taussig terrorusualbenjamin

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Terror as Usual: Walter Benjamin's Theory of History as a State of SiegeAuthor(s): Mick TaussigSource: Social Text, No. 23 (Autumn - Winter, 1989), pp. 3-20Published by: Duke University PressStable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/466418.

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TerrorAsUsual:Walter enjamin's heoryfHistoryAs A StateOfSiegeMICKTAUSSIG

TerrorsTheOtherAquestionfdistance that's hat'd like o ay boutalkingerror,matteroffindinghe ightistance,oldingt t arm'sengthoitdoesn't urnnyou(afterll t's ust matterfwords),ndyet ot uttingt ofarwayn clini-calrealityhat e enduphavingubstitutedneformfterrorornother.uthavingaid his can seemyselflreadyost,ost ut o terroroumightay,embarkednsome utilexercisenLiberal estheticstrugglingo stablishgoldenmean ndutterlynableo bsorb he acthaterror'salk lwaysalksback super-octanedialogismnradicalverdrive,ts alk resupposingfnotanticipatingy esponse,nderminingeaninghile ependentn t, tringingout he ervousystemneway owardysteria,he ther ay owardumbingand pparentcceptance,othways lip-sidesfterror,he olitical rt ftheArbitrary,s usual.Of ourse hat'slsewhere,lwayslsewhere,ou'llwanto ay, ot he ulebut he xception,xistingnAn-Otherlace ikeNorthernreland,eirut,thi-opia,Kingston,ort uPrince,eru,Mozambique,fghanistan,antiago,heBronx,heWest ank,outh frica,anSalvador,olombia,oname ut omeof hemore ublicizedromhe taggeringumberf pots roublinghe ourseoftheworld's rder. utperhapsuch n elsewherehouldmake ssuspiciousabout he eeplyootedense forder ere,sif heir arkwildnessxistso asto ilhouetteuright,he ottomine eing,f ourse,he ightndnecessaryitbetweenrder,aw,ustice,ense, conomy,ndhistory allof which hemelsewhere anifestlyin't otmuch f.Pushedy his uspicionamfirste-mindedf notherort fHistoryf notherort fOtherWithin,historyfsmall-fryatherhan ftheWealthfNations,s for xamplena letterntheVillage oicen1984 romn ex-social orkernthe tatefColorado,ntheUSA, ommentingn n rticlenJeanne nneWrightho illed er wn hil-dren. he ocialworkeroteshattwas xiomatichat hedeeper ou ig, hedirtiertgets; hewebofconnections,he angledamilyistoriesffailure,abuse,ndneglectpreadut nawesomelynmanageableroportions."henthe ocialworkersked youngmotherbout he ummarksn hernine-yearolddaughter,herepliedna passivefutile oice that erhusband seda cattle3

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4 TerrorsUsualprod nthe irlwhenhewas bad.Then he miled,as if t was the ddestthing,"ayingithurtsoo. knowcosheuses tonme ometimes."heyived"anonymousnd ransitory"n refurbishedhickenoop n canal-linedoad.Oneafternoonhis ocialworker astakingheast f another oman's ourchildrenromer omewhenhewomaneapt pandpulled own er antsoshow imwhere er x-husbandad tabbedernthe uttocks.Justs sud-denly,"ewrites,hewomanrealized hathehaddone ndbegano ryndto augh,omehowt the ame ime,nd omehowomean oth." ndhecon-cludes y ayingI am eftwithhempressionf ives smassive,ense,ndimpenetrables those odes fcollapsedmatterutof which othingscapesandwhosenlymeasures whatheybsorbnd onceal."

Butwhat bouthe istoriesf he igFry,heHistoriesf uccess? re heyso removedromhis iolent orld hose nlymeasureswhatt bsorbsndconceals?ntalkingerror'salkreweourselvesot emptedo bsorbnd on-cealthe iolencenour wn mmediateife-worlds,nour niversities,orkpla-ces, treets,hopping alls,nd ven amilies,here,ike usiness,t's errorsusual?nparticular,s wezig-zag etween antingoconceal ndwantingoreveal,might e not uddenlyecomeonsciousfour wn onventionsfco-ordinatingowernd ense-makingnd ealize,s Walterenjaminutt nhislastwritingsrittenn he ve fWorldWarI,that:The traditionf theoppressedeaches s that he state femergency"nwhichwe live s not he xceptionut he ule.Wemust ttainoa concep-tion fhistoryhat s inkeepingwith hisnsight.henwe shall learly ec-ognizethat t s ourtask obring bout realstate femergency,nd thiswill mprove urpositionnthe trugglegainst ascism.OnereasonwhyFascismhas a chance s that nthename fprogresstsopponentsreattasa historicalorm. hecurrentmazementhat he hings e areexperienc-ing are "still"possible n thetwentiethenturys notphilosophical.hisamazements not hebeginningfknowledge unless t s theknowledgethat heviewofhistory hich ivesrise to t s untenable"Theseson thePhilosophyfHistory").Inother ords hat oes ttake ounderstandur ealitys a chronictate femergency,sa Nervousystem?ote he oncept;lease ake are onoteheissuebefore s.Not knee-jerkpplicationfpostmodernnti-totalitarianismbentndisruptingn ssumedomplicityetweenerrorndnarrativerder,utanopportunisticositionlessosition hich ecognizeshathe errornsuchdisruptions no ess hanhatf he rdert s bentneliminating.Terrors what eeps hese xtremesnapposition,ustas thatppositionmaintainsherregularhythmfnumbingnd hock hatonstituteshe ppar-entnormalityfthe bnormalreatedythe tatefemergency.etweenheorder fthattatend he rbitrarinessf ts mergency,hathenf he enter- andwhat f ts alk?

Talking errorI had eennvitedy ne f urmoreugustnstitutionsf he igherearningotalk n the errorssociated ith he eruvian mazon ompanyn the arlytwentiethenturyubberoomn the utumayoreaofColombia.eforehe



