walk through thestill­tacky paint, ordropping air condi­tioning units out thewindow, scaring un­suspecting passersby(Casualties: the busshelter below maynever be the same).But Elissa and herfellow students haveendured with equan­imity the inevitablesnafus, viewing them as community­building moments. After all, the Knoxvision is that Knox House be not justaffordable student housing, but a vi­brant faith community. To foster com­munity spirit, Elissa hosts house filmdiscussion nights in the newly­beauti­fied space, as well as an occasionallecture series on bringing faith intoeveryday life. The first of this series,“Remembering War”, featuring twoveterans reflecting on their experi­ences, received glowing reviews andsuggestions that Elissa had missed hercalling as a TV show host. Less glam­orously, she endeavors to get every­one to remember their chores(training the young men to take outthe house trash was considered a par­

ticular triumph).Elissa has found living at KnoxHouse gives her a sense of purpose inthe desolate no­man's­land of disser­tation writing. She has not neglectedher graduate work (although blending

the two requires su­per­human feats ofdiscipline such asgoing to the libraryto study). By nowan old­hand at theconference­present­ation circuit, Elissalooks forward topresenting in Lon­

don in May, finally fulfilling hersecret goal of grad school: paid­forinternational travel! —Krista

This summer, a surprising transformationtook place at Knox House, Knox Church,Toronto. What had long been a church­owned student house got a makeover: newpaint, new tenants, new furniture, and a newRA—or “don” as these Canadians quaintlycall it—Elissa. This meant Elissa’s first fewweeks back were filled with manual laborand mishaps that often accompany DIY pro­jects, such as scrubbing and painting thefloor on hands and knees only to have othersTrapped by the brilliant sunshine and 70­degree weather of Santa Barbara, after en­during not one but two canceled flights, theRodkey grandparents were growing in­creasingly desperate.“It wasn’t until we found the half­com­pleted tunnel leading out of the guest roomthat we knew things were quite that seri­ous,” an anonymous source said in a phoneinterview. “Even so, the attempted escapevia hang glider off the roof took us all bysurprise.”Their (eventual) departure wrapped up ajolly holiday stay which included such fa­vorite pastimes as Scrabble and Bogglerounds, laughing at Grandpa’s endless storeof jokes and Grandma’s one­line zingers,Christmas caroling and singing the familyhymn. An expedition out to the wharf to

purchase saltwater taffy allowed them en­joy the sunshine and their grandchildren’spresence, to say nothing of providing fod­der for gloating over their good fortunewith their Idaho friends.Their delayed escape was the benevolentwork of the elsewhere infamous “PolarVortex” which also delayed Erik’s andElissa’s departures, giving the family an­other half­week together, and offi­cially marking 2013 as theYear of the Delayed Flight. —Erik

To be taken in the morning with a grain of salt February 14, 2014 Vol. 8 No. 1

T h e R od k e y R e ad e r

In a sun­drenched corner of the Pacific lies the Micronesian island of Yap, hu­man population 11,377, book population less than 2,000 (according to a 2010census).Could this state of affairs long exist in a world which contains JeanneRodkey?! Our source explains the not­so­shocking turn of events: “It’s quitesimple really. Mom discovered a recently flooded island and a library withdampened spirits, so naturally she responded by flooding said island withbooks.” No word as yet on how international relief forces plan to respond tothis literary deluge, which has reportedly trapped several postal workers un­derneath piles of book­rate packages.

It's a Hard Knox Life

The Great Escape

Jeanne Discovers Yap; Yap Library Holdings Spike

See Island Discovered, pg 3Twin Toyotas Reunited at Last

Shocking Truth Revealed on Page Two

As the Rodkey philosophical night owl,Krista has never been mistaken for amorning lark. So when she was assignedthe arduous task of teaching Intro to Ethicsat 8 AM, her first thought was to perfect asleep­teaching technique. But fearing thatin her sleep­state she might inaccurately represent her be­

loved Plato, sheturned to otherstrategies for keep­ing self and studentswakeful. Erik’s solu­tion, unsurprisingly,was a daily thermosof English Breakfast,and Krista found thattea had multiple

