reading pupil b secure level 6 - amazon web...

Reading Pupil B Secure level 6

Table of Contents

Essay – ‘Are footballers overpaid?’

Commentary

Next steps

Information sheet – ‘Living with earthquakes’

Commentary

Next steps

Advertisement feature – ‘Pluto Ski’

Commentary

Next steps

Newspaper article – ‘Joe Simpson shatters leg 20,000 feet up’

Commentary

Next steps

Writing an additional chapter for a novel – Skellig.

Commentary

Next steps

Assessment summary

Overall assessment judgement

Teaching and Learning Resources p.1tlr.nationalstrategies.dcsf.gov.uk

© Crown copyright 2011

About this Standards File

This Standards File contains evidence for the following activities:

• Essay – ‘Are footballers overpaid?’• Information sheet – ‘Living with earthquakes’• Advertisement feature – ‘Pluto Ski’• Newspaper article – ‘Joe Simpson shatters leg 20,000 feet up’• Writing an additional chapter for a novel – Skellig.

The file exemplifies secure level 6.

Pupil profile

Pupil B reads widely and is beginning to transfer some of his knowledge of texts intohis own writing. He tends to write succinctly and sometimes needs encouragement toextend his ideas.

Essay – ‘Are footballers overpaid?’Assessment focuses: AF1–8

Context

Pupils were asked to choose a controversial issue to research. They then wrote adiscursive essay, with some guidance from the teacher on constructing the piece.Pupil B chose the topic of footballers' pay.



Pupil's work

Are footballers overpaid?Money. People earn it. £18,500,000, £17,000,000.£10,5000,000 is what David Beckham, Ronaldhino and Wayne Rooney earn in ayear. Now compare this to £23,000 which is the average salary per year. Ronaldhinoearns 730 times the figure. Do you think he's overpaid?However, these are three ofthe highest paid footballers. They're at the top of their game. Anyone who issuccessful in their job earns more than those who aren't. But there is a point where itis too much. The money the players earn keeps on rising. Many of these players earnmore in a week than some people do in a year. Some people, David Beckham forexample, earns £49,000 a day; it's more than double the average yearly salary! Whatcould happen to make it less ridiculous?There is one reason why they earn so much.



Most footballers have a career span of roughly 10 years. It is likely that they don'thave many qualifications to apply for another job so the only option for more money ifthey don't have enough to keep them going for life is another job in football. Forexample; coaching, managing, commentating or becoming a pundit. There arelimited spaces and hardly pay well compared to the footballersthemselves.Furthermore an average premiership footballer earns £676,000, that'snearly 7 million in their career, enough to keep them going. A championshipfootballer earns £195,000 a year, 2 million in a career, whereas a league 1 playerearns £68,000 a year. In their career they earn what a premiership footballer earns inone year. Is this fair? Is David Beckham 264 x better than these players? Shouldtheir be such a big difference and why? Where does the money come from?Thebigger clubs have better sponsers which are willing to pay more money, more TVrights, more merchandise to sell. For clubs to gain more money they have to besuccessful. HoWeVer, the top clubs have become too competitive making it hard forthe lower league clubs players to earn more money. There aren't very manysolutions, but one stands out which is the salary cap. This is where there is a limit onthe amount of moneys team can spend on players' salaries. 64% of premiershipfootballers are in favour of this and it would benefit the club by using no more than75% of the clubs money on wages rather than (current) higher percentages.Is all thismoney necessary? How could it be made fair? Will it change the game if less moneyis there?In the end are we paying people to stand on a pitch for 90 minutes and kicka ball? Or are we paying them for quality entertainment that gives supporters pride,excitement and a passion for the game? We have to decide what football is worth tous.

CommentaryIn this essay Pupil B has chosen and developed some relevant arguments,supported by appropriate facts and figures. He has used a variety of sentencestructures, supported by a range of punctuation. The overall structure is clear, with astrong opening and closing, but the direction of the text is not managed assuccessfully. He has made a good attempt at using appropriate stylistic devices,although rhetorical questions are overused, and while the viewpoint is clear it is notalways fully elaborated.

