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William H. Hall Complex

. In the coming days many of us will depart to the cityby the bay, well if you count Lake Michigan as a bay!

No, we will be going to the Windy City, the City of Broad Shoulders, the un-cool brother of St. Louis

(shout out to my Cards!), Chicago. Chicago is a greattown, there are many museums, aquariums, shopping

districts, etc. But one thing you need to be aware of is, you aren’t in Columbus anymore. I know you are

probably saying, “I live in Cbus, it’s big, I’m ok, I knowhow to handle myself.” Well, you don’t. Chicago ismuch larger and therefore, due to the increase in

population, there will be a higher crime occurrence.You have nothing to fear, you should enjoy your time,

but take the following advice (you may think I don’tknow anything because I’m from Missouri, but mymother was raised in Chicago on the South Side,during the racial riots of the 60s and 70s, and she

passed on all of her “advice” onto me):

DO NOT GIVE MONEY TO HOMELESS PEOPLE. Itsounds not nice, but if you give money to them they

will tend to “stalk” you the rest of the time. If youwould like to help them, go to salvationarmy.com tomake a donation. This group has been helping the

less fortunate for decades.

DO NOT GO ALONE! No matter how upset you arethat your friends don’t want to go to Shed’s Aquarium

(anybody want to go, I really want to), you do notleave them. Why? Well, if you are walking with a

group you are a less likely target to get mugged,rapped, kidnapped, beheaded, run over, or drawn andquartered. IT IS IN YOUR BEST INTRESTS TO

STAY IN A GROUP. At my job, we tell people to stayin a group of 4 or more, this is a safe size and it

means you can split the cab fare more ways!

IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING,TAKE A MAP! Why would you want to get lost in oneof America’s largest towns? Take a map or use your

smart phone to get directions.

DON’T CARRY ALL YOUR MONEY IN ONE PLACE! Itsounds crazy, but pick pocketing is a huge problem in the

higher class areas of towns and this means if you carrysome cash in your wallet and then some in your front

pocket, you have a better chance of eating later.

SITUATIONAL AWARENESS! What does this mean? Itmeans always know who is where. When I walk into a

restaurant, I take note of the exits, who is eating (whichperson is a higher threat) and I sit facing the main door,

that way I am able to see everything that goes on.Paranoid, no Situational Awareness!

Have fun! Sounds crazy right? You can have a great timeand still follow these procedures in Chicago. Oh, and

remember when in Chicago remember South is bad, Northis rich, West is fields, East is Lake.

May 30 th , 2011

Chicago Safe Greg Moon

SSP Newsletter



Twins are for 2 Daniel McDonald

As I walked through the oval on one of the first warmdays of spring I saw everyone out playing football, tossing a

Frisbee, or just getting some sun. I thought to myself “this isawesome!” I was so excited to see such an aliveatmosphere with people enjoying themselves.

However, as I talked to some other people about it toshare my excitement I heard descriptions such as ovalbeach, and complaints about girls showing too much skin or it being too crowded. At first I didn’t understand what theywere complaining about. I still couldn’t imagine how youcould not love “oval beach.”

However, as I heard more and more stories I startedto view it differently. Apparently there have been girls that sitaround wearing just a bra and underwear as if it were abathing suit. Another friend told me that they witnessed acouple of guys passing around weed and the smell wasdisgusting. My view has now changed ever so slightly on thiscrowd in the oval. Although I can’t help but still love theenergy and excitement, I now realize that maybe it isn’t whatI first thought it was. What do you think?

