in one of these phases of absence of life

force.

Group: There’s no such thing as an empty house. Not when you have a ghost. #5’s friend drew a ghost.

#4: Walking the paths of the dead Sonya: Also owls. On Saturna Island a huge vulture flew right in front

of our car, like he was telling us look at me!

#7: Flipside of responsibility is taking responsibility for other people. #5: My sister in law, she’s got 3

sons and none of them know how to cook. You’re not doing them a service.

#6: Talking about responsibility, my son goes gardening. Ask him how was the day. He was cutting down

cedars. But somebody else had cut down some cedars, he didn’t do it. I said you need to do what your

boss says, he’s the boss. He’s denying the responsibility.

#4: Choice or no choice. We have some responsibility for our environment. We should be standing up

and saying “no free water.” #5: And responsibility for our bodies #8: We’re all here helping people get

off drugs #5: People should stop drinking coffee, they tested the water in Seattle and there is so much

caffeine in the water. I worked for a man whose drugs were biohazardous, so the workers who worked

for him could not clean the bathroom. The drugs were so hazardous, they would kill everything. That

goes into the water system. So many people taking chemotherapy on a daily basis. Also being able to

accept death and loss. Think about the way we deny death. We pump the body full of chemicals so that

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the body looks good, and won’t rot. Some funeral homes refuse to do embalming now because they

know how incredibly toxic it is.

#5: The fetus growing inside the mother, there is no deeper connection. Yes, the father is there.

#4: Now the fathers won’t take the sons on. Now the mother has to deal with them. #5: The father is not

available. Young men are yearning and searching. My nephew keeps asking me where do I go and who

do I talk to. Searching and lost. No role models. They don’t want to be lost, they want to find something.

Judy: Being lost is uncomfortable. That’s why men join gangs, there’s structure. Anneke: We’ve had a

theme of being lost, and now we have a theme of boys are lost.

Anneke: Impotence is a keyword. #8: They can’t pass on the line. Can’t carry the mantle. #4 The role of

men. Are there more gay men now in society, and lesbian women? Anneke: We all have the male and

the female inside of us. That balance always has to be maintained. Supposed to be an organic process,

and lots of things go wrong with it. Judy: Our society is now in a state of rebalancing. Anneke: Now we

are carrying way, way more than if we would be carrying if there were a balance because we’re trying to

shift #6: And transitions take more energy #8: And to go into transition you have to go into chaos to

create a new thing. When you clean your room, you have to pull everything out and rearrange it. #4:

That thing about roles, that sense of androgenous, both sexes being one being. That’s where it’s going, a

balance in the individual rather than a balance in society. The balance in society is coming through now

with people of the same sex playing different roles #5: Sexuality itself is morphing #8: Are we making

homeopathic Viagra? #5: Yesterday wondering if there is a proving of testosterone? Transgendered

male to female suicides is absolutely unbelievable. They start taking estrogen and a lot end in suicide.

#5: Single mothers, that looks very difficult. I watched my own mother parent not only her children but

her own husband.

C5 Judy Notes

In some ways, it begs the question of what is our responsibility in developing this remedy?

During trituration, the energy rose up then splat, impotence thing. Unable to sustain the energy.

Sahara drawing lots of 5 petalled flowers. Purple book. Leaf. They’re all representational.

Sonya: Woody—morning wood. The albino wood is not strong in this tree. Impotence. The regular

Redwood Bark is very thick.

#6: Clones: all the same; first sheep Dolly didn’t live very long; no life force or very small life force.

Artificial. Not real incarnation, not really alive. Whereas something that has gone through the whole

process is this being, I am a sheep, it has a lifeforce and can carry on for a long time. It’s a hybrid figure,

mixing of genetic information. Judy: In some ways it does have a male and female because it’s a clone.

#4: Artificial insemination and artificial interference, the vital force is somehow compromised. Judy:

that’s not the same, the clone is a copy. #4: I think it is, a lot of children who come from processed

fertilization, the children have different problems. Anneke: Often perfectly normal. #4: Proportionately

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there are large numbers that have certain things coming through. Anneke: But still the process of the

sperm finding the egg. Still a purposeful meeting of that. Interesting that very many homosexual males

are sperm donors, interesting because those sperm would never normally meet eggs. #4: There’s an

intermediate process, something that happens to that sperm before it meets the egg that wouldn’t

happen. Has impact on the vital force. #10: When you give birth, the soul chooses the mother, you

cannot control that, the soul wants to experience life this way. The soul wants to experience being

genetically dysfunctional. This is the way the soul wants to live. Soul wants to experience different ways

of living. Everyone can also choose their exit point, it’s their blueprint before they come. Everybody has

a choice, because we all choose to come here. We choose the parents and the environment we live in.