AF5/6

Pupil B has chosen some structures deliberately for effect, for example the single-word opening sentence ‘Money’, and has also used a variety of sentence lengthsthroughout the essay. Structures are varied by subordination (AF5 L6 b1) anddeliberate manipulation of word order, for example ‘For clubs to gain more money’(AF5 L6 b2). There is some attempt at balanced sentences (‘A championshipfootballer earns… whereas…’) and patterning (‘more TV rights, more merchandise’)(AF5 L6 b1). However, rhetorical questions tend to be overused and a wider range ofconnectives could have been deployed (AF5 L5 b1). Pupil B's syntax is generally



consistently accurate, with a range of punctuation, including commas, semicolonsand apostrophes, used correctly (AF6 L6). He has made one or two errors inpunctuation, for example a misplaced semicolon and a missing apostrophe (AF6 L5b2).

AF3/4

Pupil B has organised his ideas into a clear structure overall with paragraphingmostly used appropriately (AF3 L5 b1). The opening is deliberately dramatic in itsintroduction of the topic and the ending tries to address the questions raised in thefirst paragraph (AF3 L6 b2). He has been less successful at managing the structureof the whole text and at linking paragraphs (AF3 L5 b3). Similarly, ideas withinparagraphs are not always developed (AF4 L5 b1) and while cohesive devices areused to link ideas (e.g. ‘However’), they do not always contribute to emphasis andeffect (AF4 L5 b2).

AF1/2

In this essay Pupil B has chosen relevant points, including appropriate facts andfigures, and developed and shaped some of his ideas effectively (AF1 L5 b1/2).There is some adaptation of form to purpose but it is not yet secure (AF2 L5 b2) andhis point of view is clear but not fully articulated (AF1 L5 b3). Although Pupil B tendsto overuse rhetorical questions as a stylistic device, he has chosen other features ofstyle appropriately for the purpose of the writing, for example subject-specificvocabulary. These features of style add to the authenticity of his arguments (AF2 L6b3).

AF7

Pupil B's vocabulary is appropriate to the purpose and audience of the task. He useswords and phrases specific to the topic, such as ‘merchandise’, ‘pundit’, ‘premiership’and ‘salary cap’ (AF7 L6 b1).

AF8

Pupil B's spelling is mostly accurate, including ‘qualifications’, ‘commentating’ and‘competitive’, although ‘sponsers’ is inaccurate and he has confused ‘their’ and ‘there’(AF8 L6).



Next stepsTo progress, Pupil B needs to:

• develop his ideas so that his line of argument and viewpoint are fullyarticulated• use rhetorical questions more sparingly.

Information sheet – ‘Living withearthquakes’Assessment focuses: AF1–8

Context

This piece is taken from Pupil B's work in geography. Pupils had been studyingearthquakes and were asked to present their knowledge of the topic for a specificaudience. Pupil B chose to write an information sheet for the people of SanFrancisco.



Pupil's work

Living with earthquakesInformation sheet for the people of San FranciscoThis isimportant information about earthquakes to inform your future planning.Earthquakesoccur when two techtonic or continental plates push against each other. Theyhappen frequently, on land, around the West side of South America and around thePhillipines. There are also a few in the west of North Africa. According to researchthere is a 70% chance of an earthquake in San Francisco before 2030, anearthquake with the magnitude 6.7 or higher.To prepare for an earthquake, it isimportant that houses are built properly on strong foundations. Centres should beprovided for homeless people without the money or resources to build a house orshelter that could survive an earthquake. In order to prepare fully and be completelyaware of what the plate tectonics are doing, people should be alert at all times.Studying the earthquake of 1989 will help experts to predict where the earthquakewill start. Finding out how regular earthquakes in the past have been in San



