the longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude on life. attitude, to me, is more...

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company….a church….a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past…….we cannot change the fact that people will act a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude….

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…..

ATTITUDES COMMUNICATE(WHAT ATTITUDE ARE YOU SENDING,

AND HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE TREATED?)

POSITIVE (+)ATTITUDES NEUTRALNEGATIVE(-)ATTITUDES

ENTHUSIASM……………………………………………………INDIFFERENCE CURIOSITY………………………………………………………BOREDOM CONCERN……………………………………………………….APATHY HUMILITY………………………………………………………...EGOTISM FAITH……………………………………………………………..DISTRUST COOPERATION…………………………………………………BELLIGERENCE DETERMINATION……………………………………………….INDECISION SYMPATHY………………………………………………………COLDNESS TOLERANCE…………………………………………………….PREJUDICE KINDNESS……………………………………………………….SELFISHNESS GRATITUDE……………………………………………………..INGRATITUDE TRUST……………………………………………………………JEALOUSY OPTIMISM………………………………………………………..PESSIMISM SOCIABILITY……………………………………………………SHYNESS SELF-CONFIDENCE…………………………………………...INSECURITY TRUTHFULNESS……………………………………………….DISHONESTY CONTENTMENT………………………………………………..DISSATISFACTION

Three Things About Losses That All Children Should be Taught!

• Losses are a natural part of living.

• Grief is a normal part of any loss.

• Honesty is important.

• Bury one’s feelings

• Replace the loss• Grieve alone

• Just give it time• Regret the past

• Don’t trust

Grieving Losses: A Natural Event

Tangible: Capable of being touched

Tangible vs. Intangible Losses

Tangible losses


Tangible: Capable of being touched

Intangible: Not capable of being touched


Intangible Losses Most significant intangible losses

Loss of Safety

Loss of Purpose

Loss of Significance

Loss of Authenticity

Loss of Eligibility

Loss of Hope

Loss of Dignity

Loss of Power

If left unresolved precipitate RAGE David Damico

HopeJourney Through Loss

Shock

Red Cross Phase

Emotional Symptoms:

Initial “Dazed” state

Constricted field of consciousness

Narrowing of attention

Anxiety

Inability to comprehend stimuli

Disorientation

Withdrawal

Agitation

Overreacting


Shock

Sympathy

Sympathy says – I’m so sorry – what can I do for you?

It’s doing for others what they can’t do for themselves.

Sympathy is addictive: If we’re not careful, once they can do for themselves, our “helping” really becomes “enabling”.


Shock

Empathy

Empathy says – I’m so sorry for you – what are you going to do about it?

It’s empowering individuals to take back responsibility and do for themselves what they’re capable of.


Shock


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

About Denial

It’s a defense mechanism for a person faced with a fact that’s too uncomfortable to accept.

So……………they reject it instead, insisting that it isn’t true despite overwhelming evidence.


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

Bartering

What if – If only

Guilt

Justified

Unjustified


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

Bartering

Anger

Cycle of Anger and Guilt

ANGER

I’m angry at God that he/she died.

GUILT

It’s wrong to be angry at GOD.

ANGER

Why am I feeling Guilty? I didn’t make him/her die.

GUILT

But I should have seen this coming.

ANGER

No one warned me that death and grief would be like this!

GUILT I should be strong enough to handle this!

ANGER

Why did he/she have to die and leave me in this mess?

GUILT

It wasn’t his/her fault. He/she didn’t want to die!


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

Bartering

Anger

Forgiving

Blame

Unforgiveness -

Is a poison we drink in the hope that someone else will die!

Forgiveness says….. You are free from my need to hurt you

back, my need to seek revenge, and my need to harbor resentment.

I am now free to move on with or with out you.

I am not chained to the past or to self-pity.

Often the hardest to forgive is God or ourselves

Forgive and forget?????

Mark Driscoll – Forgiveness is not:Approving or DiminishingEnabling bad behaviorDenying a wrongdoingWaiting for an apologyForgettingCeasing to feel the painA one time eventNeglecting justiceTrustingReconciliation


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

Bartering

Anger

Forgive


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

Bartering

Anger

Depression

Friend SupportProf. Counseling

Meds & Counseling

(Watch for Self-Medicating)Inpatient TreatmentSuicidal

Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”


Dog

Brother

FriendAunt

Spouse

Mother

Father


Dog

Brother

FriendAunt

Spouse

Father

Step Mother

Mother

Girl Friend


Dog

Brother

Friend

Aunt

Spouse

Father

Step Mother


(For Young Women with Father Death/Abandonment)

Dog

Brother

FriendAunt

Sister

Mother

Boy Friend

Older Boyfrien

d Older Boy


(For Young Women with Father Death/Abandonment)

Dog

Brother

Friend

Aunt

Sister

Mother

Boy Friend

Scar


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

Bartering

Anger

Acceptance

Depression


Shock

Denial

THE PIT

Bartering

Anger

Acceptance

New Hope

Depression


Shock

Denial

Bartering

Anger

Acceptance

New Hope

Depression

What Kids need to heal well

From the work of Alan Wolfelt Healthy relationships and a nurturing adult

presence providing a stable world. To move toward the pain of the loss while being

supported physically, emotionally and spiritually. To participate in ritual and memory work. To give testimony of the loss to a witness.