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MickTaussig 5scholar,lder hanmyself. ith emarkableerve ndflair or etail e com-pared ifferentistoricalpochsorheirmountf error,oncluding,ver es-sert,hat ur enturyastheworst.here as omethingeighty,ven inister,abouthis.Wewere rawingbalance heet otust nhistoryut n tsharvestofterror,ur ntellectendingnderheweightffearfulacts,ndour pochhad omenfirst. efelttrangelyrivileged,n ofar swecould quateurepochwithurselves,hichs, suppose, hat istoricaludgementurnspon.Andndrawingur rimonclusion,erewenot eliberatelyakingurselvesafraid,never osly way njoyingur ear? ut myselfindamnow littlefrightenedven uggestinghis ossibility.t seems lausible,et ver-sophisti-cated,mockingoth ear ndntelligence.Tennis alls hwacked.he hadowshrowny heGothicpiresengthenedas the fternoonrew n.Onecould ot ut eel littleneasybout he onfi-dencewithwhich error asbeingmasteredver inen apkins,confidenceshieldinghe nspokenear he niversityommunityadofthe hettothaddisappearedeveral ears ack "disappeared,"strangeewword-usagenEnglishs well s inSpanish,s inElSalvadorrColombia hen omeoneustvanishesffhe ace fthemap ue opara-militaryeathquads. heuniver-sityn he SA sof ourseemoteromhatortf hing.eathquads,mean.But t s wellknownhatome wenty-fiveears ack his articularniversity,fornstance,ad ppliedelentlessinancialressurenthe urroundinghetto-dwellersnd hat uringhatime here eremany trangeiresurninguild-ings own ndblack eople ut.Therewashate. herewas violence. obodyforgothe eadwhiterofessoroundtrungponthe chool ence.heuniver-sityame oown he hirdargestolice orcenthe tate.ogetherith he ityadministrationt hangedhe rafficattern,mpedingntryo he rea ymeansof labyrinthf ne-waytreets.n nvisibleandmanipulatedhatt ould fpubliculturendpublic pace.tbecamenlawfulopost ertainortsfflyersonuniversityoticeoards,hus reventingertainortsfpeople romavinganygoodreason or eingnthe icinity.hus,ntime, hile reservinghesemblancefdemocraticpenness,he niversityame oreconstructhe hettointo middlelass, argely hite,ortressithinn nvisibleordonanitaire.Terrorsusual,hemiddlelassway,ustifiedy heppeal o he igherduca-tion,othe reservationfCivilizationtself,layedut ightherenthe ear-ridden locksf oftypires,he ieryiguresfthe urninguildings,nd hecalm potlightsfpolicemen ith heir atchfulogs.We remember alterBenjamin:nodocumentfcivilizationhichsnot tthe ame ime docu-mentfbarbarism."

Mythoughtsriftedo a latenineteenth-centurytory ritteny JosephConrad's close friend,he largerthanlife eccentric obertBontineCunninghameraham.n thistory,AHegira," unninghamerahamelateshow n tripoMexico ityn 1880hevisitedight pachendiansmprisonedina cage nd npublic iewnthe astle fChapultepec.s he efthe ityoreturno hisranchnTexas,he heardhey ad scaped,nd ll theongwaynorthewitnessedlationndpandemoniumsin ownfterown runkenengallopedff,unnhand,otrackownndkill, nebyone, hese oot-weary



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6 TerrorsUsualIndians half-human,alf east, ecidedlyndmysteriouslyther slowlymovingorthhroughhe errainfMexico,onstitutingt sa nationnd s apeoplen he errorf heavagerymputedo heApache. etwhen'dfinishedtellinghe alemyhost ooked t me. Do youknow owmany eople heApachesilledndhowmanyead f attleheytole etween855 nd1885?"he asked.twas as much challenges a question,he ort fquestionouaskedookingown he ightsf gunwhereealityquals target.he mpli-cationwasclear; here as good eason"ofearndkill hose paches.Butthere ere nly ightf hem,nthewhole fMexico,lone nd nfoot,"re-plied.And dog hey'dickedp."But atern, omy urprise,hen he eminarotunder ay,myhost ncesofierynd loquentnthe opic fterror,oincommandfhisvast istory-machine,ell ilents the rave,lumpednto he urthestecess fhispaddedchair. youngenuredrofessorhairedhe ccasionna don'tmesswithmemanner,efusingoallowme tobeginwithhe ummary'd prepared.Thatwon't enecessary "erepeatedrchly,sking earlyllthe uestionshich,like he ost's eactiono heApachetory,ere ot nlyimed tmakingenseofterrors somebody'srofit,utndoingo furtheredhe errorepurportedtobeexplaining.he adgreynessf he ate fternoonpreadhroughhe oom.Pale nd orbiddinglyilent,he raduatetudentsat s sentinelsf ruthorn-comingenerations.hywere heyofrightened?hat id heyeel?Maybetheyelt othing?Reluctantlymetmy ost or cup f offeewo aysatertthe niversity.Hewas nsistentnd nvokedll sortsfnostalgiao moothver nstateden-sions. utwhat climaxWhere as he enteelomfortfhismaginedast fheroicntellectualsnthe ub-basementfwhatwas aid obea perfectopy fanOxfordollegewhere enow atholdingndrinkableoffeeromslotma-chinewhile our rfive anglingoung en romhe hettoorsedround en-acing ne nother,nd he lientele,easingf ourse,stheylayednbearablyloudmusicromheukebox?hehosteaned orwardgainsthe oise. he r-teriesulsednhis tout eck.Haveyou eadBordovitch'sorknthe talintrials,ublishednParisn he ifties?"e houted."No," had o onfess.He eanedorwardgain.Doyou nowwhyhe risonersdmittedo rimesthey adn'tommitted?"edemanded ith sharpdge ohisvoice. Becausetheywere eprivedfsleep forweeks t a time," ethundered.Inwhitecellswith heightn ll the ime "Hesatback, lowingike whiteight imself,rimlyatisfied,ven littleexultantndhappy ow hat ehadpushederror'sarkmurk ell way romthose oliticallytagederformanceshereonfusionnd onfessionorkedoeachother's enefit. einsistedndriving ethe ive locks o where wasstaying.Here ourar syourank,"e aid.TalkingTerrorIntheRepublicfColombian South mericanofficialtate fEmergencyhasbeennforce,ow n,now ff,ow n gain,or slongs mosteopleanremember.hetimingndrhythmfthe pplicationndenforcementfthis



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Mick aussig 7measureives ssomedea f he perationf tates fwhat ertoltrechtur-veyingermanynthe hirtiesalled orderedisorder,"nd ince ecades o-lombia asbeendefineds beingna state f chaos uch hat redictionsfimminentevolution,blood ath,r militaryictatorshipave eenmade nan almostaily asis. oday,n total opulationf ome 7million,einghethirdargestnLatinAmerica, ithwidespreadssassinationstriking,o it ssaid, ome hirtyeople day,with 00membersfthe nly iable ppositionparty,heUnibn atribtica,unnedownnthe treetsver he ast woyears,withn estimated1,000ssassinationsarriedut ythemorehan 49deathsquads ecentlyamednthe ationalongressver oughlyhe ame ime e-riod,ndwith ver ,000 amedeople isappearedsurelyut small ractionof he ctual umber) thereanbenodoubthat situationxists hichs nolessviolenthant ssinister,nd hatts inisterualityependsnthe trategicuseofuncertaintyndmysteryround hichtalkserror'salk nd owhichtalwayseturns.But s this ituationidely nderstood,ithinr outside he ountry,s aState fEmergencynBenjamin'sense?sit,nother ords,een sthe xcep-tion rthe ule,ndwhat oliticalnd ndeedodilyonsequences ightherebeinconstantlyarpingnthe deal fOrders inthe rominentiscoursefthe tate,heArmedorcesnd hemedia ith heirncessantnd lmostitual-istic eferenceo hestatefpublicrder,"articularlyhent eems rettyb-vious hat hese eryorces,speciallyheArmedorcesn nage sdefinedyPentagonheoristss oneof low ntensityarfare,"ave s muchogain romdisordersfromrder andprobablygood ealmore?ndeed,nthe aseoftheArmedorces,isorderssurelyntrinsico tsmodusperandihereinhearbitrarinessfpowers practiceds anexquisitelyine rt fsocial ontrol.Furthermore,hat oes tmean odefineuch situations existsnColombiaas chaotic,ivenhat he haosseveryday,ot deviationromhe orm,ndina strategicallymportantoliticalensesa disorderedrder o ess hant sanorderedisorder?hat oes tmean,ndwhatoes t ake o nvisagesoci-ety s breakingown othe ointfdying asthe eadlinesnthe anuary4,1988, ditionfElDiarioofNewYork utst for olombia when hereseveryeasono uggesthathis tate f mergencysmost ecidedlyot he x-ceptionut he ulefor his articularation-stateifnot ormanythersswell)? nthe ostmodernorld,s the tate,hemarket,nd he ransnationalcorporationsnternto new onfigurationf rbitrarinessndplanning,ightnot he eryonceptf he ocial,tselfrelativelyodemdea, eoutdatednso fars itrestsnassumptionsf tabilitynd tructure?nwhichase whatsallthe alk bout rderbout?Lookingt he ocialworldn he ensedet ighly obile ay enjaminn-couragedstodowith is ictumbouthe onstancyf he tate f mergency,I thinkecan tartounderstandhe low fpoweronnectingerror'salkwiththe seofdisorderhroughssassinationnddisappearingeople. hisunder-standingequiresnowingow o standnanatmospherehippingack ndforthetweenlaritynd pacity,eeing othways tonce.This swhat callthe pticsfTheNervousystem,ndwhilemuch f hissconveyed,n typi-