Francisco will also help them to calculate when the next one will be.You should alsolook out for cracks in rocks where radon gas seeps out. The ground will start to bulgeand local water levels may rise or decrease. By setting up sensitive instruments andbeing alert you can know when the quake is coming. Also observe animals to see ifthey are eating differently as this might signal a quake.To prepare people, it is goodto have practice drills regularly, train emergency services and set up warningsystems to let people know there will be an earthquake by radio, TV or Newspaper.Getting together emergency food, water and electricity will also be important. Makingpublic buildings such as offices and schools strong and resistant is also veryimportant for people's survival.If an earthquake occurs without warning the bestplaces to go are under a table, in a doorway, or in a cellar deep in the ground. Keepaway from glass and be careful of falling objects. TRY TO KEEP CALM AT ALLTIMES.

CommentaryIn this piece Pupil B has shown that he can use his writing skills appropriately inanother subject, geography. He has selected and developed relevant ideas andstructured a clear information sheet with an effective opening and closing, althoughthere is some lack of clarity at times about the intended readership. The features ofthe sentences are relevant to task and audience and the choice of vocabulary,including technical terms, supports the purpose of the piece.

AF5/6

Pupil B has used a range of formal sentences, including impersonal and passivestructures, to convey information clearly and succinctly (AF5 L6 b1). He has alsoused features such as complex verb phrases (‘Centres should be provided’) and theshifts between different verb forms (‘should be’, ‘will help’, ‘can know’) are secure(AF5 L6 b1). Clauses are sometimes sequenced for effect (‘By setting up’). Pupil Bhas used punctuation accurately and appropriately (AF6 L6), although the range isnot extensive and he sometimes omits commas to mark phrases.

AF3/4

Pupil B has used the opening to indicate the purpose of the text in a direct andeffective one-sentence paragraph, and ended with important advice about keepingcalm (AF3 L6 b2). He has clearly structured the piece overall (AF3 L6 b1) and hasgenerally signalled the direction of the text for the reader (AF3 L6 b2). Paragraphsindicate and then develop the topic in most cases (AF4 L6 b1), although in placesideas could be developed further. He has included some cohesive devices, but has



not always used them for emphasis and effect (AF4 L5 b1/2). His links betweenparagraphs could also be more precise (AF4 L5 b3).

AF1/2

In this information sheet Pupil B has selected relevant ideas and developed them(AF1 L5 b1/2) mostly appropriately for purpose and audience (AF2 L5 b2). He couldhave included more information in some places, for example in the paragraph aboutpreparing for an earthquake. Adaptation of form is mostly successful (AF2 L5 b2),although he shifts to ‘you’ unexpectedly in paragraph 4. Pupil B has used a confidentand authoritative voice (AF1/2 L6 b2) and written in a clear, formal style. He has useda range of appropriate features such as technical terms (‘radon gas’), impersonalconstructions (‘To prepare people’) and commands (‘TRY TO KEEP CALM’) (AF1/2L6 b3).

AF7

The vocabulary Pupil B has chosen is appropriate to purpose and audience andincludes geographical terms used correctly, such as ‘tectonic’ and ‘continental plates’(AF7 L6 b1).

AF8

Pupil B's spelling is mostly accurate. There is some confusion over ‘tectonic’, whichis spelt both correctly and incorrectly, perhaps because it is an unfamiliar word (AF8L6).


• develop his ideas more coherently within paragraphs, linking his pointswith a range of devices and using adverbials as sentence openers• use commas to mark phrases, to clarify ideas within sentences.

Advertisement feature – ‘Pluto Ski’Assessment focuses: AF1–8



Context

As part of a media unit pupils explored features of advertisements, looking inparticular at how persuasive language can be used to manipulate the reader. Pupilsthen wrote an advertisement feature deliberately promoting a product or service thatmight have limited appeal. Pupil B wrote about an artificially created resort for wintersports on Pluto and presented his advertisement to the class.

