martin buber & psychotherapy

8/8/2019 Martin Buber & Psychotherapy

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Journal of Contemporary PsychotherapyVol. 12, No. 1, Spring/Summer 1981

Martin Buber and PsychotherapyA N D R E W P . M U S E T T O , P h .D .

A B S T R A C T : T h i s p a p e r is i n t e n d e d t o m a k e t h e id ea s o f M a r t in B u b e r m o r ed i r e c tly a v a i la b l e t o p sy c h o th e r a p i s t s . Bu b e r 's i n f lu e n c e o n th e r a p y i s mo s t lyin d i r e c t a n d th e a u th o r b e l i e v e s t h a t h i s imp a c t c o u ld b e c o n s id e r a b le i f h i sw r i t i n g s w e r e b e tt e r k n o w n a n d m o r e o f t e n d is cu ssed . Se v e ra l im p o r t a n t i de a s o fBu b e r a r e su mma r i z e d . T h e se in c lu d e d i a lo g u e , I - T h o u r e l a t i o n sh ip s , e x i s t e n t i a lg u i l t , a n d c o n f i r ma t io n .

D i r ec t l y , b u t m o r e o f t e n i n d i r e c t l y , t h e i d ea s o f M a r t i n B u b e r h a v ei n f lu e n c e d t h e ra p i s ts a n d s c h o o l s o f t h e r ap y . B o s z o r m e n y i - N a g y a n dS p a r k ( 19 7 3) , f o r e x a m p l e , r e fe r d i r e c t l y to B u b e r ' s i n fl u e n c e . " D i a l o g u e , "" c o n f i r m a t i o n , " " I , " " T h o u , " " g u i l t , " a re f a m i l i a r w o r d s to p s y c h o t h e r a -p i s ts . T h e y a r e a l s o b a s i c c o n c e p t s i n t h e w r i t i n g s o f M a r t i n B u b e r .

T h e p u r p o s e o f t h is p a p e r is t o m a k e t h e i de as o f M a r t in B u b e r m o r ed i r e c t l y a v a i l a b l e t o t h e r a p i s ts . I t is n o t i n t e n d e d t o p r o v i d e n e w i n s i g h t si n t o h is t h i n k i n g , b u t o n l y t o m a k e e x p l i c i t w h a t is m o s t l y i m p l i c i t .

B U B E R ' S L I F EB u b e r l i v e d f r o m 1 87 8 u n t i l 196 5. H i s l i fe a n d w o r k s s p a n m a n y

c o n t i n e n t s a n d c u l t u r e s , m a n y i d e as a n d i n te r es ts . H e w as b o r n i n V i e n n aa n d d i e d in I sr ae l. H e w a s b r o u g h t u p i n t h e J e w i s h t r a d i t i o n o f C e n t r a lE u r o p e , e n d u r e d t h e v i o l e n c e o f N a z i G e r m a n y , a n d l iv e d th e la s t 2 7 y e ar so f h i s l i f e i n P a l e s t i n e w h i c h , i n 1 94 8, b e c a m e th e s ta t e o f I s r ae l . H e w a se d u c a t e d i n c la s si ca l H e b r e w , w r i t t e n a n d s p o k e n . H e w a s a s t u d e n t o f t h eS c r ip t u re s a n d t r an s l a te d t he J e w i s h B i b le i n t o m o d e r n G e r m a n . H ew r o t e a b o u t a n d s t u d i e d H a s i d i s m a n d H a s i d i c t ex ts . A s c h o l ar , h u m a n i -t a r i a n , p r o f e s s o r , p h i l o s o p h e r , a n d r e l i g i o u s t h i n k e r , B u b e r w a s co n s i d -e r e d a m a n o f p e a c e , i n t e g r it y , a n d d i a l o g u e . A b o u t f ew m e n c o u l d i t b es a i d t h a t t h e i r p e r s o n d o e s n o t b e l i e t h e i r w r i t i n g s , b u t it c o u l d b e s a i da b o u t B u b e r ( F r i e d m a n , 1 95 5, p . 5).

