5/8/18

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First, Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask

Session 2: Improve your moods, improve your behavior

Sarah C. Wayland, Ph.D.Special Needs Care Navigator

Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) Consultantwww.GuidingExceptionalParents.com

Ground rules

� Focus is on teaching skills to help you manage your mood.

� Support each other.� Provide equal time.� Respect confidentiality of group members.

Homework Review

� Which Self-Regulation domains are currently draining your resources?

� Which Parental Factors are at play for you? � What did you learn about how your mood, your child’s

mood, and your parenting interact?

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Triune* BrainSurvival Brain Emotional Brain Thinking Brain

Brain stem & cerebellum Limbic system Neocortex

Fight, flight, or freeze Emotions, memories, habits Language, imagination, abstract thinking, consciousness

Autopilot Instinctually-based decisions Reasoning, rationalthought

The Triune Brain in Evolution, Paul MacLean, 1960

The Rumble-Rage Cycle

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

Survival BrainEmotional

BrainEmotional

Brain

ThinkingBrain

ThinkingBrain

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

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The Rumble-Rage Cycle

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

Keep everyonesafeComforting

worksComforting

works

Thinkingworks

Thinkingworks

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

Pressure builds before you see it

Internal vs. External

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

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Kids AND Adults

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

Different Calm Down Times

Brenda Smith Myles High Functioning Autism and Difficult Moments

When rumbling….

� Recognize that your body is having a response.� Have you previously had a similar response in another

situation?� Is your reaction reasonable given the current

situation? Or is it based on your previous experience?

12

You create your feelings

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Not

Saf

e Safe

Lethargic

Activated

Social Context

Tha

yer

Mat

rix

Not

Saf

e Safe

Lethargic

Activated

Tha

yer

Mat

rix

sym

path

etic

parasympathetic

15

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Stre

ss –

Not

Safe Normal – Safe

SocialEngagement

MOBILIZATIONwork, sportdance, art

IMMOBILErelaxation

rest, meditationsleep

DANGERfight / flightTHREAT

LIFE THREATfreeze,

dissociation, faint, shock

CO

RTEX

SYM

PAT

HET

ICPA

RA

-SY

MPA

TH

ETIC

Lethargic

Activated

Not

Saf

e Safe

Lethargic

Activated

Tha

yer

Mat

rix FIGHT / FLIGHT

FROZEN ASLEEP

NERVOUS

ENGAGED & PRODUCTIVE

CONCERNED PROBLEM SOLVING

Your mood, your child’s mood & your parenting

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Bad moods lead to bad behaviors

What leads to a bad mood?(brainstorm)

Thoughts

Behaviors

Feelings

Body

Cognitive Behavior Therapy

adapted from Lewinsohn, Burns, Zucker

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Feel bad

Feel worse

Feel even worse

Engage in few interactions with

positive outcomes

Do even less

Become less active

Challenges are not threats…

They can be controlled and mastered.

The Science of Character

Tiffany Shlain & The Moxie Institute Films

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Feel great!

Feel better

Feel bad

Engage in many interactions with

positive outcomes

Do something important to you

Do more fun things

Feel even better

Emotions & associated thoughts

� Sadness or depression◦ loss, rejection, or failure

� Guilt or shame◦ hurt someone, failed to live up to expectations

� Anger, irritation, annoyance, resentment◦ unfair treatment, being taken advantage of

� Frustration◦ unmet expectations

Emotions & associated thoughts (cont.)

� Anxiety, worry, fear, nervousness, panic◦ danger, something bad will happen

� Inferiority or inadequacy◦ comparisons make you look bad

� Loneliness◦ you aren’t getting enough love & attention

� Hopelessness or discouragement◦ problems are never-ending and will never get better

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Feelings & your body� sweaty palms� heart palpitations� stomach ache� headache� chest pain� crying� brain fog� sensory overload� tingling/numbness

� diarrhea/constipation

� restlessness� tense muscles� sweating� lump in throat� shaking� jelly legs� dizziness

� difficulty breathing

� exhaustion� hot flashes/chills

Negative behaviors

üdemandingüstubbornüviolentü impatientüover-reactiveüyellingüwithdrawnüavoidant

üacting nervousücontrollingü….?

Thoughts

Behaviors

Feelings

Body

ü worriesü thinking errorsü negative self-talk

ü yellingü withdrawingü avoidingü acting nervousü ….?

ü sweaty palmsü fast heartbeatü stomach acheü headacheü chest painü cryingü brain fogü sensory overloadü ….?

ü sadness ü guilt or shameü anger, irritationü frustrationü anxietyü inferiorityü lonelinessü hopelessness

Ø Relaxation Ø Calm BreathingØ Mindfulness

Ø Face Your ChallengesØ Control Your Behaviors

Ø Conquer Your WorriesØ Identify & Replace Your Thinking ErrorsØ Positive Self-Talk

ü demandingü stubbornü violentü impatientü over-reactive

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Thoughts

Behaviors

Feelings

Body

Ø Relaxation Ø Calm BreathingØ Mindfulness

Ø Face Your ChallengesØ Control Your Behaviors

Ø Conquer Your WorriesØ Identify & Replace Your Thinking ErrorsØ Positive Self-Talk

Cognitive Distortions

� All-or-none thinking� Overgeneralization� Mental filters� Catastrophizing� Magnification� Should statements� Personalization & blame

Cognitive Distortions (cont.)

� Mind reading� Fortune-telling� Emotional reasoning� Mislabeling� Selective attention & selective memory

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Examples of distorted thoughts

� If I give up a little bit of control, disaster is inevitable. � My child’s differences mean s/he cannot have a good life.� A few steps backwards mean irreversible freefall.� S/he will never be an independent adult. � If I disagree with my spouse our children will be totally messed up and our

marriage will be a disaster. � If my friends do not understand, I will be alone. � I don’t deserve compassion. I should do better.� It’s all my fault. My genes. My parenting. � My child misbehaves just to get me angry.

Exercise (handout)

� Describe a situation where you felt stressed. (Event at the bottom of the page)

� Under each area, write your◦ negative thoughts◦ negative feelings◦ negative physical symptoms (body)◦ negative behaviors

Exercise (cont.)

� For each thought, evaluate whether it is a cognitive distortion.

� Now think of replacement thoughts.

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Homework for Session #2

� Track Moods & Parenting� Analyze: ◦ For problem situations that arise this week: � analyze your thoughts, � determine if your thinking is distorted, � come up with more rational replacement thoughts