Pupil's work



Pluto Ski'The ultimate resort for the ultimate sport' Galactica magazineEver fanciedgoing to a ski resort with a difference? Think Canada just isn't special enough? Thenwhy not try Pluto Ski, the ultimate ski resort.What to doThere are so many things todo on Pluto Ski. Why not have a look at the local wild life — space ameba and thevery rare Plutocrust mite which can be looked at through a microscope. Or let yourcares float away in the totally enclosed gravity free relaxation chamber, better than aspa any day. Or try our fantastic ski and snow boarding runs. We have courses for allages and skill levels, with fully trained instructors. The finest snow has beentransported half way across the galaxy for your enjoyment, no expense is spared tomake this the best resort ever. Combination space / ski suits are available forpurchase in the resort. Where to stay Stay in one of our luxury space hotels andsample our astronaut experience menu, chicken curry in a bag followed by driedchocolate mousse. Different diets are catered for from vegan to vegetarian and freshfood is delivered monthly. Each room or "pod" in our hotel is fully furnished with antigravity straps to ensure you get a good night sleep.Way to go Virgin offers barganflights to Pluto — only £900,999.99p per person. Quote this reference when booking.VSPx13JQ Warning: Pluto Ski takes no responsibility for personal injuries. This isholiday is not suitable for those with medical conditions or a nervous dispositions,you are strongly advised to have plenty of insurance. In the event of conditions beingunsuitable. Pluto ski activities can be canceled at any time. Water is in limited supplyon Pluto so showers are not available.

CommentaryAlthough this is a brief piece, it is well managed both at sentence and whole-textlevel, with Pupil B drawing on his knowledge of space travel and features of traveladvertisements to write a clever parody. In presenting his work he was able toexplain why he had chosen particular features: ‘I was trying to make it sound reallygood but at the same time, you have to read carefully to see there would be noshowers, and no fresh food and it is ridiculous to take snow to Pluto!’

AF5/6

Pupil B has used a range of sentence types, including questions, statements andcommands, with control (AF5 L6 b1). Passive constructions are used appropriately,for example ‘Different diets are catered for’, and expanded noun phrases such as‘totally enclosed gravity free relaxation chamber’ help to add detail succinctly (AF5 L6b2). Pupil B has used a range of accurate punctuation, sometimes for effect, forexample dashes and inverted commas (AF6 L6), although there is also an instanceof comma splicing.



AF3/4

Although the piece is brief, Pupil B has confidently managed the whole structure(AF3 L6 b1), providing a strapline at the top to attract the reader's attention anddividing the feature into sections, each with an appropriate subheading. The caveatat the end is helpfully placed in a text box for clarity (AF3 L6 b2). The subheadings,which are in similar style, guide the reader through the text (AF6 L6 b2). Withinsections that support the purpose of the text (AF4 L6 b1), Pupil B has linked ideasusing a range of devices for clarity and emphasis (AF4 L6 b2).

AF1/2

Pupil B has selected appropriate ideas and adapted them imaginatively to humorouseffect (AF1/2 L6 b1). The persuasive tone is sustained throughout and a range offeatures appropriate to an advertisement has been deployed, mostly successfully, forexample rhetorical questions, direct address to the reader and deliberate use ofsuperlatives (‘The finest snow…’) (AF1/2 L6 b3).

AF7

In this piece Pupil B has chosen vocabulary suitable for the topic and genre, forexample ‘galaxy’, ‘personal injury’, ‘disposition’ and ‘vegetarian’. The vocabulary isoften ambitious (AF7 L6 b1/2).

AF8

Pupil B's spelling is mostly accurate with ‘ameba’ being phonetically plausible and‘bargan’ a careless error (AF8 L6).


• develop some of his ideas more fully• proofread his work carefully for minor errors.