H a v i n g l iv e d t h r o u g h a l m o s t 9 0 y ea rs o f h i s t o r y w h i c h w a s m a r k e d b y3 1

0022-0116/81/1300-0031 $00.95 9 1981HumanSciences Press


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32 Journal o[ Contemp orary Psychotherapy

v i o l en t a n d f r e q u e n t c u l t u r a l c h a n g e a n d u p h e a v a l , B u b e r w a s n os t r a n g e r t o co n f li ct . N o r w a s h e f o n d o f e a s y s o l u t i o n s . H e f o u n d a w a y t oc o p e w i t h w o r l d c o n fl ic t, p e r s o n a l s o r ro w , a n d s u c h p r o f o u n d p h i l o -s o p h i c a l a n d r e l i g i o u s q u e s t i o n s a s t h e e x i st e n c e o f e v il a n d t h e n a t u r e o fm a n . H e c a l le d h is p o s i t i o n a " n a r r o w r i d g e ," n o t a h a p p y m i d d l e o f t h er o a d v i e w t h a t i g n o r e s c o n fl ic t, b u t a n a c t iv e d i a l o g u e w i t h o p p o s i n g a n dc o n f l i c t i n g s id e s. L i k e t h e c l i n i c i a n w h o d a i l y fa c es p a r a d o x , c o n t r a d i c -t i o n a n d c o n fl ic t , B u b e r a d v o c a t e d l i v i n g i n t h e m i d s t o f s u c h t u r m o i l . H i st e a c h i n g a n d h i s l if e w a s a w a l k i n g b e t w e e n l o v e a n d j u s t i c e , d e p e n d e n c ea n d f r e e d o m , p a s s i o n a n d s e l f - re s tr a in t , a u t o n o m y a n d c o n f o r m i t y ,i n d i v i d u a t i o n a n d l o y a lt y . F o r M a r t i n B u b e r it w a s n o t a n i n a b i l i ty t ot ak e si de s b u t a n u n w i l l i n g n e s s t o d i s r e g a rd w h a t e v e r w a s l e g i t i m a t ea b o u t a n y s i d e .

D I A L O G U EI t w o u l d b e h a r d t o fi nd a s c h o o l o r a p p r o a c h t o p s y c h o t h e r a p y w h i c h

d o es n o t u n d e r s c o r e t he i m p o r t a n c e o f c o m m u n i c a t i o n . B a si c to c o m m u -n i c a t i o n is d i a l o g u e .

T o d i a l o g u e w i t h a n o t h e r p e r s o n is t o le t t h e r e a l it y o f t h e o t h e r p e r s o ne m e r g e , n o t t o i m p o s e y o u r t r u t h o n h i m o r h e r . D i a l o g u e d e m a n d sl i s t e n i n g a n d c o n f i r m a t i o n . O n e h e a r s t h e a d d r es s o f th e o t h e r p e r s o n ,c o n f i r m s i t b y t a k i n g i t s e r i o u s l y , a n d r e s p o n d s t o i t s i n c e r e l y a n dp e r s o n a l l y , e v e n i f y o u m a y d i s a g re e w i t h w h a t is s a i d. I n a d i a l o g u e e a c hp e r s o n i s w i l l i n g t o e x p r e s s w h a t h e o r s h e b e l i e v e s a n d f e e l s , a n de n c o u r a g e s t h e o t h e r p e r s o n t o d o t h e s a m e . I t i s n o t t h a t w e s aye v e r y t h i n g , b u t o n l y t h a t w h a t e v e r i s s a i d i s t r u t h f u l a n d a p p r o p r i a t e .D i a l o g u e e x c l u d e s s e m b l a n c e , d e c e it , o r m i s r e p r e s e n t a t i o n . I t d o e s n o ta l lo w f o r c o e r c io n o r m a n i p u l a t i o n .