uses. She kept her students alert by “accidentally” splashingtea while gesturing excitedly about Marcus Aurelius and dis­covered that strategic spilling of tea on quizzes had salutary

effects on general wakefulness.Krista also kept herself awake by drawing on her artistic side.By creating beautiful Powerpoint slides using great works ofart, she was able to give her students a visual background inthe Greek culture, highlight portraits of key historical fig­ures,and illustrate moral dilemmas with masterpieces fromCaravaggio, Frida Kahlo, and others. Always looking forways to increase the students’ culture, she assigned a philo­sophy­themed scavenger hunt to be done in the school’s artmuseum. The students hailed her genius, and despite the earlyhour, endeavored for her sake to think philosophical thoughts.She brilliantly managed her overcrowded class, an over­crowding that can only be explained by the popularity of theprofessor. —John

Having been accorded the title of “SweetDriver” for his consistent driving finesse,John set out to convert the world to hismethods of precision driving by openingthe Academy of Sweet Driving. Classofferings will include advanced coursessuch as “The Art of the Gradual Stop,”“Downshifting for Fun and Profit,” and“Driving Smoothly: How To Prevent YourCar From Emulating a Jackrabbit,” as wellas training for Olympic events ofCompetitive Precision Parking, CrazedSouthern Californian Driver Avoidance,and Synchronized Auto­Ballet.The Academy’s current enrollmentconsists of a single student, 15­year­oldCody, who is taking “Stick­Shifting 101.”Together, John and Cody requisitioned anempty parking lot to hone Cody’s skills inparallel parking, high­speed reverses, andchoreographed car routines. While theperfectly­timed release of the clutchremains elusive, Cody has becomefamiliar with the many mysteries of FirstGear, at least in theory. When contactedby the RR about the success of Cody’sdriving lessons, his instructor responded“The Force is strong with this one, but heis not a sweet driver yet!” —Adelle

“It’s been far too longsince my last timehome” Jeanne com­plained to the RR, re­ferring to her 2009trip to Alaska. Unwill­ing to be separated anylonger from her be­loved state, Jeanneheaded north, this timeaccompanied by John and Cody. Theyarrived at Kako Retreat Center, thecamp run by Jeanne’s parents, after 15hours of travel and discovering howmuch better teens handle sleeping onairport floorsthan their eld­ers. Once atKako, they werequickly put towork as the en­tire camp mo­bilized for oneof their largest annual weekends, theLadies’ Berry­Picking retreat. Jeannehelped with airing out each cabin andscrubbing squished mosquitoes off thewalls, while John learned the fine artof Alaskan bush flying in a Cessna182. Cody reveled in his position ascamp gopher, since this role entailedriding the 4­wheeler all around camp.To complete the Alaskan experience,John took Cody fishing, though Johnfound his ability to teach this skill sig­nificantly impaired by his own incom­petence. Returning to her old stomping

grounds in the vil­lage of StonyRiver, Jeanne de­lighted in visitingwith friends fromher childhood daysand reconnectingwith the schoolchildren who cameto Santa Barbara

three years ago. At Kako, preparationsfor the retreat reached a fever­pitch:John began ferrying native womenbetween over a dozen villages andKako, Jeanne scrambled to put the fi­

nal touches on her lecture notesas the retreat’s speaker, and theblueberries ripened on the hills,just waiting to be picked. Codyspent the three days of the retreatin the exhausting work as chiefbabysitter, entertainer, and law­enforcement for an energetic 7­

year­old. To no one’s surprise, Jeannethrived on connecting with the ladiesof the re­treat, andher wordsof encour­agementwere bothtimely andapplicable.The bumper crop of blueberries resul­ted in buckets filled to overflow­ing, and everyone returnedhome, deeply satisfied. —Adelle