Anneke: Genetic engineering, insemination: has something to do w/ greater plan of evolution. It’s an

ordinary, common thing now. Judy: I take issue with that, the genetic engineering, on the path of the

toxic male, the bad model, putting tomato genes into fish. Growing pharmaceuticals in rice. Do we know

enough of what we’re doing to be doing this in a proper way? Completely irresponsible. Anneke:

Evolution has to happen; there’s a lot about that we don’t understand. A lot of attempts being made;

driven by monetary forces rather than human survival forces. Now we are able to drill for oil in Alaska,

has to do with money not ecology. Judy: That’s an artificial driver rather than an evolutionary driver. #4:

Depends on your definition of evolution, I’m from a natural selection definition; so this means that some

other force is taking over the direction in which change is happening, and to me that is not evolution.

But looking at evolution is change, clearly other factors come into play. We are directing it; through a

very narrow bottleneck. There’s control written all over this. #5: It’s a false control because you can’t

control evolution. Chaos; can’t control it. The nature of nature is chaos. #4: There is pattern in nature,

but pattern is part of chaos.

Anneke: Transitions hugely important.

#10: Dreams of distorted animals with different heads and different feet. Atlantean times: the people

were so empowered they thought they were gods and could do anything. The collective consciousness

in the crystals. So they are so powerful they have nothing to do; they are mixing animals up and the

animals are suffering and in pain and cannot live. Animals killing each other for fun. With our technology

it’s like Atlantean times, it’s at the peak; a good and a bad. The bad force is what they’re doing to the

animals and the good force working on improving lives, like doing surgery using crystal. Bad force is so

bad that they’re constantly fighting. Have harnessed all the energies; trying to harness the earth’s

energy by cracking the earth open. Leads to earthquake and poles shift and some escape and many are

lost/killed. Some maybe leave in spaceship and return to Egypt. Something we need to take a look at;

that maybe we are close to that peak. Environmentalists say we need to go green and take care of the

earth, that’s the good force. Anneke: Polarization leads to a lack of responsibility on a bigger picture.

Then you get the chaos and you’re forced into transition without a guided purpose. Judy: Doesn’t a lack

of responsibility lead to polarization, some are responsible and some not? #4: There’s also over

responsibility, taking responsibility for everything. Fighting the bad energy in the gangs. Anneke: Have to

get the thugs. #5: The son is saying it’s no big deal and the son has to keep the son alive. The son is not

expressing a respect for his life force which is threatened; mom getting him on his motorcycle. Anneke:

He doesn’t have a respect for the bad force. #5: omnipotence/impotence. Immortal and invincible as a

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young person. Judy: Also impotence vs. omnipotence #4: Young men believe they’re invincible because

that’s where they get their courage, and I think we need to protect that. Judy: Child abuse takes that

away.

#8: This remedy is for transition; for transitioning. Everything we’ve talked about is about that. Helping

males take their power? Women are the power now; we’ve had to take it. The men aren’t there, they

don’t know how to function any more. Anneke: Not all women are in that place. We’re only a tiny

minority. Judy: Women do 80% of the work on the planet. #4: Women are most dissatisfied and have

the most choice; men are most happy because they’ve allowed their women to have all this choice and

the women can’t do it all but the men are doing nothing. They’re not doing it and giving all this power to

the female but the female can’t do it. #8: When we’re holding all the balls, we’re not that free to

choose. It’s a false freedom. #7: Women are doing all the work, but doing all the work doesn’t mean we

have the power, it’s just drudgery.

#10: Shift to female energy; where women take control. The last 1000 years male energy has been

dominant. The men are getting weaker and don’t take responsibility. We should accept it, this is our era,

not rely on the guys. #4: Men looking at the domestic work. Cooking is really important. There are a lot

of gay couples. One half might be playing the role of the domestic partner. Men coming into the

domestic role through a different door. #7: Transition: how do you transition and take the power

without taking all the responsibility so that you have no choice?

Anneke: In C2 we thought can this be a remedy for people and ghosts who can’t make proper

developmental transitions, and also unnatural transitions, unnatural as in a parent losing a child.

Difficulty with transition.

Judy: This remedy is a visible spirit vs invisible spirit. #5: Ghost vs spirit. Judy: Ghost is negative; lack of

volition; spook.; lacking something; lost. #4: Spirit has power; could be an animal. #4: But what about

the Holy Ghost? Some people say Holy Spirit, it’s interchangeable in the Church. The original language is

Spirit. Ghost and Spirit maybe used to be more synonymous. Anneke: The Church installing fear. Let’s

call this Spirit, too nice, let’s call it Ghost. I see this albino like a shadow of the bigger tree.

