the weekend 14 march 2014

WeekendWeekendFROM FRIDAY, MARCH 14, 2014 ISSUE 95WHAt tO DO WItH YOUR tIME AnD MOnEY

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Inside Bristol Design, the city’s oldest tool shop

climbing without ropes

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Independent of the week NatalieBanyard gets over her DIY phobia and

visits Bristol’s oldest tool shop

SHOPPING

Tools. It’s really notmy area ofexpertise. I’venever wielded ahammer or planeda door – and I haveno intention of

doing so. Yet every time I walkpast Bristol Design on PerryRoad, I can’t resist peering in atthis old-fashioned storecrammed to the rafters withtraditional woodworkingimplements.One of the oldest shops in the

area, Bristol Design suppliesspecialists, professionals andenthusiasts with a trulyremarkable range of new,second-hand, rare and antiquehand tools.Owner Charles Stirling opened

the shop, just up from the BRI atthe bottom of St Michael’s Hill,30 years ago. And while mosttraditional tool shops have longsince closed, Bristol Designremains and thrives.Shop assistant Glenn Hall, 60,

explains that the shop’s secretof success is its ability to offer avast range of top quality andhard-to-find tools to a verydiverse customer base.“We do a very wide range of

high quality tools – ones that webelieve will help our customersachieve the best quality job.

“These are tools to be used byprofessionals and enthusiasts.“They’re not beautifully shiny,

barely used, impeccablypresented antique tools for thecollectors. But while we don’taddress the top end collectors’market, we don’t deal with thebottom end either.“We sit a long way above the

car boot sale market and believethat quality is paramount.“We have a massive stock here

in the shop as well as awarehouse just outside Bristol.“Our planes are a particularly

big seller. We sell all sorts ofquality second hand planes andwe also make our own.“We have cheaper ones which

students may buy to deal with adoor or shelf, up to the moreexpensive, top quality ones forcraftsmen looking for a lesscommon shape.”It’s clear the small shop hasn’t

changed much in the past 30years. The thick, woodenshelves and haphazard woodenboxes are overflowing withplanes, hammers, turning tools,chisels and files.Saws and draw knives of all

shapes and sizes hang from theuneven whitewashed walls andthere’s a small selection of oldcarpentry books, including Howto make a rocking horse.

TOOLSOF THE

TRADE

5

“There’s a happy aura ofdecay here,” smiles Glenn. “It’s ashop that is well loved by staffand customers alike.”The core business comes from

specialists and professionals,who either want to achieve afinish that you can’t get withmodern electric tools, or whohaven’t got power on site.Glenn gives me a local

example: “One of the old BristolUniversity buildings was beingrefurbished a couple of yearsago and the carpenters werefitting fire strips on the doors onthe five-storey building.“The noise of the electric

router offended the people thatwere working there, so it wassuggested that they take thedoors outside to work on. Well,you’re talking about 120-year-oldheavy doors, five storeys and nolifts. This was not going to work.“So one of their older

carpenters came in here andbought a very old plough planeand he did all the doors by hand

and when he came back in hesaid he made a much better jobof it and he did it just as quickly.I think that’s a lovely story.”Glenn says that he also sees a

lot of carpenters in their mid-30swho have trained on buildingsites or in kitchen fitting withpower tools, but who are keento learn a more traditional,handmade approach. BristolDesign is happy to supply themwith tools and free advice.But it’s not just professional

carpenters who love torummage through BristolDesign’s extensive stock.Students, hospital patients,

enthusiasts, gardeners, touristsand the BBC props departmenthave all passed through theyellow door. A lot of localhairdressers and chefs also popin to get their scissors andknives sharpened on site.Listening to Glenn, it’s

abundantly clear that tools are apassion. But like the shop itself,there’s more to Glenn than

meets the eye.“My background is very

diverse,” he smiles.“I came to Bristol in 1980 to

teach stage craft at BristolUniversity’s drama department.I then met Aardman’s Peter Lordand David Sproxton and spent11 very happy years working forthem. I did a few other thingsand now I work here because Ilove working with tools andmaking things.“I think Bristol Design is a

very important shop – one ofthe oldest if not the oldest onPerry Road. It’s a lovely area –all part of the Christmas StepsArts Quarter, which is a lovelylocal initiative that gentlychanges the area in a positiveway.“So we continue, we thrive

and we don’t plan on goinganywhere soon.”Here, here.

6

For tackling that endless list of little household and gardening jobs, it helps to have just the right piece of kit. But just becausesomething is practical doesn’t mean it has to look utilitarian. Here are some of the best-looking tools on the market.

COOL TOOLS

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Monday (March 17) is St Patrick’s Day, which the Irish and their friends celebrate in style. Keep up andon trend with our green-themed wardrobe suggestions and accessories.

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Health & fitness Kate Edser leaves no stoneunturned in her quest to discover bouldering –climbing without ropes – which you can enjoy in

relative safety from the cosy and colourfulconfines of Bristol Climbing Academy

SCALE

HEIGHTS

HEALTH&FITNESS

Awash withprimary colours,the cavern I’mgazing at is a bitlike a tropicalfish tank, justwithout the

water. The walls slope at allangles and are studded withodd-shaped hand and foot holdsin all shapes and hues; the floora sea of squashy blue matting.It’s soft for a very good

reason: so that falling bodiesdon’t break (too much).This is Bristol Climbing

Academy, the city’s onlyspecialist bouldering centre(climbing without ropes), andI’m listening to a safety briefingfrom one of the instructors, TomHolding. Essentially, I’m told tokeep my wits about me, don’twalk under or near wherepeople could fall on me and ifI’m jumping down from a wall, toland with bent knees.“Bouldering is dangerous in a

different way to rope climbing,”Tom explains. “With ropeclimbing if you have an accidentit’s probably going to be seriousbecause you’re going to fall along way on to something thatisn’t very soft.“In here, the height is no more

than 3.4m so the distance youhave to fall is significantly

reduced and it’s all matted. Mostbouldering centres get injuries,like sprains, occasionally breaks,but rarely life-threateninginjuries, with a rope climbingaccident, you’re probably goingout on a stretcher.”Tom has been climbing for 16

years, since he was a child, andscrurries around, up down, sideto side, across the ceiling, like amonkey. Describing thedifference to using ropes, hesays: “Climbing with ropes,generally you’re just aiming toget to the top and to go as high,or as fast, as you can. In here,the point is to make it as hard aspossible and it’s about therefinement of the movement andthe problem solving; workingout how you’re going to do it.“Bouldering is a lot less

committing and it’s more socialbecause you can be with agroup, not just with yourclimbing partner. Then there’sthe physical aspect, whereyou’re pushing your body andproblem solving.“To be exceptional at

bouldering you need to be reallysupple and really strong, but tobe good at it, at lot comes downto technique. There is no pointbeing ridiculously strong if youcan’t then apply it.“If you always climb with your

body straight on to the wall,you’re going to struggle, if youwant to move up, you need todo a pull-up – probably with onearm – but if you twist you canreach a lot further.“Everyone expects the best

climbers to be massive andweight-lifters. We’re not. I’m askinny wee thing. I personallyfind the best people on theirfirst session are eight-year-oldgirls who do ballet because theyweigh nothing and they’re awareof where their limbs are andthey have really good corestrength and co-ordination.“The people who plateau the

fastest are strong guys, whohave the muscle bulk andthey’re used to using it – if it’sdifficult they want to just pullharder. But when you climb, you

always need to try and keepstraight arms and relax.”So I have a go. Expecting it to

be difficult, I’m surprised that Iget to top of the first wall I trywith relative ease, so Tommoves me on to another andanother, increasing the difficultyall the time. “Yes you can,” hesays with confidence as I lookdown at him and raise oneeyebrow, and he’s right – I makethe last reach.All the hand and foot holds

are made of textured resin, sothey’re grippy, and colourco-ordinated for difficulty. Eachof them – and there arehundreds – are taken down,washed and put back in adifferent place every few weeks,so there are constantly newproblems for regulars to solve.

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For Tom, climbing has becomea way of life. “I love it. I spend allday talking to people I like andpeople I have something incommon with and I really enjoyteaching people to climb.“The social element is

amazing and it’s not just a sportor a hobby, it’s a lifestyle, so myfriendship group, everyone Iknow, climbs. It’s quite a caringcommunity.”Bristol Climbing Academy

(and another in Glasgow) isowned by enthusiasts RichardEmerson and Paul Twomey, whoopened it almost five years ago.They love the sport so muchthey call themselves “lifers” andhave noticed a growth in thesport’s popularity.Richard reckons this is partly

due to the low start-up costs.

He says: “There no faff and thecost of getting started is muchless than rope climbing becauseyou don’t need expensiveharness. It’s the same as gettinginto running, all you need is apair of shoes, which costanything from £74 to £120.“It’s easy for people to get

into. All they have to do is bookon for an hour’s induction andthen they are able to come in asoften as they like, hire shoes andbring guests.”Paul adds: “The next stage

after the induction is movementand technique instruction,which teaches you how to useyour body to climb moreefficiently, and then you start tobe able to problem solve better,which makes it easier.”Like Tom, they both highlight

the friendly aspect of bouldering.Richard says: “There’s also a realsociable aspect.“Of an evening there’s lots of

people standing about lookingand that’s going acrossgenerations, from teenagers topeople as old as me, and acrossabilities, from people who’vebeen doing it for life to peoplewho are relatively new to it. It’s areally democratic activity.”And Paul is keen to point out

other benefits: “A lot of peoplealso use it instead of a gymbecause it has that socialelement as well; you’re hangingout with your mates, you’reeating good cake and coffee andyou’re having a good time withlike-minded people.“It is also one of very few

sports where a complete novice

can be rubbing shoulders withthe elite and there is no frictionbetween that.”But there are very good

people who use the centre,including members of the GBjunior team. The academy alsotakes people bouldering onDartmoor (with portable mats),runs competitions for all ages,including a schools league, andsessions for special needschildren, for whom boulderingcan improve strength andco-ordination, confidence andsocial skills.

Bristol Climbing Academy is atCharlton Street, St Philip’s, BS50FD. For more information, visitwww.theclimbingacademy.com;call 0117 907 2956, or [email protected].

The origins of bouldering

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The next timesomeone says“cloud” to you,make sure youcorrect them.“Cloud” is justanother buzzword.

It just means “internet”. It’sbecome popular because itsounds much more interestingto sell something called “cloudbackups” than it does to sellsomething called “internetbackups”.Backing up is, of course,

essential. If you don’t have yourcomputer or your phone backedup, stop reading this right nowand go and back it up.Sooner or later, the tiny drive

that stores all your data(including your workdocuments, your half-finishednovel and your old weddingphotos) will go kaput, and if youdon’t have it backed up you’llhave lost the lot.Online backups (whether you

use the “cloud” word or not) areconvenient for lots of reasons.You can access them fromanywhere, and any computer. Ifyou use them instead of backing

up to an external hard drive,that’s one less gadget to have onyour desk (although it’s betterto have multiple backups if youcan).Backup software is better now,

too. Mostly, it’s a case of set itup and forget about it. There aremany services you can try,including OneDrive(onedrive.live.com), Backblaze(backblaze.com) and CrashPlan(crashplan.com), but my

favourite is Dropbox(dropbox.com). It’s betterbecause it works like a normalfolder on your computer, evenwhen you’re offline. Anythingyou put in your Dropbox folderis automatically uploaded to theinternet – or the cloud, if youinsist – in the background. It’s abrilliant backup because itdoesn’t feel like a backup at all.It just feels like you’re usingyour computer as normal.

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Think high street mobile phone stores are a bit overwhelming? We took a trip to the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona, wheremanufacturers show off their latest, fanciest wares. After walking the many miles of aisles, here are our top six new smartphones.

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DAYS OUT

GET ONYOURBIKE

You may well haveseen mud-streakedmountain bikersheading back fromAshton Court andwished you couldgive it a go. The

truth is you can, and you don’teven need your own set ofwheels.Lots of people are put off

when they see (usually male)cyclists in top-of-the-rangebranded gear, cameras on theirhelmets and a scary look in theireyes dashing round the woodsnear Clifton, but Bristol’s trailsare actually easier than in manyother places.Sam Fowler, one of the team

who runs Pedal Progression,which hires bikes from near the

golf course at Ashton Court,says: “We have two trails hereand they are both very good forbeginners, there are no reallysteep bits for example.“We see kids as young as six

having a go, and people onbalance bikes. It’s a great placeto learn.”It’s been a boom time for

Pedal Progression and the otheroutlets that hire mountain bikesout in the Ashton Court area.People have been using

Ashton Court and Leigh Woodsfor riding since the 1980s, butthe trails were always natural.Since the man-made surfaces

were put in four years ago, useof the trails has gone throughthe roof. It’s estimated that120,000 laps of the two trails are

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Further afield HaynesInternational Motor Museum

enjoyed by cyclists each year,beating even the Forest of Deantrails.There are two courses, the

Nova Trail, and Yer Tiz. TheNova trails at Ashton Court addup to roughly 7km while theLeigh Woods section is around4km.The trails are set up so you

can cycle from one to the other,although this will mean crossingone road.Pedal Progression’s prices are

(adults) £10 per hour, £14 fortwo hours, £19 for three hours.Children’s rates are £8 for onehour, £12 for two hours and £14for three hours.You’ll need a photographic ID

to book the bikes (only drivinglicence or passport accepted)and a chip and pin card.Included in the hire price is a

helmet, spare inner tube, apump and, if needed, a map.If you want to record your

ride, you can also hire a helmetcamera.The Ashton Court and Leigh

Woods trails aren’t the onlyones on offer; seebristoltrailsgroup.com for mapsof alternative rides. And ifyou’ve got your own bike it’sfree of course.For a full range of Pedal

Progression services, seewww.pedalprogression.com formore details. The team offersskills courses and has anin-house mechanic. Note that it’sclosed Mondays and Tuesdays.Another business not far from

Ashton Court that offers bikehire is Blackboy Hill Cycles. Seewww.blackboycycles.co.uk forwhat they do.

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Closer to homeVictoria Park spring clean

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EATING OUT Reviews by Mark Taylor

Business lunch Buzzy spacewith extensive choice

Lunch for localsCouple’s dream is a delight

Verdict

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New opening Happy daysfor dude food followers

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Pub of the week Be At One

Food diary

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Wine of the week Errazuriz Max ReservaCabernet Sauvignon 2011

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EATING INReal Italiancooking usingsome humbleingredients

Taking inspiration fromthe old Roman sayingthat “the more you pay,the less well you eat”,best-selling TV cook BillGranger’s latest bookdemonstrates how to

take common, humble ingredientsand turn them into healthy, satisfyingItalian dishes.The cornerstone of Granger’s

cooking is also the cornerstone of thebest of Italian cuisine: simple,flavoursome dishes with shortingredient lists and uncomplicatedmethods, centred on easy-to-findingredients that needn’t be expensive.In Bill’s Italian Food, Granger offers

a bold new twist on the country’spopular cuisine.The book was written and

photographed over the course of abaking hot summer holiday Grangerhad with his wife and three daughtersin Puglia and there is a genuine senseof family cooking in many of thedishes.Divided into themed chapters,

there are quick and easy suppers anddeliciously stress-free meals forfriends to no-fuss one-dishoven-baked comfort food and bigItalian-style feasts for the large groupsat the weekend.Whether it’s a child-friendly tomato

and mozzarella gnocchi bake or aslow-roasted lamb shoulder flavouredwith orange, anchovy and fennel forSunday lunch, this is a book for everyoccasion and every householdbudget.

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The home-from-home cruise that departs from your doorstep

ADVERTISING FEATURE

It’s the time of yearwhen people begin toplan and look forwardto their holidays for themonths ahead. Withtravelling throughairports stressful and

difficult, more and more peopleare choosing to cruise from theUK, avoiding all the hassle,restrictions (and for some, thefear) of flying.Plus you get to visit a string of

diverse destinations in one trip– you can see why 1.8 millionBritons took a cruise last year.For years the luxury of

cruising from a local port hasbeen reserved for those who livenear to Southampton.For 2014, however, as part of

a brand new programme ofsailings from Fred. Olsen CruiseLines, their classically-styledship, Boudicca, will offer arange of sailings fromAvonmouth, Bristol.It is anticipated that people

will be drawn to sail fromBristol from a wide area,bringing more business to theregion, though it is local

holidaymakers who are likely tobenefit the most.Along with just 800 other

guests, you can hop on boardFred. Olsen’s ship and cruise tosome fascinating destinations,including the Canary Islandsand Lisbon; Dubrovnik, Venice,Athens; and Reykjavik, Olden,Bergen and Flåm in Norway.Sailings depart from late April

to mid June, covering durationsfrom six nights to nearly amonth.While cruising is often seen

as expensive and luxurious, itcan be a very inexpensive wayto holiday.On their cruises from Bristol,

Fred. Olsen include all meals,live entertainment and shows,daytime activities and, ofcourse, en suiteaccommodation too, withprices from £71 per person, pernight.Drinks on board cost about

the same as a local pub backhome too so you won’t need toloosen the purse strings asmuch as you’d think, or youcan take Fred. Olsen’s offer to

go all inclusive with a packagepriced at just £10 per person pernight.With cruising becoming more

popular with a wider audience,there are different types of shipsto meet the needs of differenttypes of holidaymakers. Newgigantic mega-ships are beinglaunched all the time, with evermore facilities and on boardoptions, making the ship as

much of a destination as theplaces you’ll cruise to. Otherlines, such as those sailing fromBristol, have smaller, moretraditionally-styled ships, whichoffer a more intimate, relaxedstyle of travelling, with theemphasis on good service and ahome-from-home atmosphere.If that appeals, you’ll find

cruises departing from yourdoorstep this year.

Above and top, Fred. Olsen Cruise Lines’ classically-styled ship,Boudicca which will be sailing out of Avonmouth this year

26

TRAVEL

Courchevel is world famous forits slopes, five-star hotels,Michelin-star restaurants anddesigner boutiques. It is the skiresort for the rich and famous– Posh and Becks, RobbieWilliams, DavidWalliams,

Formula One team owner Eddie Jordan, F1drivers David Coulthard and JacquesVilleneuve, Chris Evans and Ian Bothamhaveall holidayed there.Kazakhstan’s president Nursultan

Nazarbayev and his friends are reported tohave paid £1.2million for Sir Elton John tosing at a private Christmas party inCourchevel and Eminem is also reported tohave played at private Russian parties there.There is no question why Courchevel is the

resort of choice for the rich – it is the cremede la creme of ski resorts. It is part of the 3Valleys ski area in the French Alps – thelargest in the world at 600km of pistesconnected by 170 ski lifts.

The pistes are the best prepared in theworld. Various themed areas provide skierswith a variety of exciting settings. They arebashed and groomed ready for the early birdskiers everymorning, there are plenty of liftstaking you to all areas of themountains, thesign-posting once you are up there is goodand the runs are vast and varied.From theminute Courchevel came to be in

1946, its founders always wantedmore –moregrandeur, more comfort, more innovation.Almost 70 years on and the result speaks foritself.And, still striving for perfection, it is going

to get even better – with 140million euros inplanned investment over the next sevenyears, Societe des 3 Vallees (SV3) currentlyhas themost ambitious schedule in France.Four hundred and seventy professionals workon the resort: patrollers, snow groomers,avalanche experts and snow experts.“These peoplemake the resort what it is,”

says Thomas Thor-Jensen, director of the ski

area. “It’s more than just a job, themountainis our passion.”And it is hard not to fall in love with the

mountains when you are there. It was our firsttime in Courchevel andwe skied every day inperfect conditions. The sunwas out, we hadblue skies, and lots of Champagne powdersnow – very light, dry, and smooth snow,which is great for skiing.The slopes are amazing – beautiful wide

runs with lots of off-piste options alongsidefor themore adventurous. There was verylittle queuing for the lifts and all werecomfortable and the staff were friendly andhelpful. There’s a good choice of mountainrestaurants – amazing ones whichwerepricey or you can ski to Courchevel Moriondformore reasonably priced ones.There are countless five-star hotels and

luxurious private chalets (with heateddrives!) to choose from if you can afford them,but if youwant to sample the Champagnelifestyle for a tenth of the price then check out

CHAMPAGNE LIFESTYLEWorld travel Sarah Trevelyan visits the creme de la creme of ski resorts, playground of the rich and famous

WELCOME TO THE

in association with

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Hotel Saint Louis. It is a fantastic smallboutique hotel a snowball’s throw away fromone of themain pistes.You simply cross over the road and ski

down to La Croisette, themain lift area, whereyour journey for the day can start.The staff are friendly, helpful and efficient.