Newspaper article – ‘Joe Simpsonshatters leg 20,000 feet up’Assessment focuses: AF1–8

Context

Pupils had read Touching the Void by Joe Simpson and discussed the dual narrativestructure and the different perspectives in the book. They then wrote a newspaperarticle based on central events in the book. They were asked to convey a clear ideaof what happened while also presenting the episode with a particular slant. Pupil Bfocused on the exceptional courage and determination shown by Joe Simpson.



Pupil's work

Joe Simpson Shatters Leg 20,000ft UpJoe Simpson before they set out to SiulaGrandeTwo English men struggled through and up the Peruvian Andes only for oneof them to themselves sliding back down again or a 300foot rope and taking thempart in one of the most amazing mountain rescues to date. Six operations later hefound later he returns to tell his story.Joe Simpson and Simon Yates went on an epicjourney to the treacherous Peruvian Andes to attempt to climb to one of its toughestsummits, Siula Grande. A peak that has never been climbed before.Despite this theclimb was going well, the pace was steady and nothing was going wrong. They evenmanaged to make it to the summit successfully.Simon Yates told me what he hadthought the climb was going to be like before they had even set out "At the beginningwe knew it was going to be hard, but we just thought that we were gonna do itbecause we're better than all of those climbers that had failed. We did it, because itwas fun it was purely fun; but every so often it went horribly wrong and then itwasn't!"On the way down the two 20 year olds came to a very flat part where they



were walking mainly, and Joe was in front. Eventually Joe came to a 10m drop.Joetells me about what happened next, "I lowered myself over this ice tip and hammeredmy ice axe in, trying to get a firm purchase, then I tried to get another hold on theactual face but I didn't like the noise the axe made so I took it out to try again but as Iwas about to swing at the face my axe on the tip came out."It was then that his kneejoint locked on his right leg and he slammed into the ground. This made his tabulargo up through his knee joint and carry on up. His leg was completelyshattered.Simon told how he found him: "The rope went tight so I walked over to the.He had disappeared, I was smiling and I asked him if he was OK, he told me that hehad broken his leg and well, so many emotions, in that one moment."It was then thatone of the most amazing mountain rescues begun, Simon tied two 150 foot ropestogether to make a 300 foot rope and then proceeded to lower Joe down themountain. This was going well until about the twentieth lower, Joe explains: I wasgetting lowered when I started feeling ice under my arms and I was going faster,suddenly I was in space. At this point the wind chill was around 40 degrees C.It wasthen that Simon Yates made a decision that would define both of their lives. I wassitting in this bucket seat that was basically collapsing around me and my handswere frostbitten. But, all of sudden I just thought, the knife, so I got the knife cut andcut the rope. Joe tell 100 feet to a bridge in a crevasse where he lay gasping for airand waited for several hours for the attempted rescue that Simon never attemptedbecause he thought Joe was dead Joe explained: "I was just waiting and then Irealised that the rescue wasn't coming so … I made the decision to go deeper intothe crevasse."He climbed down until he came to what he thought was the bottom buthe was really just standing on an eggshell of ice which was beginning to break. Hesaw light.Joe Simpson pulled himself out of the crevasse on the 5th day of theexhibition to be greeted by a bright sunny day.Joe spent the next 3 days strugglingback to base camp while dehydrated and with a broken leg. He made a splint out of asleeping mattress and for the first day he pulled himself along on his behind.The nextday he hopped in agony over the vast moraines falling every few meters onto his badleg.On the third day he arrived at the camp.Doctors said that Joe was as close todeath as was humanly possible; that his leg was shattered so badly that he shouldhave been immobile for months. Yet he was able to survive this awful ordeal. Theyadvised that he should get psychiatric therapy to help him recover Joe refused thetreatment.

Image of Joe Simpson. © Film4. Used with kind permission. Image of Simon Yates.© Simon Yates. Used with kind permission.

