int ss 55

Two principles of assertionTwo principles of assertion

You You don’t getdon’t get what you don’t get ask for what you don’t get ask for

You get You get a lota lot of what you do ask for of what you do ask for

Source: Andrew GibbonsSource: Andrew Gibbons

Two principles of behaviourTwo principles of behaviour

All behaviour is All behaviour is

motivatedmotivated

There is a There is a reasonreason for all we for all we

say say and all we and all we

dodo

Three fundamental rules for Three fundamental rules for handling peoplehandling people

Don’t criticise, condemn or complainDon’t criticise, condemn or complain

Give honest, sincere appreciationGive honest, sincere appreciation

Arouse in the other person an eager wantArouse in the other person an eager want

Source: Dale CarnegieSource: Dale Carnegie

Three levels of listeningThree levels of listening

The head level - thoughtsThe head level - thoughts

The heart level - emotions and feelingsThe heart level - emotions and feelings

The hands level - the will to take actionThe hands level - the will to take action

Source: Bowerman and CollinsSource: Bowerman and Collins

Three behaviour typesThree behaviour types

AggressiveAggressive

AssertiveAssertive

PassivePassive

How do they differ to each other?How do they differ to each other?

Three Vs of behaviour Three Vs of behaviour

Visual Visual See See the messagethe message

Verbal Verbal Think Think about the contentabout the content

Vocal Vocal Listen Listen to what is said andto what is said and how how

Achieving outcomes know what outcome you seek Achieving outcomes know what outcome you seek

Sensory awareness have sufficient understanding to know Sensory awareness have sufficient understanding to know

if you are moving towards or away fromif you are moving towards or away from your intended outcomeyour intended outcome

Flexibility of behaviour the ability to vary your behaviour until Flexibility of behaviour the ability to vary your behaviour until you achieve your outcomeyou achieve your outcome

Take action now having a sense timing and urgency Take action now having a sense timing and urgency

Source: Alan ChapmanSource: Alan Chapman

Four NLP principles

Four rules of praiseFour rules of praise

Be specific - for Be specific - for whatwhat exactly? exactly? Be direct - from you, face to faceBe direct - from you, face to face

Say it first - don’t wait for a promptSay it first - don’t wait for a prompt

Do it often - overcome the awkwardnessDo it often - overcome the awkwardness

Praise don’t patronisePraise don’t patronise

Four steps to negotiationFour steps to negotiation

Start with the end in mindStart with the end in mind

Help them prepare too - no surprisesHelp them prepare too - no surprises

Seek and build alignment of interestsSeek and build alignment of interests

Send one message - be organisedSend one message - be organised

From: Danny ErtelFrom: Danny Ertel

Four personality typesFour personality types

Anxious introvertsAnxious introverts

Stable extrovertsStable extroverts

Anxious introvertsAnxious introverts

Stable introvertsStable introverts

Four ways not to persuadeFour ways not to persuade

Too much in your face hard sell pushingToo much in your face hard sell pushing

Resistance to compromise - digging inResistance to compromise - digging in

Over-relying on your great presentationOver-relying on your great presentation

Seeing it as a one hit event not a processSeeing it as a one hit event not a process

Source: Jay CongerSource: Jay Conger

Source: Butz & GoodsteinSource: Butz & Goodstein

Four ways to become an interpersonalFour ways to become an interpersonalSTARSTAR

You need:You need:

SS ensitivity ensitivity TT olerance olerance AA ssertion ssertion

RR estraint estraint

Four ways to persuadeFour ways to persuade

Quickly establish credibilityQuickly establish credibility

Frame your position on common groundFrame your position on common ground

Provide evidence supporting your wantsProvide evidence supporting your wants

Connect at an emotional levelConnect at an emotional level

Source: Jay CongerSource: Jay Conger


Four dilemmas for negotiatorsFour dilemmas for negotiators

Conceding or Being stubbornConceding or Being stubborn

Be jovial or HostilityBe jovial or Hostility

Bending or DomineeringBending or Domineering

Uncommitted or UndercommittedUncommitted or Undercommitted

Source: W MasterbrookSource: W Masterbrook

Four stages of negotiationFour stages of negotiation

Prepare Assess objectives - yours and theirsPrepare Assess objectives - yours and theirs Decide on areas of possible flexibilityDecide on areas of possible flexibility Plan approach and sequence of eventsPlan approach and sequence of events