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8 Terrors Usualcally bliquemanner,n he otionf he ormalityf hebnormal,nd articu-larlynthenormalityfthe tate femergency,hat eeds onderingandthis s our dvantage,oday,nthis enue, ithur error-talkhichutomati-callymposes framingnd distancing-effectis the iolentndunexpectedrupturesn onsciousnesshatuch situationarries.his snot o muchpsy-chologicals a social nd ulturalonfigurationnd tgoes othe eartfwhatispoliticallyrucialn he otionf errorsusual.I amreferringo state fdoublenessf ocial eingnwhichnemovesnbursts etweenomehowcceptinghe ituations normal,nly o bethrowninto panic r hockednto isorientationy nevent, rumor,sight,ome-thingaid, rnot aid somethinghatvenwhile trequireshenormalnorderomake ts mpact,estroyst.You find hiswith he erribleovertynThirdWorldocietyndnownthe entersfU.S. citiesoo,uch sManhattan;peopleikeyou ndme lose heiryes o t,na mannerf peaking,ut ud-denlynunanticipatedventccurs,erhapsdramaticrpoignantruglyne,and henormalityf he bnormals shown orwhatt s.Thentpasses way,terrorsusual,na staggeringfpositionhatends tselfo urvivalswell sdespairndmacabreumor.t s this oublenessf ocial eingnd ts hock-changinghatheMarxistlaywrightertoltrechtsed, utnreverse,o as toproblematizehe astofnormalcyustaininghereality-effectfthepublicsphere. eismology,superiororm fsemiology,s what he ritic olandBarthesalledhisechniquefBrecht's.Terror'salknsuch ircumstancesluctuatesetweenhe irmlyensedndusuallyuite ogmaticertaintieshatherendeedxists reasonnd center,onthe nehand,nd he ncertaintiesf diffuse,ecenteredandomnessntheother.akefornstancehe ditorialfoneof he ountry'sain aily ewspa-pers, lEspectador,6th fFebruary,986, ntitledl Desorden ublico. irsttheres a breathlessistingfthe successivects fterror"hat ave shakenthe ountry"nthe astweek...the ountingttacksn ournalists,nebeingkillednFlorencia,nothernCali,the onfrontationfpolicewithndiansnthe emoteeserteninsulaf heGuajira hereight eoplewere illed,he s-sassinationf en easantsnthemunicipalityfLa Paz nSantander,he low-ing pof ilpipe ines ow mountingo65millionesos,hessassinationfyoung ni6n atribticactivistnCauca, he ttackingf police ost etweenPereirandArmeniay guerrillanit fthe PLwhich illednepolicemanandwoundedourthers, assiveeasantemonstrationsn he rontierepart-mentfArauca,he scalationfdrug raffickingnd, ntop f llthis,ccord-ing othe ditorial,he ouble-gamefthe uerrilla,alkingeacebutmakingwar."This,nbroadtrokes,"ontinueshe ditorial,isthenternalituationfthe ountry,onvulsednd xplosive"uch hatt eemssif

theremight e an intimate onnection etween he diversefactors hatconspire gainst hemaintenancefpeaceandpublic ecurity.utalthoughthatmaynotexist, here re so manyrepeated utburstsrom ifferentbattlefieldshat,wantingo ornot,the forces hat perate gainst ublic



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MickTaussig 9peace onvergeithqual nd estructivempetuso he ommonask fdestructionnwhichheyindhemselvesngaged.

Terriblealk,ndeed.Forces ecome isembodiedromocial ontextsweenter worldnwhichthingsecomenimated,arallelinghempossiblyontradictoryeed obothestablishnddisestablishcenter,motiveorce,r reasonxplainingvery-thing.trangelyhisNervousystemcquiresnanimistic,ven nthropomor-phic, uality factorsonspiring,orcesonverging,orcesindinghemselvesengagedncommonestructionand ust s strangely,nthe ntireitanyfterrifyingorces ecordednthe ditorial,heresthis errifyingbsencef nymentionf heArmedorcesf he tatetself. ould heseatterethe rulyn-visiblereadhatentersheNervousnessf heNervousystem hose emio-sis nvolves ot omuch he bviousmeaningutwhat oland arthesalledthe btusemeaningf igns?Inthemany rittenorksy he oremostpokesmanndguruf heArmedForces, eneral ernandoandazabal eyes,error'salk ssumeshe ituationprevailingnColombiasdecidedlyart fanorder, global rder fcosmicconfrontationetweenemocracynd ommunismn whichoor hirdWorldcountriesre he irstobefracturedndwherehe rontine f ombatsdrawn.Inhis enderingf eality,nbooksuch sThe rice f eace and ocialCon-flict,nesensesuite cutelyhe ominglingndfluctuationetweenhe osi-tivisttylefthehard act,heAbstractmpiricismas Sartre ould utt)ofthe iagramsepictingatternsfcircularausationetweenoverty,orality,injustice,iolence,nd o forth,ogetherith he pellbindingonderfthemetaphysicsfpatriotism,eath,rder,ndhierarchy.s see ttheseatterrethe ery hingshat reatend ontrol sense ffixingogetherith sense fslippage,speciallybvious nd mportantnthe aseofdeath,o finite con-nection ithhenfinite,nd venmorebviousnthe aseof he ew actic fdisappearinghich,s Julio ortzarointedut nthe arlyighties,hinkingnot nly fthe 0,000 isappearednArgentina,reatesnew ircle oDante'shelln hatt ombineshe erribleactf osswith he ver-presentope hathedisappearedilltomorrow,henext ay...re-emerge.encemothersrere-portedssayinghathey eptearsfoytofind he ead ody f heiraugh-ter rson, ecause t east henheywere ure. ut hats the xception.ormostt's dream orld, hichecidedlyutsmagicalealism"na new ight,as whenheyusho sitewhere,n dream,friendas een he isappeared.As Fabiola alinde,who ast awher on, memberftheMarxist-LeninistCommunistarty,eing ut nto trucky he olombianrmy,nthe rd fOctober,984, utst: If he ays redifficult,he ightsre orture,speciallywhen dream f[the panishs con, husmeaningreamingith]uisFer-nando."