#4: Terminology is interesting: a white shadow, it’s white and translucent which is the opposite of

shadow. Polarity: jagged/soft; tall/short; hard/soft.

After the Trituration: Prover #6

Sunday late afternoon-early evening (28 August 2011): a dream-vision while dozing off on the couch –

at the point halfway between being still awake and falling asleep: I commence dreaming of a landscape

– a dry landscape, semi-desert... Beautiful – all in shades of brown /colours of desert / colours of semi-

desert / colours of arid land... The earth starts to open up – a very long crack appears in the surface of

the earth and the crack starts to open up; it is very beautiful... It is not as in an earthquake, it is more

like a birth – like when an egg starts to crack open before the chick emerges; or like the gradual opening

of the birth canal. But then my daughter asks me to look at something for her and the dream is

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interrupted, also the semi-sleep is interrupted. I would have dozed off in a nice comfortable sleep,

preluded by the dream, but now that had all been interrupted.

Tuesday afternoon (two days later): Upon attempting to have an afternoon nap, I experience being on

the verge of a deep sleep, but somehow there is a block to crossing over into sleep. I am fully aware that

the block to crossing over into sleep is because of a disturbance of some kind, and not because of

confusion. The sensation is of a block, and there is no confusion. I.e there is clarity as to being on the

verge of crossing over into the state of sleep, but the crossing over is blocked. Upon waking my right

cheek itches suddenly, and I rub it urgently and vigorously.

Wednesday (three days since end of trituration): Today I notice that my feet pain; not a big pain, but

the pain is there; my feet don't ever pain; so I think it is 'trituration resonance'. I continue to have a

heightened sense of odours; I realize how many unpleasant odours are around.

Thursday night/ early morning hours (four days since end of trituration): I dream of a person who

'tests' living as one gender first, then living as the other gender next (I can't remember which was first –

male or female.) Both 'livings' / manifestations were successful. A perfect balance of male and female

manifestations. I receive affirmation in the dream that what I am seeing is something very good. And

then there comes a seal of approval in the form of a kiss. (I am kissed on the forehead.) I then dream

that I tell my son that I give him permission to be the full person he is – 'to become his full primordial

self', to realize his full being. Next in the dream appears an unusual house – a house that reminds me of

the house in the woods - built of cake and sweets! - in the Hansl & Gretl fairy tale, and a Frank Gehry

architectural design... a most unusual house! My son then performs somersaults and other acrobatics.

The energy is joyful and most out of the ordinary. It is very good. I then tell him in the dream 'that things

are very difficult for males of our bloodline / descent, but that he must return to his roots often, many

times, because that will empower him'.

Thursday afternoon 8 September 2011 (eleven days since the end of the trituration): I take a nap in

the afternoon, and upon waking, the words 'White Fish Eagle' come to mind. I think that this is quite

odd, because there is no such thing as a 'white fish eagle'; but then...: 'Ah... Ghost tree! Possibly

something to do with that...'... Within the next half hour or so, my daughter, who was eating an apple (it

was an organic Gala apple, from BC) calls out: 'Mommy! Look! Albino apple seeds!!!' She comes and

shows me...: we see the clump of apple seeds embedded in the core, all stout and ready for what seeds

are supposed to do. The curious thing is, they all appear to be white; that is, we see their heads only, and

they are white. We have never seen that before, EVER.

We then take out the seeds to inspect them, and low and behold, only at their base there is some

brown, but in patches only; a very small area per seed has some, but very little, brown in it; the larger

part of each seed is entirely white. None of the other apples' seeds looked like this - the others were all

'normal'.