(repeatedly) To acknowledge reality/develop a new self-identity. To receive good, accurate information and support. To be encouraged to ask questions. To give expression and attach meaning to the loss.

Assure the child that he/she will be taken care of, loved, and cherished as before.

Reassure the child that he/she is not in danger of death.

Touch, hold, and hug the child age appropriately.

Allow the child to express his/her feelings and talk about the loved one.

Explain to the child that the person did not want or intend to die.

Reassure the child that the dead parent loved the child very much.

Explain that it was not the child’s fault the person died.

Don’t feel you have to explain why. Encourage adults in the family to talk about

the dead loved one in the presence of the children.

Explain to the child that the dead person cannot come back.

Encourage the child to ask questions about anything.

Answer honestly, simply, and directly – avoid cliché’s such as, “It must be God’s will for their lives”

Know that it is fairly normal for the child to regress to an earlier stage (bedwetting, etc.)

Allow them to write letters, draw pictures, etc. for their loved one.

Pick up good books for kids about death. Maintain the normal routine schedule as

much as possible. Allow the child to play and carry out other

activities. Help the child recall the fun and good times

they had with the dead person.

Discuss issues specific to death. Help them participate in commemorative

activities. Provide them an opportunity to meet and

share experiences with their peers. Help keep changes to a minimum. Encourage them to attend the funeral (if

they so desire) Encourage them to view the body and visit

the grave if they want to. Assure them that you will continue to be

available (if in fact you will be)

The greatest gift you can give children or young adults is just to

listen, listen, listen……

And to ask questions

Try to refrain from using the Question, “Why?”

Who, What, When, Where, How Try to use “open ended questions” (Opened Vs. Closed questions)

The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it!

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

All Staff Preparedness Training

Two kinds of teams: How teams might organizeChildren (youth) in GriefNeeds of youth in GriefEmpty Desk: What to do with student belongingsWhen student loses a Family MemberSuicide PreventionWarning Signs for Potential SuicideMissing StudentsAnnouncementsFunctions of a Safe RoomActivities for Processing a lossHandling the Classroom on Crisis Day


Guidelines for Teachers on Crisis DayMemory EventsEffects of Trauma for IndividualsPrevention of TraumaFollow-up for Staff and StudentsSelf CareManaging the MediaSigns of Need for Professional HelpIdentifying Depression in StudentsTerminal Illness (Anticipatory Grief)


For Students Attending a Funeral for the First Time

Teachable MomentsParent Communications

All Staff Preparedness Resource

http://www.cmionline.org/home/cmi/page_745/all_staff_preparedness_resource.html

Demo

http://www.cmiprodev.org/demo/



http://www.cmiprodev.org/demo/

Search Institute – Peter Benson, Ph.D.

Grounded in extensive research in youth development, resiliency, and prevention, the Developmental Assets represent the relationships, opportunities, and personal qualities that young people need to avoid risks and to thrive.

The Institute’s framework of Developmental Assets has become the most widely used approach to positive youth development in the United States.

1. There is a crumbling social infrastructure.2. Adults no longer play a role in the lives of kids

outside the home.3. Parents are less available to their children.4. Society has become more age segregated.5. The mass media and peers are more powerful

shapers of attitudes, norms, and values.6. Institutions are more isolated and considered

suspicious.7. Adults are no longer the gatekeepers of

information.8. The art of true communication is dying.

1) HOPE(FAITH) : Yet there is big fear to engage the faith community.

2) SIGNIFICANT ADULTS : Adults engaged with youth.

3) LOCUS OF CONTROL : Giving young people ownership, voice, and control

4) ACQUIRED SKILLS : And a celebration of learned skills.

5) ALTRUISM : An opportunity to give back. 6 out of 10 young adults are donating back to communities compared to 5 out of 10 for adults.

All young people need assets. All people can be asset builders. It’s an ongoing process. It’s about relationships, first and foremost. Consistent messages are powerful. Redundancy of messages is desireable.

We need “random acts of asset building”

Studies have consistently shown that the more assets young people have, the less likely they are to engage in a wide range of high-risk behaviors and the more likely they are to thrive.

Assets have power for all young people, regardless of their gender, economic status, family, or race/ethnicity.

Levels of assets are better predictors of high risk involvement and thriving than poverty or being from a single parent family.

Research Conclusions

Percentage of 6th to 12th Grade Youth Reporting Selected High Risk Behavior Patterns, by Level of Developments Assets

(2003 – 148,189 Students)

High-Risk Behavior 0-10 11-20 21-30 31-40Pattern Assets Assets Assets Assets

Problem Alcohol Use – Has

used alcohol three or more

times in the past month or 45% 26% 11% 3%

got drunk once in the past

two weeks.


(2003 – 148,189 Students)


Violence – Has engaged in

three or more acts of fighting,

hitting, injuring a person, 62% 38% 18% 6%

carrying or using a weapon, or

threatening physical harm in

the past year.