The rooms are clean and comfortable. Diningis on a half-board basis which includesbreakfast, afternoon tea, pre-dinner drinksand canapés and four-course eveningmeals,and the food is excellent.There is a bar with a welcoming log fire and

leather sofas – perfect to sit back and relax inafter a day’s skiing.Families are well looked after in Courchevel

with lots of added attractions for children,from a free soft-play area and amerry-go-round for toddlers to a bowlingalley, climbing wall, arcade and ice rink for theolder children. Children as young as 18months are on skies in Courchevel. They havespecific equipment and the specialised skiinstructors help them gain an understandingof the snowy setting in excellent conditions.A day skiing in Courchevel isn’t necessarily

more expensive than elsewhere. Familieshave special passes so they can ski for 187euros per person per week. For those whodon’t havemuch time or aren’t very sporty,theMinipass provides access to a selection ofski lifts from 22 euros per day (up to 18pistes). Another option is the three-hour Pass.Beginners have free access to eight ski liftsand threemoving walkways. The pass is freefor under-fives and over-75s.Youwon’t find amore varied playground

than Courchevel with its 19 green, 35 blue, 34red and eight black pistes. Skiers of all

abilities will find a setting to suit them here.Zen Zones have been created to provide aspace to practice and progress in peace. Onthe Verdons piste, the Family Park is theperfect place for families. The Indians Piste isa favourite with children – you can stop offandwarm up in the Indian’s teepee by thewood fire and look at the wooden animals ondisplay.As for advanced skiing, experts will find

some of themost exciting couloirs (deepmountainside gorges) in the three Valleys atthe peak of Saulire (Couloir Tournier andGrand Couloir).Courchevel isn’t just skiing heaven either.

There are all sorts of things to do away fromthe pistes. Every winter the toboggan run isgettingmore andmore popular. From LaCroisette you can reach Courchevel Village ona 2.3km sledding piste. There are also twoareas for children, one for the three tosix-year-olds and one for the six to11-year-olds. The “yooner”, a vintage sledused in the 1900s for local school children toget to school, has been highly popular andintroductory sessions with training areavailable.

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MUSIC

And the Beat goes on...

From their formationin 1978 to theirbreak-up five yearslater, Birminghamska band The Beatenjoyed a string oftop ten singles,

which went on to becomeclassics of the early Eighties.Part of the ska revival and the

2-Tone movement that launchedthe careers of Madness, TheSpecials and The Selecter, TheBeat rapidly became one ofBritain’s most successful bandsof the time, hits including HandsOff – She’s Mine, Mirror in theBathroom, Too Nice to Talk Toand Can’t Get Used to Losing You.When the band split in 1983,

guitarist Andy Cox and bassplayer David Steele went on toform Fine Young Cannibals.Co-vocalists Dave Wakeling

and Ranking Roger went onenjoy further success with theirband General Public beforegoing their separate ways.Ranking Roger is still touring

the UK with his version of TheBeat and he played Bristol’sFleece last week.And now Dave Wakeling, who

has lived in the USA for severalyears, is back in the UK for his

first major tour fronting TheEnglish Beat.The show will feature a mix of

hits from The Beat and GeneralPublic, as well as a few newsongs, and he’s being supportedby Roddy Radiation, the originalguitarist of The Specials.A lot of people might still be

confused by the fact that twoversions of The Beats aretouring the UK 30 years after theoriginal split, but Dave Wakelingsays that there’s room for both.“We said that if either of us

came to each other’s country,then we would work together,but sadly that has neverhappened. The English Beat isme in America and it hasbecome an uncomfortable truce.“Roger and I get on well but

you’ve got a situation where he’sbeen able to run a band inEngland and he doesn’t want tobe a junior partner in our“administration”.“I’m a crooner and Roger’s a

great toaster, but I believe thesongs I wrote are ultimatelysung better by me because Iwrote them for my voice.”The Beat were well-known for

producing danceable, melodicsongs, some of which –

including Stand Down Margaret,a song about Margaret Thatcher– had a political edge reflectiveof the era.“We had a particular idea that

we wanted to have upbeatmusic and combine it withslightly darker lyrics about thethings that go on in all our livesthat we don’t really talk about.Most days of our lives are happyand sad, and we wanted songsthat reflected that.“We would have loads of press

and interviews and peoplewould be asking ‘what’s yourfavourite breakfast?’ or ‘what’syour favourite colour?’.“It was a shame there were so

many things I felt so stronglyabout but all I had to talk aboutwas breakfast when I wanted totalk about environmental,nuclear, peace and war issues. Ididn’t see why we had to starttalking about nonsense.“And I think that’s one of the

long lasting effects of The Beat.It was about making a pointabout important issues.“The Beat was special, though.

Everything seemed easy andfitted together. There was amagic it to it, but three yearsafter we formed, it was almost

impossible to even get arehearsal together. It started tobecome obvious that some ofthe will had gone.“Some members wanted a

two-year break, some couldn’tafford to do that.”As well as performing with

The English Beat, Dave hasworked on various projects inthe USA, as well as raising ayoung family.For the first half of the 1990s,

he worked for Greenpeace andhe is now the US ambassadorfor the Specialized teenagecancer charity.“I have two small children, so

aside from the music, I wantedto be there for them, help themwith their maths – or at leastuntil they were ten and I didn’tunderstand the questionsanymore! I also coached mykids’ soccer teams over in LA soit has been great.“I’ll go down in history as the

guy that split up The Beat, butwe all knew the time was rightand I’m still very proud of whatwe achieved and I amextremely excited to be back inthe UK on home soil to performall the hits again.”

David Marks

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FILM

Badly-dubbed bad guys get punched in the crotch... a lot�� ’��

Idoubt if Weng Weng needed all of thathardcore martial arts training becauseit seems as though Filipino baddieshave problems spotting a 2’9? midgetin a leisure suit who is more thanwilling to kick them in the weinerboobs.” CultReviews.com

Until now, the Bristol Bad Film Club’sscreenings have all featured cult “Western”films, but now they are putting on their first“world cinema” night with For Y’ur HeightOnly – a James Bond rip-off from ThePhilippines staring Weng Weng, a 3ft tallmartial artist.The success of the James Bond franchise

naturally spawned a series of parodies andimitators, but none of them hit upon theidea of casting a dwarf in the lead role. Agenre in its own right, For Y’ur Height Onlycompletely corners the spy-martialarts-dwarfsploitation market that the worldwas crying out for in 1981.Weng Weng, who was born Ernesto de la

Cruz, always dreamed of becoming a martial

artist superstar and trained hard all of hislife, but it was Hong Kong producerRaymond Jury that hit upon the idea ofcasting him as Agent 00 in his unique takeon the famous spy series.The film made Weng Weng the most

famous actor in The Philippines at the time,and he was actually made an honoraryagent by future President General Ramos.It’s easy to see why fans flocked to see

“the world’s smallest martial artist”. The filmis essentially an excuse to show Weng Wengdispatching dozens of foes by punchingthem in the crotch. Strangely, this never getsold.Like James Bond, Weng Weng’s Agent 00

also has an arsenal of cool gadgets(including a flying hat) and is very popularwith the ladies.“I’m a big fan of James Bond, but nothing

prepared me for the genius of miniaturespy,” said Bristol Bad Film Club co-founderTim Popple.“Bond may have a Walther PPK and a

licence to kill, but he doesn’t get to kickpeople in the balls. Nor does he have geniusdubbing. This has to be seen – and heard –to be believed.”Ah yes, the dubbing. Despite the cast all

being Filipino, the film’s “English track” ispopulated with a menagerie of accents.Mexican, English, American “redneck” –they’re all here and you won’t believe yourears.“You’ll never watch a Bond film in the

same way again,” said co-founder TimonSingh. “Whenever I watch Goldfinger again,all I’m going to think is that this film needs ascene of Bond dancing awkwardly in aPhilippine disco… before punching bad guysright in the happy sack.”All proceeds from the screening will be

going towards The Children’s Liver DiseaseFoundation.For more information, visit

www.bristolbadfilmclub.co.uk or the club’sTwitter (@TheOtherBBFC) and Facebookpage.

“

From Friday, March 14, 2014 Weekend 41

Squirrel-skin thongs and stag-do shenanigans

Verdict

Boys will be buffoons in JohnButler’s raucous comedyaboutmale friends who getsinto scrapes during a stagweekend in rural Ireland. Fargentler than The Hangover butpepperedwith similar

moments of outrageousmisfortune, The Stagchugs along pleasantly and elicits wry smilesas the characters find themselves stark nakedin a woodwith onlymakeshift squirrel-skinthongs to spare their blushes.Butler’s script, co-written by actor Peter

McDonald, trades in broad stereotypes andnever threatens to shatter preconceptions.Thus the wimpwho claims “I can’t abide

U2” at the beginning of the filmweeps openlyto a ballad by Bono and co in the closingframes, and a domineering brother-in-lawreveals chinks in his armour to remind us thatbullies have hearts too.It’s a blessing that the script dodges the

outlandish, gross-out humour that seems tobe the stock-in-trade of American comediesabout friendship andmale bonding.So while there are some bodily fluids, they

remain safely off camera, and the two gay

characters aren’t simply targets for a barrageof homophobia. Groom-to-be Fionnan (HughO’Conor) is a self-confessedmetrosexual,whowould rather attend a hen party with hisbeautiful fiancee Ruth (AmyHuberman) thansuffer the horrors of a stag do.He is heavily involved in preparations for

the big day and lovingly constructs aminiature representation of his dreamreception room.“Very few [grooms]make dolls’ houses,”

observes the wedding planner tartly.“It’s a diorama,” he protests.At the behest of his bride-to-be, Fionnan

allows bestman Davin (Andrew Scott) toorganise a lads-only weekend.They settle on a rugged camping expedition

with goodmate Simon (Brian Gleeson) andlong-term couple Big Kevin (Andrew Bennett)and Little Kevin (Michael Legge).Ruth is keen for Fionnan to bondwith her

fearsome older brother, nicknamed TheMachine (PeterMcDonald), and assumes hersibling will be invited on this outdoorsretreat. Davin conveniently forgets to tell TheMachine, but the bullish brother-in-law istipped off and he gatecrashes the stag party.

Fragile bonds of friendship are tested to thelimit as Fionnan and cowithstand a barrage ofinsults fromTheMachine, trekking fromdisaster to despair via a near-deathexperience with a gun-toting farmer.At 94minutes, The Stag doesn’t outstay its

welcome but saying a resounding “I do” toButler’s uneven film is tricky.The cast inhabit roles with warmth and

gusto and the rapport between Scott andO’Conor papers over some of the cracks.McDonald’s altercation with an electric

fence provides a comic highpoint but hischaracter’s persistent nagging wears thin.A cosy coda tries unsuccessfully to

convince us that TheMachine’sheavy-handed tactics were all designed tomake Fionnan and co bettermen.

42

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Verdict

44

THEATRE

If your favourite moviequotations include“Nobody puts Baby in acorner” and “I carried awatermelon?”, then youshould Pachanga yourway down to The Bristol

Hippodrome as smash-hitmusical Dirty Dancing takes overthe theatre from Saturday.Bristol audiences had the

time of their lives when thesmash hit show toured to thecity last year. The theatrebubbled over with excitementas full houses swooned at thelove scenes, cheered the dancesequences, swayed to the musicand joined in with the classicdialogue before rewarding thecast with standing ovations.After Bristol, the production

went on to thrill audiencesacross the country, breakingbox office records.Now Dirty Dancing – The

Classic Story On Stage returns toBristol by popular demand forthree weeks only.The stage show is written by

Eleanor Bergstein, script writerand co-producer of thephenomenally successful 1987film starring the late PatrickSwayze and Jennifer Grey.For the uninitiated, Dirty

Dancing tells the heartpoundingstory of teenager Frances“Baby” Houseman and danceinstructor Johnny Castle.It’s the summer of 1963 and

17-year-old Baby is at a looseend on a family holiday – untilshe stumbles upon the staffquarters when an all-nightdance party is in full swing.Baby becomes mesmerised by

the raunchy dance moves, thepounding rhythms – and byhunky resort dance instructor,Johnny.Baby’s life is about to change

forever as she is thrown in atthe deep end as Johnny’sleading lady both on stage andoff with breathtakingconsequences.With log balancing, sexy water

antics, sweaty hip-grinding,fights, passion and “that” lift,

(You’ll have) the time of your life

Dirty Dancingmesmerisedgenerations of viewers on thebig and small screens before itsglorious transition to the stage.Muscle-bound Gareth Bailey

will be stripping off as brooding,hip-swivelling, troubled dancerJohnny – one of the most iconicroles in popular culture.Gareth started his Dirty

Dancing journey in the first UKtour where he played Robbie.He then went on to play JohnnyCastle in South Africa as part ofthe international tour of DirtyDancing, prior to joining theWest End company at thePiccadilly Theatre.Roseanna Frascona will be

carrying the watermelon asidealistic Baby Houseman, whodiscovers love and life in thesummer she will never forget.Dirty Dancing – The Classic

Story On Stage features all themuch-loved characters and theoriginal, quotable dialogue fromthe hit film with exciting extrascenes added in.The stunning dance

sequences and brand newchoreography come alive onstage, all set to the timelessDirty Dancing soundtrackincluding Do You Love Me?, HeyBaby, Hungry Eyes and theAcademy Award Winning (I’veHad) The Time Of My Life.The original London

production of Dirty Dancing –The Classic Story On Stageopened in 2006 and was soldout six months in advance.The show played for five

triumphant years at theAldwych Theatre, breaking allbox office records with advanceticket sales of over £15 million,which made it the fastest everselling West End show.The production has gone on

to open in Australia, NewZealand, Germany, theNetherlands, Sweden and SouthAfrica, consistently breakingbox office records.Now it’s back in Bristol, and

fans have yet another chance toenjoy this classic rites ofpassage tale.

46

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LISTINGS

Don’t miss Death and the Ploughman

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Escorted Holidays

Calls cost 5ppm from a BT landline. You may also be charged a connection fee. Mobile and other providers’ charges may vary. Operated by Newmarket Air Holidays Ltd. ABTA V7812, ATOL protected 2325. Prices are per person, based on 2 sharing. Subject to availability.Single supplements apply. Terms and conditions apply. These suppliers are independent of Local World. When you respond, the holiday supplier and Local World may contact you with offers/services that may be of interest. Please give your mobile or email details if youwish to receive such offers by SMS or email. We will not give your details to other companies without your permission.

8days from

£719per person

Portofino, Florence & TuscanyDeparting May to October 2014Based in one of Tuscany’s most celebrated spa resorts, this wonderful holiday includesunforgettable excursions to the famous resorts of Santa Margherita and Portofino, and toexquisite Florence.Our price includes:• Return flights to Italy direct from

Bristol• Return airport to hotel transfers• Seven nights’ half-board

accommodation at the three-starHotel Belvedere, Montecatini (upgradeto the four-star Grand Hotel Regina

available for a supplement)• Visit to Santa Margherita and

Portofino, including boat trip• Visit to Florence• One suitcase allowance per person• The services of a tour manager

8days from

£789per person

Classic ItalyDeparting May to October 2014This wonderful, week-long touring holiday combines a three-night stay overlooking theglorious Bay of Naples with four nights in the Tuscan Hills. Included guided tours to someof Italy’s greatest sights and renowned cities, including Vesuvius, ancient Pompeii, TheAmalfi Drive, Florence, Orvieto and Rome, all make for a memorable holiday.Our price includes:• Return flights to Italy from Bristol• Three nights’ half board at the three-

star Hotel Villa Serena, Castellammaredi Stabia

• Four nights’ half board at the three-starHotel Santa Chiara, Chianciano Terme

• Included visits and attractions• Return airport to hotel transfers• The services of a tour manager

6days from

£499per person

Cannes & the French RivieraDeparting June, July, September and October 2014Enjoy a marvellous few days of rest, relaxation and exploration in one of the world’s mostcelebrated playgrounds. Based in captivating Cannes, this wonderful-value six-day escortedholiday includes an excursion to fabled St.Tropez and glittering St.Raphael, and also offersexciting optional tours to elegant Nice, sun-kissed Antibes and fabled Monte Carlo.Our price includes:• Return flights to Nice direct from

Bristol• Five nights’ bed and continental

breakfast accommodation at thethree-star Abrial Hotel, Cannes(upgrade hotels are available for a

supplement)• A full day excursion to St Raphael and

St Tropez• Return airport to hotel transfers• One suitcase allowance per person• The services of a tour manager

5days from

£439per person

Highland RailwaysDeparting May to October 2014Fly to and from Scotland, stay in the heart of the Highlands and enjoy three spectacularrailway journeys while you’re there: the famous West Highland Line from Fort William toMallaig, the charming Strathspey Steam Railway and the breathtaking stretch betweenInverness to the Kyle of Lochalsh.Our price includes:• Return flights to Edinburgh from Bristol• Four nights’ dinner, bed-and- Scottish

breakfast accommodation at either theHighlander or the Carrbridge Hotel

• Rail journey from Inverness to Kyleof Lochalsh, a 42-mile journey from

Fort William to Mallaig on the famousWest Highland Line, plus a trip on theStrathspey Steam Railway

• Touring and airport transfers by coach• The services of a tour manager

0843 487 5833 Quote BEP www.newmarket.travel/bep

48

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Don’t missShakespeare Rattle and Roll

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Escorted Holidays

Calls cost 5ppm from a BT landline. You may also be charged a connection fee. Mobile and other providers’ charges may vary. Operated by Newmarket Air Holidays Ltd. ABTA V7812, ATOL protected 2325. Prices are per person, based on 2 sharing. Subject to availability.Single supplements apply. Terms and conditions apply. These suppliers are independent of Local World. When you respond, the holiday supplier and Local World may contact you with offers/services that may be of interest. Please give your mobile or email details if youwish to receive such offers by SMS or email. We will not give your details to other companies without your permission. *Discount applies to bookings made by 31 March 2014. Please quote code FVU8ZC when booking.Offer may be withdrawn at anytime. Price shown

8days from

£769per person

Capri, Pompeii and the Amalfi CoastDeparting June to October 2014Featuring half-board accommodation in Sant’ Agata, this wonderful holidayincludes escorted visits to Pompeii and the enchanting Isle of Capri, and abreathtaking drive along the Amalfi Coast.Our price includes:• Return flights to Italy from Bristol• Seven nights’ half-board

accommodation at the three-star Hotel Delle Palme, Sant’Agata (upgrades available for asupplement)

• Escorted excursions to Capri,Pompeii and the Amalfi Coast

• Coach travel and transfers• One suitcase allowance per person• The services of a tour manager

8days from

£869per person

Corsica and the South of FranceDeparting April to June, September and October 2014This wonderful holiday combines two nights on the fabled Côte d’Azur and fiveon the spectacular island of Corsica, with included tours of sparkling Nice andthe island’s beautiful north coast.Our price includes:• Return flights from Brisol to Nice• Coach travel and daytime ferry

crossings from Nice to Corsica• Two nights’ bed and breakfast

accommodation at the three-starCampanile Nice Aeroport Hotel

• Five nights’ half-boardaccommodation at the three-starSaint-Christophe Hotel, Calvi

• Nice walking tour• Guided tour of Corsica’s north

coast• The services of a tour manager

DayTripfrom

£499per person

Santa’s Lapland Day BreakDeparting 23 December 2014Join us for the most exciting, most magical and without doubt mostunforgettable day ever, flying beyond the Arctic Circle to enjoy a host of fun-filled activities, and of course, a family meeting with a very special person.Our price includes:• Return flight from Bristol to Pajala,

Lapland• Transfers to ‘Santa’s Home’• Thermal clothing• Snowmobile safari, Reindeer-

drawn sleigh and Husky DogSled rides

• Private family meeting withSanta Claus

• Two-course lunch and hot drinks• Fun activities• Friendly Lappish hosts and Santa’s

helpers

6days from

£889per person

Moscow & St. PetersburgDeparting July to October 2014Don’t miss this opportunity to see two of the world’s must-see cities in one unforgettableweek. Red Square, the Kremlin, Victory Park in Moscow, and the Hermitage, the Admiraltyand Peter & Paul Fortress in the ‘Venice of the North’ are just some of the highlights ofthis wonderful holiday.Our price includes:• Flights to Moscow from Bristol,

returning from St. Petersburg• Two nights’ bed & buffet breakfast

accommodation at the Holiday InnSuschevsky, Moscow

• One night in a first-class compartmenton the overnight sleeper train from

Moscow to St. Petersburg• Two nights’ bed & breakfast

accommodation at the Park InnPribaltiyskaya hotel, St. Petersburg

• Guided city tours• The services of a tour manager

BOOK BEFORE31 MARCH TO SAVE

£25PER PERSON!*

0843 487 5833 Quote BEP www.newmarket.travel/bep

50

Mum’s the word

ART

MotheringSunday fallson Sunday,March 30 thisyear – andGloucesterRoad’s

thriving gallery Room 212 hasdecided tomark the annual eventin suitably creative style.The gallery’s Celebration of

Motherhood exhibition, whichruns for the last fortnight of themonth, features a wealth ofpaintings, prints, sculptures andgifts that pay tribute to theexperience ofmotherhood and tothe unique bond betweenmothers and children.To use art to celebrate

motherhood is, as Room 212’sowner Sarah Thorp explains, notso very random a decision.“Motherhood can be seen as

the ultimate in creativity andnurturing,” Sarah, an artistherself, reasons. “Wewill bereflecting this inmuch of the artyou’ll see at the gallery thismonth.”The idea for theMotherhood

exhibition came, in fact, fromanother regular Room 212

exhibitor, artist and sculptorLaura Robertson. “Laura is amulti-talented artist, andmotherhood – andwomanhoodin general – is a prevailing themethroughout her work, from herTea CupWomen prints andpaintings to her beautifulfeminine sculptures in clay andbreeze block,” Sarah explains.“She often represents herself

and her children in her work, andhas illustrated a children’s bookabout Gordon the Goblin who hasnow become the belovedGloucester Roadmascot.”Elsewhere in this exhibition,

illustrator/printmaker ChristineHowes contributes a series ofprints depictingmother-and-baby relationships throughoutthe animal kingdom, whilemixed-media artist Debby Birduses textile art to explore andcelebrate the everyday anddomestic and Carrie Poolerexhibits a simple, poignant printof amother and child.You’ll even find awitty and

poignant recipe, by Lucy Reevesand Julie Branfield, forMotherhood Cake – sampleingredients, “200g plain domestic

servitude”, “100kg of odd socks”and “Limitless drops of tears atanything happy or sad”.Also present is Jitka Palmer, a

well-known Bristol artist whoworks in variousmediums. Aswell as carving sculptures fromBath and Portland stone andcreating beautiful painted clayvessels and sculptures, Jitka alsodraws and paints in ink, (suchMother and Child, picturedabove), pastel, charcoal,watercolour and tempera.“In this complicated world I

draw on personal experiences,past and present, with a view toreflecting the spontaneity ofordinary human life,” Jitka says.“Motherhood is therefore anobvious theme forme.”“Many other regular Room 212

artists are working on pieces toadd to the theme,” Sarah reveals.“As usual there will be plenty oforiginal cards and gifts on offer,as well as prints and paintings.We’ll also be running a couple ofworkshops, which could workeither as a special treat formothers or for children tomakesomething for their mums.”These include, onWednesday,

March 19, a session whereparticipants will make a beautifulfascinator using recycledmaterials such as vinyl singles,feathers and flowers. A weeklater, meanwhile, childrenwill beable to come along after schoolandmake a soap or sparkly bathbomb formum. Elsewhere,Sarah’s twice-weekly knitting cluballows visitors of all ages tomeetin the gallery’s creativesurroundings and practise thisage-old craft with strongassociations withmotherhood.“Room 212’s strength is the

incredible variety of work onoffer,” Sarah continues. “Thisfeeds into the creative practice ofmany of the customers, and it isbecoming an inspirational outletformany newmothers wishing toreturn to creating and selling art.”One example Sarah cites is

RosieWebb, a successful Londonillustrator who returned toBristol on becoming amother.“Rosie has shown her work at

Room 212 since the dayweopened, and her quirkywatercolours of animals andbirds are firm favourites withchildren and adults alike.”