E s s e n t i a l t o d i a l o g u e is n o t w o r d s b u t a c t i o n s , i. e. , " e x p e r i e n c i n g o f t h eo t h e r s i d e " o r " s e e i n g t h e o t h e r . " C o n v e r s a t i o n c a n b e a b o u t p e r s o n a lm a t t e r s . I t c a n b e i n t i m a t e a n d r e v e a l i n g . B u t i t is n o t d i a l o g u e u n l e s s i t ist r u t h f u l a n d u n l e ss e a c h p e r s o n e x p e r i e n c e s th e s i t u a t i o n f r o m t h e o t h e rp e r s o n ' s s i de . E m p a t h y is a s im i l a r c o n c e p t , e x c e p t t h a t b y d i a l o g u e B u b e rm e a n s s o m e t h i n g m o r e . H e m e a n s t o a c t iv e l y s ee , f ee l, a n d e x p e r i e n c e as i t u a t i o n f r o m t h e o th e r p e r s o n 's v a n t a g e p o i n t w i t h o u t l o s in g o n e 's o w ni d e n t i t y o r p o i n t o f v i ew . D i a l o g u e m e a n s t o m a k e t h e o t h e r p r e s e n t t oy o u w h i l e s ti ll h o l d i n g o n t o y o u r o w n f ee l i n gs o r o p i n io n s . D i a l o g u e isn o t a n o b s e r v i n g , d i a g n o s i n g o r a n a l y z i n g o f t h e o t h e r , b u t an e x p e r-i e n c i n g o f a n o t h e r p e r s o n ' s r e a l it y .

I n d i a l o g u e p e o p l e a re n o t t ie d t o f a m i l i a r p a t t e r n s o r o l d w a y s o f


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a c t in g . D i a l o g u e a l l o w s f o r g r o w t h , c h a n g e , a n d n e w n e s s , o r a s B u b e rs a i d , " t h e m o m e n t o f s u r p r i se , " w h e r e t h e o t h e r p e r s o n c a n s a y s o m e t h i n gu n e x p e c t e d o r b e h a v e i n a n e w w a y .B u b e r ' s c o n c e p t o f b e i n g v e r s u s s e e m i n g a p p l i e s he re . A l t h o u g h u s u a l l ym i x e d t o g e t h e r , t w o d i f f e re n t ty p e s o f h u m a n e x i s t e n ce c a n b e d i s t i n -g u i s h e d . O n e is b e i n g a n d t h e o t h e r s e e m i n g . A t o n e t i m e o r a n o t h e r , w ea re a ll t r o u b l e d b y th e i m p r e s s i o n w e m a k e o n o t h e rs . M o r e o r le ss , w em a y h i d e o u r t r u e f e e li n g s o r o p i n i o n s o r t ry t o a p p e a r t o b e a c e r ta i n w a yt o a n o t h e r p e r s o n . S e e m i n g is t h e e x t e n t t o w h i c h w e p r e s e n t o u r s e l v e sf a ls e ly , i n f l u e n c e d b y th e i m p r e s s i o n o r i m a g e w e w i s h t o c r e a te w i t ha n o t h e r . B e i n g , w h i c h is s i m i l a r t o B o w e n ' s (1 97 6) c o n c e p t o f th er e l a t i v e l y w e l l d i f f e r e n t i a t e d p e r s o n , i s t h e e x t e n t t o w h i c h w e s p e a k t h et r u t h a b o u t o u r s e l v e s , w i t h o u t r e s er v e . I n a l i f e c h a r a c t e r i z e d b y b e i n g , ap e r s o n w i l l n o t p e r j u r e o n e s e l f; n o t b e c a u s e t h a t p e r s o n n e e d s t o r e v e a l th ee n t i r e s e lf , b u t b e c a u s e w h a t e v e r i s r e v e a l e d is d o n e s o h o n e s t l y a n dg e n u i n e l y .

I - T H O U R E L A T I O N S H I P SI a n d T h o u ( B u b e r , 1 95 8), B u b e r ' s m o s t i n f l u e n c i a l a n d b e s t k n o w n

w o r k , w a s f irs t p u b l i s h e d i n G e r m a n i n 1923. A c c o r d i n g to B u b e r , m e na n d w o m e n h a v e t w o p r i m a r y a t t i t u d e s a n d r e l a t i o n s h i p s : I - T h o u a n d l -I t . T h e w a y a p e r s o n r e l a t es to a n o t h e r h u m a n b e i n g d e te r m i n e s w h e t h e ri t i s an I - T h o u o r I - I t r e l a t i o n s h i p .

" A l l re a l l i v i n g i s m e e t i n g , " w r o t e B u b e r . I n a n 1 - T h o u r e l a t i o n s h i p ,o n e p e r s o n , a n " I , " m e e t s a n o t h e r i n d i v i d u a l a s a p e r s o n o r a " T h o u . " Ap e r s o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p is f o r m e d , o n e c h a r a c te r i z ed b y m u t u a l i t y , d i re c t-n e ss , p r e s e n t n e s s , i n t e n s it y . S p o k e n f r o m t h e h e a r t a n d w i t h t h e w h o l ep e r s o n , a n I - T h o u r e l a t i o n s h i p t ak e s p l a c e b e t w e e n p e o p l e , i n a m u t u a la n d r e c r i p r o c a l e x c h a n g e .