Commentary

AF5/6

In this report Pupil B has used a range of structures appropriate to the topic andgenre of the writing (AF5 L6 b1). He has used a variety of features to create dramaand interest, including sentences of varying lengths (AF5 L6 b2). There is some lossof control in more ambitious structures, for example ‘Simon Yates told me what hehad thought the climb was going to be like before they had even set out’. He has



used a range of punctuation, mostly securely, to mark sentences and sometimes forclarity and effect (AF6 L6). In places, however, there is some evidence of commasplicing.

AF3/4

The overall structure of the report is clear, with paragraphs used to clarify andmanage different stages and perspectives: an opening sums up the whole trip andthe full story follows, interspersed with comment (AF3 L6 b1). Pupil B has usedlayout, including columns and photographs, to support the genre and thrust of hiswriting. He has also used paragraph markers (AF3 L6 b2), although ‘It was then’ isrepeated too often. Within paragraphs there is evidence of cohesive devices beingused, although not always securely (AF4 L5 b2).

AF1/2

Pupil B has selected information and comments effectively. He has included a well-judged level of detail in his report, focusing on the sections relevant to his chosenslant (AF1/2 L6 b1). The journalistic voice is generally confident and well handled(AF1/2 L6 b2) and Pupil B has incorporated both Simon's and Joe's viewpointssuccessfully (AF1/2 L6 b2). He has used a number of stylistic features well, forexample heightened language, assertion, comments from people involved andsingle-sentence paragraphs for dramatic effect (AF1/2 L6 b3).

AF7

Some vocabulary is drawn from the text, but Pupil B has nevertheless selectedlanguage appropriately. He has conveyed the drama and excitement of the episodethrough words and phrases such as ‘epic journey’ and ‘toughest summits’. He hasalso used technical and specific vocabulary such as ‘crevasse’, ‘dehydrated’ and‘psychiatric therapy’. ‘Exhibition’ used for ‘expedition’ is a slip.

AF8

Pupil B used a spellcheck for this piece of work and most of the spelling is accurate,including subject-specific vocabulary and more complex words such as ‘treacherous’and ‘immobile’. He has, however, used ‘tabular’ for ‘tibia’ and there are occasionalother errors (AF8 L6).




• check he has punctuated phrases and clauses for clarity, especially inlonger and more complex sentences• consider different opening words and phrases for paragraphs to avoidrepetition• check his work through for errors a spellcheck would not identify and forcareless slips.

Writing an additional chapter for anovel – Skellig.Assessment focuses: AF1–8

Context

The class was divided into groups, with each group reading a different book. PupilB's group read Skellig by David Almond. Pupils were asked to discuss and then writean additional chapter for the book. Pupils shared ideas in groups but wrote thechapters independently, drawing on sections of the book to create verisimilitude.Pupil B drafted his chapter and following review by his peers, and with some supportfrom the teacher, he redrafted his piece and typed it up.



Pupil's work

He unfolded his wings and took to the sky. Beat after beat, he propelled himselfforward, cutting the air with his graceful wings. Mina stepped out into the wilderness.Michael was waiting for her with Whisper grinning. Their new den was in the farcorner near the new pond, with its glistening water and trickeling fountainsurrounding a fabulous clay model of Skellig, painted so carefully by Mina. Michael'sfeather was next to hers gently nailed to the base of Skellig's sculpture. The oldgarage had been replaced by a new one standing there independently and strongwith Michael's new bike and a smaller one, with wheels jutting out of the sides which