51

Don’t miss Domino: Till Death Do Us Part

LISTINGS

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COMEDY‘Just don’t call me inspirational’ Don’t miss

What the Frock!

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56

BOOKSBristol coroner is back on the case

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Bristol coronerJenny Cooper’ssharp senses arerevived oncemore by authorM R Hall, in hissixth crime

novel, The Burning.The story centres on a

dreadful tragedy, where a househas burned to the ground withthree members of a familyinside. Evidence of foul play isquickly uncovered and it isn’tlong before the policeinvestigation is drawn to a close,but as Jenny prepares theinquest, she is troubled by theofficial version of events.There are too many loose

ends, too many coincidences;her conscious won’t let thematter rest.Suspecting a connection with

the mysterious abduction of alittle girl ten years previouslyfrom the same SouthGloucestershire village nearThornbury, Jenny sets aboutasking her own searchingquestions. But can she unearthBlackstone Ley’s secrets, beforeit’s too late?Solidly researched and with a

clear, yet meticulously detailedplot, M R Hall’s story is bothconvincing and compelling.While Blackstone Ley is fictional,the numerous local referencesand geographical landmarks –the Clifton Suspension Bridgeand the Avon Gorge viewpoint,for example – will add extraresonance for local readers.Meanwhile, the heroine is

fighting a personal, as well as aprofession battle, as she tries tofind the way forward in acomplicated relationship.M R Hall, pictured, is a

Bafta-nominated screenwriter,producer and former criminalbarrister, who lives inMonmouthshire with his wifeand two sons. He was nominatedfor a second CWA Gold DaggerAward for his previous novel,The Flight. His other novelsfeaturing Jenny Cooper are TheCoroner, The Disappeared, TheChosen Dead and The Redeemed.

58

PROPERTY

WORTHY OF THE SUPERLATIVES

Estate agents are well knownfor their use of superlativeswhen describing properties ontheir books, but in this case theterms “stunning” and“delightful” which appear inthe brochure are quite

appropriate.What we’re looking at (with some degree of

envy) is a barn conversion – a stone-builtproperty that’s surrounded by fields andretains a decent plot, landscaped withmanicured grass and patios, surrounded bytall fences. It has even got its own summerhouse.An electric gate secures the front of the

barn, which is covered mostly with smartblock paving (an area large enough to fit adozen cars), while a larger-than-average

double garage has storage under the eaves.So, first impressions are good. And the

interior doesn’t disappoint either. Large,pale-painted rooms and plenty of windowsand glazed doors make it bright, while zonedunder-floor heating throughout adds one ofmany touches of luxury.Flagstones have been laid throughout the

ground floor, with oak floorboards above,along with oak skirting and an oak staircase.Original beams around 300 years oldpopulate the vaulted ceilings while aninglenook fireplace and a hand-built solid oakkitchen merely add to the farmhouse feeling.The central entrance hall, off which is a

shower room, doubles as a study area, andhas both TV and telephone points. On oneside of the hall is the huge lounge/diner, withwindows and glazed double doors front and

rear. It’s here you’ll find that inglenook, withwood-burner, while three TV points and twotelephone points give the family plenty ofchoice when arranging furniture.On the other side of the hall is the kitchen/

breakfast room, complete with breakfast barto seat four, black granite work tops, a Belfastsink and integrated washing machine,dishwasher and an electric six-ring rangecooker. French doors open to the rear garden.Upstairs are three double bedrooms, each

with a vaulted, beamed ceiling and all sharinga smart shower room, including a whoppingwalk-in shower and marble flooring.

Property of the week The Ox Barn, Pucklechurch

59

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LET THERE BE LIGHT

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Spring is here so it’s time to start planning and planting

After a long wetwinter, we’vebeen eagerlyawaiting springand it will begreat to get outin the garden

and – hopefully – enjoy somemilder weather.The first daffodils are popping

open, so it seems like gardensare beginning to wake up. Nowis good time to start planningand coming up with ideas foryour garden, so it is ready forsummer. Although it’s lovely togo for a total revamp, a fewtouches here and there can givea garden a new feel.We recently added a couple of

new features that totallytransformed a front garden inBristol. The client wanted aneasy-to-maintain space that wasalso attractive to look at. For astart, on top of the front wall, webuilt a timber screen that addedsome privacy for the house.Using wooden boards, we cut

wavy lines into them, thenspaced them out (picture below).This allowed a bit of light topass through and highlight theshapes cut into the wood. Wealso added a “dry” waterfeature. This had a large rock,with pebbles around it.Then we placed blue slate

through the pebbles, giving theeffect of moving water.There are several ways to

quickly change a garden.Planting an attractive tree caninstantly provide a focal pointthat will last for years. Placing atree in a front garden means thatyou will see it every day and itwill improve the look of a street.Also, selecting an area of agarden and concentrating a lotof new plants can add a blast ofcolour and vibrancy.For a transformation with

slightly greater impact, trydividing up the space into“rooms”, which gives a gardenpersonality. Having a large lawnand long borders either side canbe uninteresting.In another Bristol garden

(main image) we divided agarden into three rooms. Thefirst space had stepping stonesrunning through a lawn. To oneside, a deep bed was plantedwith lots of plants in “hot”colours. This area led to a rosearch, with a low picket fence

either side that spanned thewidth of the garden. The archand fence were planted withclimbing plants, but left enoughspace for the eye to wander tothe next section of the garden.This led to a heavily plantedarea on one side and a grassmound seat on the other.The last section of the garden

had a large pond with a bridgeover it that led to a seating area.Each of this garden’s sectionshad a different ambience thatyou could “feel” as you movedthrough the garden.

For more about Secret GardenLandscaping, visitwww.secretgardenweb.co.uk, orcontact via email [email protected].

65

TELEVISION

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Jimmy Doherty’sFriday NightFeastprogramme withhis celebritychef pal JamieOliver is a

light-hearted affair. This newprogramme is likely to beanything but.It sees Jimmy venture out

from his Suffolk farm to go ona global journey exploring therising cost of food, something

that has the experts worriedalmost on a similar scale toclimate change.In Friday Night Feast the

duo have dabbled inchampioning local cuisineand produce that brings lowfood miles to the plate.In this programme, Jimmy

will discover that pricesreflect some of the bigchallenges of the times welive in, such as the rapidlygrowing population of the

world, and volatile weather.In the first of two

programmes, he reveals theworld events that haveaffected how much peoplepay for British staples suchas rice, beef and bread.And he’ll find out why

those of us who have longbelieved our chocolate barsare shrinking are right – andthe reasons why.Episode two goes out on

March 25.

66

89

10

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 SaturdayKitchen Live (S,HD). With guest BradleyWalsh. 11.30 Football Focus (S,HD). 12.00BBC News; Regional News and Weather(S,HD). 12.15 Live Six Nations RugbyUnion (S,HD). Italy v England (Kick-off12.30pm). 2.30 Live Six Nations RugbyUnion (S,HD). Wales v Scotland (Kick-off2.45pm). 4.35 Live Six Nations RugbyUnion (S,HD). France v Ireland (Kick-off5.00pm).

7.00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather (S,HD).

7.15 The Voice UK (S,HD). 10/14.See Choices Above.

8.35 The National Lottery: WhoDares Wins (S,HD). 9/9. Gameshow in which strangers pair upto win money. Last in the series.

9.25 Casualty (S,HD). 29/48. Iain’stroubled former Army mateKenny takes him and Big Machostage.

10.15 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).10.30Match of the Day (S,HD). Gary

Lineker presents highlights ofthe latest Premier Leagueclashes, which included HullCity v Manchester City at the KCStadium and Aston Villa vChelsea at Villa Park. Followedby National Lottery Update.

12.05 The Football League Show (S).Highlights of the latest fixtures. 1.25Weatherview (S). 1.30 BBC News (S,HD).

1112

6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 DinnerDate (R,S). 10.25 Murder, She Wrote(R,S,HD). 11.25 ITV News and Weather(S). 11.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries(R,S). 12.05 The Unforgettable LarryGrayson (R,S). 12.35 The Jeremy KyleShow USA (S). 1.30 Midsomer Murders(R,S). 3.25 Film: Zookeeper (S,HD) (2011).Premiere. Comedy, starring Kevin James.●●5.30 ITV News West Country (S). 5.40 ITVNews and Weather (S).

11.00 Live Paralympic Winter Games (S).Further coverage of the eighth day ofevents in Russia, featuring the openingstages of the wheelchair curling final at theIce Cube Curling Centre in Sochi. Coveragecontinues on More4. 1.30 Channel 4Racing (S,HD). Rishi Persad and Gina Brycepresent live coverage of seven races. FromUttoxeter, races start at 2.05, 2.40, 3.15 and3.50. From Kempton Park at 2.20, 2.55 and3.30. 4.10 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.15Police 5 (R,S,HD). 10.45 It Takes a Thief toCatch a Thief (R,S,HD). 11.45 Can’t Pay?We’ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD). 12.45 TheHotel Inspector (R,S,HD). 1.45 Film: Kate& Leopold (S) (2001). Time travel romanticcomedy.●● 3.55 Film: Columbo: Publishor Perish (S) (1974). Crime drama, starringPeter Falk.●●●● 5.25 Film: Columbo:Prescription Murder (S) (1968). Crimedrama, starring Peter Falk.●●●●

7.00 Ant & Dec’s Saturday NightTakeaway (S,HD). 4/7. SeeChoices Above.

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Top100 Senior Moments (S).Giddy grandparents, cheekypensioners and absent-mindedmistakes.

6.10 Channel 4 News (S).6.35 Paralympic Winter Games

Highlights (S). Action from theeighth day of events in Russia.

10.15 ITV News and Weather (S);Weather.

10.30 The Return (S,HD) (2006).See Choices Above.●●

12.00 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 In Plain Sight (R,S,HD). Marybefriends a woman who fled an organisedcrime family. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD).Text-based information service.

7.05Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD(R,S,HD). 11/22. Coulsonuncovers vital informationabout the mystery of his death.

8.00 Hostages (S,HD). 10/15. Afterone of the president’s staff ismurdered, the victim’scolleagues decide to takematters into their own hands,while Ellen finds someone whomight be a viable donor forNina.

9.00 Limitless (S,HD) (2011).See Choices Above.●●●●

1.20 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). An attorneywith a disability uses his condition to swaya jury. 2.05 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.4.10 Trans World Sport (S). A look at therivalry between Duke Blue Devils and NorthCarolina Tar Heels. 5.05 Mobil 1 (S). 5.30Live Paralympic Winter Games (S).Coverage of the ninth and final day ofevents in Russia.

7.05 NCIS (R,S). 19/24. Two agentsare murdered.

8.00 NCIS (R,S). 20/24. McGee isshocked to discover that adouble murder appears to havebeen inspired by his latestnovel.

9.00 NCIS (R,S). 21/24. An informantis murdered.

9.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

10.00 Live Boxing (S). Coverage ofthe first two quarter-finals inthe Maxi Nutrition Knockoutfrom the Rivermead LeisureCentre in Reading, where thelight heavyweight tournamentbegins.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). 4.00Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S).4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’sHelpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S).5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hana’sHelpline (R,S).

6.10 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (R,S,HD). 8.40Life on Earth (R,S). 10.30 Fred Dibnah’sMade in Britain (R,S). 11.00 Great BritishRailway Journeys (R,S,HD). 11.30 JamesMartin: Home Comforts (R,S,HD). 12.15Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD). 12.45 TalkingPictures (R,S). 1.35 Film: Rope (S,HD)(1948).●●●●● 2.55 Formula 1 –Australian Grand Prix QualifyingHighlights (S,HD). 4.25 Final Score (S,HD).5.30 Llanelly House Restored (S,HD).

7.30 Dad’s Army (R,S). 4/14. Pikegets trapped in a minefield.

6.30 Flog It! (S). /75. FromCirencester, Gloucestershire.

8.00 The Perfect Morecambe &Wise (S). 3/9.

8.30 Viking Art: A Culture ShowSpecial (S,HD). See ChoicesAbove.

9.30 QI (R,S,HD). 12/18. With JackDee, Chris Addison and RichHall.

10.00 Stewart Lee’s ComedyVehicle (S,HD). 3/6. See ChoicesAbove.

10.30 Page Eight (R,S,HD). DavidHare’s spy drama about an MI5officer’s attempts to investigatea threat to the stability ofBritain’s security services.Starring Bill Nighy, RachelWeisz and Ralph Fiennes. Thenext part of the trilogy – Turks& Caicos – is on Thursday at9pm.

11.05 The Rum Diary (S,HD) (2011).See Choices Above.●●●

12.10 Film: Unrelated (2007). Drama,starring Kathryn Worth.●● 1.50 Film:Battle Beyond the Stars (1980). Sci-fiadventure, with Richard Thomas.●● 3.25This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcomingprogrammes.

after

76

8.20 The Cube (S,HD). 3/8. Awindsurfing instructor and aseamstress tackle a series oftough challenges, from agilitytests to skills trials, aiming towin a jackpot of £250,000.Phillip Schofield hosts.

9.20 The Americans (S,HD). 1/13.See Choices Above.

Live Six Nations Rugby … 12.15pm Stewart Lee’s Comedy … 10pm The Cube, 8.20pm Hostages, 8pm Live Boxing, 10pm

STEWART LEE’S COMEDY VEHICLE10pm, BBC2Another ramble through the eclectic mindof the comedian, filmed at the MildmayClub in Stoke Newington, north London.The routines are interspersed with clips ofscript editor Chris Morris grilling the comedianabout his ideas and the episode ends with ashort film.

VIKING ART: A CULTURESHOW SPECIAL8.30pm, BBC2Exploring the Vikings: Lifeand Legend exhibition atthe British Museum,learning how the Norsemenforged a networkconnecting their culture over four continents.

ANT & DEC’S SATURDAY NIGHTTAKEAWAY7pm, ITVThe Geordie duo turn the tables on HollyWilloughby when they go undercover asguests on Surprise Surprise. Plus, the cast ofWest End musical The Commitments getsinvolved in a St Patrick’s Day-themed End ofthe Show Show.

11.05 The Real Housewives ofBeverly Hills (R,S,HD). 1.00 TheOnly Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). 2.30Rizzle Kicks – The Hot Desk(R,S,HD). 2.40 Film: Flipper (S)(1996).●● 4.40 Britain’s GotMore Talent: Funniest MomentsEver! LOL Moments (R,S,HD).5.40 Film: Scooby-Doo 2:Monsters Unleashed (S,HD)(2004).●●

7.35 Batman & Robin(S,HD) (1997). The capedcrusader and his sidekicktake on icy villain MrFreeze and seductivefemme fatale Poison Ivy.Comic-book adventure,starring George Clooneyand ArnoldSchwarzenegger.Including FYI Daily.●

10.00 Celebrity Juice(R,S,HD). 1/10. WithPixie Lott and KianEgan.

10.50 Crazy Beaches (S,HD).1/6. New series. Touristsenjoy life in theinfamous Greek resortof Malia.

11.20 40 Days and 40 Nights(S,HD) (2002). Romanticcomedy, starring JoshHartnett and ShannynSossamon.●●●●

1.15 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.40 FakeReaction (R,S,HD). With CharlotteCrosby, Gemma Cairney, IvoGraham and Louie Spence. 2.15You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.40Rizzle Kicks – The Hot Desk(R,S,HD). 2.50 Teleshopping.Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2Nightscreen (HD).

Batman & Robin, 7.35pm

THE AMERICANS9.20pm, ITVA routine operation goesawry, putting Philip andElizabeth’s children at risk, aswell as their own coveridentities. Spy drama,starring Matthew Rhys, KeriRussell and Noah Emmerich star.

BBC1

THE VOICE UK7.15pm, BBC1EmmaWillis andMarvinHumes present the firstknockout round, inwhich the coachesreduce their teams ofseven down to the threeacts that will perform in the live shows.

FILMRATINGS●●●●●Excellent●●●●Very good●●●Good●●Average●Poor(R) repeat(S) subtitles(HD) high-definition

TVPICK

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BBC2 ITV Channel 4 Channel 5 ITV2

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11.05 The Real Housewives ofBeverly Hills (R,S,HD). 1.00 TheOnly Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). 2.30Rizzle Kicks – The Hot Desk(R,S,HD). 2.40 Film: Flipper (S)(1996).●● 4.40 Britain’s GotMore Talent: Funniest MomentsEver! LOL Moments (R,S,HD).5.40 Film: Scooby-Doo 2:Monsters Unleashed (S,HD)(2004).●●

7.35 Batman & Robin(S,HD) (1997). The capedcrusader and his sidekicktake on icy villain MrFreeze and seductivefemme fatale Poison Ivy.Comic-book adventure,starring George Clooneyand ArnoldSchwarzenegger.Including FYI Daily.●


10.50 Crazy Beaches (S,HD).1/6. New series. Touristsenjoy life in theinfamous Greek resortof Malia.

11.20 40 Days and 40 Nights(S,HD) (2002). Romanticcomedy, starring JoshHartnett and ShannynSossamon.●●●●

1.15 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.40 FakeReaction (R,S,HD). With CharlotteCrosby, Gemma Cairney, IvoGraham and Louie Spence. 2.15You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.40Rizzle Kicks – The Hot Desk(R,S,HD). 2.50 Teleshopping.Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2Nightscreen (HD).

6.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 15/23.


7.10 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD).8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee(R,S,HD). 10.00 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 10.30 HowI Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).11.30 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big BangTheory (R,S,HD). 3.00 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 4.00Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.00 2Broke Girls (R,S,HD).

7.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 22/22.

7.30 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 6/24.Barney and Robin lieabout how they met.

8.00 The Tomorrow People(R,S,HD). 10/22. Stephenthinks he has an ideaabout what happenedto his father.

12.10 Rude Tube: Rude Tunes(R,S). 1.15 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 2.15 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 2.35 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 3.00 2Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3.25 TheRicky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).3.50 The Ricky Gervais Show(R,S,HD). 4.20 Glee (R,S,HD).

9.00 Aliens (S,HD) (1986).Lone survivor Ripley joinsa military force on amission to face a hordeof the creatures thatwiped out her crew. Sci-fi thriller sequel, withSigourney Weaver andMichael Biehn.●●●●●

6.00Modern Family(R,S,HD). 20/24.


8.00 The Fantasy Football Club.9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 WWESuperstars (HD). A round-up of allthe latest wrestling news. 1.00Glee (R,S,HD). Graduation dayarrives. 2.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). Theadventurer searches for a stonethat can predict the future. 3.00Futurama (R,S). 4.00 ModernFamily (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).17/22. Homer must savehis marriage.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).18/22. Homer is recruitedto be a deacon.

8.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,S,HD). 5/12.Comedian Jimmy Carrand rugby union playerMike Tindall join teamcaptains JamieRedknapp and AndrewFlintoff on the quiz.

10.00 Revolution (S,HD).12/20. The truce isalmost shattered whenRachel makes a grimdiscovery, while theNevilles put theirpolitical plans on thebackburner to spring sonJD from prison.

12.00 A League of Their Own(R,S,HD). 1.00 Karl Pilkington:The Moaning of Life (R,S,HD).2.00 Miami SWAT (R,S,HD). 3.00Armed and Dangerous: UltimateForces (R). 4.00 EmergencyAbroad (R,S,HD). 5.00 EmergencyAbroad (R,S,HD).

11.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,S,HD). 3/10.With Johnny Vegas,Charlotte Jackson andHarry Redknapp.

