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8/9/2019 Pre Wedding+Rituals

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A Pakistani Wedding Primer Compiled by Ahsia Khan and Mohammed Badi

“They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them.” (Qur’an 2:187)

The Qur’an states that a husband and wife should be as garments for each other.

Just as garments are for the protection, comfort, flattery, and concealment of our bodies,God expects husbands and wives to be for one another. Marriage in Islam is both a

solemn pact that is to be respected by two people and an act of devotion to God. The

only requirement for a Muslim wedding to occur is the signing of a marriage contract.

The traditions that accompany this contract differ depending on the culture of the familiesinvolved and the Islamic school of thought that they follow. Most marriages are not held

mosques but rather in the same banquet hall as the reception. Since Islam sanctions no

official clergy, any Muslim who understands Islamic tradition can officiate a wedding.Many mosques do have a marriage officer, called a qazi or maulvi, who can oversee the

marriage.

The wedding ceremony is traditionally broken up into three parts: pre-weddingfestivities, the wedding, and post-wedding festivities.

Pre-Wedding: Mayun (pronounced my-YOO) and Uptan (OOP-tun)

This is the first ceremony in a Pakistani wedding. About eight to fifteen days

before the actual wedding the bride enters a state of mayun which indicates that she isnow in seclusion, proscribed from the groom's eyes until the day of marriage. This is the

time that the beautification rituals commence.

According to tradition, the groom's mother brings the uptan (a paste made fromturmeric, sandalwood powder, herbs and aromatic oils) for the bride. After blessing her in

order to remove nazar (evil eye), the groom's mother and his sisters apply the uptan on

the bride's hands and face. On each day leading up to the wedding the bride’s family andfriends will massage the 'uptan' into the bride's skin and leave it on for most of the day.

Custom also dictates that at some point during this time a thick string called a ganay is

tied on the arm of the bride A similar ceremony is often also held for the groom, where

the bride's mother brings the 'uptan' for him and the bride's sisters, cousins and friendsapply it on him. They will often take this opportunity to play tricks on the groom, to

tease him, or to just give him a hard time. This taunting is one of the major themes that pervade each of the ceremonies and it only becomes stronger as time goes on.

Pre-Wedding: Mehndi ceremony

The Mehndi (henna) ceremony takes place the night before the wedding. This

consists of a blessing ceremony, the application of henna (generally for the women only),



for the first years of marriage.

Throughout the evening the attendees sing and dance to traditional South Asianmusic. The different performances are usually structured in the form of a competition

that pits the groom’s side against that of the bride. Most dances usually include people of

a single sex although at times brothers and sisters or a husband and wife will dance

together.As described in the previous section, the bride’s side will often play pranks on the

groom as well as tease him. Two of the numerous traditional pranks at the Mehndi are:

1.The stealing of the groom’s shoes: the brides side steals the grooms shoes andthe grooms side must pay an amount to get the groom’s shoes back, though the

price of shoes is bargained for several minutes...

2. Holding the groom’s pinky: this is done by one of the bride’s sisters or friends.The girls do not let go of the pinky until the groom gives another monetary

amount to the friend/sister.

Wedding: Shadi

The groom then leaves with his baraatis (the groom’s relatives and friends) for the bride's home. They all arrive at the wedding at the same time and are greeted by the

bride’s guests who are already at the hall.Much like at the Mehndi, music plays, people applaud, and the bride’s relatives

greet the baraatis with flower garlands, showers of flower petals, and sweets. Thebaraatis are then seated and a similar welcome is given to the bride when she arrives with

her family and close friends.

Once everyone has settled

down, the nikkah, or weddingceremony takes place. The most

important part of the ceremonyinvolves the nikaahnaama. The

central document involved in these

proceedings is the nikaahnaama. The nikaahnaama is a document on

which the marriage contract is

registered. It contains a set of terms

and conditions that must be respected by both parties, including the right of

the bride to divorce her husband.

Furthermore, the marriage contractincludes a meher -- a formal

statement specifying the monetary amount the groom will give the bride. There are two

parts to the meher: an amount due before the marriage is consummated and a deferredamount given to the bride at a time to be determined. Today, many couples use the

wedding ring to meet the requirement of the first part. The deferred amount can be a

small sum -- a formality -- or an actual gift of money, land, jewelry, or even an education.