belonged to Joy."You'll never believe what I've discovered" She held up an odd ballof fluff tangled with tiny bones and a strange peaty black mud with flecks of othersubstances showing on it's surface."Where did you find that?" Michael asked."Theusual." she said."Behind the garage door and up the stairs" Michael joked"Yes, butit's not an owls" Mina exclaimed"You don't mean..." Michael said with hope"I'm notsure," she murmured, "Sometimes an owl might eat a rat and produce a pellet likethis one. but I am sure this belongs to Skellig."Mina dreamed about the last time shehad seen Skellig gazing at her and Michael with his tender eyes. Then she woke upand an owl flew past her window. She watched it circle and then dive down behind awall and reappear with a dead mouse within its grasping claws. Mina threw off herduvet, stripped off her pajamas pulled on some clothes and yanked on some shoesand tiptoed quietly out of the house. She made her way to Michael's home, cuppedher hands and blew. A soft low hoot like and owl's call echoed out from her handsand something very gently fell from the sky. Suddenly a hand fell on her shoulder.Michael stood there confused."How did you get here....I...."Mina trailed off andgiggled "You went into my garden and round to my room as I went to wake you. Theyboth laughed and gazed into each other's eyes. Mina's eyes burned like fire and for asecond Michael saw the ghostly wings rising from her back unfolding like Skellig's didwhen they removed his jacket for the first time. They then vanished and her handcurled round his. She leant forward and kissed him delicately on the cheek."Let's go"she whispered. She picked up the object that had fallen from the sky. She held alarge feather between two fingers and smiled. Mina stilled a yawn rubbed the sleepfrom her eyes and slid the key into the lock on the door of her grandfather's houseand quickly slipped inside, beaconing Michael to follow her.They hurried up the stairspast various floors to the highest floor where the owl's nest is. They gripped eachother's hand as they tapped the door gently open. Moonlight came through the opendoor like water out of control and there he was just like they left him a year ago —silhouetted in the arch window letting the birds feed him mice and otherrodents."Michael. Mina," Skellig smiled. He looked beautiful; his glorious wingsspread out wonderfully as the moonlight reflected off them like a dazzling display. Itlooked like Skellig would never age. He looked younger and stronger than ever. Minaran over to him, threw her arms round him and kissed him. Michael also ran over andhugged him. He took Mina's hand and they stood there the three of them in themoonlight. They stepped sideways and turned together as one beginning the danceand the ghostly wings at Mina's back rose and again the wings rose from Michael'sshoulders too. They left the ground behind with their worries and fears and turnedcircles together through the air. They slowly touched the ground and their heartswere full of joy.

CommentaryIn this piece Pupil B has used the novel Skellig as the starting point for his ownwriting and, with support, has created an imaginative additional chapter. He has useda range of sentence structures and organised them into a convincing sequence ofevents, leading up to a celebratory ending. There is some vivid use of language andeffective dialogue and although there is occasional loss of control in the punctuation,overall the piece shows that he is beginning to develop and shape material moreconfidently in extended writing.



AF5/6

Pupil B has used a range of sentence structures (simple, coordinated and complex)in this narrative, including those appropriate to dialogue (questions and unfinishedsentences) in a way that is mostly controlled (AF5 L6 b1). He has used some rangeof features to add variety and build up descriptive detail, for example complex nounphrases such as ‘strange peaty black mud with flecks of other substances’ (AF5 L6b2).

AF3/4

In this piece Pupil B has structured his writing clearly using paragraphs to supportand pace the narrative flow (AF3 L6 b1). There is a build-up of tension to the pointwhere Skellig appears, managed through the gradual revelation of clues (AF3 L6 b1).The overall direction of the text is signalled (AF3 L6 b2) and Pupil B has usedcohesive devices such as dialogue and reference chains to link ideas (AF4 L6 b2).

AF1/2

Pupil B has chosen relevant material, including phrases, from the novel anddeveloped it into a convincing additional chapter (AF1/2 L6 b1/2). The story is toldfrom Mina's viewpoint, which he has maintained convincingly throughout (AF1/2 L6b2). Pupil B has deliberately tried to mimic Almond's style and has done so withsome success (AF1/2 L6 b3). There is some indication of the criteria for level 7beginning to be met in this piece, but this is with support from the teacher andfollowing a process of peer review.

AF7

Pupil B has chosen vocabulary appropriate to the topic and task. He has chosensome words and phrases for effect, such as ‘glistening’, ‘jutting’, ‘delicately’, ‘spilt’and ‘silhouetted’ (AF7 L6 b1).