High Road to Alaska

Twin Toyotas —Reunited at Last (cont'd from pg 1)Since the mid­90’s, the Toyota truck hasloyally served the Rodkeys, providingreliable transportation for John’s dailycommute and later for Adelle’s musicalerrands. With its fashionable blue zigzagand infrequent visits to the shop, itearned the nickname “Old Faithful” andwon the hearts of the people. Yet thetruck harbored a shocking secret: it was atwin! In April, Adelle discovered its doppelgänger roamingthe streets of Santa Barbara. After the further discovery thatthat this ‘new’ twin had nearly half the mileage of Old Faith­ful, she entered into negotiations with the current owner and

jubilantly drove the vehicle home,where she witnessed the happy re­union. Their tragic separation at birthwas almost totally forgotten as theywiped tears of joy from their wind­screens. For the following six weeks,they could be seen enjoying each oth­er’s company whilst sunning them­selves in the driveway, catching up on

past times, and even pulling elaborate “mirror­image” prankson the neighbors, making them think they were seeingdouble! For more about the recent adventures of Old Faith­ful, see Indianapolis 2500, pg 3 —Adelle

Sweet Driver Academy

Wakeful Krista

Adelle has long had a reputation as the most diverselyaccomplished family member. Her oboe and pianoteaching, home­making, gardening, remodeling, and“house­triage” skills are the stuff of legend, as faithfullychronicled from the Rodkey Reader’s earliest pages.Under Adelle’s watch, the yard, with its orange trees andtomato plants, continues to blossom, the house getscleaned and repaired, and her music studio flourishes. Inone case, the sound of her playing, as it drifted throughan open window, attracted a passing bicyclist and wonher a new student.

This year Adellehas added to hertitles of Do­mestic Goddessand Master ofthe House­Keeping that ofLord High Ac­countant. Alongstanding in­

terest in the “Quicken Game” motivated her to auditAccounting 101 at Westmont. Learning these skills wasa cinch and she immediately put her knowledge to workin her own finances. Sadly she has refused an oppor­tunity to do pro bono work for BookEnds on thegrounds that her accounting philosophy conflicts withJeanne’s theory: “If you don’t have receipts, you didn’tspend the money.”However, is Adelle’s prodigious proficiency altogetherinnocent? The RR has long sung her praises, but can herhours of hard work really be explained by her far­fetched pleas that “all she wants is for the house to beorganized” and “what else is a Myers Briggs J to do in ahousehold of P’s?” It seems far more likely that gainingstewardship of the ancestral halls is merely a cover forsome as yet unrevealed nefarious scheme. For all weknow, Adelle could be the agent of a foreigngovernment or worse, a musical secret society!Inquiring minds demand to know Adelle's true motives,be they ever so dastardly! The RR calls for an investiga­tion to sweep aside the deception. — Krista

Island Discovered (Cont'd from pg 1)

3712 books18 countries40 families

And they’re off! Last August, sweetdriver alum (see Sweet Driver, Pg 2)Erik Rodkey sat at the wheel of OldFaithful, heading east, bound for Indi­ana with Krista, truck stuffed to thegills with Erik’s cello and a load of fur­niture for their Bloomington apartment.No trip past Malibu could be completewithout a stop at the Getty Villa to sat­isfy Krista’s love of ancient Roman ar­tifacts. Nor could the trip be completewithout a little 5 p.m. LA traffic, buthaving endured the traffic and visitedan old Westmont friend, Chandra, it

was a straight shot to the desert for anight of driving. Erik drove steadilydown into Arizona, across New Mex­ico, and through the Oklahoma pan­handle, with only a few hours nap in thedesert to soothe the tired eyes. Mid­waythrough Kansas, they stopped to stretchtheir legs, only to find themselvesswept up in a celebration of small­townAmerica: a town fair featuring burgersgrilled by the fire department, free icecream cones thrust upon the unwary,and a bevy of antique cars.All Rodkey Road Trips include an ob­

ligatory stop at an airport, so Erik madea two hour detour to observe the Kan­sas City Dawn Patrol, a flock of WWIreplica airplanes often seen convortingin the skies above Kansas City. Finallythey arrived at the Fosters, long­timefriends and fellow Santa Barbara exiles,allowing Krista and Linda to reminisceabout art lessons as Ron gave Erik atour of their antique printing press.Reasonably rested and refreshed, theydrove off into the sunrise, ending theiradventure in Bloomington hours later,tired but triumphant. —Jeanne