Discuss Exchange positions and issuesDiscuss Exchange positions and issues Create a positive working climateCreate a positive working climate Listen carefully and question thoroughlyListen carefully and question thoroughly

Propose Specify what you wantPropose Specify what you want Seek compromise - get a win/win if possibleSeek compromise - get a win/win if possible

Bargain Ask for what you want - modify if you needBargain Ask for what you want - modify if you need Don’t concede without trading Don’t concede without trading

Four ‘C’s of negotiationFour ‘C’s of negotiation

Capitulation give in…bad ideaCapitulation give in…bad idea

Coercion force a short term ‘solution’Coercion force a short term ‘solution’

Compromise bargain and trade to agreementCompromise bargain and trade to agreement

Consensus total harmony of opinionConsensus total harmony of opinion


Five ways to get past ‘no’Five ways to get past ‘no’

Don’t react, go to the balconyDon’t react, go to the balcony

Disarm them: go to their sideDisarm them: go to their side

Change the game: don’t reject…reframeChange the game: don’t reject…reframe

Make it easy to say yes, build a golden bridgeMake it easy to say yes, build a golden bridge Make it hard to say no, bring them to theirMake it hard to say no, bring them to their senses not their kneessenses not their knees Source: Source: William UryWilliam Ury

Five ways to handle conflictFive ways to handle conflict

Competing assertive and unco-operativeCompeting assertive and unco-operative

Collaborating assertive and co-operativeCollaborating assertive and co-operative

Avoiding unassertive and unco-operativeAvoiding unassertive and unco-operative

Accommodating unassertive and co-operativeAccommodating unassertive and co-operative

Compromising mid-point on both dimensionsCompromising mid-point on both dimensions Source: Robert BlakeSource: Robert Blake

Five factors around power and influenceFive factors around power and influence

Technical competenceTechnical competence

CredibilityCredibility

Trust and honestyTrust and honesty

Interpersonal skillsInterpersonal skills

Drive, energy and enthusiasmDrive, energy and enthusiasm

Source: Mike PhippsSource: Mike Phipps

Five principles of good speakingFive principles of good speaking

Be…Be…

PreparedPrepared

ClearClear

SimpleSimple

VividVivid

NaturalNatural

Five global factors derived from the Five global factors derived from the primary factors of the sixteen PF test primary factors of the sixteen PF test

ExtraversionExtraversion

AnxietyAnxiety

Tough-mindednessTough-mindedness

IndependenceIndependence

Self-controlSelf-control

Source: Raymond CattellSource: Raymond Cattell

Six types of assertionSix types of assertion BasicBasic

EmpatheticEmpathetic

ConsequenceConsequence

Negative feelingsNegative feelings

DiscrepancyDiscrepancy

ResponsiveResponsive Source: Ken and Kate BackSource: Ken and Kate Back

Six ways to make people like youSix ways to make people like you

Become genuinely interested in other peopleBecome genuinely interested in other people

SmileSmile

Remember that a person’s name is to that Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important soundperson the sweetest and most important sound Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselvesBe a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves

Talk in terms of the other person’s interestsTalk in terms of the other person’s interests

Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerelyMake the other person feel important, and do it sincerely



Six parts to a BATNA:Six parts to a BATNA:

BB est est

AA lternative lternative

TT o o

NN egotiated egotiated

AA greement greement Source: Ury and FisherSource: Ury and Fisher

Six sources of Six sources of POWERPOWER

AuthorityAuthority RewardReward PunishmentPunishment ExpertiseExpertise RelationshipsRelationships AssociationAssociation

Source: Mike PhippsSource: Mike Phipps

Six parts to the Six parts to the POTASHPOTASH model model of negotiationof negotiation

PP lanninglanning O O peningpening T T esting out esting out A A djustingdjusting S S hapinghaping

H H andshakingandshaking

Six parts to the Six parts to the LISTENLISTEN model model

L L ooking interestedooking interested II nquiring with questionsnquiring with questions SS staying on targetstaying on target TT esting understandingesting understanding EE valuating the messagevaluating the message NN eutralising your feelingseutralising your feelings