9.00 Arrow (R,S,HD). 13/23.Nyssa – the daughter ofRa’s al Ghul – arrives inStarling City to bring Saraback to the League,while Laurel struggles tocome to terms with thefact that her sister isalive.

6.40 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.11/13. A quirky reviewof Marbella Belles.

6.00 Keeping Up Appearances(S). 7.40 Goodnight Sweetheart.10.20 One Foot in the Grave (S).1.00 Keeping Up Appearances(S). 3.00 Film: Carry On Teacher(1959). Comedy, starring Ted Ray.●●● 4.45 Jeeves and Wooster(S). Aunt Agatha decides Bertieshould marry. 5.55 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).First episode of the SecondWorldWar comedy, starring Gorden Kaye.

7.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.8/13.

7.35 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.9/13. A quirky look atLemur Island, Wags’Boutique and Lewis.

8.05 Blackadder the Third(S). 4/6. Prince Georgehires two actors toimprove his speech-making.

8.40 Blackadder the Third(S). 5/6.

10.00 Bottom (S). 1/6. The pairtry to improve their sexlives.

10.40 The Young Ones (S).1/6. First episode of theanarchic comedy.

11.30 The League ofGentlemen (S). 1/6. Ahiker visits RoystonVasey.

12.10 Extras (S). Ben Stiller gueststars. 12.50 Extras (S). Ross Kempand Vinnie Jones guest star. 1.25Bottom (S). The pair try to improvetheir sex lives. 1.55 The YoungOnes (S). First episode of theanarchic comedy. 2.30 The Leagueof Gentlemen (S). A hiker visitsRoyston Vasey. 3.00 Close

9.20 Blackadder the Third(S). 6/6. The Duke ofWellington challengesthe prince to a duel.

7.30 Premier League Preview(HD). 8.00 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD). 9.00 Game Changers(HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00FL72 Live (HD). Leyton Orient vBrentford (Kick-off 12.15pm). 2.30Saturday Team Talk (HD). 3.00Soccer Saturday (HD). 5.00 LiveSaturday Night Football (HD).Aston Villa v Chelsea (Kick-off5.30pm).

11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD).Leyton Orient vBrentford.

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (HD).1.00 SNF – Match Choice (HD).Extended highlights from thePremier League. 2.30 SNF – MatchChoice (HD). Extended highlightsfrom the Premier League. 4.00 FL72Highlights (HD). 4.30 SpanishFootball (HD). 5.30 ScottishFootball (HD).

10.00 SNF – Match Choice(HD). Sarah-Jane Meepresents extendedhighlights from thePremier League,allowing viewers toaccess the latest round oftop-flight fixtures,including Sunderland vCrystal Palace.

Batman & Robin, 7.35pm How IMet YourMother, 7pm Revolution, 10pm Blackadder the Third, 8.05pm FL72 Live, 12pm

THE AMERICANS9.20pm, ITVA routine operation goesawry, putting Philip andElizabeth’s children at risk, aswell as their own coveridentities. Spy drama,starring Matthew Rhys, KeriRussell and Noah Emmerich star.

THE RUM DIARY11.05pm, Channel 4Premiere. A New York journalist tires ofAmerica in the early 1960s, and relocates toPuerto Rico. His obsession with a womanwho has also arrived from the States leads tohim getting mixed up in the corrupt dealingsof her property tycoon fiance. Comedydrama, starring Johnny Depp.

8.00 SNF – Game of the Day(HD). Sarah-Jane Meepresents a full re-run ofthe day’s top PremierLeague match.

7.00 Great TVMistakes (R,S).

7.30 Doctor Who(R,S,HD). Part twoof two. TheDoctor tries tomake peacebetween humansand Silurians.

8.20 Top Gear:Burma Special(R,S,HD). Part oneof two. Thepresenters drivelorries throughthe SoutheastAsian country.

9.20 Lara Croft:Tomb Raider(S,HD) (2001).Action adventure,starring AngelinaJolie.●●●

10.55 Family Guy(R,S).


11.40 Family Guy (R,S).12.05 Family Guy (R,S).12.25 Family Guy (R,S).12.45 Family Guy (R,S).1.05 Family Guy (R,S).1.30 Bluestone 42(R,S,HD). 2.00 Pramface(R,S,HD). 2.30 ImpracticalJokers (R,S,HD). 3.00 WhoNeeds Ibiza? The GreatBritish Holiday (R,S,HD).

7.00 Great BarrierReef (R,HD).Creatures thattravel thousandsof miles to visitthe reef. Last inthe series.

8.00 Shipwrecks:Britain’s SunkenHistory (R,HD).The storiesbehindshipwrecks.

9.00 Salamander(HD).

9.40 Salamander(HD). PaulGerardi’s cover iscompromised.Last in the series.

10.30Motown at theBBC (R).Performances bythe label’s artists.

11.30 SmokeyRobinson Livein Hyde Park(HD). A 2013performance bythe soul andMotown legend.

12.30 Sings the RollingStones (R). 1.30 The Skyat Night (R,HD). 2.00Shipwrecks: Britain’sSunken History (R,HD).3.00 Great Barrier Reef(R,HD).

LIMITLESS9pm, Channel 4A failed writer acquiresa drug that increases hisbrain power, but hisnew abilities attractdangerous attention.Sci-fi thriller, starringBradley Cooper.

THE RETURN10.30pm, ITVA woman is plagued bypsychic visions of amurder and becomesconvinced she is goingto be the killer’s nexttarget. Thriller, starringSarah Michelle Gellar.

ITV2 E4 Sky1 GOLD Sky Sports 1 BBC3 BBC4

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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 7.25 Match of theDay (R,S,HD). 9.00 The AndrewMarrShow (S,HD). 10.00 The Big Questions(S,HD). 11.00 Sunday Politics (S). 12.15MOTD2 Extra 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15Bargain Hunt (R,S). 2.00 Formula 1 –Australian Grand Prix Highlights 4.00Deadly on a Mission: Pole to Pole 4.35Lifeline 4.45 Regional Programme 5.15Songs of Praise (S,HD). 5.50 BBC News;Regional News and Weather (S,HD).

7.45 The Voice UK (S). 11/14. Theline-up for the live shows isrevealed as Kylie Minogue, TomJones, Will.i.am and RickyWilson settle on the three actsthey are each taking through tothe quarter-finals.

6.15 Blandings (S,HD). 5/7. Connietries to impress importantvisitor Colonel Fanshawe.

6.45 Countryfile (S,HD). Theaftermath of the floods inSomerset.

9.00 The Musketeers (S,HD). 8/10.See Choices Above.

10.00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather (S,HD).

10.25Match of the Day 2 (S,HD).Mark Chapman presentshighlights of the day’s PremierLeague matches, which wereManchester United v Liverpoolat Old Trafford and TottenhamHotspur v Arsenal at White HartLane.

11.25Minority Report (S,HD) (2002).See Choices Above.●●●●

1.45 Weatherview (S). 1.50 BBC News(S,HD).

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6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 10.25Dickinson’s Real Deal (R). 11.20 ITVNews and Weather (S). 11.30 RiverMonsters (R,S,HD). 12.30 The CrocodileHunter Diaries (R,S). 1.35 All Star FamilyFortunes (R,S). 2.20 Agatha Christie’sMarple (R,S,HD). 4.15 Film: The Man withthe Golden Gun (S,HD) (1974). James Bondadventure, starring Roger Moore andChristopher Lee.●●●

10.30 Sunday Brunch (S). With guestsVicky McClure, Jonny Owen, Boyzone andJohn Newman. 1.25 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). Leonard’s mother visits and he ishorrified to learn that Sheldon knows morethan he does about his own family. 1.50The Simpsons (R,S). 2.50 Deal or No Deal(S,HD). 3.45 Paralympic Winter Games:Closing Ceremony (S). The Gamesconclude in spectacular style at the OlympicStadium in Sochi. 5.55 Channel 4 News (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power RangersSuper Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 PowerRangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.05Chinese Food in Minutes (S). 11.25 Film:Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son(S,HD) (2011).● 1.30 Film: Dr Dolittle 3(S,HD) (2006). ●● 3.20 Film: Arthur andthe Invisibles (S,HD) (2006). Adventure,starring Freddie Highmore.●● 5.05 Film:The Haunted Mansion (S,HD) (2003).Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy.●●

7.00 Catchphrase (S,HD). 1/12. SeeChoices Above.

6.35 Regional News (S); Weather.6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.30 The Floods That Foiled NewYear: Caught on Camera(R,S). The flooding that causedmisery for thousands ofhomeowners across the nation.

6.45 5 News Weekend (S,HD).6.50 Hellboy II: The Golden Army

(S,HD) (2008). Action fantasysequel, starring Ron Perlman.●●●●

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.10.15 You Saw Them Here First

(R,S,HD). 1/2. More TV debutsby some of Britain’s best-knownfaces and long-forgottenfootage from yesteryear, withBrian Blessed, Alison Steadman,Sue Nicholls, Nick Pickard andLesley Joseph.

12.15 The Store. Home shopping. 2.15The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). Thehost takes his successful talk show stateside.3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).The host takes his successful talk showstateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests airtheir differences.

7.30 Live from Space: Lap of thePlanet (S). 3/3. See ChoicesAbove.

10.05 Terminator Salvation (S,HD)(2009). See Choices Above.●●

12.15 Film: Memento (S,HD) (2000).Thriller, starring Guy Pearce.●●●●● 2.10The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 2.55 One BornEvery Minute (R,S). 3.45 Location,Location, Location (R,S,HD). Two familieswho have relocated to Aberdeen for work.4.40 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show. 5.35 Freesports on 4(S,HD).

9.00 Killer Elite (S,HD) (2011).Premiere. A former secret agenttakes on one last mission tosave his mentor, but assassinsare sent to stop him. Actionthriller, with Jason Statham,Clive Owen and Robert De Niro.●●

11.15 On Deadly Ground (S,HD)(1994). Ecological thriller,starring Steven Seagal.●●●

1.15 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Dangerous Drivers’ School(R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky ValleyShow (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S).5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angelsof Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky ValleyShow (R,S). 5.40 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

6.00 Film: I KnowWhere I’m Going!(S,HD) (1945).●●●●● 7.30 Monty Don’sItalian Gardens (R,S,HD). 8.30Countryfile (R,S,HD). 9.25 Gardeners’World (R,S,HD). 9.55 Saturday KitchenBest Bites (S). 11.25 James Martin: HomeComforts (R,S,HD). 12.10 Michel Roux’sService (R,S,HD). 2.10 Film: Rear Window(S,HD) (1954).●●●●● 4.00 Flog It! TradeSecrets (S,HD). 4.30 Collectaholics(R,S,HD). 5.30 The End of the Pier Show

7.00Wild Burma: Nature’s LostKingdom (R,S,HD). 2/3. GordonBuchanan and Justine Evans goin search of the sun bear.

6.00 The Hairy Bikers:Restoration Road Trip(R,S,HD). 1/3. The duo meetpeople restoring machineryfrom the Industrial Revolution.

8.00 Top Gear: Burma Special(S,HD). 7/7. See Choices Above.

9.00 Fast and Fearless: Britain’sBanger Racers (S,HD). 2/2. Parttwo of two. Former championscome out of retirement for theOlly Moran Memorial Race atthe Arena Essex Raceway,competing against the best ofthe younger drivers.

10.00Mock the Week Looks Backat Britain (R,S). 8/10. Anotherthemed selection from theshow’s archives.

10.35 Line of Duty (R,S,HD). 5/6.Arnott uncovers new detailsabout Denton’s personal lifewhich appear to support herclaim that she is being framed.

11.35 The Shooting Party (S) (1985).Period drama, starring EdwardFox.●●●●

11.15 Anglo-Welsh Cup RugbyUnion (HD). Action from thefinal.

1.10 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). 2.05Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Part one oftwo. Ric’s daughter Jess prepares toundergo surgery. 3.05 Sign Zone: Silk(R,S). Martha represents a mother accusedof helping her paralysed daughter to die.4.05 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview ofupcoming programmes.

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8.00 Harry’s South Pole Heroes(S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00Mr Selfridge (S,HD). 9/10.Determined to get Selfridgesback on track, Harry asksDelphine to organise a specialevent in store, but takes a riskby inviting notorious USjournalist Winifred BonfilsBlack.

The Musketeers, 9pm Mock the Week… 10pm Mr Selfridge, 9pm Deal or No Deal, 2.50pm Hellboy II: The Golden… 6.50pm

THE MUSKETEERS9pm, BBC1The sword-swinging quartet are tasked withbringing the fearsome Labarge, a court officialunder arrest for killing two Musketeers, backto Paris, but the Red Guards are resentful oftheir handling of him and a fight breaks outbetween the two regiments. Vinnie Jones gueststars, with Luke Pasqualino.

HARRY’S SOUTH POLEHEROES8pm, ITVPrince Harry joins fourinjured British soldiers on a125-mile expedition in theAntarctic as part of theWalking with the WoundedSouth Pole Allied Challenge 2013.

TOP GEAR: BURMA SPECIAL8pm, BBC2Having forded rivers, climbed mountains andendured a Burmese trucker stop, JeremyClarkson, Richard Hammond and James Maymust now venture into the Shan state, anarea riven by civil war and normally closed toWestern TV crews, as they take their lorriestoward Thailand and their final challenge.

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.25Coronation Street (R,S,HD).12.00 Britain’s Got More Talent:Funniest Moments Ever! LOLMoments (R,S,HD). 1.00 You’veBeen Framed! 2.00 Film: Babe:Pig in the City (S,HD) (1998).●●●3.55 Ant & Dec’s Saturday NightTakeaway (R,S,HD). 5.20 Film:About a Boy (S,HD) (2002).●●●●

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex(S,HD). 7/12.

10.50 Party Wright Aroundthe World (R,S,HD). 3/6.See Choices Above.

11.50 The Big Reunion 2014(R,S,HD). 6/8. Damagereunite – with explosiveresults.

12.50 Mom (R,S,HD). Baxter setsup camp on the driveway. 1.15Mom (R,S,HD). 1.40 The VampireDiaries (R,S,HD). Stefan informsthe others about Katherine’sdeclining health. 2.25 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 2.50Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

BBC1

CATCHPHRASE7pm, ITVStephen Mulhernhosts the game show,asking threecontestants to ‘see itand say it’ as they tryto guess the familiarphrases hidden in animated clues.


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9.00 Killer Elite (S,HD) (2011).Premiere. A former secret agenttakes on one last mission tosave his mentor, but assassinsare sent to stop him. Actionthriller, with Jason Statham,Clive Owen and Robert De Niro.●●

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.25Coronation Street (R,S,HD).12.00 Britain’s Got More Talent:Funniest Moments Ever! LOLMoments (R,S,HD). 1.00 You’veBeen Framed! 2.00 Film: Babe:Pig in the City (S,HD) (1998).●●●3.55 Ant & Dec’s Saturday NightTakeaway (R,S,HD). 5.20 Film:About a Boy (S,HD) (2002).●●●●

7.15Mr Bean’s Holiday(S,HD) (2007). Thebumbling fool wins atrip to France in thechurch raffle, only tocause chaos when he isaccused of kidnapping ayoungster. Comedy,starring RowanAtkinson andWillemDafoe. Including FYIDaily.●●

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex(S,HD). 7/12.

10.50 Party Wright Aroundthe World (R,S,HD). 3/6.See Choices Above.


12.50 Mom (R,S,HD). Baxter setsup camp on the driveway. 1.15Mom (R,S,HD). 1.40 The VampireDiaries (R,S,HD). Stefan informsthe others about Katherine’sdeclining health. 2.25 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 2.50Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 Educating Joey Essex(S,HD). Phillip Schofieldnarrates as former TheOnly Way is Essex regularand endearingly naiveJoey Essex heads out ofhis comfort zone to thewilds of South Africa.

6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(R,S,HD). 9/22.


6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 Make Itor Break It (R,S,HD). 7.15 UglyBetty (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed(R,S). 9.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hollyoaks(R,S,HD). 12.35 Revenge (R,S,HD).1.35 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 2.30 2Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3.30 The BigBang Theory (R,S,HD). 4.00 TheTomorrow People (R,S,HD). 5.00Troy (R,S,HD).


7.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 18/23. Sheldontakes charge of Penny’shair accessories business.

8.00Mission: Impossible(S,HD) (1996). A secretagent is accused ofbetraying his fellowspies, and sets out on amission to clear hisname. Action thrillerbased on the 1960s TVseries, with Tom Cruiseand Jon Voight.●●●●

10.15 Rude Tube: RudeTunes (R,S). 5/6. AlexZane focuses on music-makers who have shotto stardom thanks tothe internet, includingGeorge W Bushapparently performinga cover of a U2 song.

12.20 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 12.50 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 1.20 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 1.50 Rulesof Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.20Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).2.40 The Cleveland Show(R,S,HD). 3.05 The ClevelandShow (R,S,HD). 3.25 Hollyoaks

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S).14/22.


6.00 Hour of Power (HD). 7.00Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 AshleyBanjo’s Secret Street Crew(R,S,HD). 9.30 The MonumentsMen Special (R,S). 10.00 WWESuperstars (R,HD). 11.00 WWE:Experience (HD). 12.00 Sinbad(R,S,HD). 1.00 Futurama (R,S). 2.00The Monuments Men Special(R,S). 2.30 Modern Family 5.30Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (R,S).

7.00 Cosmos: A SpacetimeOdyssey (HD). 1/13.New series.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).11/22. Marge and Homermake plans for thefuture.

8.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).17/22. Homer enrols on afathering enrichmentcourse.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(S,HD). 8/24. Callen andthe team discover astolen anti-terroristdevice is being held atthe Russian Consulate,so they decide to stagean off-the-booksoperation to prevent anattack on LA.

12.00 Armed and Dangerous:Ultimate Forces (R,S). 1.00 StreetCrime UK (R,S). 1.30 Street CrimeUK (R,S). 2.00 Street Crime UK(R,S). 2.30 Street Crime UK (R,S).3.00 Street Crime UK (R,S). 3.30Street Crime UK (R,S). 4.00Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD). 5.00Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD).

11.00 Armed andDangerous: UltimateForces (R,S). 6/8. ChrisRyan joins Israel’s bordersecurity force.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD).9/24. The remains of asecret service agent turnup in a barrel, heraldinga deadly plot to kill thePresident, whileMcGarrett has a surprisein store when hiscolourful Aunt Deb visits.

6.30 Blackadder the Third(S). 6/6. The Duke ofWellington challengesthe prince to a duel.

6.15 Keeping Up Appearances(S). 7.55 One Foot in the Grave(S). 10.35 Film: Carry On Teacher(1959). Comedy, starring Ted Ray,Kenneth Connor, Charles Hawtreyand Kenneth Williams.●●● 12.20The Vicar of Dibley (S). 3.10Keeping Up Appearances (S).5.15 Blackadder the Third PrinceGeorge hires two actors to improvehis speech-making. (S).

7.10 The Vicar of Dibley (S).8/8. The villagerscelebrate Christmas.

8.15 The Vicar of Dibley (S).1/4. Geraldine receives asurprise visitor.

10.00 Extras (S). 1/6. BenStiller guest stars.

10.40 Extras (S). 2/6. RossKemp and Vinnie Jonesguest star.

11.20 Nighty Night (S). 1/6.First episode of the blackcomedy, starring JuliaDavis.

12.00 Getting On. Kim tries toprogress through her training.12.40 Rev (S). The new teacher atthe church school turns out to be anatheist. 1.20 Nighty Night (S).1.50 Getting On. 2.20 Rev (S). Thenew teacher at the church schoolturns out to be an atheist. 3.00Close

9.05 The Vicar of Dibley (S).2/4. Alice suggests anunconventional nativityplay.

6.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 7.00Scottish Football (HD). 7.30Champions League Weekly (HD).8.00 Game Changers (HD). 9.00The Sunday Supplement (HD).10.30 Goals on Sunday (HD).12.30 Live Super Sunday (HD).Manchester United v Liverpool(Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live SuperSunday (HD). Tottenham Hotspur vArsenal (Kick-off 4.00pm).

7.00 Football’s GreatestTeams. 4/16.

7.30 Football’s GreatestTeams. 2/16.

11.30 Spanish Football Gold(HD). Real Madrid vBarcelona.

11.45 Spanish Football Gold(HD). Real Madrid vBarcelona.

12.00 Spanish Football (HD). 1.00Champions League Weekly (HD).1.30 Football’s Greatest (S). 2.00Champions League Weekly (HD).2.30 Super Rugby Try Time (HD).3.00 Spanish Football (HD). 4.00Champions League Weekly (HD).4.30 Spanish Football Gold (HD).4.45 Spanish Football Gold (HD).

10.00 Football Special (HD).Manchester United vLiverpool and TottenhamHotspur v Arsenal.Highlights of the PremierLeague matches at OldTrafford andWhite HartLane respectively.

Educating Joey Essex, 9pm Mission: Impossible, 8pm Hawaii Five-0, 9pm The Vicar of Dibley, 7.10pm Live Super Sunday, 12.30pm

LIVE FROM SPACE: LAPOF THE PLANET7.30pm, Channel 4Astronauts on board theInternational Space Stationcomplete a live 90-minuteorbit of Earth, while DermotO’Leary is with the teamproviding support in Houston.

PARTY WRIGHT AROUND THE WORLD10.50pm, ITV2Mark Wright gets a taste of aristocratic life,living for a week with Benjamin Slade andhis 20-year-old godson Arthur at MaunselHouse in Somerset. Mark spends most of thetime on a crash course in becoming a countrygent, attempting croquet, horse riding andshooting before taking on the task in hand.