Sweet Driver Alum Successfully Runs the Indianapolis 2500

Musician, Gardener, Accountant, Spy?In all, 1,048 books were sent, increasing the library’s holdings by50%, and helping the BookEnds stock dwindle to a more manage­able number. (See “Bookends Diets, Relocates.”) For the firsttime, stock was shipped not only from the main warehouse in SB,but also inaugural shipments made their way to Yap from thenewly opened Bookends branch in Bloomington, Indiana, (oper­ated under the auspices ofthe Society for the Ap­preciation of Children’sLiterature ­ see “Humil­ity” RR 2008) whichcontributed 114 booksdirectly to Yap.We of the Rodkey Readerhave long predicted thepotentially dire con­sequences of Jeanne’s“Empty Nesting”, butnone of us imagined thatthe mothering instinctcould extend to whole is­lands! —Erik

BookEnds Diets, RelocatesIn October, the Bookends collectionwas welcomed into its new home atMontecito Covenant. This new loca­tion boasts 4 industrial­strength metalshelving units in one room, allowingeasy access for book retrieval. To fitinto this convenient space, theBookends Collection had to go on theYap Diet to lose a few (hundred)pounds of books, and fit its svelte3,712 volumes into this new abode.

Fearful of miscreants stealing in while the household wasslumbering and making off with the two pianos and pump organ inthe front room, Adelle was relieved to find that sagging hinges anda moisture­swelled front door precluded easy access. “It was easyto open: simply pull on the handle, kick the bottom swiftly andtwist the knob in the opposite direction while applying the shoulderforcefully to the upper half.” However effective in repellingburglars, even Adelle was forced to admit that her 6 and 7 year oldmusic students were also deterred. Students and teacher alike arerelieved to hear that a door replacementproject is now underway. Miscreants take note: this door has adeadbolt, and is unyielding to the unwelcome. —John

Anti­Burglary Feature Foils Piano Students

BookEnds Stats:

Despite record low levels of rainfall inSanta Barbara, the Rodkeys witnessed asurprising number of Tempests in 2013.Early July, the family ventured down toVentura for an outdoor production ofShakespeare's Tempest staged by theKingsmen Shakespeare Company. Theoutdoor setting provided the perfectvenue for a summer picnic dinner withfriends while anticipating the play. TheKingsmen Tempest was presented withenergy and a slant toward humor,proving to be a solid production with aconventional interpretation."Convention interpretation" certainlywould not describe the John Blondellstaging of the same play which they at­tended a mere 2 weeks later. Would thetip­off of its unconventionality be thescenery, consisting entirely of polessuspended from the ceiling, or perhapsMiranda's initial entrance riding an an­tique bicycle? Another unusual andintriguing staging decision was todouble­cast the trios of the minorcharacters (Alonso­Antonio­Sebastianand Caliban­Stephano­Trinculo), whichhighlighted the parallels between thetwo subplots. The double­casting alsoresulted in a rather ridiculous reunion

scene at the end which involved amultitude of flying hats.The two per­formances — the predictable and thebizarre — made for a complementaryviewing of the bard's famous play. Thedeluge of tempests continued even afterthe summer theatre outings. The house­hold was awash with the sound of

Shakespeare's creation as Adelle prac­ticed Beethoven's Sonata Op. 31 No 2,allegedly inspired by and nicknamed"The Tempest." The showers of notesand cascades of arpeggios, whilewelcome, unfortunately did little toreplenish drought­stricken LakeCachuma. —Adelle