The gift belongs to the bride to do with as she pleases, unless the marriage breaks up before consummation. The meher is considered the bride's security and guarantee of

freedom within the marriage.



In order for the marriage contract to be legal, it must be signed by the groom, the

bride, the witnesses, and the maulvi. The maulvi is the leader of the ceremony and heusually begins by reading selected verses from the Quran. He then waits for the Ijab-e-

Qubul (proposal and acceptance) to take place. Usually, the boy's side proposes and the

girl's side conveys her assent. The maulvi and the gavaah (witnesses) then take the

nikaahnaama to the bride and either read it aloud to her or allow the bride to read it toherself. The bride accepts the nikaahnaama by saying qabool kiya, which translates to I accept and signs the contract. The document is then taken back to the groom and read

aloud to him or given to him to read. He too gives hisassent by saying qabool kiya and signs the contract. At

this point the nikkah is complete. The maulvi will often

follow the nikkah with a recitation of the Fatihah, thefirst chapter of the Qur’an, as well as various durud

(blessings). Most Muslim women cover their hair when

the Qur’an is recited and both Muslim men and womencup their hands with their palms facing upwards when

praying (so as to catch God’s blessing as they fall).The announcement of the marriage is then made

and in recognition and celebration of this chuaare (dried dates) and mishri (unrefinedsugar) are passed around by the groom’s family.

The groom is then taken to

where his wife is seated and is(finally) allowed to sit beside her.

This is of course another

opportunity for a prank by the bride’s friends and family: they

will sit next to the bride and donot allow the groom to sit next to

his wife until he pays what they

feel is an acceptable sum of money.

The first time the groom

sees the bride’s face after thenikkah is during a ceremonycalled moo dikhai. This literally

translates to “the showing of the

face.” The way it works is that the bride’s face has been completely covered by a veil upto this point. A mirror is then brought to the couple and while they both look at the

mirror the bride’s veil is lifted. Another name for this custom is Aarsi Musshaf.

Following traditional Islamic customs, the bride and groom then share a piece of sweet fruit, such as a date. The dinner is now then served. It is at this time and

throughout the evening that friends and family can go to meet the couple to offer their

congratulations as well as take photos and give gifts. Please keep in mind that in the

Muslim tradition it is strongly discouraged to be hugged or kissed by friends of theopposite sex.



The evening ends with the Ruksati. This is usually described as one of the most

emotional moments in a woman’s life. It is the official "send off" before she departs for her husband's house. As she bids what is often a tearful farewell to her parents, family

and friends, the Qur’an is held over her head as a blessing. This step symbolizes the

bride's entrance into a new phase of her life.

When the bride arrives at her husband’s house, the groom's mother holds theQur’an above the head of her new daughter-in-law as she enters her new home for the

first time. It is also the tradition for the family to then

play a series of games. The purpose of these games isto help ease the transition of the newly wed bride in her

new house. In the Punjabi tradition, after the couple

arrives home and has been greeted by the boy's mother,a big thali (tray) with a mixture of water and milk is

placed in front of the couple with a ring thrown in it.

The idea is for the bride and groom to search for thering and whoever finds it first is considered to be the

dominant partner in the relationship. Another suchgame includes the untying of a gana (a thick piece of

string) by the bride and groom. This string was tied to the wrists of the bride and groom by their bridesmaids and groomsmen, when the started the evening at their respective

homes. The person who can untie the gana first is usually considered to be the more

dominant partner in the relationship.

Post-Wedding: Valima

The valima is traditionally held the day after the wedding but is often held up to a week

later if logistically necessary. It is hosted by the groom’s parents and is technically acelebration of the consummation of the marriage. The bride and groom are now

recognized as a married couple and all the guests are a witness to this union by Islamic

law.

"He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you maydwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy

between you." (Qur'an 30: 21)

Disclaimer: While this primer discusses many of the religious and cultural aspects of a Pakistani wedding,it is not meant to represent all Pakistani or Muslim traditions.

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