• Friend: “Now with your eyes closed breathe in slowly”

• Friend: “What’s best in through the nose and out through the mouth?”

• Friend: “Breathe through your arse if you like, just breathe”

• Music: Cheery guitar music

• Friend: “Now I want you to think of someone whose confidence you wish to emulate, who have you thought of?”

• Friend “Fidel Castro”

• Friend: “Ghandi”

• Friend: “Nice one. Eric? ”

• Eric: “Eric Cantona, best footballer ever lived”

• Football Commentator: “Eric Cantona the most talented footballer in Britain”

• Eric: “What a genius eh? VIP, celebrity pals, you got it all mate. Look at me wondering round like a scabby dog”

• Music: Low depressing music

• Eric: “My wife refuses to talk to me”

• Ex-wife: “You walked out on me”

• Eric: “My kids won’t give me the time of day”• • Eric: “Ryan can I have a word please?”

• Ryan: “Going to the match”

• Eric: “It’s all just slipping through my fingers. I just can’t”

• Eric Cantona: “Yes you can”

• Eric “Is that really you?”

• Eric Cantona: “Yes”

• Eric: “Say something in French then”

• Eric Cantona: “Je’suis Eric Cantona”

• Music: Cheery music starts again”

• Eric Cantona: “Play safe, no risk. Take a risk”

• Friend: “What you doing?”

• Eric: “What does it look like i am doing, part of my new regime”

• Eric: “I can’t talk to her Eric”

• Eric Cantona “There is no such word as can’t”

• Eric: “I was just wondering if you would like to come round for a bite to eat”

• Eric Cantona: “I like this one”

• Eric: “We’ll go to the cops right now”

• Ryan: “You can’t they said they will get us”

• Eric: “I don’t know what to do Eric”

• Eric Cantona: “You have to trust your teammates always”

• Friend: “Here we go, Operation Cantona!”

• Eric: “Post, special delivery” • Ex-wife: “Sometimes you just have to risk it”

• Eric: “That was a good night, it was the best night”

• Eric: Sometimes “I forget that you’re just a man”

• Eric Cantona: “I’m not a man…I am Cantona”