(2003 – 148,189 Students)


School Problems – Has

skipped school two or more

Days in the past month and/or 44% 23% 10% 4%

Has below a “C” average.

The average young person experiences fewer than half of the 40 assets. Boys experience three fewer assets than girls.

(17.2 assets for boys vs. 19.9 for girls)

Studies show that youth should have a minimum of 22 assets in order to have the resiliency to reduce risks and thrive -the more assets, the stronger the resiliency.

EXTERNAL ASSETSSupportEmpowermentBoundaries & ExpectationsConstructive Use of Time

INTERNAL ASSETSCommitment to LearningPositive ValuesSocial CompetenciesPositive Identity

1. Family Support – Family life provides high levels of love and support.

2. Positive Family Communication – Young person and his/her parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parents.

3. Other Adult Relationships – Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults.

4. Caring Neighborhood – Young person experiences caring neighbors.

5. Caring School Climate – Young person’s school provides a caring, encouraging environment.

6. Parent Involvement is Schooling – Parent(s) are actively involved in helping the young person succeed in school.

7. Community Values Youth – Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth.

8. Youth as Resources – Young people are given useful roles in the community.

9. Service to Others – Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week.

10. Safety – Young person feels safe at home, school, and in the neighborhood.

11. Family Boundaries – Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts.

12. School Boundaries – School provides clear rules and consequences.

13. Neighborhood Boundaries – Neighbors take responsibilities for monitoring young people’s behavior.

14. Adult Role Models – Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior.

15. Positive Peer Influence – Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior.

16. High Expectations – Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.

17. Creative Activities – Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts.

18. Youth Programs – Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community.

19. Religious Community – Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution.

20. Time at Home – Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights a week.

21. Achievement Motivation – Young person is motivated to do well in school.

22. School Engagement – Young person is actively engaged in learning.

23. Homework – Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day.

24. Bonding to School – Young person cares about her/his school.

25. Reading for Pleasure – Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.

26. Caring – Young person places a high value on helping other people.

27. Equality and Social Justice – Young person places a high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty.

28. Integrity – Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her/his beliefs.

29. Honesty – Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy”

30. Responsibility – Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility.

31. Restraint – Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.

32. Planning and Decision Making – Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices.

33. Interpersonal Competence – Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills.

34. Cultural Competence – Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ ethnic backgrounds.

35. Resistance Skills – Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.

36. Peaceful Conflict Resolution – Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.

37 Personal Power – Young person feels he/she has control over “things that happen to me”.

38. Self-Esteem – Young person reports having a high self-esteem.

39. Sense of Purpose – Young person reports “my life has a purpose”.

40. Positive view of personal future – Young person is optimistic about his/her personal future (Hope).

IQ tests measure “inert Intelligence”- academic knowledge that doesn’t

necessarily lead to goal directed action or real world problem

solving.

(Robert J. Sternberg – Professor of Psychology and Education

Yale University Successful Intelligence)

Academic (Analytical)

Emotional (Creative)

Actionable (Practical)

(Robert J. Sternberg – Professor of Psychology and Education

Yale University Successful Intelligence)

The result of hard study and sound learning

A blend of intuition, creativity, innovation,

and a mature-quality connection with others.

The art of leadership, self-discipline, and execution

The three aspects of successful intelligence are related. Academic/analytical thinking is required to solve problems and to judge the quality of ideas. Emotional/creative intelligence is required to formulate good problems and ideas in the first place. Actionable/practical intelligence is needed to use the ideas and their analysis in an effective way in one’s everyday life.

(Robert J. Sternberg – Successful Intelligence)

Successful intelligence is most effective when it balances all three of its academic, emotional, and actionable aspects. It is more important to know when and how to use these aspects of successful intelligence than just to have them. Successfully intelligent people don’t just have abilities, they reflect on when and how to use these abilities effectively.

(Robert J. Sternberg – Successful Intelligence)

Successfully intelligent people:1. motivate themselves.2. learn to control their impulses.3. know when to persevere.4. know how to make the most of their

abilities.5. translate thought into action.6. have a product orientation.7. complete tasks and follow through.

Successfully intelligent people:8. are initiators.9. are not afraid to risk failure.10.don’t procrastinate.11.accept fair blame.12.are independent.13.seek to surmount personal

difficulties.14.focus and concentrate to achieve

their goals.

Successfully intelligent people:15. have the ability to delay gratification.16.reject self-pity.17.spread themselves neither too thin nor too

thick.18.have the ability to see the forest and the

trees.19.have a reasonable level of self-confidence

and a belief in their abilities to accomplish their goals.

20. balance analytical, creative, and practical thinking!

YOU are the only one in control of

developing these successfully intelligent qualities!

So……the BIG question is:Which of these qualities do you

need to work on the most to reach your success potential?

Because….it’s all up to YOU!

Watch your thoughtsthoughts, they become wordswords

Watch your wordswords, they become actionsactions

Watch your actionsactions, they become habitshabits

Watch your habitshabits, they become charactercharacter

Watch your charactercharacter, it becomes your

DESTINYDESTINY

the longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude on life. attitude, to me, is more...

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