Six mistakes in negotiationSix mistakes in negotiation

Neglecting the other side’s interestsNeglecting the other side’s interests

Letting price bulldoze other interestsLetting price bulldoze other interests

Searching too hard for common groundSearching too hard for common ground

Letting positions drive out interestsLetting positions drive out interests

Neglecting BATNAsNeglecting BATNAs

Not recognising your own partialityNot recognising your own partiality

Source: James SibeniusSource: James Sibenius

Six ways to manage your emotionsSix ways to manage your emotions

Be aware of your emotionsBe aware of your emotions

Accept and own your emotionsAccept and own your emotions

Investigate and explore your emotionsInvestigate and explore your emotions

Make known your emotionsMake known your emotions

Integrate your emotions with your intellect and willIntegrate your emotions with your intellect and will

Adjust, modify and use your emotions positivelyAdjust, modify and use your emotions positively

From: Myron ChartierFrom: Myron Chartier


Six skills for interpersonal effectivenessSix skills for interpersonal effectiveness

Reporting and giving positivesReporting and giving positives

Listening actively - following and reflectingListening actively - following and reflecting

Confronting constructively and respectfullyConfronting constructively and respectfully

Mutual problem solving - turning conflict into co- operationMutual problem solving - turning conflict into co- operation

Unsolicited consulting - influencing those who have not Unsolicited consulting - influencing those who have not sought your advicesought your advice Solicited consulting - responding effectively to those who Solicited consulting - responding effectively to those who want your advicewant your advice

Source: Helen ClinnardSource: Helen Clinnard

The The SIMPLESIMPLE feedback model feedback model

S S ensitiveensitive II ssue relatedssue related MM eaningfuleaningful PP romptrompt LL istenisten EE easy to understandeasy to understandSource: Lynda FordSource: Lynda Ford

The The RECIPERECIPE model for understanding personality differences model for understanding personality differences

RR esponsibilityesponsibility EE experienceexperience CC onfidenceonfidence II ‘I’ language‘I’ language PP rocess reviewrocess review EE quality of opportunityquality of opportunitySource: Ray MahoneySource: Ray Mahoney

Seven types of powerSeven types of power

Referral associationReferral association Ownership possessionOwnership possession Expertise competenceExpertise competence Charisma charm, interest, persuasionCharisma charm, interest, persuasion Time use it when you have itTime use it when you have it Information what you knowInformation what you know Coercion willingness to be hostileCoercion willingness to be hostile

Source: Business BuffetSource: Business Buffet

Seven reasons we interruptSeven reasons we interruptIgnorance - plain bad mannersIgnorance - plain bad manners

Can’t hold back - dis/like of what is being saidCan’t hold back - dis/like of what is being said

Fear of forgetting responseFear of forgetting response

Poor timing - thinking other person had finishedPoor timing - thinking other person had finished

Desire to end conversation and do something elseDesire to end conversation and do something else

Duration and/or content - boredDuration and/or content - bored

Manner of, or feelings about the speakerManner of, or feelings about the speaker Source: Andrew GibbonsSource: Andrew Gibbons

Seven rules for giving feedbackSeven rules for giving feedbackCourageCourage

SkillSkill

Self-confidenceSelf-confidence

SensitivitySensitivity

Interest and respectInterest and respect

The right motivesThe right motives

CredibilityCredibility

Seven sources of conflictSeven sources of conflictClash of goals and ideologiesClash of goals and ideologies

Divergence of formal objectivesDivergence of formal objectives

Unclear contractual relationshipsUnclear contractual relationships

Simultaneous or divergent, uncomplementary rolesSimultaneous or divergent, uncomplementary roles

Concealed objectives or agendasConcealed objectives or agendas

Territorial violation or jealousyTerritorial violation or jealousy

OvercrowdingOvercrowding From: Handy and ArdreyFrom: Handy and Ardrey

Eight pros and cons of conflictEight pros and cons of conflict

Clears the airClears the air

Introduces new rulesIntroduces new rules

Modifies goalsModifies goals

Clarifies positionsClarifies positions

On the other hand…On the other hand… Waste of time and energyWaste of time and energy

Emotional stress and organisational stressEmotional stress and organisational stress

Risks Risks

Worsened relationsWorsened relations

Eight issues in criticising constructivelyEight issues in criticising constructively

Your personal credibility with the other/sYour personal credibility with the other/s

Be specific about the reason to be criticalBe specific about the reason to be critical

Have the right motives - why are you doing this?Have the right motives - why are you doing this?

Give support and encouragementGive support and encouragement

Choose the time and place with careChoose the time and place with care

Anticipate retaliationAnticipate retaliation

Give feedback on behaviour - don’t make judgements Give feedback on behaviour - don’t make judgements

Get commitment to the agreed changed behaviourGet commitment to the agreed changed behaviour


Eight things negotiators can do...Eight things negotiators can do...