11.15My Mad Fat Diary(R,S,HD). 4/7. Liam’s newgirlfriend Amy threatensto beat up Rae.

8.00 Live Spanish Football(HD). Real Sociedad vValencia (Kick-off8.00pm). Coverage of theLa Liga clash at theAnoeta Stadium.

7.00 Great MovieMistakes 2: TheSequel (R,S).

7.20 Alice inWonderland(S,HD) (2010).Fantasyadventure,starring MiaWasikowska.●●●

9.00 RussellHoward’s GoodNews (R,S,HD).The appointmentof the EnglandManager. Firstaired in 2012.

9.30 RussellHoward’s GoodNews (R,S).

10.00 Family Guy(R,S,HD).

10.25 Family Guy (R,S).10.45 Bluestone 42

(R,S,HD).11.15 American Dad!

(R,S).11.40 American Dad!12.00 Wilfred (S,HD).12.25 Wilfred (S,HD).12.45 Wilfred (S,HD). 1.05Wilfred (S,HD). 1.30 BadEducation (R,S,HD). 2.00Ja’mie: Private SchoolGirl (R,S,HD). 2.30Pramface (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Golden Ageof SteamRailways (R,HD).Part two of two.Further efforts torescue Britain’sstandard gaugerailways.

8.00 Oh Do Shut UpDear! MaryBeard on thePublic Voice ofWomen (HD).

9.00 Timewatch: QE2– The FinalVoyage Thefarewell journeyof RMS QueenElizabeth 2. (R).

10.00 Coco Chanel &Igor Stravinsky(HD) (2009).Premiere. Fact-based drama,with AnnaMouglalis andMads Mikkelsen.●●●

11.50 Britain on Film:DedicatedFollowers ofFashion (R).

12.20 The Byrd Who FlewAlone 1.50 CaliforniaComes to the WhistleTest 2.50 Oh Do Shut UpDear! Mary Beard on thePublic Voice of Women

TERMINATORSALVATION10.05pm, Channel 4In the future, resistancefighter John Connorleads a war against thedeadly robots that havetaken over the world.With Christian Bale.

MINORITY REPORT11.25pm, BBC1A cop goes on the runwhen three supposedlyinfallible psychicsforetell he is about tokill a man he has neverheard of. Sci-fi thriller,starring Tom Cruise.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters(S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer(R,S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food(S,HD). 11.45 Watchdog Test House (S,HD).12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBCNews; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 RegionalNews (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD).2.15 Perfection (S,HD). 3.00 Escape to theCountry (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin’s FoodMap of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It!Trade Secrets (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hostedby Matt Baker and Jo Brand.

7.30 Bang Goes the Theory (S,HD).The team gauges the fightagainst cancer. Followed by BBCNews; Regional News.

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Katagonises over giving falseevidence at the trial.

8.30 The Great NHS Robbery –Panorama (S,HD). Allegationsof fraud in and against theNHS.

9.00 Silk (S,HD). 4/6. Martha takeson the US government byrepresenting a young manfighting extradition to Americaon terrorism charges. Amystruggles to cope and Carolinegets out of her depth.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S); Weather.10.35 The Michael McIntyre Chat

Show (S,HD). 2/6. See ChoicesAbove.

11.20 Regional Programme (S).11.50 Regional Programme

(R,S,HD).


11

12

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). With singer Sophie Ellis-Bextor. 1.30ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV NewsWest Country (S). 2.00 Auf WiedersehenMy Pet (S,HD). New series. Pets looking fora new home. 3.00 The Alan TitchmarshShow (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme(S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 TheChase (S,HD).

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace(R,S,HD). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in the Sun:Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: SecretAgent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Coach Trip(R,S,HD). 12.40 River Cottage Bites (R,S,HD).12.50 Film: Ride the High Country (S,HD) (1962).See Choices Above.●●●● 2.40 Countdown(S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four ina Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A pensioner isrushed to the intensive care unit. 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: TheAccidental Witness (S) (2006). Thriller,starring Natasha GregsonWagner andCurrie Graham.●● 5.00 5 News at 5(S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Cain triesto stop Belle from telling Seanthe truth.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Timis worried to learn that Kevin isreturning to the Street.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 20/22.Bart catches a virus.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Maxine isunnerved by Sienna’s obsessivemission.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Sean puts Andy under morepressure to retract histestimony.

6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).10.30 ITV News West Country (S);

Weather.10.35 The Agenda (S,HD). 6/10. Tom

Bradby and guests look to theweek ahead.

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly(S,HD). A look ahead to the last-16 second-leg ties. 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA(R,S). The host takes his successful talk showstateside. 4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests airtheir differences.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).7.55 The Political Slot (S). With

Conservative Party ChairmanGrant Shapps.

8.00 Food: What’s Really in YourTrolley? – Channel 4Dispatches (S). MorlandSanders investigates food fraud.

8.30 Shop Secrets: Tricks of theTrade (S,HD). 1/8. New series.Sales techniques used by shops,market stalls and restaurants.

9.00 One Born Every Minute (S).4/10. See Choices Above.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (S). 5/9.Jimmy Carr hosts the comedypanel show.

10.50 Gogglebox (R,S). 2/12. Someof Britain’s most opinionatedand avid viewers share theirthoughts on the ParalympicWinter Games, Call theMidwife, Secret Eaters, Dancingon Ice and The Taste.

12.50 Random Acts (S). 12.55 Scandal(R,S,HD). 1.40 Hostages (R,S,HD). 2.30 TheGood Wife (R,S,HD). 3.15 One BornEvery Minute (R,S). A woman carryingtriplets is booked for an emergencyCaesarean. Last in the series. 4.10Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD).Three workers search for homes in London.5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD).Jason Bradbury and RachelRiley take a look at 3Dprojectors. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD).See Choices Above. Followed by5 News at 9.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take ItAway! (S,HD). 4/4. Paul Bohilland Steve Pinner face sometough decisions when they aretasked with repossessing ahouse in which a woman isliving with two very youngchildren. Last in the series.

11.00 Talladega Nights: The Balladof Ricky Bobby (S) (2006). SeeChoices Above.●●●

10.00 The Big “Can’t Pay” DebtDebate: Live (S,HD). Adiscussion on issues raised inthe series that gave an insightinto the world of debtcollection from the perspectivesof debtors, creditors and thosewho collect the payments.

1.05 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 The Hitchhiker Slayer:Born to Kill? (R,S,HD). A psychologicalprofile of American serial killer Thor NisChristiansen. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S).4.20 House Doctor (R,S). An Edinburghmansion gets a makeover. 4.45HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS(R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

6.05 Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food(R,S,HD). 6.35 Homes Under the Hammer(R,S,HD). 7.35 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD). 8.20Sign Zone 10.35 Click (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBCNews (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD).12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The A to Z of TVCooking (R,S,HD). 1.20 War Walks (R,S). 1.50British Isles: A Natural History (R,S). 2.40Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.45 ’Allo ’Allo!(R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

7.00 Top Gear: Burma Special(R,S,HD). 7/7. Part two of two.Jeremy Clarkson, RichardHammond and James Mayventure into a state riven bycivil war. Last in the series.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). 16/30. Spin-off from thepopular quiz.

6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (S,HD).11/15. Louise Minchin andMartin Roberts compete.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD).34/37. The quarter-finalmatches conclude.

8.30Mary Berry Cooks (S,HD). 3/6.The perfect Sunday lunch.

9.00 The Plantagenets (S,HD). 1/3.See Choices Above.

10.00 The Culture Show: TonyParsons – The Art of Boxing(S,HD). Leading cultural figureswho were boxing enthusiasts.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followedby Weather.

11.20 Fast and Fearless: Britain’sBanger Racers (R,S,HD). 2/2.Part two of two. Formerchampions come out ofretirement for a memorial race.

11.05 The Secret Mediterraneanwith Trevor McDonald(R,S,HD). 3/4. The broadcastervisits Italy, Spain and Morocco.

11.50 Troy (S,HD). 5/6. The magiciangoes on an unusual shoppingspree.

12.20 Sign Zone: The Great Sport ReliefBake Off (R,S). 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S).4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD). 4.00Schools – Acting Around Words (S,HD).4.30 Schools – Writing for Walford(S,HD). 5.00 Schools – Play On! (S,HD).5.30 i.am.Will Shakespeare (S,HD). 5.55Wonders of Nature: Birds of Paradise(S,HD).

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8.00 I Never Knew That AboutBritain (S,HD). 3/8. Why thenation drives on the left.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Timtells Sally he is scared she willreunite with Kevin when hereturns.

9.00 The Widower (S,HD). 1/3. SeeChoices Above.

The One Show, 7pm Mary Berry Cooks, 8.30pm The Agenda, 10.35pm Food… 8pm The Gadget Show, 7pm

ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE9pm, Channel 4Cheryl, who has cerebral palsy, must overcome atraumatic turn of events in theatre, while Sarahand Mark put their footballing differences asidein the birth room. A five-year fertility journey isalmost over for first-time mother Zoe and herpartner Anthony and they’re ready to savourevery moment of her labour.

THE PLANTAGENETS9pm, BBC2In this new series, RobertBartlett tells the story ofEngland’s longest-rulingroyal dynasty, beginning byexamining how Henry IIforged an empire afterascending the throne in 1154.

POLICE INTERCEPTORS8pm, Channel 5Sergeant Baxter strikes it lucky when aroutine check on a car uncovers a case ofsuspected drug dealing, and things turnnasty when three men are arrested onsuspicion of theft. Elsewhere, a petrol thief’sstealing spree comes to a halt after a high-speed pursuit.

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THE MICHAELMCINTYRE CHATSHOW10.35pm, BBC1The funnyman meetspresenter JeremyClarkson, actor DavidJason and StrictlyCome Dancing champion Abbey Clancy.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A pensioner isrushed to the intensive care unit. 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: TheAccidental Witness (S) (2006). Thriller,starring Natasha GregsonWagner andCurrie Graham.●● 5.00 5 News at 5(S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD).Jason Bradbury and RachelRiley take a look at 3Dprojectors. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD).See Choices Above. Followed by5 News at 9.

11.00 Talladega Nights: The Balladof Ricky Bobby (S) (2006). SeeChoices Above.●●●

10.00 The Big “Can’t Pay” DebtDebate: Live (S,HD). Adiscussion on issues raised inthe series that gave an insightinto the world of debtcollection from the perspectivesof debtors, creditors and thosewho collect the payments.

POLICE INTERCEPTORS8pm, Channel 5Sergeant Baxter strikes it lucky when aroutine check on a car uncovers a case ofsuspected drug dealing, and things turnnasty when three men are arrested onsuspicion of theft. Elsewhere, a petrol thief’sstealing spree comes to a halt after a high-speed pursuit.

7.25 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 8.00Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.00 The RealHousewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).10.30 The Real Housewives of NewJersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 CoronationStreet (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S). 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (S,HD).5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Harry Hill narratescamcorder calamities.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Theatricalcalamities.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).7/30. Potential suitorswoo a single man fromCarmarthenshire.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 11/19. Charlieoffers Alan advice onending his relationship.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12/19. Rosereturns from England.

10.00 The 40 Year-Old Virgin(S,HD) (2005). A manwho has never had sex isset up on a series ofdates, only to fall for awoman who does notwant a physicalrelationship. Comedy,starring Steve Carell andCatherine Keener.●●●

12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.50 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). 1.20 The Only WayIs Essex (R,S,HD). Realityprogramme following a group ofpeople in Essex. 2.00 Life’sFunniest Moments (R). 2.20Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00Mom (S,HD). 13/22.Christy suffers an injury.

9.30Mom (S,HD). 14/22.Christy and Bonniediscover hurtful secretsabout each other.



8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Made inChelsea (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl(R,S,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project(R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big BangTheory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD).3.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.00Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Dirktries to take the blamefor Browning’s death.


8.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(R,S,HD). 9/22. Jake’sfavourite pizzeria burnsdown.

8.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD).6/24. Caroline throwsaway one of Max’streasured belongings.

10.00My Mad Fat Diary(S,HD). 5/7. Rae demandsto be treated like anadult and decides to stayout late and push theboundaries at home.However, things turnnasty when shebefriends a group ofolder boys.

12.00 Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.00 TheTomorrow People (R,S,HD). 2.00The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).2.20 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 2.45One Tree Hill (R,S,HD). 3.25 Madein Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.20 UglyBetty (R,S,HD). Christina learnswho fathered the baby she iscarrying for Wilhelmina.

9.00 Revenge (S,HD). 11/22.Victoria becomes a primesuspect for the shootingafter she blacks out andcannot account for herwhereabouts on thenight of the wedding.


6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).2/22. Bart is placed onmedication.

6.00 UK Border Force (R,S,HD).7.00 Airline USA (R,S). 8.00Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00Futurama (R,S). 10.00 HawaiiFive-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: LosAngeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Harrow: AVery British School (R,S,HD). 3.00Greggs: More Than Meats thePie (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S).5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30Modern Family (R,S,HD).


7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).3/22. Milhouse’sestranged parentsconsider a reconciliation.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S).5/22. Marge buys atandem.

8.30Modern Family (S,HD).6/24. Gloria hires a malenanny to look afterManny.

10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). 8/10.Emma falls even harderfor Marcus, Ben issuspended from school,and the police let Lukego – but he can’t escapethe suspicions of thosearound him.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).Sam traces the leader of a Yemeniterrorist group. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 3.00 Miami SWAT(R,S,HD). 4.00 Harrow: A VeryBritish School (R,S,HD). 5.00Greggs: More Than Meats thePie (R,S,HD).

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 17/24. Deeks isshot during a robbery ata shop.

9.00Moone Boy (S,HD). 5/6.See Choices Above.

9.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).3/22. Homer is paralysedby a venomous spider.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 3/11. Gueststarring RoyBarraclough.

7.25 Steptoe and Son (S). 8.05 ’Allo’Allo! (S). 9.15 As Time Goes By (S).9.55 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.35One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.15Waiting for God (S). 11.55 Last of theSummer Wine (S). 1.15 To the ManorBorn (S). 1.50 Steptoe and Son (S).2.30 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time GoesBy (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart.5.00 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.40Last of the Summer Wine (S).

7.00 Bring Me Morecambe& Wise (S). 1/5. Tributeto the comedy doubleact, featuring clips fromsome of their earliest TVperformances.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.8/13. Comic review of TVfavourites.

8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.9/13. A quirky look atLemur Island, Wags’Boutique and Lewis.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 3/6. A retiredjeweller offers Del-Boythe deal of a lifetime –then suddenly has aheart attack and getstaken to hospital withthe merchandise still inhis briefcase.

11.15Men Behaving Badly(S). 6/7. Gary plays nurseto Dorothy.

11.55 Early Doors (S). 5/6.Joan and Eddie celebratetheir anniversary.

12.35 Absolutely Fabulous (S).Edina installs a flotation tank. 1.10Men Behaving Badly (S). Garyplays nurse to Dorothy. 1.40 EarlyDoors (S). Joan and Eddie celebratetheir anniversary. 2.10 AbsolutelyFabulous (S). Edina installs aflotation tank. 3.00 Close

9.00 The Two RonniesSketchbook (S). 2/7.Messrs Corbett andBarker reminisce aboutsketches including GarlicBreath Party and SwedishMade Simple. AlisonMoyet guests.

6.30 FL72 Review. A round-up of recent matches.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD).9.00 Football Special (HD). 10.30Football Gold (S,HD). 10.45 FootballLeague Gold (S,HD). 11.00 SpanishFootball (HD). 12.00 Scottish Football(HD). 12.30 Football League Gold (S,HD).1.00 Football Special (HD). 2.30 SpanishFootball (HD). 3.30 Scottish Football(HD). 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club(HD). 4.30 Game Changers (HD). 5.30Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).

7.30 FL72 Live (HD). PrestonNorth End v SheffieldUnited (Kick-off 7.45pm).Coverage of the LeagueOne fixture at Deepdale,where the Lilywhiteswelcome the Blades.

11.00 FL72 Review. A round-up of recent matches.

12.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 12.30FL72 Highlights (HD). 1.30Sporting Heroes: Dickie DaviesInterviews Tom Finney (HD). 2.30Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).3.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 4.00FL72 Highlights (HD). 5.00Sporting Heroes: Dickie DaviesInterviews Tom Finney (HD).

10.00 Sporting Heroes:Dickie DaviesInterviews Tom Finney(HD). A chat with thelate former footballplayer, who played forPreston North End in the1940s, 50s and 60s, andrepresented England on76 occasions.

The 40 Year-Old Virgin, 10pm MyMad Fat Diary, 10pm Modern Family, 8.30pm Harry Hill’s TV Burp, 8pm FL72 Live, 7.30pm

THE WIDOWER9pm, ITVFact-based drama, starringReece Shearsmith andSheridan Smith. Mild-mannered nurse MalcolmWebster sets about poisoningand murdering his first wife,before moving on to a new bride.

MOONE BOY9pm, Sky1With Fidelma and Dessie’s big day just aweek away, the Moone household is grippedby wedding fever – until travellers move intothe field next door. Martin is intrigued bythe arrivals, especially new classmate Majella,with whom he soon becomes more than justgood friends.


11.30 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 6/24.Lily and Marshallstruggle to agree onbaby names.

7.00 Hotel of Mumand Dad(R,S,HD). Twocouples fromNorwich moveinto their ownhomes.

8.00 JuniorParamedics(R,S,HD). Thestudents reachthe halfway pointof theirplacements.

9.00 Life and DeathRow (S,HD). Newseries. A look atcapitalpunishmentthrough the eyesof young people.

10.00 Prostitution:What’s theHarm? Youngpeople’s attitudesto prostitution.(S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S).11.25 Family Guy (R,S).11.45 American Dad!

(R,S).12.05 Life and Death Row(R,S,HD). 1.05 EastEnders(R,S,HD). 1.35 Prostitution:What’s the Harm?(R,S,HD). 2.35 GoingNative (R,S,HD). 3.00 Lifeand Death Row (R,S).

7.00World NewsToday (HD);Weather.

7.30 Great BritishRailwayJourneys (R,HD).


8.30 Only ConnectSpecial: SportRelief (HD).

9.00 TB: Return ofthe Plague (HD).The cripplingeffects of multi-drug-resistanttuberculosis.

10.30 FossilWonderlands:Nature’s HiddenTreasures (R,HD).Professor RichardFortey travels tofossil sites tolearn about thedistant past.

11.30 Classic AlbumsElvis Presley’sdebut album. (R).

12.20 Only ConnectSpecial: Sport Relief(R,HD). 12.50 The Walshes(R,HD). 1.20 Brushing UpOn – British Beaches (R).1.50 More Old JewsTelling Jokes (R). 2.20 TB:Return of the Plague (R).

TALLADEGA NIGHTS:THE BALLAD OFRICKY BOBBY11pm, Channel 5A racing champion isforced to move back inwith his parents.Comedy, with WillFerrell and John C Reilly.

RIDE THE HIGHCOUNTRY12.50pm, Channel 4A marshal hires hisformer partner to helpprotect a gold shipment.Sam Peckinpah’s Western,with Joel McCrea andRandolph Scott.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters(S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer(S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD).11.45 Watchdog Test House (S,HD). 12.15Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News;Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S)1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection(S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD).3.45 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain(R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! Trade Secrets(S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD).Presented by Matt Baker and JoBrand.

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Staceyrushes to stop Kat lying incourt. Followed by BBC News.


8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 23/52.See Choices Above.

9.00 Shetland (S,HD). 2/6.See Choices Above.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.10.35 Keeping Britain Safe 24/7

(S,HD). 3/4. The unsung heroesof spring, from the Scottishengineers restoring power afterseasonal storms to the Midlandstrauma centre staff dealingwith sporting injuries.

11.35 Swansea: Living on theStreets (S). 2/3. A homelessman sleeping in local residents’lofts.


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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). With guest Mark Wright. 1.30 ITVNews and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV NewsWest Country (S). 2.00 Auf WiedersehenMy Pet (S,HD). A woman looks for a newowner for her thoroughbred horse. 3.00The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59Regional Programme (S). 4.00 TippingPoint (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in theSun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil:Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD).12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary(S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35Hugh’s 3 Good Things: Best Bites(R,S,HD). 12.50 Film: Bend of the River(S,HD) (1952).●●●● 2.40 Countdown(S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine withMe (R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). The GungateHotel in Tamworth, Staffordshire. 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). Two agents aremurdered. 3.15 Film: Cries in the Dark (S)(2006). Thriller, starring Eva La Rue.●●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Davidlearns Alicia already knewabout Priya’s eating disorder.

7.30 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (S,HD). Chelsea vGalatasaray (Kick-off 7.45pm).Adrian Chiles presents coverageof the last-16 second-leg clashat Stamford Bridge, where thescore is level at 1-1 followingthe opener in Istanbul. TheBlues took an early lead in thatencounter thanks to FernandoTorres, but the Turkishchampions fought back with asecond-half equaliser fromAurelien Chedjou. However,the Londoners will be confidentof making home advantagecount and progressing to thequarter-finals, despite the likelypresence of former Chelsea starDidier Drogba up front for thevisitors. See Choices Above.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 21/22.6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Dirk tries to

take the blame for Browning’sdeath.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Sean takes Sasha hostage.