Following in the footstepsof L.A. Philharmonic’sprodigy Gustav Dudamel,youthful conductor ErikRodkey directed the evenmore youthful voices ofchildren ages 7­10 in anoth­er successful Christmas pro­

gram. The congregation of First Presbyterian, Bloomington, was clearly riveted asthe children sweetly sang carols such as “Rise up Shepherds and Follow”. The artsong ‘Before the Paling of the Stars’ with lyrics by Christina Rossetti, set a newmusical high­point for the choir as the children’s voices soared with the expressivemelodic line. It also set a literary low­point, as countless minutes of rehearsal timewere squandered on Erik’s repeated reassurances that “ox and ass” may with pro­priety be used in church. The spectacular improvement in vocal quality under Erik’stutelage was noted by the chorus members’ parents, who have resorted to callingmusic graduate programs across the country in a last­ditch effort to sabotage Erik’sgrad school plans and retain him for another year of the choir’s growth. — Adelle

ArcadiaCranfordMiddlemarchNorth and SouthThe Princess & the Goblin

Rodkeys Recommend ReadingSherlock Holmes (Brett ­ 1984)The Thief and the CobblerBlancanieves

Rodkeys Recommend Watching

Editorial Staff rodkey@westmont.edujerodkey@gmail.com

erodkey@gmail.comkrodkey@gmail.com

arodkey@gmail.comerrodkey@gmail.com

Book of the Dun CowEhrengard (Dinesen)Faith Seeking (Denys Turner)The Missionary Letters ofVincent Donovan

Arts & Culture

High Road to ChinaMoonrise KingdomBeasts of the Southern Wild

Kids Struggle as ParentsEnter “Texting Teen” Stage

The Rodkey Reader, well known for itsgoofy family in­jokes and self­deprec­ating humor, has been widely assumedby its readers to be written by an inno­cent but disorganized family in a fit ofeccentric inspiration over Christmas,accompanied (at worst) by occasionalgentle family squabbling. Little do theyknow the dark truth behind the Readerand its production! Sensing scandal,this reporter went undercover at theRodkey ancestral hall and publishinghouse, embedding in time to witness theactual production of last year’s Reader.That it was published shockingly lateonly highlighted the need for a no­non­sense investigation. The April 1st pub­lication date masks a disturbing realitybehind the reader that is no joke.As many astute readers have suspected,the ‘Christmas’ newsletter isn’t evenwritten at Christmas, but in the monthsfollowing. The process is prolonged toa ridiculous extent as family memberstire of their assigned articles and trade

them haphazardly, argue about what’sfunny, and war over layout with con­flicting OCD tendencies. The family asa whole is shockingly dependent on itsyoungest member to ‘Bring the Funny’and to sharpen flat jokes.That member,in turn, is irrationally dependent on hisantique typewriter to produce his con­tent. Members of the editorial staff areknown to routinely edit the articlesabout themselves to be more flattering,and often stage photos to match thestory! But if these lapses of journalisticintegrity weren’t bad enough, there isconclusive evidence that 99% of thequotes in the RR are entirely fabricated!As my anonymous source put it, “thequotations fit so seamlessly into thesurrounding sentences that that it leavesno alternative than to assume they werecreated precisely for that purpose.”Based on these revelations, I assert thatthe RR's publishing license be revokedand all the editors transfer their writingskills to The Onion. —Anonymous

2nd AnnualChristmasPageant a

Grand Success!Upon returning home for the summer,the children were distressed to realizethat their parents had fallen victim tothat dreaded stage ­ the texting teen­ager. Scandalized, they witnessedsuch infractions as texting at the table,constantly checking messages whileon a walk with their beloved children,and playing Words With Friends at allhours. After some soul­searching(“Where did we go wrong?” “Thiscalls into question our whole parent­raising philosophy!”), the childrentook decisive countermeasures,namely shaming, reprimands, andconfiscation of technology. Sadly theparents remain largely unrepentantand enthralled by technology. Whilethe children hold out hope that theywill one day learn to use their techno­logy appropriately, in the meantimethey work on the more manageablegoal of getting them to come to dinnerwhen called. —Elissa

The Rodkey Reader: a Behind­the­Scenes Expose

Triple Tempest

Elissa's Panel Discussion on Remembering Warhttp://knoxtoronto.org/blog/2013/11/11/remembering­war/