Say ‘no’ effectivelySay ‘no’ effectively

Inspire confidenceInspire confidence

Be ingeniousBe ingenious

‘‘Take it’ without negative reactionsTake it’ without negative reactions

Be a patient listenerBe a patient listener

Have a sense of humourHave a sense of humour

See the wider context - the wider pictureSee the wider context - the wider picture

Articulate complex issues clearly and concisely Articulate complex issues clearly and concisely

From: Bruce MorseFrom: Bruce Morse


Eight keys to negotiationEight keys to negotiation

Offer incentives - create a need and a wantOffer incentives - create a need and a want

Put a price on the status quoPut a price on the status quo

Seed ideas early - build on theseSeed ideas early - build on these

Reframe if you need - keep it flexibleReframe if you need - keep it flexible

Build consensus - seek common groundBuild consensus - seek common ground

Help others save faceHelp others save face

Keep the dialogue going Keep the dialogue going

Look for new perspectives - be creativeLook for new perspectives - be creative

From:: D Kolb and J WilliamsFrom:: D Kolb and J Williams


Nine tips for negotiatorsNine tips for negotiators

Have an alternative - negotiate with freedom of choiceHave an alternative - negotiate with freedom of choice

Negotiate when you have an agreement in principleNegotiate when you have an agreement in principle

Aim high, first positions set limits on best possible outcomesAim high, first positions set limits on best possible outcomes

Let the other party state their case and wants firstLet the other party state their case and wants first

List and clarify what the others want before you get startedList and clarify what the others want before you get started

Bargain and trade - don’t just give anything awayBargain and trade - don’t just give anything away

Keep the whole picture in mind throughoutKeep the whole picture in mind throughout

Be alert for variable and new issues throughout the processBe alert for variable and new issues throughout the process

Keep accurate notes and summarise progress continuously Keep accurate notes and summarise progress continuously Source: Alan ChapmanSource: Alan Chapman

Ten golden rules for giving feedbackTen golden rules for giving feedback

Give feedback on observed behaviour not perceived attitudesGive feedback on observed behaviour not perceived attitudes

Describe what you saw and felt, don’t make judgementsDescribe what you saw and felt, don’t make judgements

Focus on behaviour that can be changedFocus on behaviour that can be changed

Select and stick to the most important issuesSelect and stick to the most important issues

Ask questions rather than make statementsAsk questions rather than make statements

Set ground rules in advanceSet ground rules in advanceComment on positive issues not just the negativeComment on positive issues not just the negativeStick to specific behaviour, don’t waffle vaguelyStick to specific behaviour, don’t waffle vaguelyObserve everyone’s personal limitsObserve everyone’s personal limitsBefore offering feedback, consider its value to the receiverBefore offering feedback, consider its value to the receiver

Source: Wood and ScottSource: Wood and Scott

Ten ‘right’s as a personTen ‘right’s as a person

I have a right to:I have a right to:

Be treated with respect as an equal person Be treated with respect as an equal person

Define my needs and ask reasonably for what I want and needDefine my needs and ask reasonably for what I want and need

Define my own limits and to say ‘no’Define my own limits and to say ‘no’

Express my feelings and opinionsExpress my feelings and opinions

Make my own decisions and to change my mindMake my own decisions and to change my mind

Seek clarification and understanding if something is not clearSeek clarification and understanding if something is not clear

Make mistakes without feeling guilty or made to look foolish Make mistakes without feeling guilty or made to look foolish

Hold my own set of values Hold my own set of values

Be listened to when I speakBe listened to when I speak

Refuse to take inappropriate responsibility for other’s issuesRefuse to take inappropriate responsibility for other’s issues

Ten tips for giving personal feedbackTen tips for giving personal feedback

Be specific, refer to observed actual events.Be specific, refer to observed actual events.Be constructive, focus on ways forward and lessons learnedBe constructive, focus on ways forward and lessons learnedAvoid abstract comments about personality and attitudesAvoid abstract comments about personality and attitudes

Don’t try and do too much, be realistic with what is possibleDon’t try and do too much, be realistic with what is possibleEncourage the other person to self appraiseEncourage the other person to self appraiseNever get drawn into an argument or disputeNever get drawn into an argument or dispute