Becausemore han reams hey rereal n that see himreturnomewiththe mile hat ealways as,togetherith istranquilityndease, ndwhenI ask himwhere e's been and he's about o answer,hat'swhen alwayswakeup, n that art fthedream.t's so real that t theverymoment fawakeninghave no idea what'shappeningr where am, nd to returno



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10 TerrorsUsualrealitys sad andcruel fter aving adhim n frontfme. At other imesspendthenight unninghroughush ndravines,earchingmongstilesof cadavers,witnessingattles ndDantesque cenes. tmakesyou crazy.And thishappens o thewholefamily,s well as to his friends.ven theneighborsave oldmemany imeshathey ream fhim.

And ur reaming?or rewenot eighborsoo?Asfor ard acts, eneralandazabalsadamant,t east ntileptemberf1986, hat videncendicatinghat heArmedorcess behind anyfnotmostofthe ssassinationsnddisappearancesnColombiasfalse. uestionednLaSemana yAntonioaballerowhose ame ow ppearsntheMedellineathList)regardingis tatementhat he nly aramilitaryroupsnthe ountrywere he uerrillas,he eneralepliedhat hile twasbeginningoappearohim hat here ighterhapsesome ortforganization,ven nationallyr-ganizedne,whose unctionas o ssassinate embersf heUni6n atribtica(byfar hemost opulareft-wingartynColombia),ereally adno deaabouthis.Moreover,ewentn, twas nfamousoconnectheArmedorceswithhe ssassinsow upposedlyoabundantnColombianthewake fthecocaine rade.Thatwould be to enterntothemosttremendousontradictionith heprofessional oralityndhonor ftheArmed orces. t ssaidthat heres a"dirtyar" oingn, ut heArmedorces onot articipaten hat.heycombatubversionith ll themeans fthe onstitutionnd he aw,butnotby payingssassinsn motorbikesrplacingombs. hatwould einfamous,ndwecannotolerateuch nfamyobemouthed.

InGabriel arciaMarquez' ovel, hroniclef Death oretold,antiagoNassarwalkshe ot olombianownuringhe ight'sevelrynawarehat eisbeing ursuedy women rmed ith nivesassionatelyommittedokill-inghim.A questionfhonor.t'sa small noughown orts nhabitantsosense omethingtrange.heyeethe rmedmenearchingromlace oplace,yet heyan't elieve hathey ill eally ill orratherheyelievenddis-believetone nd he ame ime,utproofomes ure nough ith antaigoNasar'sbloody isembowelmentall ofwhich take obeparadigmaticfwhat eneralandazabaleferso sthe dirtyar"whiche ays issaid obegoing n." Ofcoursehe oint f such war, f the hrasingfsuch war,whichs also alled y ome ationalommentatorswar f ilencing,sthatstheGeneralays t s"said obe"goingnwhichmeans,npoliticalnd pera-tionalerms,hatt sand t sn't in ust he ameway sthebnormals nor-mal nddisordersorderlynd hewholemeaningf he elativelyodernerm"society,"et lone hemeaningf the ocialbond,uddenlyecomeseeplyproblematic.fterll what oes tmean ohave societyt undeclared)arwithtself?InColombia," y wenty-year-oldriendromneof he oor ug-arcaneownsf he aucaValley, dgar,onstantlyssured ewithmug inal-ity,Youcan't rustnyone."We weren bus n1981headingntohe rontierrovincef he utumayo,readingChroniclef Death oretold,nd commentedow trangenair f



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Mick aussig 11realityhe ale onveyed,verybodyensing et ot elievinghat as boutohappen.Ah rofesor,"ereplied,buthere'slwaysnewho nows."Inthemurk,neyewatching,neyeknowing.ereyou an't rustnyone.There's lways newhoknows. aranoia s social heory.aranoias socialpractice.ote he riticallymportanteaturefthewar f ilencings itsgeo-graphical,pistemological,ndmilitary-strategicecenterednessyetwe can-notbutfeel hat t is organizedromome enter omatterowmuch hegeneralenies isknowing.he eadersftheUni6n atribticaay hisunde-clared) arwhichssaid obegoingn) sthe utcomef he entagon'slanfor atinAmerica,he nfamousdoctrinefnationalecurity"hich ecanread boutnthe eneral'sookswheret spresentedna favorable,ven e-demptive,ight.Sideby idewith his octrine,nd he ymmetricalaranoidirclesfcon-spiracyracedroundt, heres this ew ypefwarfarehat ascome o becalled lowntensityonflict"hoseeadingharacteristicstoblur ccustomedrealitiesndboundariesndkeep hemlurred.hatsanotherye ocontendwith,rotesquelyost-modemn ts onstitutiveontingency.TalkingTerror3Andnowwestartofeel hisyewatchingnotherlaces swell.Hearing,oo.Thetiras what he tudentsnthe niversitynBogotAalledt,meaningpy,and twas, heyntimated,ightherenthe lassroom.uriouslyhis articularword forspy the tira also meansthrowing,nd itsopposite pulling.And s ifthatsn't trangenough,ira s alsoused omean ucking.llthismakes or curiousetworkf ssociations,rantings some arensightntothe roticsot nly f pyingut f he error-machinef he tate swell,withits bscure edleyf ppositions,eduction,nd iolence.Sappo, rog,s the erm sed orhenformernthe ugarcaneownsnwest-ern olombia,emindinge f he rog'solen orcerynd f ts limyabitatbetweenarth,ky,ndwater, heretcroaksongs f ove ndwaryet, othlike ndunlikehenformer,ssuddenlyuted hen eople assby.When ouwalk hroughhe anefieldstnight asonlyhe easants,ane-workers,ndtheoccasionalonsipirator,evolutionaryrganizer,ndanthropologistverwould youbecome he uditoryquivalentf sensitivehotographiclate,registeringnderhe lack anopyf hemmensekies he eafeningilencefsuddenlytilledound. nd he rog?guesst's ll ears oo.Butwho nows romhenceome hese ermsorpiesndwhencehey o?Theirwkwardlyonstellatedeaningsegistercompoundf limend mi-nous uiet, o essobscure,ndno esspointed,han heDeath quads hem-selves.ntheseuddenlyutedieldsfpowerhe eatnessf he ymboltselfgivesway othe apidlyulsingnderbelly,he ushingndpulling,fNervousSystematicity.Andfor hepooryoungmen fColombia,whichs tosayfor hemajorityfyoungmen, heres the yeofthe ibrettamilitarrmilitaryass,possession fwhichmeans hatnehasperformedhe ighteenrtwenty-fouronthsmilitaryservice emanded ythe tate.fyoudon'thave t, he uthoritiesanpickyouupas they lease, nd most mployers illrefuse o hire manwithoutne.At



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12 TerrorsUsualthe ance-hallsnBogotAhere he oungnemployedndworkinglass on-gregatenSaturdayights,twasnot ncommonn1986 or he olice odragoff hose ithoutheibretta,ftenosinghem ownn he ourtyardf he o-lice tationndeavinghemhereockednthe reezingight,speciallyf heycouldn'tome pwith satisfactoryribe. veryime bus s stoppedythepolice r he rmy,hemen remade opresentheirapers. veryime retenorbarrierserectedround hat he orcesfpublicrder eem isorder,hosewhowish opasshave opresentheirapers,nd obe withouthemmay neday ostyourife. his ye smercilessor he oor oungmen f heRepublicwho herebyecome ot nly ictimut ictimizer,nsuringerror'sormalcy.