6.30 The Big “Can’t Pay” DebtDebate (S,HD). A discussion onissues raised in the series.


Weather.10.35 UEFA Champions League:

Extra Time (S,HD). Chelsea vGalatasaray and Real Madrid vSchalke 04. Matt Smith presentsaction from the last-16 second-leg ties at Stamford Bridge andthe Bernabeu respectively.

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). With guestMark Wright. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD).Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air theirdifferences.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).7.55 The Political Slot (S). The

SNP’s Aileen Campbell discussesScottish independence.

8.00 Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds(S,HD). 4/7. See Choices Above.

9.00 Food Prices: The ShockingTruth (S,HD). 1/2. Part one oftwo. Jimmy Doherty goes on aglobal journey exploring thecost of food, revealing theevents that have affected theprice of British favourites suchas beef and bread.

10.00 Undercover Doctor: CureMe, I’m Gay (S,HD). ChristianJessen investigates andundertakes a range ofcontroversial gay “cures” in theUK and US, from old-schoolaversion therapy to modern-day “rehabilitation”techniques.

12.00 Random Acts (S). 12.05 Poker (S).The Pokerstars.com EPT Super High Rollerevent in London. 1.05 KOTV BoxingWeekly (S). 1.30 Trans World Sport (R,S).2.25 Volleyball (S). 3.20 Freesports on 4(R,S,HD). 3.45 Mobil 1 (R,S). 4.10 SecretRemovers (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal(R,S,HD).

7.00 Highland Emergency(R,S,HD). 27/30. RAF Rescue 137responds to the scene of amassive car crash.

7.30 Police 5 (S,HD).

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). Aholidaymaker is rushed tohospital suffering from asuspected stroke, and a youngman’s 21st birthdaycelebrations are brought to anabrupt halt after a fall.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Mentalist (S,HD). 12/22.Jane helps the FBI investigatethe murder of a hi-techcartographer consulting for thePentagon who had been givena lethal cocktail of drugs thatcaused his heart to fail.

11.55 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 11/20.A bride falls to her death on herwedding day.

10.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (S,HD). 7/24. A woman’sbody is found at an industriallaundry.

10.55 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 10/20.Megan investigates when arecent lottery winner is foundstabbed to death in his flat.

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 It Takes a Thief to Catch aThief (R,S,HD). Richard Taylor andWillDavies help a designer clothing chain. 4.00House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor(R,S). A split-level bungalow in Perthshire.4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 WildlifeSOS (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’s WildChallenge (R,S).

9.05 Sign Zone: Great British GardenRevival (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: GreatBritish Railway Journeys (R,S). 10.35HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News(S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD).12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The SuperLeague Show (S). 1.45 British Isles: ANatural History (R,S). 2.35 Cagney &Lacey (R,S). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 ’Allo’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage AntiquesRoadshow (S).

7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD).25&26/30. Catherine Southonand David Harper head toSeaton, Devon, for an auctionshowdown.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). 17/30.

6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (S,HD).12/15. Teams captained byMark Durden-Smith and DannyBaker compete.

8.00 The Great British SewingBee (S,HD). 5/8. See ChoicesAbove.

9.00 An Hour to Save Your Life(S,HD). 3/3. Medics fight to savethe lives of a critically injuredmotorcyclist, a 77-year-oldwoman who has had asuspected stroke, and a treesurgeon who fell 20 feet. Lastin the series.

10.00 The Sarah MillicanTelevision Programme(R,S,HD). 3/6. With guests DavidHarewood, MatthewMorrisonand Diarmuid Gavin.


11.20 Viking Art: A Culture ShowSpecial (R,S,HD). AndrewGraham-Dixon explores theVikings: Life and Legendexhibition at the BritishMuseum.

11.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries(R,S). An emu runs wild on abusy road.

11.00 Coppers (R,S). 2/5. Trafficofficers in Cambridgeshire offeran insight into their jobs.

12.20 Sign Zone: The Great Sport ReliefBake Off (R,S). With Kirsty Young, JaneHorrocks, Greg Rutherford and JasonGardiner. 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). Previewof upcoming programmes. 4.00 BBCLearning Zone (S,HD).

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EastEnders, 7.30pm Emmerdale, 7pm Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds, 8pm Police 5, 7.30pm

HOLBY CITY8pm, BBC1Guy is pulled up before the board after Zosiabacks a complaint against him, but when shebegins to crumble, it seems the CEO is moreinterested in protecting his daughter’s careerthan his own. Ric is also in trouble after coveringfor Jess’s part in the hit-and-run, although sheseems unwilling to let her father take the blame.

THE GREAT BRITISHSEWING BEE8pm, BBC2The six contestants aretested on their ability towork with fabric that isdifficult to sew, having tomake a nylon anorak, andfashioning a pair of trousers to fit themselves.

KIRSTIE’S BEST OF BOTH WORLDS8pm, Channel 4Kirstie Allsopp meets Nick and Nikki, who arelooking for a new home no more than 30minutes away from Bristol’s SouthmeadHospital, where Nick is an anaesthetist.Currently his commute takes up to threehours a day, but when on-call he needs toget to work quickly.

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SHETLAND9pm, BBC1The first of three two-part stories concludes.DI Jimmy Perez and histeam are finally closingin on the killer whenthey discover a hidingplace in the victims’ old home.


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The biggest and bestshopping destination inthe South West is righton your doorstep.

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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). The GungateHotel in Tamworth, Staffordshire. 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). Two agents aremurdered. 3.15 Film: Cries in the Dark (S)(2006). Thriller, starring Eva La Rue.●●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Sean takes Sasha hostage.

6.30 The Big “Can’t Pay” DebtDebate (S,HD). A discussion onissues raised in the series.

7.00 Highland Emergency(R,S,HD). 27/30. RAF Rescue 137responds to the scene of amassive car crash.

7.30 Police 5 (S,HD).

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). Aholidaymaker is rushed tohospital suffering from asuspected stroke, and a youngman’s 21st birthdaycelebrations are brought to anabrupt halt after a fall.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Mentalist (S,HD). 12/22.Jane helps the FBI investigatethe murder of a hi-techcartographer consulting for thePentagon who had been givena lethal cocktail of drugs thatcaused his heart to fail.

11.55 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 11/20.A bride falls to her death on herwedding day.

10.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (S,HD). 7/24. A woman’sbody is found at an industriallaundry.

10.55 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 10/20.Megan investigates when arecent lottery winner is foundstabbed to death in his flat.

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 It Takes a Thief to Catch aThief (R,S,HD). Richard Taylor andWillDavies help a designer clothing chain. 4.00House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor(R,S). A split-level bungalow in Perthshire.4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 WildlifeSOS (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’s WildChallenge (R,S).

KIRSTIE’S BEST OF BOTH WORLDS8pm, Channel 4Kirstie Allsopp meets Nick and Nikki, who arelooking for a new home no more than 30minutes away from Bristol’s SouthmeadHospital, where Nick is an anaesthetist.Currently his commute takes up to threehours a day, but when on-call he needs toget to work quickly.

9.30 The Real Housewives ofAtlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey(R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10The Real Housewives of NewJersey (S,HD). 5.05 MillionaireMatchmaker (S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Harry Hill narratescamcorder calamities.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Comical clips,narrated by Harry Hill.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).5/30. Liverpudlian Johnpicks three blind dates.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 13/19. Alandates one of Judith’sfriends.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 14/19. Charlieand Jake go on a doubledate.


10.50 American Pie 2 (S,HD)(2001). See ChoicesAbove.●●●

12.55 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Alan dates one of Judith’sfriends. 1.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Charlie and Jake go on adouble date. 1.45 The VampireDiaries (R,S,HD). Caroline makes ashocking confession to Elena. 2.30Teleshopping. Home shopping.

9.00 The Vampire Diaries(S,HD). 12/22. Aftergetting into an awkwardconversation with Nadia,Matt decides to throwan impulsive party –where Caroline makes ashocking confession toElena.



10.30 The Mindy Project(R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S).12.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks(R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The BigBang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 NewGirl (R,S,HD). 3.30 The MindyProject (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Cindydecides to tell the truthabout her role inBrowning’s death.


8.05 Rude Tube: The Bestof the Best (R,S).Showcasing the mostpopular internet videosof all time.

8.15 Dr Dolittle (S,HD)(1998). The home andsurgery of a doctor whocan talk to animals isoverrun with wildlife,causing his colleagues tofear he has lost his mind.Comedy, with EddieMurphy and Ossie Davis.●●●

10.00 Troy: Best Bits (S,HD).6/6. Highlights from themagic show, in whichTroy baffled members ofthe public at NottingHill Carnival andperformed many othermind-boggling tricksand illusions. Last in theseries.

12.00 Rude Tube 2012 (R,S,HD).1.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 1.30 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheCleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.25The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).2.45 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.10Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.30Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD).


6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).5/22.

6.00 UK Border Force (R,S,HD).7.00 Airline USA (R,S). 8.00Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00Futurama (R,S). 10.00 HawaiiFive-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: LosAngeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Harrow: AVery British School (R,S,HD). 3.00Greggs: More Than Meats thePie (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S).5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30Modern Family (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).11/21. Lisa takes out arestraining order againstBart.


8.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).9/24. The remains of asecret service agent turnup in a barrel, heraldinga deadly plot to kill thePresident.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 8/24. Callenand the team discover astolen anti-terroristdevice is being held atthe Russian Consulate,so they decide to stagean off-the-booksoperation to prevent anattack on LA.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00Harrow: A Very British School(R,S,HD). 5.00 Greggs: More ThanMeats the Pie (R,S,HD).

11.00 The Smoke (R,S,HD).4/8. Mal tries to makepeace with Kev.

9.00 Storm Nation: TheAftermath (HD). SeeChoices Above.

6.10 Last of the SummerWine (S). 5/11.

6.50 Only Fools and Horses(S). 3/6. Del lands thedeal of his life.

9.00 As Time Goes By (S). 9.40Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.20One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.00Waiting for God (S). 11.40 Last ofthe Summer Wine (S). 1.00 To theManor Born (S). 1.40 Steptoeand Son (S). 2.20 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).3.30 As Time Goes By (S). 4.10Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30Last of the Summer Wine (S).

8.00 The Two RonniesSketchbook (S). 2/7.Messrs Corbett andBarker reminisce aboutsketches including GarlicBreath Party andSwedish Made Simple.Alison Moyet guests.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 4/6. Rodney wins aholiday at a five-starhotel in Majorca, butcannot understand whythe trip is for threepeople. David Jason,Nicholas Lyndhurst andGwyneth Strong star.

11.10Men Behaving Badly(S). 7/7. Gary findsDorothy in bed withTony.

11.50 Early Doors (S). 6/6.Melanie meets her realfather.

12.30 Absolutely Fabulous (S).Edina hits 40. 1.10 Men BehavingBadly (S). Gary finds Dorothy inbed with Tony. 1.40 Early Doors(S). Melanie meets her real father.2.10 Absolutely Fabulous (S).Edina hits 40. 3.00 Close

9.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.10/13. A quirky review ofThe Real Extras andFreaky Eaters.

9.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.12/13. Quirky TV review.

6.00 Revista De La Liga(HD). Highlights from LaLiga.

9.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 10.00Sporting Heroes: Dickie DaviesInterviews Tom Finney (HD).11.00 Super League Full Time(HD). 12.00 FL72 Review. 1.00SPFL Round-Up (HD). 1.30 FL72Highlights (HD). 2.30 SportingHeroes: Dickie Davies InterviewsTom Finney (HD). 3.30 FL72Review. 4.30 FL72 Highlights(HD). 5.30 Football Asia (S).

7.00 Ronaldo: A GoldenYear (HD). A look back ata remarkable 2013 forCristiano Ronaldo.

7.30 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD). RealMadrid v Schalke 04(Kick-off 7.45pm).Coverage of the last-16second-leg encounter atthe Bernabeu, where theSpanish giants willexpect to progress to thequarter-finals.

11.15 Premier LeagueReview (HD). A lookback at recent fixtures inthe English PremierLeague.

12.15 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 1.15 SpanishFootball Gold (HD). 1.30 RevistaDe La Liga (HD). 2.30 TheFootballers’ Football Show (HD).3.30 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 4.30 FootballAsia (S). 5.00 The Footballers’Football Show (HD).

10.15 The Footballers’Football Show (HD).Dave Jones is joined byguests includingfootballers, managersand club chairmen todiscuss all the majorstories in the week’sfootball news.

The Vampire Diaries, 9pm Troy, 10pm Hawaii Five-0, 8pm Only Fools and … 6.50pm Live UEFA… 7.30pm

LIVE UEFA CHAMPIONSLEAGUE7.30pm, ITVChelsea v Galatasaray (Kick-off 7.45pm). Adrian Chilespresents coverage of the last-16 second-leg clash atStamford Bridge, where thescore is level at 1-1 following the opener.

STORM NATION: THE AFTERMATH9pm, Sky1Throughout winter, Britain endured its worstbattering from the weather since recordsbegan with floods and gales causingwidespread destruction. This documentaryexplores how, as spring approaches,thousands of Britons are moving on with theirlives as they learn to live with a new reality.

11.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 11/24. The guysmake fun of Penny’sboyfriend Zack.


7.00 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).Ellie Taylor visitsBromley, south-east London.

7.30 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).A trainee solicitorenters thePersonalOverhaul Devicein Birmingham.

8.00 Don’t Tell theBride (R,S). Aman from Essexplans hiswedding.

9.00 Hair (S,HD). Thefive remainingcontestants enterthe quarter-final.

10.00 Pramface (S,HD).Laura confrontsJamie’s newgirlfriend.

10.30 EastEnders(R,S,HD).


(R,S).12.10 Hair (R,S,HD). 1.10Pramface (R,S,HD). 1.40Life and Death Row(R,S,HD). 2.40 The CariadShow (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hair(R,S).



8.00Weird Nature(R).

8.30 Secrets ofBones (HD).

9.00 FossilWonderlands:Nature’s HiddenTreasures (HD).Exploring a site inChina known asthe “DinosaurPompeii”.

10.00 The First WorldWar (R).

10.50What Do ArtistsDo All Day?(HD).

11.20 HiddenHistories:WW1’sForgottenPhotographs(R,HD).

12.20 The Golden Age ofSteam Railways (R,HD).1.20 Weird Nature (R).1.50 Secrets of Bones(R,HD). 2.20 What DoArtists Do All Day?(R,HD). 2.50 FossilWonderlands: Nature’sHidden Treasures (R).

AMERICAN PIE 210.50pm, ITV2The teenagers reunite after their first year at college to spend thesummer at a lake house. Jim is concerned by his lack of sexualexperience, and goes in search of an old flame, Oz struggles to keep along-term relationship going, while Finch tries to master the art oftantric sex. Comedy sequel, starring Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, SeannWilliam Scott, Alyson Hannigan, Eugene Levy, Thomas Ian Nicholas,Mena Suvari, Shannon Elizabeth, Natasha Lyonne and Tara Reid.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters(S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer(R,S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food(S,HD). 11.45 Watchdog Test House 12.15Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News;Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S);Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15Perfection (S,HD). 3.00 Escape to theCountry (R,S,HD). 3.45 James Martin’sFood Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 FlogIt! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). MattBaker and Gabby Logan presentthe live magazine show,featuring an update on AlexJones’s progress as she climbs a1,200ft rock face in Utah.


8.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build (S,HD).3/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Crimewatch (S). Kirsty Youngpresents an appeal forinformation about ClaudiaLawrence, who went missingfive years ago. Plus, a freshcollection of wanted faces andnew crimes caught on camera.


by National Lottery Update.10.35 Crimewatch Update (S).

Responses to the earlierprogramme.

10.45 A Question of Sport (S,HD).20/36. With Jonathan Davies,Adam Gemili, Kevin Davies andAnne Keothavong.

11.15 The Michael McIntyre ChatShow (R,S,HD). 2/6. The comicmeets Jeremy Clarkson, DavidJason and Abbey Clancy.

12.00 Blandings (R,S,HD). Connie tries toimpress important visitor ColonelFanshawe. 12.30 Weatherview (S). 12.35BBC News (S,HD).

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12

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.15 Budget 2014 –An ITV News Special (S,HD). ChancellorGeorge Osborne delivers his budgetstatement. 1.55 ITV News West Country(S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD).3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD).3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase(S,HD).

6.00 Countdown 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S).7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in theSun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil:Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD).12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary(S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35 RiverCottage Bites 1.00 Film: The Badlanders(S) (1958).●●● 2.40 Countdown (S,HD).3.30 Deal or No Deal 4.30 Four in a Bed(S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). Jason Bradburyand Rachel Riley take a look at 3Dprojectors. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S).3.15 Film: Virtual Lies (S,HD) (2012).Premiere. Thriller, starring Christina Cox.●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Donnareturns to the village.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Eileen asks Marcus to findsomewhere else to stay.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 22/22.Homer forms a security group.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Cindydecides to tell the truth abouther role in Browning’s death.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Oscar tries to persuade Evelynto attend Ethan’s funeral.



Weather.10.35 On Assignment (S,HD). 1/8.

New series. Monthly currentaffairs programme, presentedby Rageh Omaar.

12.10 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Film: Columbo: Negative Reaction(S,HD) (1974). See Choices Above.●●●4.35 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-basedinformation service. 5.05 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S). Guests air their differences.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).7.55 The Political Slot (S). Lib Dem

MP Lorely Burt on the benefitof staying in the EuropeanUnion.

8.00 Secret Eaters (S). 2/8. SeeChoices Above.

9.00 Peter Kay Live at the BoltonAlbert Halls (R,S). Theinimitable comedian’s stand-upshow in front of his homecrowd at Bolton’s town hall,featuring his unique brand ofobservational comedy.

10.00 First Dates (S). 6/8.10.55 Embarrassing Bodies Down

Under (S,HD). 1/8. New series.Christian Jessen heads toAustralia, where he andphysicians Sam Hay, GinniMansberg and Brad McKayaddress intimate medicalconcerns. They begin in Sydney.

12.00 Random Acts (S). 12.05 Film:Brokeback Mountain (S,HD) (2005). SeeChoices Above.●●●●● 2.20 Film: BiggerThan Life (S,HD) (1956). Fact-based drama,starring James Mason.●●●● 4.00Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD).4.55 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures(R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

7.00 Dangerous Drivers’ School(R,S,HD). Ashley Grigg helps a24-year-old careworkerovercome his phobia of drivingon motorways. Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 The Drive-By Slayers: Bornto Kill? (S,HD). Psychologicalprofiles of Dale and JeffHausner and Samuel Dieteman,who embarked on a killingspree in Phoenix, Arizona,between May 2005 and July2006. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 7/24. See ChoicesAbove.

11.55 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (R,S,HD). 5/19. A studentcounsellor is murdered.

10.00 Castle (S,HD). 13/24. Thedetective who investigated thedeath of Beckett’s mother iskilled.

10.55 CSI: Crime SceneInvestigation (R,S,HD). 2/22.The team investigates thekilling of eight people at a localdiner.

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Botched Up Bodies:Abroad (R,S,HD). British people needingcorrective surgery after undergoingcosmetic procedures overseas. 4.00 HouseDoctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S).4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S).

6.00 Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food(R,S,HD). 6.30 Homes Under the Hammer(R,S,HD). 7.30 Rip Off Britain: Food(R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Wanted DownUnder (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: Inside theAnimal Mind (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone:Food & Drink (R,S). 10.30 Sign Zone: SeeHear (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30The Budget 2014 (S). 3.00 Coast (S,HD).3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S).5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD).27&28/30. Charlie Ross goescricket-mad and CharlesHanson unearths skulduggeryas they drive from Chesterfieldto Grantham.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). 18/30. Spin-off from thepopular quiz, hosted by JeremyVine.

6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (S,HD).13/15.

8.00 Collectaholics (S,HD). 2/3. SeeChoices Above.

9.00 Line of Duty (S,HD). 6/6.AC-12’s investigation exposes avicious criminal gang run fromwithin the police, whileFleming remains determined toprove Denton had a role in theambush. Last in the series.

10.00W1A (S,HD). 1/4. See ChoicesAbove.


11.20 An Hour to Save Your Life(R,S,HD). 3/3. Medics fight tosave the life of a criticallyinjured motorcyclist. Last in theseries.

11.10 Harry’s South Pole Heroes(R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two.Prince Harry joins fourwounded soldiers on a trek tothe South Pole.

12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S,HD).12.50 Sign Zone: The Great Sport ReliefBake Off (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S).4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD). 4.00Schools – Science Britannica (S,HD). 5.00Schools – Life on Planet Ant (S,HD). 5.30Schools: Virtually There – Spain (S,HD).5.55 Schools – Wonders of Nature:Caterpillar to Butterfly – Change (S,HD).

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Wednesday’s Television Guide

8.00 You Saw Them Here First(S,HD). 2/2. Patsy Kensit, MarkBenton, David Threlfall andTony Robinson brave the videovaults, and Kimberley Walshsurprises Coronation Street’sSamia Ghadie with clips of herTV beginnings.

9.00 Law & Order: UK (S,HD). 2/8.See Choices Above.

Crimewatch, 9pm Collectaholics, 8pm You Saw Them Here First, 8pm Peter Kay Live … 9pm NCIS, 9pm

COLLECTAHOLICS8pm, BBC2Mel Giedroyc and antiques expert Mark Hilljoin taxidermy-lover Nigel as he hunts for agiraffe to top off his collection of stuffedanimals, and set up a stall to sell off his excessitems to raise the necessary funds. They thenhelp Bob find a new market for his belovedMason’s pottery.

