chapter 8 (guidelines and communication strategies for disclosure)

Subject : Theory of Communication

Chapter 5 Group 5

SHARING PERSONAL INFORMATION

Presenter : Ngan Giang

• Self-disclosure is both the conscious and subconscious act of revealing more about oneself to others.

• This may include, but is not limited to, thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, dreams as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

• Self-disclosure is an important building block for intimacy, intimacy can not be achieved without it.

Self-Disclosing

• There are several important factors that influence self-disclosure and the state of the relationship, such as the relational definition, time, way of explaining each other's behavior, degree of affection, reciprocity, and goals.

Self-Disclosing

Self-Disclosing

Benefits• May increase trust• May increase

closeness• May enhance self-

esteem• May increase security• May enhance self-

growth

Risks• Others may reject us• Others may think less

of us• Others may violate

our confidences

Self-Disclosure When Appropriate

• Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you.

• Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk.

• Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually.• Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for

ongoing relationships.• Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is

reciprocated.

Sharing feelings

Presenter: Minh Sang

At the heart of intimate self-disclosure is sharing personal feelings. When we do so, we demonstrate that we trust our partner not to use the information to do us harm. Once we decide to share our feelings, we have to know how to do so appropriately.

The best way to share feelings is by describing them It’s the skill of naming the emotions you are feeling without judging them.

But how to describe your feelings ?

1. Identify the behavior that triggered the feeling. What specifically has someone said or done to or about you?

Cold war ? Why ?

2 Identify the specific emotion you are experiencing as a result of the behavior. Sometimes we can’t describe our emotions because we don’t have the vocabulary to accurately describe what we are feeling. Yes, what we are feeling is similar to anger, but are we annoyed, betrayed, cheated, crushed, disturbed, furious, outraged, or shocked? Each of these words more richly describes a feeling that might less precisely be labeled anger.

Is he annoyed, betrayed, cheated, crushed, disturbed, furious, outraged, or shocked?

Frame your response as an “I” statement. For example, “I feel happy/sad/ irritated/excited/vibrant. “I” statements help neutralize the impact of an emotional description because they do not blame the other or evaluate the other’s behavior.

Instead, a first person message accurately conveys what you are expressing and why. Be careful, however, not to couch a blaming statement as an “I” statement. For example, “I feel like you don’t respect me” is a criticism of the other person. It doesn’t let the other person know how you feel about what happened. You might have felt hurt, betrayed, or angry. But you haven’t disclosed this.

..”doesn’t let the other person know how you feel about what happen.”

Verbalize the specific feeling. Here are two examples of describing feelings effectively. The first one begins with the trigger, and the second one begins with the feeling—either order is acceptable :

“Thank you for your compliment [trigger]; I [the person having the feeling] feel gratified [the specific feeling] that you noticed the effort I made.”

“I [the person having the feeling] feel very resentful [the specific feeling] when you criticize my cooking after I’ve worked as many hours as you have [trigger].”

Verbalize your feelings !

Providing personal feedback

Presenter: Dinh Quoc Minh

Dang

Skills for giving personal feedback

1. Describing behaviours

2. Praising positive behaviours

3. Giving constructive criticism


Describing behaviours: accurately recounting the specific

behaviours of another without commenting on their

appropriateness.


Effectively sharing feelings: descriptive and specific rather

than evaluative and vague.

Unfortunately, people are quick to share ambiguous

conclusions and evaluations.


To describe behavior:

1. Identify the specific behaviours that led to our

perception

2. Share that information as feedback


Praising: describing a specific positive bahaviour or

accomplishment of another person and the effect that

bahaviour has on others

Praise ≠ Flattery:

Praise: sincere compliment

Flattery: insincere compliment for ingratiation


Praise reinforces positive behaviour and helps another

develop a positive self-concept

For effective praising: focus on the specific behavior we want

to reinforce


Praise when appropriate doesn’t cost much and usually

appreciated

Praise not only provides feedback and builds esteem but

also deepens our relationship with that person


Constructive criticism: describing specific behavior of

other that hurt the person of that person’s relationships with

others

Criticize doesn’t mean condemn or judge, it’s based on

empathy and sincere desire to help someone understand

the impact of his or her behavior.


Some guidelines when providing constructive criticism:

1. Ask the person’s before giving criticism.

2. Describe the behavior and its consequences by

accurately recounting precisely what was said or done and

the reaction of those affected by it.

3. Preface constructive criticism with an affirming

statement.

4. When appropriate, suggest how the person can

change the behavior.