Takethe aseofJairo ithwhom wasspeakingnoneof the ugarcaneplantationowns o which havebeen eturningvery ear ince1969 ntheCaucaValleynWesternolombia.everalmonthsackhehadfinishediscompulsoryilitaryervicendnowhadhis ibretta ilitar. e startedalkingabout he rmyndthe uerrillas,bout im eing npatrolnthe ordilleracentral.idhe ver et chanceo alkwith henemy?o There as youngguyheonceknewwho ived own he treet,hough.ndhe waved ishandcarelessly. hyrethey ighting?asked.He struggledorwords.It's todowithhe overnment,"esaid ventually.Theguerrillare gainstnemploy-ment.""Well.Whatbouthat?"" It'sbadbecauseheyre ommunists.hey'regainstemocracy."

He toldme the ame hing fewmonthsaterwhen, avingearchedorsevenmonthse anded constructionob nCali a jobthataid ourollarsa day xcepthatransportnd unchook lose ohalf f hatnd heobwouldlast nlyevenweeks o that hemployerould void he ocial ecurityoststhatpplyfteright eeksmployment.hat's he emocracye wasdefend-ing.And t took im evenmonthso findhatob with is ibretta ilitar.I've knownimince ewas tiny oy ndhismothers aneven lder riendfmine. e's exceptionallyweet ndgentle.heotherayhewaswashing ytwondhalf ear ldboy'shair,llgigglesnd roth."Do youget chance o talkwith heguerrilla?"asked."Whenwecapturehem.""Dotheyalk?""Wemake heming.""Domanying?""MIost.""What bout hosewhodon't?""We kill them. hecomandanterders s to.We tie their andsbehindtheir acks andstuff wettowel ver hemouth o thatwhen hey reathethey eelas ifthey're rowning. ostsing.Orelse we put takes p theirfingernails.hosewho ie,wekill, ikewhen heyelluswhere he nemysbut hey're ot here. lotdepends n the omandante."



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Mick aussig 13"Andwhen he uerillaatchesneof our fficers,"eadded,he'scut ntopieces."Allthis ranspirednthemostmatter-of-factay,ust ikewe'dbeenearlieralkingf he omatoesewas ransplanting.Wegot otalkingbout he cleaning"r limpiezafCali,thatncredibleprocessnwhicheggars,rostitutes,omosexuals,ransvestites,nd llmannerofstreeteople upposedlynvolvedncrime ndpettyocaine ealing erebeingwiped utbypistolndmachineun ire romick-upsndmotorbikes.Thatswhat neheardveryay.Butobviouslyotust hoseort fpeoplewere ffected.veryoneas cared. nyoneould e a target.tudentsnCalitoldmethatmerelyith he ound f motorbikehey ould ide hemselves,and ew eoplewent ut tnight. hileheresreasonodistinguishhisclean-ing" romhemoreonventionallyefinedoliticalssassinations,heresalsosomethinghey avencommon apartromhe reationfterrorhroughn-certain iolence andthishas todo with hehorrificemanticunctionsfcleansing,reatingirmoundariesherenlymurkxistso thatmoremurkcan xist,urifyinghe ublicpheref he ollutingowers hichhe ominantvoices fsocietyttributeo thehampa r underworldhose alientoliticalfeatureies n tsbeing trategicallyorderless invisibleet nfiltratingbutdecidedlyther;rostitutes,omosexuals,ommunists,eft-winguerrilleros,beggars,ndwhat guesswe could allthe arkhreateningass fthe nde-servingoor which, hen ou hinkboutt, oesn'teave oomanyeoplein he pperworld.nthe earsomeogic f he oliticalnconsciousthe leans-ing" r impieza ringsomindupermarkethelves f endless ansofsoappowdersnd arwax hatailycrubnd olishhismalnourishedand.Now s-suing orthstreamf adavers,isfigurednbizarreitualisticormsftene-rived rom .S. televisionmageryndcommoditiesuch s pesticidesikeKan-Kill,his leansingervorsnotwithoutcertainenealogynd onsciousmanipulation.

Asregardshe enealogy,earkenack o he epresentationsf he amparcriminalnderworldf Havananearly wentiethenturyorks fthe ele-brated ubannthropologisternandortiznwhich rimesreducedocrimi-nalityndcriminalitys seen as the natural utcome fbeingblack ndpracticinganteria.heunderworldsthe hantasmagoricaranoidonstructionof he ulinglass, ndwithegardsothemanipulationf his ertilemagerynCali likeHavana, apital f. ugar, lums f blacks hearkeno ChrisBirkbeck'studyf hemedia nd magesf rime herenthe eventieseforethe eathquads ad mergednthemid-eighties.omparinghe ewspaperc-counts f crime ithwhat efoundyhangingutwith olice ndprisonerswhile ewas ivingnthe lums,efoundothingovalidatehe biquitouss-sumptionhat n organized nderworldxisted utside f the maginationre-atedbythepress or, would dd,created ythemoremportantedium ftheradio).Notonlywere he ccountsnthenewspapersxtraordinarilyxaggeratedbut, omywayofthinking,t was as iftheyweredesignedo create ndrepro-duce a tropical ersion f the Hobbesianworld,nasty, rutish,nd short,nwhichas myfrienddgarwasalways eady oremindme)"youcan't rustny-