W1A10pm, BBC2Spoof documentary sequelto Twenty Twelve followingthe challenges faced by IanFletcher in his new job ashead of values at the BBC.Hugh Bonneville and JessicaHynes star.

SECRET EATERS8pm, Channel 4A married couple agree to have their eatinghabits scrutinised 24 hours a day by AnnaRichardson to find out more about theirweight gain. Helena, 55, is convinced her sizeis all down to the menopause, while husbandMurray is at a loss to explain why he’sclocking in at 18 stone.

BBC1

DIY SOS: THE BIGBUILD8pm, BBC1Nick Knowles heads toManchester, enlistingthe assistance oftradesmen and otherlocals to help a couplewhose dilapidated home is unsafe.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). Jason Bradburyand Rachel Riley take a look at 3Dprojectors. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S).3.15 Film: Virtual Lies (S,HD) (2012).Premiere. Thriller, starring Christina Cox.●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Dangerous Drivers’ School(R,S,HD). Ashley Grigg helps a24-year-old careworkerovercome his phobia of drivingon motorways. Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 The Drive-By Slayers: Bornto Kill? (S,HD). Psychologicalprofiles of Dale and JeffHausner and Samuel Dieteman,who embarked on a killingspree in Phoenix, Arizona,between May 2005 and July2006. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 7/24. See ChoicesAbove.

11.55 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (R,S,HD). 5/19. A studentcounsellor is murdered.

10.00 Castle (S,HD). 13/24. Thedetective who investigated thedeath of Beckett’s mother iskilled.

10.55 CSI: Crime SceneInvestigation (R,S,HD). 2/22.The team investigates thekilling of eight people at a localdiner.

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Botched Up Bodies:Abroad (R,S,HD). British people needingcorrective surgery after undergoingcosmetic procedures overseas. 4.00 HouseDoctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S).4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S).

SECRET EATERS8pm, Channel 4A married couple agree to have their eatinghabits scrutinised 24 hours a day by AnnaRichardson to find out more about theirweight gain. Helena, 55, is convinced her sizeis all down to the menopause, while husbandMurray is at a loss to explain why he’sclocking in at 18 stone.

7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45Jeremy Kyle Show 8.30 DinnerDate 9.30 Real Housewives ofAtlanta 10.30 Real Housewivesof New Jersey 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale1.00 Britain’s Got More Talent:Funniest Moments Ever! 2.00Jeremy Kyle 4.10 RealHousewives of New Jersey 5.05Millionaire Matchmaker

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S).

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Naughty animalsand crazy teenagers.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).1/30. Christina fromLondon tries to findlove.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 15/19. Alanworries Charlie’swomanising is gettingout of control.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 16/19. Alanplans Evelyn’s wedding.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex(S,HD). 8/12. Realityprogramme following agroup of people inEssex.

10.50 Educating Joey Essex(R,S,HD).


12.50 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Alan worries Charlie’swomanising is getting out ofcontrol. 1.15 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 1.40 The Jeremy KyleShow USA (R,S). The host takes hissuccessful talk show stateside. 2.30Teleshopping. Home shopping.

9.00 Party Wright Aroundthe World (S,HD). 4/6.Mark Wright heads tothe remote Australianmining town ofKarratha, where he triesto adapt to the world ofcockroach racing, AussieRules football andOutback camping.



6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00Made in Chelsea 10.00 New Girl10.30 Happy Endings 11.00Charmed 12.00 Rules ofEngagement 12.30 Hollyoaks1.00 How I Met Your Mother2.00 The Big Bang Theory 3.00New Girl 3.30 Happy Endings4.00 Rules of Engagement 5.00How I Met Your Mother

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).7.30 How I Met Your

Mother (R,S,HD). 7/22.Lily becomes jealous ofMarshall and Chloe’srelationship.


8.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 7/24. Sheldonis hurt when ProfessorProton contactsLeonard.

10.00 Rude Tube 2012(R,S,HD). 1/6. Alex Zanepresents 50 internetvideos on the theme offailure, featuringspelling bees, crashedLamborghinis, theworld’s worst bedroomband and a skateboarddisaster.

12.05 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(R,S,HD). 12.35 TheInbetweeners (R,S). 1.05 RudeTube 2012 (R,S,HD). 2.05 2 BrokeGirls (R,S,HD). 2.30 TheCleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.55Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.15Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.40Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD).

9.00 The Tomorrow People(S,HD). 11/22. Cara facesa mysterious visitor fromher past, and Russell issent on a dangerousmission that could leadto a clash betweendifferent groups ofTomorrow People.


6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).6/24. Lisa and Bart helpKrusty find his father.

6.00 So You Think You’re Safe inthe Bathroom? (R,S). 7.00 AirlineUSA (R,S,HD). 8.00 ModernFamily (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama(R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 12.00NCIS: Los Angeles 2.00 Harrow:A Very British School (R,S,HD).3.00 Greggs: More Than Meatsthe Pie (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama(R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).4/22. With the voices ofLucy Lawless and TomArnold.

7.30 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD).Manchester United vOlympiakos (Kick-off7.45pm). All the actionfrom the last-16 second-leg tie at Old Trafford,where the English andGreek champions meet.Subsequent programmesare subject to change.

10.00 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (R,HD). 6/8. LeeMack hosts the comedypanel game, with actorRicky Tomlinson,comedian JonRichardson and radio DJSara Cox talking aboutamazing facts andrandom trivia.

12.00 Miami SWAT (R,S,HD). Thework of the elite tactical unit. 1.00NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00Harrow: A Very British School(R,S,HD). 5.00 Greggs: More ThanMeats the Pie (R,S,HD).

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 21/24. Eric goesundercover when arocket engine expert iskilled.


6.50 Only Fools and Horses(S). 4/6. Rodney wins aholiday in Majorca.

7.45 ’Allo ’Allo! 8.55 As TimeGoes By 9.35 GoodnightSweetheart. 10.15 One Foot inthe Grave 10.55 Waiting for God11.35 Last of the Summer Wine1.00 To the Manor Born 1.40Steptoe and Son 2.20 ’Allo’Allo! 3.30 As Time Goes By 4.10Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30Last of the Summer Wine (S).

8.00 Porridge. 8/8. Mackayand Barracloughdiscover Fletch is makingbooze in his cell and thecrafty con seems certainto spend Christmas insolitary. Festive specialfrom 1976.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 5/6. Del’s belovedmum apparently makescontact during a seanceat the Nag’s Head,inspiring him to visit thedoctor to seek treatmentfor stomach cramps.

11.20Men Behaving Badly(S). 1/7. Tony returnsfrom holiday.

11.55 Early Doors (S). 1/6. Kendiscovers forgedbanknotes in the till.

12.35 Porridge. Christmas specialfrom 1976. Fletch is caught makingbooze in his cell. 1.25Outnumbered (S). Another guestarrives to stay with the family. 1.55Men Behaving Badly (S). Tonyreturns from holiday. 2.25 EarlyDoors (S). Ken discovers forgedbanknotes in the till. 3.00 Close

9.00 Bring Me Morecambe& Wise (S). 2/5. The seriespaying tribute to thedouble act continueswith a look at some ofthe most memorableguest stars to appear ontheir shows.

6.00 Boots ’n’ All (HD).Super League review.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans9.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights 10.00 Revista De LaLiga 11.00 UEFA ChampionsLeague Highlights (HD). 12.00The Footballers’ Football Show1.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). 2.00Premier League Review (HD).3.00 The Footballers’ FootballShow 4.00 PL 100 Club 5.00 UEFAChampions League Highlights

7.00 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD).Manchester United vOlympiakos (Kick-off7.45pm). All the actionfrom the last-16 second-leg tie at Old Trafford,where the English andGreek champions meet.

11.15 Total Rugby. A round-up of recent rugby unionmatches.

11.45 Football Gold (S,HD).Manchester United vNewcastle United from2002/03.

12.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 1.00 What’s theStory? (HD). 2.00 UEFAChampions League Highlights(HD). 3.00 What’s the Story? (HD).4.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 5.00 What’s theStory? (HD).

10.15What’s the Story? (HD).Sarah-Jane Mee presentsa discussion showfocusing on recent sportsdevelopments.

Party Wright … 9pm The Big Bang Theory, 8.30pm Live UEFA… 7.30pm Porridge, 8pm What’s the Story?, 10.15pm

LAW & ORDER: UK9pm, ITVWhile investigating the fatalstabbing of a psychiatrist,Ronnie and Joe find evidencesuggesting he was having anaffair with one of hisunderage patients. Drama,starring Bradley Walsh and Hattie Morahan.

NCIS9pm, Channel 5Tony reviews satellite footage of rebel forcesin the Middle East and spots Kersey among agroup of insurgents, concluding that JoeWestcott’s fear of him was well-founded.Back at HQ, Abby creates a 3D computermodel of the attack that occurred inAfghanistan.

11.00My Mad Fat Diary(R,S,HD). 5/7. Raedemands to be treatedlike an adult.

7.00 Don’t Tell theBride (R,S). Agroom takes solecharge oforganising hiswedding.

8.00 The School ThatRocks (S,HD).Followingstudents at theAcademy ofContemporaryMusic.

9.00Who NeedsIbiza? The GreatBritish Holiday(S,HD). Thecampsite suffers amid-seasonslump.

10.00 Bad Education(R,S,HD).

10.30 ImpracticalJokers (S,HD).


(R,S).12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 Who NeedsIbiza? The Great BritishHoliday (R,S,HD). 1.30Impractical Jokers(R,S,HD). 2.00Prostitution: What’s theHarm? (R,S,HD). 3.00 BadEducation (R,S,HD). 3.30Pramface (R,S).


7.30 Great BritishRailwayJourneysMichael Portillotravels fromWelshpool toAberystwyth.

8.00 Edward VII:Prince ofPleasure (R).Unravelling themystery of themonarch.

9.00 How to GetAhead: AtRenaissanceCourt. Florenceunder the reignof Grand DukeCosimo Medici.

10.00 Brakeless: WhyTrains Crash:Storyville (HD).

11.00 Parks andRecreation (HD).

11.20 Parks andRecreation (HD).

11.40 The Walshes(R,HD).

12.15 Great Barrier Reef(R,HD). 1.15 Shipwrecks:Britain’s Sunken History(R,HD). 2.15 Great BritishRailway Journeys (R,HD).

BROKEBACKMOUNTAIN12.05am, Channel 4Two cowboys, herdingsheep on a mountain,pursue a secret andultimately doomed loveaffair. Starring JakeGyllenhaal.

COLUMBO:NEGATIVE REACTION3am, ITVA photographermurders his wife andmakes it look as if shewas killed by akidnapper. Crimedrama, with Peter Falk.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters(S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer(S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD).11.45 Watchdog Test House (S,HD). 12.15Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News;Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S);Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to theCountry (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin’s FoodMap of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! TradeSecrets (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). AlexJones’s rock-climbing challenge.

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Judgmentday arrives – and repercussionsare felt all around. Followed byBBC News; Regional News.


8.00 Holiday Hit Squad (S,HD). 3/4.Helen Skelton investigatesexcess baggage, Angela Ripponmeets Brits with broken bonesin a Turkish A&E departmentand Joe Crowley checks into aneglected hotel in Malta.

9.00 Davina: Beyond BreakingPoint (S,HD). See ChoicesAbove.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S); Weather.10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 25/38.

Chief Treasury Secretary DannyAlexander and Shadow HealthSecretary Andy Burnham areamong the panellists facingquestions from the audience inWarrington, Cheshire.

11.35 This Week (S). The past sevendays in politics.

12.20 Skiing Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBCNews (S,HD).

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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD).10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 LooseWomen (S,HD). Topical debate from afemale perspective. 1.30 ITV News andWeather (S). 1.55 ITV News WestCountry (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen MyPet (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan TitchmarshShow (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme(S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 TheChase (S,HD).

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace(R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in the Sun:Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: SecretAgent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 News(S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35 Hugh’s3 Good Things: Best Bites (R,S,HD). 12.50Film: Sea Devils (S) (1953). See ChoicesAbove.●● 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed(S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).12.15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief(R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS:Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.15Rosamunde Pilcher’s Spring (R,S).Stephen vows to contest his father’s will.5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours (R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marloncomes face to face with Donna.

7.30 After the Floods: Tonight(S,HD). The lasting impact ofthe winter floods across Britain.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 1/25. Parttwo of two. The mysteriousshooting of Mr Burns is solved.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Trevor plansto take revenge.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Hannah and Zac track down themystery woman from thefuneral.



Weather.10.35 Edge of Heaven (R,S,HD). 4/6.

Struggling with his feelings forMichelle and Carly, Alfie goesto his father – who has justturned up out of the blue – forsome much-neededrelationship advice.

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 After the Floods: Tonight (R,S,HD).The lasting impact of the winter floodsacross Britain. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD).Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air theirdifferences.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).7.55 The Political Slot (S). Labour’s

Tulip Siddiq talks about paydaylenders.

8.00 The Hoarder Next Door (S).3/10. Featuring a Lancashirehospital administrator whosekitchen is packed with out-of-date food, and an Essex womanwith a collection of nearly30,000 Disney figures.

9.00 Inside Rolls-Royce (S). SeeChoices Above.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats DoesCountdown (R,S,HD). 1/4.Jimmy Carr hosts the comedypanel show’s version of thequiz, with team captains SeanLock and Jon Richardson joinedby Rhod Gilbert, Kevin Bridgesand Josie Long.

12.05 Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I’mGay (R,S,HD). 1.00 Random Acts (S). 1.05First Dates (R,S). 2.00 Katie: My BeautifulFriends (R,S). 2.55 Food: What’s Really inYour Trolley? – Channel 4 Dispatches (R,S).3.25 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade(R,S,HD). 3.55 Location, Location, Location(R,S,HD). 4.50 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures(R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Travellers’ Secret CashStash (R,S). Paul Connollyinvestigates fraudsters in theIrish traveller community.Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 It Takes a Thief to Catch aThief (S,HD). Richard Taylor usesa Cirencester corner shop’s CCTVto name and shame thieves, andWill Davies kits out a designerclothes store in London with thelatest security system. Followedby 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector (S,HD).7/8. Alex Polizzi tries to reversethe fortunes of the strugglingGreen Man Pub and Hotel inWembley, north London, whereold-fashioned bedrooms areputting off guests.

11.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take ItAway! (R,S,HD). 4/4. Paul Bohilland Steve Pinner try torepossess a house. Last in theseries.

10.00 Botched Up Bodies: Brides(S,HD). Documentary looking atthe increase in women optingto have cosmetic surgery aheadof their weddings, andrevealing what happens whenprocedures go wrong.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Booze, Bust-Ups &Brothels: Soho Blues (R,S). Officers catchBritain’s biggest shoplifting gang. 4.00House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor(R,S). 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.35Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S).

6.05 Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food(R,S,HD). 6.35 Homes Under the Hammer(R,S,HD). 7.35 Rip Off Britain: Food(R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone 10.35 HARDtalk(R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 DailyPolitics (S). 1.00 Lifeline (R,S,HD). 1.10 WarWalks (R,S). 1.40 British Isles: A NaturalHistory (R,S). 2.40 Cagney & Lacey (R,S).3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S).5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S).

7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD).29&30/30. Charles Hanson hasdoubts about his purchases,while his rival Charlie Ross findsa profit in an unlikely item.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). 19/30. Spin-off from thepopular quiz.

6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (S,HD).14/15. The second semi-final ofthe competition.

8.00 The Hairy Bikers’ AsianAdventure (S,HD). 6/6. DaveMyers and Si King head toSouth Korea as they concludetheir culinary journey aroundAsia, sampling the country’stake on barbecued food andfried chicken. Last in the series.

9.00 Turks & Caicos (S,HD). SeeChoices Above.

10.35 Newsnight (S,HD).

11.20Weather (S).11.25 The Restaurant Man (R,S,HD).

5/6. Russell Norman helps amother-of-ten in Coventry.

11.35 Regional Programme (S). 11.05 One Born Every Minute (R,S).4/10. A woman with cerebralpalsy must overcome atraumatic turn of events.

12.25 Sign Zone: The Great NHSRobbery – Panorama (R,S). 12.55 SignZone: The Great Sport Relief Bake Off(R,S). 1.55 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBCLearning Zone (S,HD). 4.00 Schools –Poets in Person (S,HD).

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8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlonstruggles to take in Donna’snews.

8.30 Ade at Sea (S,HD). 1/6. SeeChoices Above.

9.00 Dangerous Dogs (S,HD). 1/2.See Choices Above.

Question Time, 10.35pm The Hairy Bikers’ Asian … 8pm The Chase, 5pm The Hoarder Next Door, 8pm The Hotel Inspector, 9pm

TURKS & CAICOS9pm, BBC2The second part of David Hare’s spy trilogy, setimmediately after the events of 2011’s PageEight. Johnny Worricker is hiding out from MI5in the West Indies, but an encounter with aCIA agent forces him into the company ofsome dubious American businessmen. StarringBill Nighy and Christopher Walken.

ADE AT SEA8.30pm, ITVIn this new series, AdrianEdmondson sets sail toexplore Britain’s maritimepast and meet peoplewhose lives are influencedby the sea today. He beginsin Brixham, Devon.

DANGEROUS DOGS9pm, ITVThe first of a two-part programme lookingat the dramatic rise in the number of dogattacks in the UK. Dog warden Kelly, whowas hospitalised after an encounter with aStaffie two years ago, tries to save a ‘vicious’Akita that has been abandoned in a squalidhouse in Birmingham.

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DAVINA: BEYONDBREAKING POINT9pm, BBC1The inside story on thepunishing Sport Reliefchallenge that DavinaMcCall undertook lastmonth, in which sheran, swam and cycled more than 450 miles.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).12.15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief(R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS:Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.15Rosamunde Pilcher’s Spring (R,S).Stephen vows to contest his father’s will.5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours (R,S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Hannah and Zac track down themystery woman from thefuneral.


8.00 It Takes a Thief to Catch aThief (S,HD). Richard Taylor usesa Cirencester corner shop’s CCTVto name and shame thieves, andWill Davies kits out a designerclothes store in London with thelatest security system. Followedby 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector (S,HD).7/8. Alex Polizzi tries to reversethe fortunes of the strugglingGreen Man Pub and Hotel inWembley, north London, whereold-fashioned bedrooms areputting off guests.

11.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take ItAway! (R,S,HD). 4/4. Paul Bohilland Steve Pinner try torepossess a house. Last in theseries.

10.00 Botched Up Bodies: Brides(S,HD). Documentary looking atthe increase in women optingto have cosmetic surgery aheadof their weddings, andrevealing what happens whenprocedures go wrong.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Booze, Bust-Ups &Brothels: Soho Blues (R,S). Officers catchBritain’s biggest shoplifting gang. 4.00House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor(R,S). 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.35Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S).

DANGEROUS DOGS9pm, ITVThe first of a two-part programme lookingat the dramatic rise in the number of dogattacks in the UK. Dog warden Kelly, whowas hospitalised after an encounter with aStaffie two years ago, tries to save a ‘vicious’Akita that has been abandoned in a squalidhouse in Birmingham.

8.30 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.30 TheReal Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).10.30 The Real Housewives of NewJersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 CoronationStreet (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve BeenFramed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S). 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (S,HD).5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Camcordercalamities.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Equestrian anticsand clumsy mums.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).17/30. Potential suitorswoo a single man fromBerkshire.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 17/19. A CSIteam investigates amysterious death.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 18/19. Charlieis attracted to an olderself-help book author.

10.00 Celebrity Juice (S,HD).2/10. With Paloma Faithand Ronan Keating.

10.50 Dads (S,HD). 7/19. Davidand Eli are temporarilyforced out of theirhouse.

11.15Mom (R,S,HD). 13/22.Christy suffers an injury.

11.40Mom (R,S,HD). 14/22.Christy and Bonniediscover hurtful secretsabout each other.

12.10 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.40 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). 1.10 The Only WayIs Essex (R,S,HD). Realityprogramme following a group ofpeople in Essex. 1.55 You’ve BeenFramed! (R,S). 2.15Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 The Big Reunion 2014(S,HD). 7/8. A night outends in chaos whenhangovers derail therehearsal schedule, anda member of 5th Story ison the edge of abreakdown.



8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Made inChelsea (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl(R,S,HD). 10.30 Happy Endings(R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The BigBang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl(R,S,HD). 3.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD).4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). JohnPaul’s last day in courtarrives.

7.30 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 8/22.Marshall and Lily elope.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 8/24. Sheldonpunishes Leonard for apast mistake.

8.30 How I Met YourMother (S,HD). 7/24.Daphne reveals thetruth about Marshall.

10.00 Fresh Meat (R,S,HD).3/8. Vod tries to breakup with Javier.

10.55 Troy: Best Bits(R,S,HD). 6/6. Highlightsfrom the magic show.Last in the series.

1.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 1.30Revenge (R,S,HD). Victoriabecomes a prime suspect for theshooting. 2.20 My Mad Fat Diary(R,S,HD). Rae demands to be treatedlike an adult. 3.10 Fresh Meat(R,S,HD). 3.55 Made in Chelsea(R,S,HD). 4.45 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).Guest starring Lindsay Lohan.

9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(S,HD). 10/22. SeeChoices Above.

9.30 The Inbetweeners(R,S). 3/6. Simon faces adilemma.


6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).14/22. Bart is kidnappedby a chimpanzee.