I n c o n t r a s t , a n I - I t r e l a t i o n s h i p l a ck s m u t u a l i t y . I t t ak e s p l a c e w i t h i no n e p e r s o n , w h o a p p r o a c h e s t he o t h e r a s a n o b j ec t t o b e e x a m i n e d o rs t u d ie d , u s e d o r m a n i p u l a t e d . I t is n o t , w r o t e B u b e r , t h a t e v er y r e l a t io n -s h i p n e e d s t o b e a n I - T h o u o n e o r t h a t ev e ry m o m e n t i n a n y r e l a t i o n s h i ps h o u l d b e a n I - T h o u e n c o u n t e r , b u t w i t h o u t a n y I - T h o u r e l a t i o n s h i p s w ed o n o t f u l l y b e c o m e h u m a n b e in g s . H u m a n l iv es c a n b e l iv e d a n de x p e r i e n c e d in m a n y w a y s , b u t h u m a n i t y c o m e s i n t o e x is t e n c e o n l yt h r o u g h t he g e n u i n e m e e t i n g o f p e r s o n s .

T h e c l in i c i a n w e l l k n o w s t he i m p o r t a n c e o f b o t h p o l a r i t i e s , a n I a n d aT h o u o r W e i n re l a t i o n s h i p s . B u b e r ' s i d e as c a n be c o m p a r e d w i t h t h et h o u g h t s o f m a n y t h e o ri s ts , e s p e c i a l ly c e r ta i n f a m i l y s y s t e m t h eo r i st s s u c h


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as Bowen (1976), Boszormenyi-Nagy and Spark (1973), and Minuchin(1974). The I in a relationship stands for individuation, autonomy, self-direction. If absent, there is enmeshment, fus ion, a person who is more anextension of another rather than a self-directed individual. Without asufficient definition of the I pola rity in relationships, we find indiv idualswho confuse their own reality, feelings, or beliefs with another person's.In Stierlin's (1977) terms, these indiv iduals may be ego-bound, theirparents hav ing substitu ted their own fragile egos in place of the burgeon-ing egos of their children, leaving the children without an adequatedelinia tion of self. The relat ionship-oriented person described by Bowen,one who is poor ly individuated, applies here.

The T h o u or W e polarity represents togetherness in a relationship. Itallows for intimacy and identification. People unable to articulate thispolarity in their lives are loners; they can respond to others on ly as objectsfor self-gratification or as distorted, projected and unacknowledgedaspects of themselves.

In an excellent essay, Mark Karpel (1976) explicates four modes ofrelat ionships based on the presence and extent of the I and W e polarities,i.e., distance and relation. It is, according to Karpel, a developmentalsequence from immature forms of relationships to more mature forms.The most immatur e forms are complete unrelatedness or complete fusion.Complete unrelatedness means an absence of the We aspect of a relation-ship. It is graphically illustrated by the loneliness and isolation of aschizoid personality, where an individual denies un met dependency needson others.Pure W e wi thou t any I is the fused, boundary less world of schizophre-nia or folie-fi-deux. This is the second mode of relationship . Little if anyI , self, or independence is present, only identification and fusion withanother.

A variation of pure fusion , but not as intense, is found in couples wherethere is an excessive amount of identification and weakly defined ego-boundaries. Relationship -oriented and poorly differentiated, in this typeof couple each indiv idual is highly dependent on one another. Energy isdevoted primarily to seeking and gaining approval, not towards self-directed goals or activity. Repressed concepts of the self are projected on tothe other person, who is then responded to not as a real person or un iqueindividual, but as the personification of unacceptable parts of the self.Fusion falsely promises security, while change forebodes anxiety. Separa-tion is considered disloyal, and blame and guilt are used to discourage it.Couples in highly fused relationships have only a vague idea aboutself-responsibility. Vicious cycles and chronic conflict, codetermined byboth parties, keep these couples locked into fused relatedness.