Don’t become an amateur psychologist, and over-advise Don’t become an amateur psychologist, and over-advise If change is needed, explain why, and help with action plansIf change is needed, explain why, and help with action plansBe prepared to change your own approach and viewsBe prepared to change your own approach and viewsRemain interested and available for further adviceRemain interested and available for further advice Source: Alan FowlerSource: Alan Fowler

TheThe best best negotiators do this:negotiators do this:

Spend the time it takes to prepare really wellSpend the time it takes to prepare really well

Test understanding and summarise a lotTest understanding and summarise a lot

Ask many questions to clarify and exploreAsk many questions to clarify and explore

Give ‘internal’ informationGive ‘internal’ information

Flag up behaviour - unless disagreeingFlag up behaviour - unless disagreeing

Avoid ‘irritators’Avoid ‘irritators’

Never make immediate counter-proposals Never make immediate counter-proposals

Don’t get into defend/attack spiralsDon’t get into defend/attack spirals

Work through one issue at a timeWork through one issue at a time

Recognise and emphasise common groundRecognise and emphasise common ground

Assess their performance thoroughlyAssess their performance thoroughly


Eleven behaviour analysis categoriesEleven behaviour analysis categories

ProposingProposing

BuildingBuilding

SupportingSupporting

DisagreeingDisagreeing

Defending/attackingDefending/attacking

Testing understandingTesting understanding

SummarisingSummarising

Seeking informationSeeking information

Giving informationGiving information

Bringing inBringing in

Shutting outShutting out

Source: Neil Rackham and othersSource: Neil Rackham and others

Twelve ways to win people to your way of Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinkingthinking

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid itThe only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

Show respect for the other person’s opinionsShow respect for the other person’s opinions

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphaticallyIf you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

Begin in a friendly wayBegin in a friendly way

Get the other person saying ‘yes yes’ immediatelyGet the other person saying ‘yes yes’ immediately

Let the other person do a great deal of the talkingLet the other person do a great deal of the talking

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hersLet the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of viewTry honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desiresBe sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

Appeal to the nobler motivesAppeal to the nobler motives

Dramatise your ideasDramatise your ideas

Throw down a challengeThrow down a challenge


Bale’s twelve behavioural classificationsBale’s twelve behavioural classifications

Positive reactions Shows solidarityPositive reactions Shows solidarity Shows tension releaseShows tension release Shows agreementShows agreement

Problem solving Gives suggestionsProblem solving Gives suggestionsattempts Gives opinionattempts Gives opinion Asks for informationAsks for information Asks for opinionAsks for opinion Asks for suggestionsAsks for suggestions

Negative reactions Shows disagreementNegative reactions Shows disagreement Shows tensionShows tension Shows antagonismShows antagonism

Source: BalesSource: Bales

Thirteen key issues around NegotiationThirteen key issues around Negotiation

PeoplePeople ObjectivesObjectives PrinciplesPrinciples

TimingTiming Bargaining/tradingBargaining/trading

MovementMovement AuthorityAuthority ControlControl

Convergence/divergenceConvergence/divergence BATNAsBATNAs

SkillsSkills LeverageLeverage

History and aftermathHistory and aftermath


Sixteen personality factors within the 16 Sixteen personality factors within the 16 PFPF

Warmth ReasoningWarmth Reasoning

Emotional stability DominanceEmotional stability Dominance

Liveliness Rule-consciousnessLiveliness Rule-consciousness

Social boldness SensitivitySocial boldness Sensitivity

Vigilance AbstractnessVigilance Abstractness

Privateness ApprehensionPrivateness Apprehension

Openness to change Self-relianceOpenness to change Self-reliance

Perfectionism TensionPerfectionism Tension

Source: Raymond CattellSource: Raymond Cattell

A classic presentation structureA classic presentation structure

““Tell ‘em what you’ll tell ‘emTell ‘em what you’ll tell ‘em

… …tell ‘em…tell ‘em…

… …tell ‘em what you told ‘em” tell ‘em what you told ‘em”

Sam GoldwynSam Goldwyn

You canYou can

choosechoose Your behaviourYour behaviour

Peter HoneyPeter Honey

BehaviourBehaviour

breedsbreeds behaviourbehaviour

Peter HoneyPeter Honey

PerceptionPerception isis

RealityReality

Source: Peter Honey Source: Peter Honey

““Don’t become like the Don’t become like the people you criticise”people you criticise”

Ann SmithAnn Smith

int ss 55

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