Interpersonal Communication Skills

Samir Muhazzab AminUniversiti Putra Malaysia

ListeningDefinition

1. The orientation of the worker to another person’s communication rather than to oneself.

2. Accurate interpretation of the meaning the other person is attempting to convey.

3. The response of the worker to the other person’s communication indicates whether the worker is appropriately listening. 2

Why it is necessary to listen to others?

It is the skill people most often make mistakes with, not only in professional practice but also in daily life.

Listening is different from hearing. Hearing is a capacity to pick up the

sounds and words one person is conveying to another.

3

Why it is necessary to listen to others?

Hearing is what a tape recorder can do.

Listening is what happens after hearing occurs.

Many people as well as workers often only hear and do not listen.

4

What do we listen for? Egan p 24 (2002) argues when workers listen

they listen for 5 things:

1. Stories-i. Experiences - is happeningii. Behaviours- what actions are taken or not takeniii. Affect - feelings and emotions which arise

from experiences.iv. Core messages in stories – what is the main

understanding of what has happened.

5

What do we listen for? Egan p 24 (2002) argues when workers listen

they listen for 5 things:

2. Opinions about key issues– the reasons why the opinions are held and the

implications of these opinions for the person and other people.

6

3. Decisions people make about their lives – the reasons for these decisions and the implications the decisions have for themselves and other people.

7

4. Intentions – how does someone intend to act, what are the goals they see they have about their life, the reasons for these actions and the implications these actions have for themselves and other people?

5. The wider context of the present situation for the person – who else is affected, who else can impact on what is happening?.

8

Why is listening difficult in practice?

People seldom talk to the worker in a clear and logical way which covers each of Egan’s points. People tend to tell their story in a circular manner, often linking different ideas together e.g. feeling lonely, as well as discussing the children’s schooling.

Children especially talk in a circular manner

9

Why is listening difficult in practice?

Many people do not talk much or at all –

e.g. children are not always willing or able to talk about what is happening to them or how they think and feel.

10

Why is listening difficult in practice?

How someone ‘talks’ can be difficult to

understand due to :

i) accents, ii) limited grammar knowledge, iii) emotionally distress or iv) lack of knowledge of words to express what they wish

to say. 11

Why is listening difficult in practice?

The setting communication is occurring

within other people are listening, verynoisy.

Someone is writing down what the person

is saying and this inhibits the flow ofconversation or the person’s

willingnessto talk. 12

Listening: parts

There are two parts to listening:1. Talking – which both the worker and the

other person does2. Listening – which the worker

predominantly doesListening is actually a dynamic interactive process between talking and listening in which the response of the each of the parties (i.e. the person and the worker is shaped by what the person has said (talking) and how the worker has listened.

13

Stage 1- InvitingIndicating to the person that you are prepared to listen to their story

How? Through body position (lean forward), body language (open face, smile), speech (I do wish to know about your worries about the safety of the children if you go to work). Often a simple question or statement will invite a person to speak:“How did this all happen?”Often however the worker does not have to talk, simply using non-verbal communication can signal to the person you are interested, care about them and their situation and they will talk in response to this non-verbal communication

14

Stage 2 ListeningIndicating to the person you have heard the words and understood the meaning of the story the person is conveying to you.

How1.Through HEARING the words and sentence structure, 2.Through OBSERVING the non-verbal language around what is said – facial expression, body position, pauses in language.3.Through ENCOURAGING the person to continue around key topic areas, 4.Through REASSURING AND SUPPORTING the person you wish to hear what they have to say, are not judging them and understand what it is they wish to convey, 5.Through the talking response you given and through the non-verbal communication around your spoken language.

15

Stage 3Reflecting RespondingIndicating to the person that you have heard what they have said and thought about the meaning the person is sending to you.

How:

Clients listen very carefully to how the worker responds to what they have said. They also watch very carefully the non-verbal communication around what the worker is saying to observe if it ‘matches’ the verbal statements.

16

Ten good listening skills for workers (Neukrug) (2002).

1. Minimal talk2. Simple use of language &

grammar structure3. Concentrate on what is being

said4. Indicate you have heard5. Do not interrupt6. Do not give advice/tell what to

do

17

Ten good listening skills (Neukrug) (2002).

7. Focus upon the person not yourself

8. Accurately hear the content of what is being communicated.

9. Accurately hear the feeling of what is being communicated

10.Ask clarifying questions11.Do not ask irrelevant questions

18

Common communication mistakes?

1. Advice giving – telling or directing the person what to do, how to think & how to feel.

2. Judgementalism – expressing the worker’s own biases/judgments about the person and their problems.

3. Inattentiveness – not focusing on what the person is communicating

19

Common communication mistakes?

4. Long-windedness – the worker does all the talking; takes a long time to convey their communication

5. Inappropriate finishing of the communication – worker abruptly ends the communication and is insensitive to how the person feels as a result of the communication.

20

Applying listening skills in practice

1. Listen for core messages2. Listen for the environmental

context of the person’s problems.

3. Listen to the person’s opinions, decisions and intentions.

4. Listen for opportunities the person is allowing for change in their life.

21

Example

You have just said your husband’s behaviour has become more difficult in the last few months.

“I noticed your voice became quiet when you tried to talk about the impact of your husband’s behaviour upon the children”.

Skills required1.Focused attention

2. Humility(humbleness) – not to presume to know what the person wishes to convey or the meaning of what is conveyed.

3. Good non verbal communication strategies to convey to the person the worker is listening.

4. Accurate verbal and non verbal responses by the worker. 22

Listening example.