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T h e t h ir d a n d m o s t c o m m o n m o d e o f r e l a t i o n s h ip is a m b i v a l e n t f u s io n( K a r p e l , 1 9 76 ). H e r e t h e r e is a c o n f l i c t b e t w e e n b e i n g d i f f e r e n t f r o m o n e , sp a r t n e r a n d i d e n t i f y i n g w i t h h i m o r h e r , b e t w e e n r e s p o n s i b i l i t y a n d s e lf -s u p p o r t a n d m a n i p u l a t i o n f or e m o t i o n a l s u p p o r t , a n d b e tw e e n a f ea r o fb e i n g a l o n e a n d a f ea r o f b e i n g s w a l l o w e d u p . I n a m b i v a l e n t f u s i o n , t h e r eis t o o m u c h I to h a v e c o m p l e t e f u s io n b u t n o t e n o u g h to a t t e m p t i n t i m a c yw i t h o u t l o s i n g o n e ' s s elf . T h e r e i s n o t e n o u g h We f o r e m p a t h y , d i a l o g u e ,a n d c o n f i rm a t i o n , b u t t o o m u c h to w i t h d r a w i n t o i s o l a ti o n o r c o m p l e t eu n r e l a t e d n e s s a n d a l o n e n e ss . A m b i v a l e n t f u s i o n o f t e n m e a n s f r e q u e n tc o n fl ic t , w i t h s o m e m o m e n t s o f h a p p i n e s s a n d s e c u r it y . W h e r e a s c o m p l e t ef u s i o n i s a n e nd l e ss c y cl e o f d e m a n d i n g a n d d e m a n d i n g , a m b i v a l e n tf u s i o n a l lo w s f o r s o m e c o m p r o m i s e d e s p i te r e o c c u r r i n g c yc le s o f co n fl ic t.I n t h e se cy c le s c o u p l e s d r a w c l o s er t o g e t h e r w h e n t h e y f ee l t h e o t h e rs l i p p i n g a w a y , b u t s te p b a c k w h e n t h e y s e ns e t h e o t h e r g e t t i n g u n c o m -f o r t a b l y c l os e .

D i a l o g u e is t h e f o u r t h a n d m o s t m a t u r e m o d e o f r e la t ed n e s s. I n ad i a l o g u e t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p f o st er s t h e i n d i v i d u a t i o n o f b o t h p e r s o n s . T h eo t h e r is a f fi r m e d a s o t h e r , n o t a s a p r o j e c t i o n o f s el f. E a c h p a r t y a c c e p t sr e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r o n e s e l f a n d r e f u se s t o a s s u m e t h e o t h e r ' s l e g i t i m a t er e s p o n s i b il i ti e s . A c c o u n t a b i l i t y m e a n s f u l f i l li n g g e n u i n e o b l i g a t i o n s , n o ta r c h a i c o r e x c es s iv e l o y a l t y t ie s. N e i t h e r p e r s o n t ri es t o p l a c e t h e o t h e r i n af ix e d r o l e , w h e t h e r i t b e t h e " s i c k " o r " s t r o n g , " " c r a z y " o r " w e l l "p o s i t i o n , a n d n e i t h e r a c ce p ts r i g i d , u n c h a n g e a b l e r o le s fo r o n e s el f .G r a t i f ic a t i o n o f e m o t i o n a l n e e d s c o m e s t h r o u g h i n t i m a c y , t h e a u t h e n t i cm e e t i n g o f p e r s o n s . T r u s t r es id e s h e re . G i v i n g e m o t i o n a l l y d o es n o t m e a ng i v i n g u p . B o t h I a n d T h o u a re p r e s e n t in m u t u a l c o n f i r m a t i o n a n do p e n n e s s . O n e g i v es t o t h e o t h e r i n t h e b e l i e f t h a t a t s o m e f u t u r e t i m e t h eo t h e r w i l l b e e m o t i o n a l l y a v a i l a b l e i n re t u r n .