1. Ask the person’s before giving criticism

When someone has agreed to hear constructive criticism

likely to be more receptive


2. Describe the behavior and its consequences by accurately

recounting precisely what was said or done and the reaction

of those affected by it

Objective description allows the other to maintain face while

receiving accurate feedback about the damaging behavior.


3. Preface constructive criticism with an affirming statement

Prefacing constructive criticism with statements that validate

your respect for the other person is important.

The easiest way is to praise before criticism


4. When appropriate, suggest how the person can change the

behavior

The goal of constructive criticism is to help it’s appropriate

to provide suggestions for positive changes

Moreover, it’s help the person with useful information, and

show that your intentions are positive

DIRECT STRATEGY FOR MAINTAINING PRIVACY: ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY

Made by : Huu Loc

To maintain your privacy in indirect ways , you may: Changing the subject, masking feelings, and telling white lies

But these strategies will eventually damage your relationships if used repeatedly.

To keep information private over a longer period of time, you will want to use a more direct approach.

The skill of establishing a boundary allows you to effectively respond to people expecting you to disclose information you prefer to keep private.

In essence, it is a polite way to let your partner know that questions requiring you to disclose about a specific topic are unacceptable.

1. Recognize why you are choosing not to share the information.

When Pat asks Eric about the grade he received on a test , Eric may hesitate to share this recognizing that he feels uncomfortable doing so.

2. Identify your rule that guided this decision. Eric relates his discomfort in sharing the test score to his inability to predict how Pat will react when he finds out that Eric has received an “A+” while Pat got only a “B”. Eric, who in the past has been teased for his good grades has developed a rule not disclosing the grades he receives unless he knows that the person he is talking to respects academic achievement.

3. Form an “I”-centered message that briefly establishes a boundary.

When Pat asks Eric about his test grade, Eric might reply- “I know that everyone’s different, and I don’t mean

to be rude, but it’s my policy not to ask other people about their grades and not to discuss my own. I know you may think this is weird, but please don’t be offended.”

This lets Pat know that Eric’s decision is based on a personal rule rather than an indication of his trust in Pat

It's important to note that in establishing boundaries:

•Your personal needs are valid. It is not necessary for you to defend, debate or over-explain your request.

•Enlist the support of a friend for before and after the boundary-setting conversation, if necessary.

•Begin setting boundaries with the easiest ones and build yourself up to the more challenging ones for you. Let your communication and behavior get stronger before you tackle the harder boundaries.

•Tell people immediately when they are doing something that violates one of your boundaries.

•Simply tell them what they are doing that makes you feel angry, frustrated, violated, resentful, or uncomfortable. Communicate gracefully and honestly.

•Make a direct request that they stop the behaviors that offend or bother you. Be very specific about what you want.

•Follow-up to let them know how they are doing at honoring your request.

•Thank them for making the change. •And, if they refuse to cooperate: •Warm them of a possible consequence if they continue

disregarding your request. •Demand that they stop. • Just walk away without getting angry or fighting. •Or, if necessary follow through with the consequence you

previously warned them about.

Boundary-setting is like any new skill-you'll need to learn the basics, create a plan for applying your new skill, and then follow through with action and a support system. Over time and with practice, setting boundaries will become easier.

Essential Boundary Setting Steps:• 1. Self Awareness: Identify where your boundaries are weak

or non-existent. Establish some new boundaries that honor you. What may people no longer do around you, do to you, or say to you? (Be realistic)

• 2. Inform: Educate others about unacceptable behaviors and expressions. Help people understand how they can respect your new boundaries. Communicate without blaming. Verbalize your boundaries.

• 3. Request: Calmly tell each person very specifically what you want them to stop doing or saying. Get their commitment to honoring you.

• 4. Follow-Up: Let them know how they are doing on meeting your request. Continue educating and reinforcing. Reward those who are respecting your boundaries.

Essential Boundary Setting Steps (cont):

• 5. Demand: Warn them about possible consequences if they continue ignoring your request. Enforce your boundaries.

• 6. Consequences: Follow through with the consequence if results aren't forthcoming. Determine which battles are worth fighting and which are worth letting go; walk away without any further comment if necessary. Set consequences that impact the other person more than you.

• 7. Respect others' boundaries : Stop violating other people's boundaries. Be aware and respectful of other people's boundaries.

Thanks for listening

•Group 5 : •1. M.Sang•2. H.Lộc•3. Ngân Giang•4. Ngọc Cẩm•5. M.Đăng

chapter 8 (guidelines and communication strategies for disclosure)

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