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14 TerrorsUsualone" and hus cityf hewamphroudedn nebuloustmospheref nse-curity,rulyn statef mergency.Togetherith hisHobbesianearnwhicht spreciselyhe ndividualiza-tion ndfreakynexpectednessfviolencehats strategic,heres a no esscriticallymportantountermoveoclaim norganized,tructured,ssentialistcore othe read aswith he otionf norganizednderworld,magicallypotentace part,nhabitingoth metaphoricalnd n ctual eographicalonewithinhe ity. his fcourses the ltimateostmodernlusiveness,laimingboth enterednessnddecenterednessna social truggleombiningeaningand enselessnessith orturenddeath,ndBirkbeckould oten he resssearlys 1977 he rgentallfor clean-up,orheimpieza harbingerfourtime owwhen hemetaphorecame lastingact. Thecity rgentlyeedsasepticreatment,"aid he aily ewspaper,l Occidente,choingreviouse-mandsoreradicatingoci f riminalctivity,"orpurificationf he nviron-ment,"ndfor cleaninghe enter." hatwehave ounderstand,hen,snotmerelyome orrificrocessnwhichmageryndmyth ork ut rompoliti-cal unconsciousobeactualized,ut athersocio-historicalituationnwhichthemage,f rime,ornstance,sno essreal hanhe ealitytmagnifiesnddistortss terror'salk.AndnowJairo as alking,elling e bout ishavingoresign,hilenthearmy,romspecial orce ebelongedoforhree onthsnPalmira,he ownacross he iver aucafrom ali.Asheputt, hemissionfthis orce astocruiseroundntaxis nd nmotorbikespowerfulotorbikes,enoted soas tokill riminals,rugddicts,ndsicariosrprofessionalillers.he ol-diersnhisuniteceivedooklets ithhotosf he eoplehey ad okill,ndthey ndertookargetracticehootingt human orms rommotorbikesndphonyaxis. hey everwore niformsndtheir airwasgrownongerhanregulation.okill hey ould et sclose spossible, ith colt45or 9-mmpistol. herewere ighteenfthem,lusfour ub-officialsndonecaptain.They idmostf heirillingtnightutworkedhroughhe ity uringhe aygettingoknow heirictims'abits. here ere bout iftyeoplenthateathlist.Itwasstraightforward.nd nly hree eeks efore,othe ay, he eneralwasquotedsvehementlyenyingny ossibleonnectionhatsoeveretweenthermynd eathquads.TalkingTerror4Above ll the irtyWarsawar f ilencing.heresnoofficiallyeclared ar.Noprisoners.o torture.odisappearing.ustilenceonsumingerror'salkfor hemain art,caringeoplentoayingothingnpublichat ould e con-strueds criticalftheArmed orces. his s morehan he roductionf i-lence. t is silencing,hichs quite ifferent.ornowthenot aidacquiressignificancend a specific onfusion efogs hespacesof thepublic sphere,which s where he ction s.It s this resenceftheunsaidwhichmakes he implestfpublic-spacealkarrestingnthis geofterror thenaming ytheMothersftheDisappearednpublic pacesof thenames fthedisappeared,ogether ith heir hotographs,



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Mick aussig 15in ollectivects cquiringhe ormf itualnwhich hats mportantsnot omuchhe acts,inceheyre n heir aywellknown,ut hehiftn ocial o-cationnwhich hose actsreplaced, illinghe ublic oidwith rivate em-ory.Thepointboutilencingnd he ear ehindilencingsnot oerasemem-ory. arfromt.Thepointstodrive hememoryeepwithinhe astnessf heindividualoas tocreatemore ear nduncertaintynwhichreamnd ealitycommingle.gainnd gain nehearshis romhemothersf he isappeared,like abiola alinde ho reamshateron,ast een eingakenn truckythe olombianrmy,asreturnedoher. usts he's bouto nswerer ues-tion,Where aveyou een?,"hewakes pandhe'snot here.It'ssoreal,"she ays,thattthe erymomentf wakeninghaveno deawhat's appen-ing rwheream, nd oreturnorealityssadand ruelfteravingim nfrontfme.""The rue icturef he ast litsy," sBenjaminxpressedcardinalrin-ciple fhisphilosophyfhistory,nd even he ead hall ot e safe romheenemyfhewins. nd hisnemyasnot eased obe victorious."therightsshe aces hroughush nd avinesuntingor eronnpiles f adavers.Silencingerves ot nly opreserve emorys nightmareithinhe ast-ness f thendividual,ut opreventhe ollectivearnessingfthemagicalpowerf what obert ertz,n his lassic 907 ssay nthe ollectiveepre-sentationfdeath)alled the nquietouls" f he pace fdeath the estlesssouls hateturngain nd gain o hauntheiving,uch s the ouls fthosewho ied iolenteaths.hishauntingontainsquotientfmagicalorcehatcanbe channeledy hendividual,syou anwitnessnthe entralemeteryofBogotAvery onday,he ay f he nimas,henmassesfpeople,mainlypoor,ome oprayorheost ouls fpurgatory,pecificr ngeneral,nd ymeansfthis chievemagicaleliefromhe roblemsfunemployment,ov-erty,ailedove, nd orcery.umminghis p sthemage biquitouso Co-lombianolk eligiononsaleoutsidehe emetery,ornstance)ftheAnimaSola,the onelyoul, young oman,hainedands pliftednd boutobeconsumedyfire. ehind er remassivetonewalls nd barredoor,pparentlylosedWhatheMothersf he isappearedo stocollectivelyarnesshismagical ower fthelost ouls fpurgatoryndrelocate emorynthe ontestedublicphere,way romhe ear-numbingnd razy-makingastnessfthe ndi-vidualmind herearamilitaryeathquadsnd

the tatemachineryf oncealmentould ixt.Insocourageouslyaminghenames ndhold-ing he hotographicmagefthe ead nddis-appeared,hemothersreatehe pecificmagenecessaryo reverseublic nd Statememory.Aswomen,ivingirtho ife,hey ollectively

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16 TerrorsUsualhold he oliticalnd itualifelineodeathndmemorys well.Theplaceofthenamenterror'salk s the laceoccupiedy iteralan-guage, re-lapsarian,heGod-givenorldfnames. ut henames also, sState-ordaineddentification,n essentialequisitefbureaucraticrocedure.ThismeetingfGod nd taten heName, o ess han he trangeaws f eci-procityertainingo he olk octrinefPurgatorynd in,s alsoopen o cer-tain ppropriationnwhat take obe a particularlyale pheref nteractionbetweenrivatendpublicpheres.amreferringothe istoryecountedandthusollectivized)o small ublic atheringnBogotAy he olombianena-tor vanMarulandafhowhehad nteredheMedellinfficesf he -2, ne fthe olombianrmy's anynd ver-changingemi-secretnits,o nquirentothewhereaboutsf disappearedan.vanwas urehey ere oldingim,ndjust ssurelyhe -2deniedt. orcingiswaynto he ells,van creameduttheman's amegainnd gain, orhiswould ethe ast ossiblehance,nd,like miracle,he isappearedan's oice ould e heardallingack.Hewasthere. eanwhilehepolicehaddiffusednotice o thepress hat heman'sbody ad een oundead n garbage eapnMedellin.And nfurtheronnectionith amingtshould epointedutthatvanMarulanda'same ecentlyppearedn theMedellin eath ist, longwithhenames fthirty-threethers hohave ittedheiralknpublic paces gainstofficialalk. heworld ot nly eganwith amings with he riginaldamiclanguage,utmaywellendwith t as well perverselyssentialistife nddeath amesplicingherbitrarinessf he ign o herbitrarinessf hetate'spower.Butwhat bout eopleikeyourselfaught p nsuchmatters? hatortftalk aveyou ot?What boutmyself,or hatmatter?Talking error

...andllthewerewolvesho xistnthe arknessfhistorynd eep livethatear ithouthichhereanbenorule.HorkheimerAdorno,ialecticfEnlightenment,The mportancef heBody."