C O N F I R M A T I O NI n A p r i l, 1 95 7, a d i a l o g u e t o o k p l a c e b e tw e e n M a r t i n B u b e r a n d C a r l

R o g e r s . I n t h a t e x c h a n g e , B u b e r c la r if ie d h i s i de a s a b o u t c o n f i r m a t i o n a n dd i s t i n g u i s h e d c o n f i rm a t i o n f r o m R o g e r s ' c o n c e p t o f u n c o n d i t i o n a l p o s i -t iv e r e g a r d o r , " t h e a c c e p t a n c e o f t h is p e r s o n a s h e i s " ( B u b e r , 1 96 5, p .182). B y c o n f i r m a t i o n B u b e r a l so m e a n t a c c e p t an c e , b u t h e w e n t b e y o n dt h a t t o m e a n h e l p i n g t h e o t h e r i n t h e s tr u g g l e a g a i n s t o n e s e l f f o r t h e s a keo f w h a t a p e r s o n is a b le a n d m e a n t t o b e. I t is n o t u n c o n d i t i o n a l s in c e i tc a l ls t h e o t h e r t o b e m o r e , t o b e b e tt e r , t o b e t h e p e r s o n o n e a s p i r e s t o b eb u t f ai ls . C o n f i r m a t i o n t ak e s p l a c e b y a c c e p t i n g t h e o t h e r a s a p a r t n e r i nd i a l o g u e , a s a p e r s o n t o w h o m I a m w i l l i n g t o b e p r e s e n t to . D i f f e re n c e s


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36 Journal of Contemp orary Psychotherapy

n e e d n o t b e s et tl ed . A p p r o v a l o f t h e o t h e r ' s a c t io n m a y n o t b e p o s s ib l e .B u t c o n f i r m a t i o n is m y a c c e p t a n c e o f th e o t h e r as a p e r s o n w o r t h y o f m yt i m e a n d a l so a s c a p a b l e o f c h a n g i n g .

E X I S T E N T I A L G U I L TP e r h a p s B u b e r ' s m o s t c o n t r o v e r s i a l id e a fo r t h e p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t i s t h a t

o f e x i s t e n t i a l g u i l t . B u b e r b e l i e v e d t h a t e x i s t e n t ia l g u i l t w a s n e c e s s a r y a n dc o n s t r u c ti v e ; n e c es s a ry b e c a u se i t is i n t r i n s i c t o h u m a n r e l a t i o n s h i p s ,w h i c h a re a l w a y s i m p e r f e c t ; c o n s t r u c t iv e b e c a u s e it c o u l d l e ad p e o p l e t or e s to r e t he h u m a n o r d e r o f j u s t ic e a n d t o u n d o t h e h a r m f u l e ffe cts o f f ai le dr e s p o n s i b i l it i e s o r g r e i v o u s o m i s s i o n s .

R e l a t ed n e s s b e t w e e n p e o p l e i s a f u n d a m e n t a l f a c t o f h u m a n e x i st e n ce .T h e t o t a l it y o f o n e ' s r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h o t h e r s a n d t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f s u c hr e l a t i o n s h i p s e n a b l e s a p e r s o n t o n o t o n l y e x i s t i n a n e n v i r o n m e n t b u ta ls o to p a r t i c i p a t e i n c o m m u n i t y . E a c h i n d i v i d u a l b e a rs p e r s o n a l r e s p o n -s i b il i t y f or h i s o r h er p a r t i n t h e b u i l d i n g u p o r t e a r in g d o w n o f h u m a nr e l a t i o n s h i p s . O n e ' s r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h o t h e rs c a n b e m e r e l y t o l er a te d , o rt h e y c a n b e n eg l e c te d . T h e y c a n a l s o b e i n j u r e d , a n d t h e n t h e h u m a no r d e r o f j u s t ic e i s i m p a i r e d . " E x i s t e n t i a l g u i l t o c c u r s w h e n s o m e o n ei n ju r e s a n o r d e r o f th e h u m a n w o r l d w h o s e f o u n d a t i o n s h e k n o w s a n dr e c o g n iz e s as t h o s e o f h i s o w n e x i s t e n c e a n d o f a l l c o m m o n h u m a ne x i s t e n c e , " w r o t e B u b e r ( 1 9 65 , p . 1 27 ).

