“lovingly resolving disputes”

“Lovingly Resolving Disputes”

Bob MullenApril 25, 2010

The Worldly Way

•“I will win”.•“I will win”.

The Biblical Way

•“We want to do God’s will”.•“We want to do God’s will”.

“It’s My Water”

• NIV Genesis 26:18 Isaac reopened the wells that had been dug in the time of his father Abraham, which the Philistines had stopped up after Abraham died, and he gave them the same names his father had given them.

• NIV Genesis 26:18 Isaac reopened the wells that had been dug in the time of his father Abraham, which the Philistines had stopped up after Abraham died, and he gave them the same names his father had given them.

“It’s My Water”

• 19 Isaac's servants dug in the valley and discovered a well of fresh water there.

• 20 But the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac's herdsmen and said,

• 19 Isaac's servants dug in the valley and discovered a well of fresh water there.

• 20 But the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac's herdsmen and said,

My Water

• "The water is ours!" So he named the well Esek, because they disputed with him. (Esek = contend)

• 21 Then they dug another well, but they quarreled over that one also; so he named it Sitnah. (Sitnah = accuse)

• "The water is ours!" So he named the well Esek, because they disputed with him. (Esek = contend)

• 21 Then they dug another well, but they quarreled over that one also; so he named it Sitnah. (Sitnah = accuse)

My Water

• 22 He moved on from there and dug another well, and no one quarreled over it. He named it Rehoboth, saying, "Now the LORD has given us room and we will flourish in the land.” (Rehoboth = wide place)

• 22 He moved on from there and dug another well, and no one quarreled over it. He named it Rehoboth, saying, "Now the LORD has given us room and we will flourish in the land.” (Rehoboth = wide place)

Lessons for Some Disputes

• Sometime we have to dig enough, by ourselves, to make it work.• Some people seem to enjoy Esek

and Sitnah.• Rehoboth can be hard to find.

• Sometime we have to dig enough, by ourselves, to make it work.• Some people seem to enjoy Esek

and Sitnah.• Rehoboth can be hard to find.

Lessons for Some Disputes

• Even the most difficult people for us can be worked with.• Do not lose the goal: getting

water vs. conflict about water.

• Even the most difficult people for us can be worked with.• Do not lose the goal: getting

water vs. conflict about water.

Disputes Among Believers

• They are going to happen, from time to time.• NIV Romans 14:1 Accept him

whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

• They are going to happen, from time to time.• NIV Romans 14:1 Accept him

whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

Disputes about People

• Acts 15:36 Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing."

• 37 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them,

• Acts 15:36 Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing."

• 37 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them,

Disputes about People

• 38 but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work.

• 39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus,

• 38 but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work.

• 39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus,

Disputes about People

• 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord.

• 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

• 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord.

• 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

Lessons About Some Disputes

• Sometimes people get caught in the middle (John Mark).• Even good people may need to

separate to lessen a conflict.• They parted company, but did not

part fellowship.

• Sometimes people get caught in the middle (John Mark).• Even good people may need to

separate to lessen a conflict.• They parted company, but did not

part fellowship.

Lessons About Some Disputes

• They patched it up later.• 2 Timothy 4:11

Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.

• They patched it up later.• 2 Timothy 4:11

Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.

Dispute About Greatness

• NIV Luke 22:24 Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. • 25 Jesus said to them, "The kings of

the Gentiles lord it over them;

• NIV Luke 22:24 Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. • 25 Jesus said to them, "The kings of

the Gentiles lord it over them;

Disputes Among Believers

and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. • 26 But you are not to be like that.

Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.

and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. • 26 But you are not to be like that.

Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.

Disputes Among Believers

• 27 For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

• 27 For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

Lessons About Disputes

• It showed their worldly habits- “who is greater, who has the power”.• If we see our brothers and sisters as

people we serve and with whom we serve, it changes our attitude when conflict comes.

• It showed their worldly habits- “who is greater, who has the power”.• If we see our brothers and sisters as

people we serve and with whom we serve, it changes our attitude when conflict comes.

Disputes Among Believers

• NIV 1 Corinthians 6:4 Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church! 5 I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers?

• NIV 1 Corinthians 6:4 Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church! 5 I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers?

Disputes Among Believers

• 6 But instead, one brother goes to law against another-- and this in front of unbelievers! 7 The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already.

• 6 But instead, one brother goes to law against another-- and this in front of unbelievers! 7 The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already.

Disputes Among Believers

Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? • 8 Instead, you yourselves cheat and

do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.

Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? • 8 Instead, you yourselves cheat and

do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.

Lessons About Some Disputes

• Trivial matters can and need to be resolved.• Work on it first, before bringing

someone in to help mediate.

• Trivial matters can and need to be resolved.• Work on it first, before bringing

someone in to help mediate.

Lessons About Some Disputes

• To focus solely on conflict is to be defeated already.• Sometimes the best way to win is

to graciously choose to lose- after we have made our point.

• To focus solely on conflict is to be defeated already.• Sometimes the best way to win is

to graciously choose to lose- after we have made our point.