AF8

Although Pupil B used a spellcheck to check his spelling, he missed ‘murmered’ and‘trickeling’. Nevertheless, his spelling is otherwise mostly accurate, including moredemanding words such as ‘silhouetted’ (AF8 L6).




• check his sentences are controlled and appropriately punctuated,especially when they are extended or complex• explore using more ambitious vocabulary.

Assessment summary

AF5

Pupil B has used a range of structures in this collection. While there is someawkwardness and loss of control at times, he has mostly used them in a controlledway appropriate to the purpose and form of writing. He has also used other sentencefeatures, including extended phrases and adverbials, for precision and emphasis.Overall, there is enough evidence to award level 6 for this assessment focus.

AF6

There is evidence of progression in punctuation, with the earlier work providing moreevidence of attainment at level 5 than at level 6. In the later pieces Pupil B'ssentence punctuation becomes more secure and he begins to use punctuation withinsentences for clarity and effect. On balance, there is sufficient evidence to awardlevel 6 for this assessment focus.

AF3

In most pieces, particularly the later ones, Pupil B has managed the overall structurequite confidently, with ideas sequenced appropriately for the reader and organisedeffectively into paragraphs. The openings are generally strong, clarifying the purposeand theme of the writing, with the endings generally providing an effectiveconclusion. Pupil B has fulfilled the level 6 criteria for this assessment focus.

AF4

Pupil B has used paragraphs confidently to structure ideas across texts and haslinked his points within sections or paragraphs. At times there is evidence to meet



some of the criteria for level 6. However, cohesion is not always as fluent as it mightbe and, in general, the work mostly shows evidence of level 5. Overall, a best-fitjudgement for this assessment focus is level 5.

AF1

Pupil B has selected and developed ideas appropriate to the task and in the threelater pieces he has begun to develop material with some skill and imagination.Similarly, although the viewpoint is slightly uncertain in the first piece, it becomesmore secure in the later pieces, with the last two pieces showing he can managemultiple viewpoints fairly effectively. On balance, Pupil B has fulfilled enough of thecriteria across a range of writing for level 6 to be awarded.

AF2

Pupil B has shown he can write appropriately for purpose and audience and canselect relevant stylistic features to support his purpose across a range of text types.While there are elements of uncertainty about audience in the first pieces, towardsthe end of the collection he is more confident in writing with the reader in mind. Hesecurely fulfils the criteria for level 6 for this assessment focus.

AF7

Pupil B has a wide vocabulary and his use of technical and subject-specificvocabulary is particularly strong, as evidenced in the essay about football and thepiece about earthquakes. He is also beginning to use a wider vocabulary in hisnarrative writing, and is therefore awarded level 6 for this assessment focus.

AF8

Much of Pupil B's spelling is accurate, including complex words and subject-specificvocabulary. There are errors, although they are often phonetically plausible, and hehas made minor slips by not checking his work carefully. Overall, he fulfils the criteriafor level 6.

Overall assessment judgementIn this collection Pupil B shows progression from the first piece through to the last,particularly in control of sentences and punctuation. He is able to write in different



genres and his awareness of purpose and audience is developing steadily. WhilePupil B is more confident about non-narrative writing than narrative, the last pieceshows that he is able to write narrative when his imagination is engaged, he isoffered a strong model to imitate and he is supported in the drafting and editingprocess.

Pupil B has been awarded level 6 for all assessment focuses except AF4, whichmore than meets the minimum requirements for the level (a minimum of four AFs atlevel 6 out of AFs 1–6). There is a good range of evidence, including discursive,persuasive and narrative writing, but the criteria for level 6 are not met consistentlythroughout the collection and none of the criteria for level 7 is addressed. For thesereasons, the overall level for this collection is secure level 6.



reading pupil b secure level 6 - amazon web...

Documents