J u s t a s a r e l a t i o n s h i p c a n b e i n j u r e d , i t c a n a l s o b e h e a l e d , a n d t h eh a r m f u l e ff ec ts o f t h a t i n j u r y l e ss e n e d . E x i s t e n t i a l g u i l t is th e g u i l t ap e r s o n i n c u r s b e ca u s e o f i n j u r i n g a r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h a f e ll o w h u m a n .E x i s t e n t i a l g u i l t is p r e s e n t w h e t h e r o r n o t a p e r s o n e x p l i c i t l y a c k n o w l -e d g e s i t, b e c a u s e i t is n o t e q u i v a l e n t t o g u i l t f e e l i n g s ; r a t h e r , i t i s a ni n t r i n s i c p a r t o f h u m a n r e la t ed n e s s , w o v e n i n t o t h e f a b ri c o f h u m a ne x i s t e n c e .

B u b e r , t h e n , c l e a r ly d i s t i n g u i s h e d e x i s te n t i a l g u i l t f ro m n e u r o t i c g u i l tf e el i n gs , th e c o n s e q u e n c e o f t ra n s g r e s s i n g c u l t u r a l a n d f a m i l y t a b o o s a n dt he re s u l t a n t d r e ad o f p u n i s h m e n t a n d c e n s u re t h a t fo l lo w .

B u b e r s ai d t h a t a p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t s h o u l d n o t e n c r o a c h u p o n t h e g u i l t ap e r s o n m a y h a v e f o r f a il u r es o f fa i th a n d b e f o re o n e ' s G o d . T h i s is t h ee x p e r t i s e o f th e c le r gy . N o r s h o u l d a p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t j u d g e a p e r s o ng u i l t y o r i n n o c e n t a c c o r d i n g t o so c i et y a n d i ts l aw s . T h e l eg a l s y s te m i sr e s p o n s ib l e f o r t h a t a n d f o r d e t e r m i n i n g w h a t i f a n y p u n i s h m e n t o rr e s t i t u t i o n is r e q u i r e d .

C o n s c i e n c e h e l p s m a k e a p e r s o n c o m e to te r m s w i t h e x i s t e n t i a l g u i l t,a n d B u b e r b e l i e v e d t h a t e v e r y p e r s o n h a s a c o n s c ie n c e . C o n s c i e n c e i s t h e


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A n d r e w P . M u s e t t o 3 7

capacity to put oneself at a distance, to reflect on one's actions or failuresto a c t , and then to posit approval or disapproval accordingly.

Conscience acts in three ways. One is to illuminate guilt, i.e., to bring itto our awareness and acknowledgement. In a second way conscience actsto help an individua l preserve in that self-i llumination, not in a tortur-ous way, but with calm persistence. In this second way conscience helpsto prevent someone from falling prey to rationalization or denial,repression or avoidance of one's guilt.

Finally, conscience calls for reconciliation. Having injured another, aperson is summoned to restore the human order of justice in thatrelationship, to help the injured party overcome the consequences ofexistential guilt. In bringing about a restoration of justice one promotestrust, and upon trust relationships are built and maintained. In adialogue an individual can renew a relationship with another person orheal a damaged one. Reconciliation constructively fulfills the loyaltiesthat bind and pervade families and societies. Through healing, we helpbridge whatever chasms separate one person from another, parents fromc h i l d r e n , one generation from the next.

Buber urged the psychotherapist to reach out beyond familiar methodsand established theories in order to be able to help people with existentialguilt, not only with neurotic guilt feelings. While relieving neurotic guiltfeelings is helpful, wo rki ng with a person's existential gui lt is an attemptto try to bring about a further, more profound healing than wouldotherwise be possible.

CONCLUSIONThe psychotherapist may be put off by Buber's writing style, which is

complex, poetical, and abstract. The psychotherapist may avoid Buber'sideas because they are ph ilosophically oriented or because they clash withtraditional theories and approaches to therapy. This may be true espe-cially regarding existential guilt. Th e therapist may find Buber's t hink ingtoo demanding or too idealistic. The pragmatic clinician will not findpractical, step-by-step solutions to therapeutic problems in Buber's writ-ings.