It was at a friend'slace nBogoti n ate1986 hat first etRoberto. yfriendsa ournalistndhad oldme hewasworriedbout im. mnestynter-nationaladgottenim ticketut f he ountry,ut ehadnot sed t, nd twassaid hat e wasbeinghunnedyhisownpolitical roups unstable.ewas nhis arlyhirties,nengineer,honthe ery oor eighborhoodsnthesouthfthe ity ad,with left-wingoliticalroup,een rganizingeetingsonsilencing onthe epressionfhumanights.ogetherith notherftheorganizerse hadbeen icked pfromhemeetingy he rmytnight,akenaway,disappeared,nd tortured this na country hose rmy otally eniesits nvolvementnsuch ctivities.hus,where he fficialoicecan so strikinglycontradicteality,ndbymeans f such ontradictionreate ear, oesMagicalRealismmove nto ts martial orm. y a miracle e hadnotbeenkilledwhenthey uthim na bag,shothim hroughhehead, nd eft imfor ead na pub-licpark. ike thedisappearedhat eturnlive ndreams, e had comeback, f



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MickTaussig 17not o dream,n he trictense f he erm,henertainlyo nunrealife-stateinwhich,eingivingestimonyfwhat he rmy asdoing,ewas nconstantfear fbeing illed ndwasforcednto iding hilehe rmymountedcam-paign ayingewasnothingorehan "vulgar idnapper."hey ad aken ispapers, ithouthich ecouldn'tcquire passport,ndhis awyer asada-mant hatfhe went o theDAS (the ecurityolice) o renew ispapers ewould evereave heirfficeslive.Afternebriefnd ccurateoticenthecountry'seadingailies, othingore ad ppearedn hemedia. ndwhile ewasdesperatelyfraidfbeingound,twas hemediahat,nhis pinion,ouldkeephim live.Hehad okeephisname live nthe amepublic pherehatcould illhim.A week r so later bumpednto imnthe treetarryinghemorning'snewspaper.e toldme wasgoing o live nEurope,rCanada,na week."Don'tyouknow?" e sked.Iwasdisappeared.he rmyorturedeforwodays henhotmebut he ulletassed longhe ack fmy eck." ischildrenwerewithheir othern placewherehere ere lot fpeople or rotection.Onhearingwas eavingor trip est or week r morewithmywife ndthreehildrene mpressedponme: Alwaysmakeure hatf nythingap-pens oyou here illbepublicity.ake ure herere ournalistshoknowwhere ou regoing. on't ssociate ithnyonenthe eft. ustea tourist."Tomy onfusione dded,Don'twear oreignlothes."ehad file nwhathe alledmyase," nd said wouldike ohelp.Around ive 'clock neafternoone calledwithoutiving isname. Doyouknowwhostalking?ashisway f aying hohewas.Hewantedomeetat a busy upermarketnd went traightway.Approachinghemeetingbeganofeel ervousnd cannedhe ars or olice pies. verythingtartedolookdifferent,rappednthe ilentsolationfunknowabler mbiguousig-nificance.e waspacinghepavementnd triedomaket ook oanyonewatchings if twas a delightfulndunexpectedncounter.e not uite omuch. said had obuy read.We enteredhe upermarketogetherithmanywomenushingne nothern raggedueue tthe read ounter.invitedimtoour lace ut ewantedogotohis o we walkedhere,n roundaboutay.Therewas public honenthe ornerndhe skedf wantedocallRachel,whichtruck e sstrangend said didn't.Helivedna basementpartmenthich,oget nto ouhad opass hroughtwo oors,ne fterhe ther,achwith wo ocks. e wasclean ndneatnalightrownportsoat nd pen hirt.he orridoreadingo hepartmentasdarknddampndhetook long ime oopen he econd oor. struggledofind topicf onversation.eenterednto vault-likepacewith thickor-rugated ilky-greenlastic oof ver tiny ininglace.Theapartmentadbeen he ourtyardfa three-storiedouse. urthernside here as a neatlymade ark lue overed ouble edwith whitelothesupboardormingnewall.Therewerehreeairs f hoes eatlyaid ut. twas friend'spartmentandhesaidhehad o eave ntwo ays.More ndmore he lacegavemethefeelingf cage rof laboratory,ithsboth eepersndkept,xperimentersand ubjectsf omeone'sxperiment.



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18 TerrorsUsualfeelingf cage rof laboratory,ithsboth eepersndkept,xperimentersand ubjectsf omeone'sxperiment.Hesatmedowntthe inyable itteredith ewspaperuttingsndmaga-zines, half-emptyottlefAguardienterystal,nd he emainsf giantot-tle fCoca-Cola. here as neuprighthair.What ould ouike?" e sked."Whateverou've ot," answered. e movedboutwkwardly,ropingorsomethingodo, suppose,ndput cuttingnfrontfme.Very idilylue-inkedn themargintread lEspectador2. V. 86.There ere hotosf woyoungmen. heoneonthe eftwas said ohave eenkilled. he econdwassaid tobeRoberto,uthe wasunrecognizableo me withoutisbeard, ismouthashedwide, nd wo olicemenatchingim s hewalkedhroughdoor. he rticleepeatedhatmyournalistriendad oldme bout im eingdisappeared,ndRobertooldme,nwonder,hat he eryarkwherehermydisposedfhim ead nside hebagwas whereenyearsgohe hadcrash-landedn planenwhichll the assengersied xceptor imnd ne ther.As read,ryingoconcentrate,becameware ot fbeingnxious thatwould ave een oodirect,oohonestself-appraisalfwhat asgoingnbut ftryingorepress ave fter ave ffoamingearnd hereby,omehow,merelyhroughhe warenessfthe orce fthatepression,eelingncontrolinsteadffearful.rememberedowmerelyleven ays efore,rrivingttheairporttnightfteryearway romhe ountry,ehad een toppedbruptlyout nthe ark nd solatedighwayymenayinghey ere olice. heywentthroughur ags s f hey ereearinghempart,ayinghey ereookingorarms. uckilyhere as friendna carbehind ith heightsnmakingt,suppose,arderor hem oscrew s aroundndwe were ble, fterhowingthemur apersromheocaluniversity,oresumeurourney.Therere to-riesgoing round,"friendater oldme, ofa certaineneral's odyguarddressingp sairportolice tnightndhittingeople p."Othereopleaid twas because fa rumorhatnimportantemberftheM 19guerrillaadflownnthat ay.Nobodyould xplaint, fcourse,utnexplicabilitysnotthe est hingoacknowledgenthese ituationsfterrors usual s onefum-bleswithontradictorydvicendrumors.nmy otebookhadotted ownshortimeater,avingistenedomanyriendsalkingboutthesituation"--"It llsoundso ncrediblywful. nd fterwo ays'mgettingsed o t."Ro-berto ussedround,oured shot f guardienteorme ndfussedomemorewithopies f uttingsoncerningis ase.He couldn'tind iskeys,nd real-izedthat ou ouldn'tet utwithouthem.henwefoundhemndhe eftwithoutword,heocks rating all fourf hem leavingme lone nthatwhiteagewhose oorwasreinforcednthensideyheavyaugewiremesh,alsopaintedhite.triedoread n,propelledy ome ubiousotionhat hiswasbeing elpful,hat hiswaswhat edearly anted e odo;towitnessndtofollow,nretrospect,he rajectorynd ultimateisappearancefhiscaseandhencehisvery eing hroughhemedia rails fthepublic pherewhile ll thewhile herewas a flutteringensationwhich s soonas I was awareof twentaway. trecurred,tronger.felt wasbeing etup. tried o readmore utmyeyesonlyflicked ver he ages.Not sound.A fewminutes ent y. realized