Prover #5: After the Trituration

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

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Greyhound bus from Vancouver to Kelowna -after the C5 trituration (Sunday 2 pm) -this remedy is telling about grief at birth and death -transitions -split -male/female power imbalance or a relationship where one sustains the other or is an expression of the other in some deep way -when the relationship is cut off by birth or death a vital expression is lost and the one left is stuck in an inability to express grief -the other is still attached in the form of ghost and the remedy will help to release it thus allowing the person to express grief and move on -there will always be some expression of the connection because they are joined through life and death at a place we don’t understand or articulate well at this time and especially in this culture -there are many many ways to express grief such as through dancing, singing, playing music, art making and pure physical movement -animals can help in the expression of grief -abortion -miscarriage -love -healing the grief of this connection and loss -men carrying responsibility for the planet -men weakened by the mother through over nurturing -men weakened when they are cut off from the father/fathering and are therefore unguided as to the qualities of the divine masculine and leads to anger/violence -men needing power from the divine feminine -men who are cut off from their own feminine power and can’t express love, grief or are blocked from this at an early age -would of profound loss ie. death of the mother or father -men who’s creativity is blocked or they are disconnected from it by work/family responsibility (anger from supressed grief) -Ghost/Spirit -while the grief of loss is unexpressed/unacknowledged it becomes ‘ghost’ and the person’s vital force becomes compromised -with the remedy, grief/anger becomes more easy to express (honored), the vital force transitions to a higher energetic level and the ghost becomes spirit and is released -when the spirit is released the expression of their deep connection remains eternally as an energetic flow between them -this energetic flow is a powerful form of protection (guardianship/care) -anger and/or ambivalence/numbness can represent unexpressed grief -symptoms of the feet and issues of mobility are a symbolic expression of the inability to move beyond the grief -any symptoms which create a state of dependence -genetics are inherited tendencies -genetic mutations leading to disease and death (I received specific information related to the genetic disorder osteogenesis imperfectia or brittle bone disease) -historical loss that is unexpressed ie. unresolved grief from loss in past generations

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-genetic mutations as expression of ghost What is the healthiest way to heal the male energy? -teach boys about the divine masculine/femine and how it is to be honored in everyone and everything -change the role/definition of the male in society -teach males to express -clean up (the environment) -the ladder runs side to side (not sure what this means) How do we handle grief? -express it -transform it into something else and use it because it is very powerful -grief heals. it makes everything stronger. it is transition. the doorway for the ghost to pass through to become spirit -there is mass unexpressed grief in this world and humanity can’t hold it anymore without expression -we must help men express grief -the most common current expression is anger which is depleting their vital energy -the ghost/spirit tree is an expression of love -the earth, which is female and male will not let us die. we are eternally connected -the earth is the mother and the father and we must all become both in order to be whole -there is no division between feminine and masculine energy -the split is disease or the fall (genesis) -the masculine and feminine are one in all. there is no separation -to be whole is to express both -children must be raised in the energy of the sacred feminine/masculine spirit -the embodiment of both comes about through the energy of creativity and the imagination The evening before I left I was about to prepare dinner with my long lost friend when the woman I was staying with showed up with another friend (I'll call her L). We talked together for a while and I noticed that L was talking very fast and quite loud. I ended up in a very intense conversation with her, the gist of which I'll put in point form. -she had been in a motorcycle accident about 5 years ago where her best friend was killed -she had not done any counseling or real grieving about it -she was 'carrying the mantel' for her family as her husband had lost his job and her 15 year old daughter was in the middle of a teen crisis with school and friends -she was having a lot of menopausal symptoms and had experienced intense nausea during pregnancy -she'd had a baby that died (first time I heard this) I had shared a story earlier about my brother healing the relationship with his son when he'd made it clear that he would always be there for him no matter what. She started to cry at this and during the ensuing conversation I got the feeling that she was just barely keeping herself together. I could feel her intense grief was right at the surface. I also went to the Surrealist art show at the Vancouver Art gallery on Sunday afternoon. It was surreal. I ended up having a conversation with a security guard about two pieces in the show. One was a video

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about the female relationship to disease and the male and the other was a painting entitled Minotaur (you can wiki this if you're interested). Prover #11: After the Trituration

Addition and summary of aspects of Ghost Redwood experience, after a powerful constellation weekend with themes of ghost redwood in it: 1 impotence, powerlessness, rising up and falling down, people saying 'man up' in the constellations- i had never heard this phrase before. Weak male, absent male and women having to take up the mantle. I heard myself arguing with someone I considered a weak male after the last constellation and round the kitchen table, taking the part my husband would normally do, but he was not there at that time. I even said this. Weak males uniting with weak females in the constellations. Surprisingly often in the constellations a man would be chosen to represent a woman and vice versa. This rarely happens systematically in the groups here. When the females take on the male role, then they cannot express themselves in their own femininity, or as themselves. (?- mother losing child unnaturally and whether she can be herself, or will be forever nothing but guilt.) -boys needing and not having structure from their fathers and having to look for it in other places e g gangs 2 transition, limbo, unable to quite go forward because of feeling two pulls. Hesitation and fear, pulled between two. Refusal. Cannot complete the circle. Refusal even if it means life and death. between life and death. 3 something about not sufficiently respecting the substance, and wanting to finish it off, or else to not do it. Not valuing it, and this could be also perhaps not valuing oneself or aspects of oneself and one's own inner resources. refusal as in 2. 4 Not able to find what I want e g food, looking for what I never had. 5 eyes and piercing pains R arm aching swollen blistered feet, cannot stand on own feet well. Two weeks later…. I had hoped that you and we all would now move past the ghost tree. But even last night when I met two friends we were talking about guess what? weak males and stronger women!! about young men now who cannot easily demonstrate the chivalrous qualities and care taking aspect of their maleness as the young women are so busy showing how strong and independent they are. One thing about the ghost tree is that in Buddhism there is the idea of hungry ghosts, which remain in this realm and are seeking to fill themselves but this is impossible. You would need someone versed in Buddhist theology to explain this properly but it is interesting and possibly connected. After the Trituration: Sonya