In a sense, all of these criticisms are true. Buber was concerned withconcrete hu ma n living, and he appreciated the ambiguity, mystery, anduniqueness of people. His esoteric manner of expression reflects this.Buber's ideas are certainly philosophical and unorthodox, but then hewas concerned not with reaffirming established and common wisdom, butwith achieving basic insights into the human condition, even if they


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38 Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy

c o n t r a d i c t w h a t m o s t o f u s t h i n k o r w o u l d l ik e t o b e li ev e . B u b e r ' s w r i t i n gd o e s n o t o f f e r a s p e c i fi c g u i d e t o t h e r a p y o r l i fe , b u t t h a t i s b e c a u s e B u b e rw a s n o t p r o n e t o a c ce p t fa c i le s o l u t io n s t o c h r o n i c a n d v e x i n g h u m a np r o b l e m s . B u b e r b e l ie v e d in h e a l i n g . H e b e l i e v e d t h a t h e a l i n g c a n t a kep l a c e b e t w e e n p e o p l e , i f t h e y ar e w i l l i n g t o e n d u r e t h e p e r s o n a l p r e se n c e ,c o m m i t m e n t , a n d a t t i m e s s e lf -s a c ri f ic e t h a t i s r e q u i r e d . B u b e r , t o o , w a si d e a l is t i c, i n t h e s e n s e t h a t h e b e l ie v e d t h a t " m a n a s m a n c a n b er e d e e m e d " ( B u b e r , 1 965, p . 7 8 ), t h a t p e o p l e c o u l d g o b e y o n d t h e i ra p p a r e n t l i m i t a t i o n s o r w o r n o u t w a y s o f a c t in g . B u t th is t o o r e q u i r e sm u c h e f f o r t .

F i n a l l y , I b e l i ev e t h a t B u b e r a s a p e r s o n h a s s o m e t h i n g t o s a y t op s y c h o t h e r ap i s ts . P e o p l e o f t e n c o m e t o t h e r ap y w i t h v a g u e c o m p l a i n t s .F r e q u e n t l y , t h es e i n d i v i d u a l s a re o u t o f t o u c h o r i n c o n fl ic t w i t h t h e m -s elv es ; th e i r w o r d s a n d a c t io n s c o n t r a d i c t e a c h o t h er . T h e y s ay o n e t h i n gw i t h t h e i r w o r d s ; a n o t h e r , w i t h t h e ir a c t io n s . T h e y d o n ' t s t a n d b e h i n dw h a t t h e y s a y th e y b e l i e v e i n , a n d t h e y a c t i n w a y s t h a t t h e y p r o t e s t i s o u to f t h e i r c o n t r o l . W h a t e v e r t h e u n d e r l y i n g r e a s o n s f o r t h is , th e fa c t o fi n c o n g r u i t y a n d c o n t r a d i c t i o n is p a i n f u l a n d s e lf - d ef e a ti n g f o r t h e m a n dc o n f u s i n g t o t h e i r t h e r a p i s t s . I n c o n t r a s t , B u b e r s ta n d s a s a n e x a m p l e o fc o n g r u i t y ; h i s l if e m a t c h e d h i s w o r d s . A s s u c h , as a p e r s o n a l m o d e l , if n o ta s a t h e o r e t i c i an , B u b e r h a s c o n s i d e r a b l e r e l e v a n c e fo r p s y c h o t h e r a p y .

R E F E R E N C E SB u b e r , M. I and thou. N e w Y o r k : C h a r l e s S c r i b n e r ' s S o n s , 1 9 58 .B u b e r , M . The knowledge of man. N e w Y o r k : H a r p e r a n d R o w , 1 96 5.B o s z o r m e n y i - N a g y , I . 8c S p a r k , G . M . Invisible loyalties. N e w Y o r k : H a r p e r a n d R o w , 1 97 3.B o w e n , M . " P r i n c i p l e s a n d t e c h n i q u e s o f m u l t i p l e f a m i l y t h e r a p y . " I n P . G u e r i n , ( E d. ),

Family therapy: theory and practice. N e w Y o r k : G a r d n e r P r e s s , 1 9 7 6 .F r i e d m a n , M . S . Martin Buber, the life of dialogue. N e w Y o r k ; H a r p e r a n d R o w , 1 9 5 5 .K a r p e l , M . " I n d i v i d u a t i o n : f r o m f u s i o n t o d i a l o g u e . " F a m i l y P r oc e s s, 1 9 76 , 15, 65-82 .M i n u c h i n , S . Families and family therapy. C a m b r i d g e , M a s s. : H a r v a r d U n i v e r s i t y P re s s,1974.S t i e r l i n , H . Psychoanalysis and family therapy. N e w Y o r k : J a s o n A r o n s o n , 1 9 7 7 .

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