6.00 So You Think You’re Safe onHoliday? (R,S). 7.00 Airline USA(R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S).10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00All Aboard: East Coast Trains(R,S,HD). 3.00 Inside RAF BrizeNorton (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama(R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30Modern Family (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).8/22. With the guestvoice of Joan Rivers.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).4/22. Homer gets a newassistant.

8.00 Arrow (S,HD). 14/23.Felicity feels dejectedwhen Sara becomes afully fledged member ofOliver’s team.

10.00 Revolution (R,S,HD).12/20. The truce isalmost shattered whenRachel makes a grimdiscovery, while theNevilles put theirpolitical plans on thebackburner to spring sonJD from prison.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).The team investigates Hetty’sdisappearance. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 3.00 Miami SWAT(R,S,HD). 4.00 All Aboard: EastCoast Trains (R,S,HD). 5.00 InsideRAF Brize Norton (R,S,HD).

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 23/24. A NavySeal imposter is setalight.

9.00 The Smoke (S,HD). 5/8.Dennis’s recklessbehaviour angers Mal,Kev is distracted by theupcoming anniversary ofthe Churchill estate fireand the team searches arundown building for alittle girl.

6.00 Last of the SummerWine (S). 9/11. AuntieWainwright’s bargainproves a puzzle.

6.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 5/6. Del visits thedoctor.

7.55 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 9.00 As TimeGoes By (S). 9.40 GoodnightSweetheart. 10.20 One Foot in theGrave (S). 11.00 Waiting for God(S). 11.40 Last of the Summer Wine(S). 1.00 To the Manor Born (S). 1.35Steptoe and Son (S). 2.15 ’Allo’Allo! (S). 3.25 As Time Goes By (S).4.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.40One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.20 Lastof the Summer Wine (S).

8.00 You, Me & Them (S).2/6. Debs invites Tim todinner.

8.40 Outnumbered (S). 5/6.Pete worries he might beout of a job.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 6/6. Rodney ties theknot with Cassandra,while Del tries to dodgea bashing from thedreaded Driscollbrothers over somestolen mobile phones.

11.10Men Behaving Badly(S). 2/7. Tony develops aninterest in astrology.

11.50 Early Doors (S). 2/6. Philand Nige celebrate adrugs raid.

12.30 You, Me & Them (S). Debsinvites Tim to dinner. 1.10Outnumbered (S). Pete worries hemight be out of a job. 1.40 MenBehaving Badly (S). Tony developsan interest in astrology. 2.10 EarlyDoors (S). Phil and Nige celebrate adrugs raid. 3.00 Close

9.20 Gavin & Stacey (S). 6/6.Nessa and Dave’swedding day arrives.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxingmagazine.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD).9.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 10.00 What’s theStory? (HD). 11.00 Football Asia (S).11.30 Total Rugby. 12.00 UEFAChampions League Highlights (HD).1.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 2.00UEFA Champions League Highlights(HD). 3.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 4.00Football Asia (S). 4.30 Premier LeagueWorld (HD). 5.00 FL72 Preview.

7.00 Super LeagueSuperstars (HD). Weeklychat show featuringpeople from the world ofrugby league.

7.30 Live Super League(HD). WarringtonWolvesv Wigan Warriors (Kick-off 8.00pm). EddieHemmings and MikeStephenson presentcoverage of the fixtureat the Halliwell JonesStadium.

11.15 Super League Gold(S,HD). The 2013 GrandFinal.

11.30 Super LeagueSuperstars (HD).

12.00 Super League (HD).WarringtonWolves v WiganWarriors. 1.00 FL72 Preview. Alook ahead to the latest round offixtures. 2.00 Ringside (HD).Boxing magazine. 3.00 SuperLeague (HD). WarringtonWolves vWiganWarriors. 4.00 FL72Preview. 5.00 Ringside (HD).

10.15 FL72 Preview. A lookahead to the latestround of fixtures in theChampionship, LeagueOne and League Two.

The Big Reunion 2014, 9pm How I Met Your ... 8.30pm Arrow, 8pm You, Me & Them, 8pm Live Super League, 7.30pm

INSIDE ROLLS-ROYCE9pm, Channel 4Behind the scenes at therenowned car manufacturer’sGoodwood factory, as theteam builds the luxuriousCelestial Phantom, whichcomes complete withdiamond-studded interior.

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE9pm, E4Santiago hosts a Thanksgiving dinner at herapartment for all of her colleagues, but theevent risks turning into a disaster, especiallywhen Holt and Peralta have to leave in ahurry to catch a thief who has stolen a largesum of money from the evidence lock-up.Can Boyle save the day?

11.55 Rude Tube 2012(R,S,HD). 2/6. Onlineclips featuring animalantics.

7.00 Don’t Tell theBride (R,S). AndyJones plans hiswedding toSerina George.

8.00 Hair (R,S,HD). Thefive remainingcontestants enterthe quarter-final.

9.00 JuniorParamedics(S,HD). Stephattends an armedsiege.

10.00 Bluestone 42(S,HD). Agovernmentminister visits theteam.

10.30 EastEnders(R,S,HD).Judgment dayarrives – andrepercussions arefelt all around.

11.00 Family Guy (R,S).Stewie auditionsifor a TV show.

11.25 Family Guy (R,S).11.45 American Dad!

(R,S).12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 Bluestone 42(R,S,HD). 1.00 JuniorParamedics (R,S,HD). 2.00Hair (R,S,HD). 3.00 JuniorParamedics (R,S).


7.30 Top of the Pops:1979 (R).

8.00 Ever DecreasingCircles (R).

8.30 Brushing Up On– BritishWoodlands.

9.00 Arena:WhateverHappened toSpitting Image?(HD). Lookingback at thesatirical show.

10.00 The Walshes(HD). Ciara’sboyfriendGrahammoves.

10.30 Some FootballManagers withJokes (HD).

11.00 Timewatch: QE2– The FinalVoyage (R). Thefarewell journeyof RMS QueenElizabeth 2.

12.00 Queens ofHeartache (R). 1.00 Top ofthe Pops: 1979 (R). 1.40Ever Decreasing Circles(R). 2.10 The Walshes(R,HD). 2.40 Arena:Whatever Happened toSpitting Image? (R).

SEA DEVILS12.50pm, Channel 4A smuggler in 19th-century Cornwall sneaks a woman into France, only to discoverhe has accidentally helped a spy flee the country. However, he later realises she isactually a double agent plotting to foil Napoleon’s invasion of England, and comesto the rescue when she is captured. Swashbuckling adventure, directed by RaoulWalsh, and starring Rock Hudson, Yvonne De Carlo, Maxwell Reed, Bryan Forbes,Denis O’Dea, Michael Goodliffe, Jacques Brunius and Ivor Barnard.


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11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45Watchdog Test House (S,HD). 12.15Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News;Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S);Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to theCountry (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin’sFood Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 SportRelief Does Glee Club 2014: Final (S).5.15 Pointless Celebrities – Sport Relief2014 (S,HD).

7.00 Sport Relief 2014 (S,HD).See Choices Above.



by National Lottery Update.10.35 Sport Relief 2014 (S,HD). The

concluding part, includingAndy Murray on Mock theWeek and the Clash of theTitans swimming relay. Plus,football managers telling gagsand highlights of the evening’sevents.

1.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus. 2.30Weatherview (S). 2.35 BBC News (S,HD).

11

12

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). With Andrea McLean, Coleen Nolan,Jamelia and Jane Moore. 1.30 ITV Newsand Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News WestCountry (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen MyPet (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan TitchmarshShow (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme(S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 TheChase (S,HD).

7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in theSun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil:Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD).12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary(S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35 RiverCottage Bites (R,S,HD). 12.45 Film: TheMan from Colorado (S) (1948).●●● 2.40Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal(S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 ComeDine with Me (R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD).1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 DiagnosisMurder (R,S). A call girl is murdered. 3.20Film: Jane Doe: Ties That Bind (S,HD)(2007). Thriller, starring Lea Thompson.●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlonremains adamant he wantsnothing to do with Donna.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Kevin arrives back on theStreet.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/25. Bartand Milhouse vie for a film role.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). John Paul’slast day in court arrives.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Jettand VJ play detective afterfinding a bracelet inside aburied box.



Weather.10.35 Duplicity (S,HD) (2009).

See Choices Above.●●●

12.55 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).The host takes his successful talk showstateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

8.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD(S,HD). 12/22. The teaminvestigates an attack onstudents at SHIELD’s academy ofscience and technology, whileCoulson andMaymeet a formeragent who reveals startlinginformation about Skye.

9.00 Gogglebox (S). 3/12.See Choices Above.

10.00 The Last Leg (S,HD). 8/8. WithFrank Skinner. Last in the series.

10.50 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S). 5/9.Jimmy Carr hosts the comedypanel show.

12.05 Film: Juno (S,HD) (2007). Comedy,starring Ellen Page.●●●● 1.45 RandomActs (S). 1.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.15Happy Endings (S,HD). 2.35 HappyEndings (S,HD). 2.55 Franklin & Bash(S,HD). 3.35 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 4.20SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). How to hagglefor a better TV package. 5.15 Deal or NoDeal (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD).Jason Bradbury and RachelRiley take a look at 3Dprojectors. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD).Porkchop is given his first solorun of the season, while fellowrookie Austin is part of a three-man team hauling a hugemodular building to PrudhoeBay. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels:Soho Blues (R,S). 4/6. Aninsight into a night’s patrolwith a London ambulance crewdealing exclusively withalcohol-related incidents. Plus,police set out on the trail ofdrug-users.

11.00 CSI: NY (R,S,HD). 6/17. Awoman is found dead in aCentral Park pond.

11.55 Access. Showbiz news andgossip.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD).4/24. An ex-marine nowworking for a private securityfirm is suspected of murderinga businessman in Iraq, and theteam tries to find him beforehis employers dish out theirown justice.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Dangerous Drivers’ School(R,S,HD). TV presenter Kate Walsh isassessed by an instructor. 4.00 HouseDoctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S).4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S).

9.05 Sign Zone: The Great InteriorDesign Challenge (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone:Pound Shop Wars (R,S). 10.35 The TravelShow (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD).11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The A to Z of TVCooking (S,HD). 1.20 War Walks (R,S). 1.50The Nature of Britain (R,S). 2.40 Cagney& Lacey (R,S). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage AntiquesRoadshow (S).

7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S). 11/30.Anita Manning and PhilipSerrell set off on a road tripacross the north of Englandsearching for treasures.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). 20/30. Spin-off from thepopular quiz, hosted by JeremyVine.

6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (S,HD).15/15.

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 27/31.See Choices Above.

8.30 Gardeners’ World (S,HD).3/31. Carol Klein gives advice toa couple just getting startedwith their first garden.

9.00 A Very British Renaissance(S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

10.00 Sport Relief 2014 (S,HD). Abehind-the-scenes look at theOnly Fools and Horses special.


11.10 Revolutionary Road (S,HD)(2008). See Choices Above.●●●●

11.35 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD).10/22. Santiago’s plans for aThanksgiving dinner party goawry.

1.05 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S).Danny Alexander and Andy Burnhamanswer questions in Warrington. 2.05 SignZone: Wild Brazil (R,S). The giant ottercubs must learn to swim before their riverfloods. 3.05 This Is BBC Two (S). Previewof upcoming programmes.

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8.00 Student Nurses: Bedpansand Bandages (S,HD). 6/8.Former carpet fitter Alistairgets his first taste of surgery.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Kaladmits to Leanne he isattracted to her.

9.00 Edge of Heaven (S,HD). 5/6.See Choices Above.

Pointless Celebrities … 5.15pm Gardeners’ World, 8.30pm Coronation Street, 7.30pm Gogglebox, 9pm NCIS: Los Angeles, 10pm

SPORT RELIEF 20147pm, BBC1Fundraising fun livefrom Queen ElizabethOlympic Park, London,featuring Kylie, LittleMix, Boyzone, an all-star sporting challengeand the return of Del-Boy and Rodney.

MASTERMIND8pm, BBC2John Humphrys welcomes five more contendersback to the famous black chair for the thirdsemi-final. Their specialist subjects are Egyptianpharaoh Tutankhamun, the life and career offormer prime minister Clement Attlee, the lifeand books of vet and author James Herriot andEnglish history between 1399 and 1485.

A VERY BRITISHRENAISSANCE9pm, BBC2New series, in which JamesFox celebrates an era fromthe early 1500s to themid-1600s in which Britainembraced cutting-edge art,literature, architecture and science.

GOGGLEBOX9pm, Channel 4Posh tipplers Steph and Dom, hairdressersChristopher and Stephen and other favouritesshare their opinions on what they have beenwatching during the week. The programmecaptures their instant reactions and lively –sometimes emotional – discussions from thecomfort of their own sofas.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD).1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 DiagnosisMurder (R,S). A call girl is murdered. 3.20Film: Jane Doe: Ties That Bind (S,HD)(2007). Thriller, starring Lea Thompson.●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Jettand VJ play detective afterfinding a bracelet inside aburied box.


7.00 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD).Jason Bradbury and RachelRiley take a look at 3Dprojectors. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD).Porkchop is given his first solorun of the season, while fellowrookie Austin is part of a three-man team hauling a hugemodular building to PrudhoeBay. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels:Soho Blues (R,S). 4/6. Aninsight into a night’s patrolwith a London ambulance crewdealing exclusively withalcohol-related incidents. Plus,police set out on the trail ofdrug-users.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Dangerous Drivers’ School(R,S,HD). TV presenter Kate Walsh isassessed by an instructor. 4.00 HouseDoctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S).4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’sWild Challenge (R,S).

GOGGLEBOX9pm, Channel 4Posh tipplers Steph and Dom, hairdressersChristopher and Stephen and other favouritesshare their opinions on what they have beenwatching during the week. The programmecaptures their instant reactions and lively –sometimes emotional – discussions from thecomfort of their own sofas.

9.30 The Real Housewives ofAtlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey(R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey(S,HD). 5.05 MillionaireMatchmaker (S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 1/22. A clip of asinging cat.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Unlucky actors anddeadly dancers.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).6/30. A woman fromManchester takes part inthe show.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 19/19. Charliefaces a dilemma.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 1/24. Charlie isshocked by a formergirlfriend’s son.

12.35 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Charlie faces a dilemma.1.05 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Charlie is shocked by aformer girlfriend’s son. 1.30 Mom(R,S,HD). Christy suffers an injury.1.55 Mom (R,S,HD). 2.15Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 The 40 Year-Old Virgin(S,HD) (2005). A manwho has never had sex isset up on a series ofdates, only to fall for awoman who does notwant a physicalrelationship. Comedy,starring Steve Carell.Including FYI Daily.●●●

6.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 4/23. Raj facesbeing sent back to India.


10.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD).11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rulesof Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 4.00Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).5.00 How I Met Your Mother(R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).Danny tries to keep Perifrom revealing hissecret.


8.00 Troy: Best Bits(R,S,HD). 6/6. Highlightsfrom the magic show, inwhich Troy baffledmembers of the publicat Notting Hill Carnival.Last in the series.

12.10 How I Met Your Mother(R,S,HD). 12.40 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 1.10 Rude Tube(R,S,HD). 2.15 The MidnightBeast (R,S,HD). 2.40 Little Box ofHorrors (R,S). 3.05 Balls of SteelAustralia (R,S). 3.35 TheCleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.55Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD).

6.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 14/24.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).9/22. Bart and Lisa havefamilies of their own.

6.00 So You Think You’re Safe inthe Garden? (R,S). 7.00 AirlineUSA (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S).10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains(R,S,HD). 3.00 Inside RAF BrizeNorton (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama(R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).16/22. Grampa becomesa matador.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).21/22. Ned and Edna tiethe knot.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S).8/22. The familyencounters SideshowBob in Italy.

8.30 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 6/24. Gloriahires a male nanny tolook after Manny.

10.00 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (S,HD). 7/8. LeeMack hosts the comedypanel game in whichTerry Wogan, CarolVorderman and JimmyCarr come up with allmanner of amazingfacts.

12.30 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).The CEO of a software company iskidnapped. 1.30 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 2.20 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 3.10 Miami SWAT(R,S,HD). 4.00 All Aboard: EastCoast Trains (R,S,HD). 5.00 InsideRAF Brize Norton (R,S,HD).

11.00 Moone Boy (R,S,HD).5/6. Martin hits it offwith a new girl at school.

11.30 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 1/24. The teamsearches for Hetty inRomania.

9.00 Stella (S,HD). 9/10.See Choices Above.


6.50 Only Fools and Horses(S). 6/6. Rodney ties theknot with Cassandra.

9.00 As Time Goes By (S). 9.40Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.20One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.00Waiting for God (S). 11.40 Last ofthe Summer Wine (S). 1.00 To theManor Born (S). 1.40 Steptoeand Son (S). 2.20 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).3.30 As Time Goes By (S). 4.10Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30Last of the Summer Wine (S).

8.00 Bring Me Morecambe& Wise (S). 2/5. Theseries paying tribute tothe double actcontinues.

10.35 Only Fools and Horses(S). Christmas specialfrom 2002. TrottersIndependent Tradersembarks on a boozecruise to France undernewmanaging directorRodney.

12.10 Film: Green Card (1990).Romantic comedy, starring GerardDepardieu and Andie MacDowell.●●● 2.10 Absolutely Fabulous(S). Edina gets involved in Patsy’smagazine. 3.00 Close

9.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). The brothers jet offto Monte Carlo five yearsafter achieving theirdream of becomingmillionaires – only for adodgy deal to see themheading home.

7.00 Alice inWonderland(S,HD) (2010).Fantasyadventure,starring MiaWasikowska.●●●

8.40 Great MovieMistakes III: Notin 3D (R,S).

9.00 RussellHoward’s GoodNews (R,S,HD).

9.30 RussellHoward’sGood News(R,S,HD).

10.00 Life and DeathRow (R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy(R,S,HD).


11.45 American Dad!(R,S).

12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 Pramface(R,S,HD). 1.00 ImpracticalJokers (R,S,HD). 1.30Who Needs Ibiza? TheGreat British Holiday(R,S,HD). 2.30 RussellHoward’s Good News(R,S,HD). 3.00 RussellHoward’s Good News(R,S,HD). 3.30 Bluestone42 (R,S).

7.00 World NewsToday (HD);Weather.

7.30 TransatlanticSessions (R,HD).

8.00 In Their OwnWords: 20thCenturyComposers. Theprocess of writingmusic in apostwar world.

9.00 The RollingStones Returnto Hyde Park:Sweet SummerSun (R,HD). Theveteran band’s2013 Londonconcerts.

10.10 The RollingStones at theBBC (R).

10.55 Brothers inArms (R). Acelebration ofrock bandsfronted bybrothers.

11.55 The Kinks at theBBC (R). Archiveperformances bythe band.

1.00 The Rolling Stonesat the BBC (R). 1.45Brothers in Arms (R).2.45 The Kinks at theBBC (R).

6.00 Champions LeagueWeekly (HD).

6.30 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD).

9.00 FL72 Preview. 10.00 TheRugby Club (HD). 11.00 PremierLeague World (HD). 11.30 SuperLeague Superstars (HD). 12.00Super League (HD). 1.00 FL72Preview. 2.00 The Rugby Club(HD). 3.00 Premier League World(HD). 3.30 Super LeagueSuperstars (HD). 4.00 SuperLeague (HD). 5.00 The RugbyClub (HD).

7.30 Live Super League(HD). Leeds Rhinos vLondon Broncos (Kick-off8.00pm). EddieHemmings and MikeStephenson presentcoverage of the fixtureat Headingley, where ahome win is expected.

11.15 Premier LeaguePreview (HD). A lookahead to the weekend’sfixtures.

11.45 Super League Gold(HD). The 1998 GrandFinal.

12.00 Super League (HD). 1.00The Fantasy Football Club (HD).2.00 Premier League Preview(HD). 2.30 Champions LeagueWeekly (HD). 3.00 Super League(HD). 4.00 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD). 5.00 Premier LeaguePreview (HD). 5.30 ChampionsLeague Weekly (HD).

10.15 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD). John Fendleyand Paul Merson presenta discussion on keyfantasy football issues, aswell as the weekend’sPremier League matches.

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm Aliens, 9pm Stella, 9pm Bring Me… 8pm Live Super League, 7.30pm

DUPLICITY10.35pm, ITVTwo former spies with aromantic past togethergo head to headworking in counter-intelligence for rivalcorporations. Thriller,with Julia Roberts.

REVOLUTIONARYROAD11.10pm, BBC2A married couple live apicture-perfect life onthe surface, but in truthfeel stifled by theirsituation. Drama,starring Kate Winslet.

EDGE OF HEAVEN9pm, ITVStill reeling from the newsCarly is now dating his bossMaartie, Alfie (BlakeHarrison) decides to take onthe South African in theMargate fun run and asksMichelle to help him train for the race.

STELLA9pm, Sky1A fun family outing for Stella, Michael andthe kids takes a darker turn when Katie endsup in A&E, a wake-up call that raisesquestions about the couple’s future together.The Morris household might have to makeroom for another guest when Collette finallyrumbles her husband’s affair with Emma.


FILM

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11.20 Take Me Out (R,S,HD).6/10. A saxophonist, anelectrician, a beatboxerand an engineer takepart.

9.00 Aliens (S,HD) (1986).Lone survivor Ripley joinsa military force on amission to face a hordeof the creatures thatwiped out her crew. Sci-fi thriller sequel, withSigourney Weaver andMichael Biehn.●●●●●

FRIDAY

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Homes&Living

21March

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the weekend 14 march 2014

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