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Mick aussig 19nobodynewwhere wasother han oberto. hyhadn't calledRachel?looked p tthe oof.twasonly orrugatedlastic. lmostransparent.urelyeasy obreakhrough?ut hen hese laceswere uiltobeburglar-proof,ndlooking oreloselytdidn'teem hatasy. ut hiswas bsurd. e'dbebacksoon. was miserableoward.triedoreadmoref he uttings.y yewascaughtyrandomhrases,xacerbatinghe ension asif llthat orrifictuffscatteredcross he ablen he eebleightf he ogotAloomilteredhroughthe lastic as aboutwhatwas about ohappeno me. hadpremonitionsfhow would eel nd owhat esperateengthswould o f panicked.didn'tfeel rallowmyselfofeelpanickyt thattage. hatwasthemost uriousthing. sawmyselfromfar,s itwere,nanother orld,oing razy, otknowinghat ashappening,hat asbeing lotted,hat ould appenext,unable obreathe.lookedgain t the oorwithts ough ire.mmovable.twasrainingard.very ow nd hen few ropsell hroughntomy ead ndneck. turnedack othe rumpleduttingsromhe ewspapersnd he heapXerox opies f ettersetweennstitutionsndgovernmentgenciesnd hen,truly,aves fpanic loodedverme bsolutelynable omovewaitingorhepolice osurgehroughhe oor.Anymoment.ark uits.Machineunswav-ing.Machismojaculatingnthe ndergroundpera f he tate. hehandcuffs- esposas, nSpanish, lso meaningwives grindingntoyourwrists. ater,recountinghat adhappenedofriendsho ived lltheirifenBogotA,wasmade orealize hat his ear asnotwithoutoundationincet ssaid obenotuncommonor ictimsfpolice r rmyrutalityobecomenformers.Thenthedooropened nd in cameRobertowith small bottle faguardiente.wasrelievedutwantedo eave. herain rummedown. venthe lements ere gainstme eaving. e pulled pa stool y my ide ndpoureddrinkntowo inylive-greenlasticumblers.I'mnot drunk,i-guel," esaid, ndproceededo tellmehowhe wastortured,owbad twaswhenhey hangedhehandcuffsor ope, owhefeltikedrowningithhewet oweltuffedown ismouth,ndwhattwas ike eingn he ag nd hotbut ot illed. e eant ishead orwardlmostntomyap ndguidedmy in-ger hroughhehair o the oft ulging ounds f rregularlyimpledlesh."Likeworshipersith hrist's ounds," urmuredfriendaysater owhomIwas ellinghis."Surelyhe rmynows ou rehere?" asked.No "hereplied,I've earntthe kills f he rbanuerrilla,"nd eachingor bluewritingadhetoldmethat espent earlyllhis imenthe partmentnd hat ewaswritingbouthis ase, rying,ornstance,owin he ttorneyeneralver ohis ide ndnotbelieventhe ampaignfdefamationpready he rmy.he ttorneyeneralhad erveds a judgenthe mall ownnAntioquiahere obertoadbeenraised malnourishedromhe tart, e noted,n a largepeasant amily,ndunable owalkuntil e wastwenty-oneonthsldafter hich,s a teenager,ehadbecome famousthlete. llthiswas nthe etterothe ttorneyeneral.He askedwhat thoughtbouthis case andshowedme more orrespondencewithAmnestynternational.mumbledbout eople knew ndways fgettinghisstoryublicized,ut felt verwhelmedythe ituation.henhesprungme.



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20 Terrors Usual"Could staynyour partmenthen ou eave?"Myheart ank. so muchwantedohelp ut ohavehim sethe partmentould eto ndangerwholebunchfothereople,eginningith achelnd he hreeids. felt hemostterribleoward,speciallyecausemy owardiceook he ormf notbeingable o ell imhatthoughtis ituationas oodangerous,orhat ould earopen he acade fnormalcyhat at east eltwe sobadly eedednorderocontinueeingndbeing ogetherndthat eneededo survive.n somanyways toowas n ctivegentn hewar f ilencing.I feel erriblend ess than uman.'vebecome art f the rocess hichmakes im aranoidnd pariah.am fraid fthe owerseal nd maginedthat ave orturednd lmostilled im. venmore'mafraidnd ickenedythenevitabilityfhisparanoiac arginalization,eople einguspiciousfhismiraculousscape,nterpretingt s a sign fhim ossiblyeing spy.Andnthe tate f mergencyhichsnot he xceptionut he ule,very ossibilityis a fact. eing ictimizedythe uthoritiesoesn'ttopwith ctual hysicaltorturer he nd odetention.nRoberto'scase" hat'snlyhe eginning.nawayhedidn'tome ack o ife t all. He's still isappeared,nd nly is aseexists ohaunt e n his ndless ightf error'salknd error'silence.Talking errorAnhouraterwaswithmy ids t theMoscow ircus hich asplayingnsportsrena y neof he reewaysinginghennerity.twasunrealnough,but omingntop fthe pisodetRoberto'stwasdevastatinglyo.Therainwaspeltingown utsidenthe itch-blackightnto heheads fthin-facedhungryeople lamoringorttentionellingandiesndpeanutshile,ntheirrough-cutoolen niformshe olice perhapshe erynes hat adpartici-patednRoberto'sisappearancemaintainedrder ith heirad ullenacesas we movednside nto nother orldwhereoyand xpectancyhone rompeople's aces,o far romhe ears nd uspicionsutside. erewewerem-mersednquicklyhiftingcenes fclowns,rapezertists,alance,trength,tension,s the erformerspunntheir litteringostumes.hepinkmobileflesh,irmndmuscled,fthe crobatsntheirold nd ilverights ademethinkfmy ingern Roberto's ounds.aughterndwonderippledhroughthe rowd. utwhat rememberost fallwasthe eginning.nthe hiftingtube f ightormedy he potlightnthemmensearknessfthe rena,woColombianlowns ererguingith ne nothernd nthe rocess eatingpa life-sizedemalemannequin.hey egan otear hemannequinopieces ndbeat t nto he round ithurys the rowdaughed.hen heightshanged,music lared,nd disembodiedoice ame n:"In1986, his earfWorldeace,we re roudopresent..."

This talkwasgiven othe onferencen"Talking errorism:aradigmsndModels in a PostmodernWorld,"organizedby the Institute f theHumanitiesfStanfordniversity,ebruary,988)

taussig terrorusualbenjamin

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