“it’s all about me” (iaam)—or maybe it isn’t
TRANSCRIPT
nt Session
Presented by:
Steven “Doc” List
Brought to you by:
340 Corporate Way, Suite Orange Park, FL 32073 888‐2
W4 Concurre4/9/2014 10:30 AM
“It’s All About Me (IAAM) – Or Maybe it Isn’t”
Santeon Group
300,68‐8770 ∙ 904‐278‐0524 ∙ [email protected] ∙ www.sqe.com
Steven “Doc” List Santeon Group
Steven “Doc” List has spent much of his thirty-five years in the software development community in leadership and coaching roles. Doc’s education in clinical and industrial/organizational psychology has contributed to his understanding of language and interaction between people. Recent roles as an agile coach and trainer have brought the importance of language and interaction into finer focus, as has his writing in his blog at stevenlist.com. Doc's experience as a leader, trainer, coach, presenter, facilitator, and professional speaker blends into an unusual appreciation for and mastery of the subtlety of spoken and written language.
It’s All About Me (IAAM)
Or Maybe It Isn’t
Let’s begin…
• Get a partner - someone you don’t work with, who doesn’t even work for the same company/organization
• Each of you take one minute to tell the other about a situation where someone you work with hurt your feelings, offended you, disrespected you, made you angry, sad, frustrated, or some other negative thing
• Write an outline of your partner’s situation on an index card. Save it for later.
Intro
• Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning
• Focused on how people learn, Agile, teams, collaboration, and all that good stuff
• Twitter: @athought
Who are you?
You have 5 minutes. Walk around the room and introduce yourself to as many people as possible.
Your name, your title, where you work, and a very quick summary of your partner’s story
Sharing - Pop-ups
In the next thirty seconds, please pop up and tell us in no more than three words what the feeling was that you described in your sharing at the beginning (angry, hurt, homicidal, sad,…)
Let’s go for 15 (that’s only one every two seconds)
Whose feeling was
it?
-Thich Nhat Hanh
“Our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if the other person
says and does things that are not easy to accept. We must practice this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the
other person being lovable.”
What do you KNOW?
What do you ASSUME?
It’s all in your head
No, really…
it’s all in your head
“Why would a rational, reasonable, decent human
being do that?”
The Humanizing Question from Crucial Conversations
S T A T EThe Technique
from Crucial Conversations
Get back with your original partner.
You’ll have one minute each.
Tell each other the FACTS about what happened. Not what you thought. Not what you felt. Not what you interpreted. The FACTS.
S
You’ll have one minute each (yes, again)
Tell your partner how you felt. Not how the other person “made” you feel.
T
Whose feeling was
it?
Let’s change directions for a few minutes. I have a
premise…
You were born selfish…
Write on an index card your definition of selfish. You have one minute.
Hand your index card to someone else to read, and someone will hand theirs to you to read.
Read it. ;)
Repeat until I tell you to stop.
…and you learned…
What are some socially acceptable ways of dealing
with your feelings?
Who is in charge of
your feelings?
Whose feeling was
it?
It’s still me
Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning
Twitter: @athought