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August 30, 2011

Yesterday was the day after the last day of the trituration. Sahara got some abdominal pains and she

became very weak and dizzy, finding it hard to walk, and slept most of the day with fever. She also found

it very hard to breathe last night before going to bed though sitting up made it easier. Her eyes also hurt

throughout the day. Today she was fine.

Usman: yesterday and today had itching on chest, shoulders and arms with no rash. Feet along heels

and underneath toes the skin is cracked and dry and painful to stand. Pain in the back of his neck near

the spinal cord, and it hurt to turn the head.

September 30 (started transcribing notes today) Feeling very muddled and confused. Had a cold for the last week caused by a bad shiatsu massage (felt very forceful, he was very rough). Congestion now completely gone, whereas even an hour ago before I started proving the remedy I was blowing out a lot of yellow stringy mucus. October 3, 2011 As I continue transcribing the notes I feel a lot of resistance, like I don’t want to finish this writeup and maybe the substance doesn’t really want to be known. Had a lot of trouble getting notes from people, they weren’t handing them in or forgot to hand them in. The word “interference” keeps echoing in my mind. Heart pains later in the day – they came suddenly, very sharp and intense, then left after a few minutes October 7 Yesterday started off bad. Woke up with sore neck (maybe slept wrong?). As the day progressed I started feeling nauseous and lethargic as well as having a headache. Went to sleep in the middle of the day, I was very tired, unusual for me. Got up and husband said to me, you look like crap, you look like you’re barely there. I felt quite weak and tired, like I could go transparent and walk through walls. Over the last week I kept thinking about the phrase “He was a ghost of a man.” Also in the last few days felt like my trituration writing and work was all wrong, lack of self esteem about my work. Feeling like it wasn’t important and why bother writing it (normally I’m quite proud of my work so this is unusual). People don’t value this remedy yet it is valuable, I found out last night, when I read the mythology. I wish I could find out more about this substance, there is very little to find, not many science experiments done, only one small skinny book written and only one myth. What it really is, is a hidden treasure. Last night dream of romantic night in a hotel room with my husband then a man walks through the door, apparently we are in the wrong room. Days and nights are a lot colder now vs. when we did the proving, in August, during a heat wave. I have a sensitivity to the cold weather, so this is not a remedy that likes any kind of temperature extremes. October 9

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Went on holiday to the island to visit a friend and lo and behold I find a constitutional case of this remedy. He has always had health problems, never healthy. His father was a terrible man and role model. He has not had a steady job for quite some time and his GF basically looks after him. Lately he has wasted away to almost nothing and he looks terrible, like a ghost. He has traditional ideas about male/female roles but he hasn’t taken up the mantle and lashes out at his girlfriend due to lack of self esteem (because he feels bad that he can’t do it). I had a very pleasant evening with my friend and this man who needs ghost tree last night. He was very engaged and his GF said she has not seen him so lively and caring in a very long time (I brought the Ghost Tree energy with me). He tells me there was a time when he could only eat white food, nothing else agreed with him. We discuss the end of the world: he tells me if that happened there would be gang warfare and we would all need guns and have to keep people out of our properties and off the island, he would like to take up archery just in case we need to prepare ourselves. Today I went to the artist’s co-op and bought a painting of an owl to hang in the bathroom of my office. October 11 Noticed something that looks like a bug bite but swelled up, looking a bit like a blister and it was itchy. Was getting some of those around August but dismissed them as bug bites, but now it is not bug season anymore. Another important thing to note: it was my husband who found the myth a few days ago. I had given up and he took an uncharacteristic interest in doing the research about the myth – he “manned up,” “took up the mantle” and courageously kept looking until he found the myth. October 14 Drinking so much water today. The other day I was having so much thirst, kept drinking glass after glass of water. I am so thirsty. October 17 Last 2 days eating like a pig, really want to finish off the proving now.