The Oval Anna Meyer

SSP Newsletter

My feelings for Transformers 2 are not silent at all. I hated that movie in so many ways and for so manyreasons. It lost all innocence and genuine nature that the first one flashed. One of my top reasons aside from thepush of Megan Fox’s body and cheesy dialogue is the twin robots that were introduced. I was absolutely in awe asI watched a great movie submit itself to what it thought was wanted out of the general public. As far as paper made it may have. It failed in critics’ eyes as well and as well as anyone who was waiting for more than skin andan explosion. The twins are apparently out for the third. Reasoning being for the wrong ones in my eyes.Apparently they caused quite the controversy as they characterized African American stereotypes quite horribly. Itis not the stereotypes that bother me so much as that they thought that there was a need for them and found themhumorous at all. If you are going to be stereotypical or racist or whatever in an attempt to be funny, make it clever,make it smart, and actually put an effort into it. With the loss of the twins and Miss Fox I hope for a more well--written movie. I have nothing against Megan Fox I just feel like she probably has acting ability underneath the fewclothes she wears anyway. Her and Taylor Lautner have both screwed themselves into the same positions sadly.The audience is only happy with what they are saying if they are lacking a shirt. All that money and all the moneyyou’re saving on not having to buy a shirt. Off track. Transformers 3 better be better than 2.



SSP Newsletter

Geraldine Morgan is not a

newbie to the world of

bodybuilding. Since she was 15 years old, Morgan

has been training her

muscles to bulge and

ripple like a champ. Her

foray into competitions

began in 1998, and she

maintains her status as a

confident and – ahem –

muscular woman.

Like many women

bodybuilders, Morgan

continues to aspire for

bigger muscles and is

Can Geraldine Morgan Make the Boys of SSPJealous of Her “Swoll”-Ness? Kaydee Laney

diligent at practicing

her craft. How her body

has changed throughout

the years is pretty

obvious; she started out

as an average-sized

woman and now fits the

label “mega-buff” quite

easily. While it is easy

for those outside of the

bodybuilding

community to say that

her physique is simply

not meant to look that

way, Morgan’s

profession as a civil

engineer refutes the

belief that she may be

off her rocker.

Why is it so hard to get a job these days? They want you to have all this experienceand a perfect resume. What experience is good experience? If I worked at a librarybefore, or a doctor’s office, how is that going to determine your outlook on me? Thenyou go to the interview and they ask all these situational based questions about you,and you try to give them a realistic answer but it’s not good enough. If they had nointentions on hiring me… than why did they interview me? If they are “not looking tohire” than what’s with the interview? But the sad part is for me is that I can’t evenmake it to the interview. They base all my characteristics strictly off a piece of paper.How sick is this world. lol

Cha-Rant: Give Me a JobCharaun Little



Macho Man is dead! The former WWE championship wrestler was drivingthrough Tampa on Friday morning, suffered a heart attack, and lost control of his

car. Apparently a lot of my Facebook friends were upset by this news, but Ihonestly had no idea who Macho Man was until I headed to www.eonline.comand read about it. Rest In Peace, Macho Man.

Some tech-savvy Batman fans gave all of us our first view of Tom Hardy asBane in the newest installment of the Batman series. Filming for The Dark KnightRises began on Thursday, May 19 and will be released on July 20, 2012.Wahoo! I’m more than ready for some more Christian Bale in my life (and theaddition of Hardy won’t hurt me either).

The Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, admitted this past week to havingan affair with one of his former employees. Not only did he have an affair withher, though, Arnold also admitted to having an illegitimate child (who is now 10years old) with the woman, and said he has financially supported it since birth.Along with this bombshell, Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, haveannounced that they are separating. Guess he’ll have a lot more time to focus onthat new Terminator movie he signed on for…

Unfortunately, last night’s America’s Best Dance Crew ended in tears for meStreet Kingdom was eliminated after being in the bottom two for the third timethis season. I don’t know what the judges were thinking when they voted for Phunk Phenomenon over SK, but it was the dumbest decision they could havemade. Street Kingdom’s military-style dance to Nicki Minaj’s “Did It On ‘Em”easily killed Phunk Phenomenon’s sloppy belly-dancing rendition of “My ChickBad”. I could have dealt with the group of 12-year-olds being voted off thisweek…Guess I’ll just have to root for IaMmE now. I blame it all on JC Chasez.

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Emily Cadwallader



The Stadium Scholarship Program’s Official

Most Eligible BachelorSeries

Liz Light

The self-proclaimed “swagtastic” Davon Norris enters, or rather,

“swaggers” into my room, brandishing a picture message of sneakers hemay receive as a gift. I remark, “Those are some pretty cool sneaks”….

“Sneaks”, according to Mr. Norris’ standards, is not a word worthy of “swag” status. So, ladies, if you thought you could handle this swaggerificman with an extensive vocabulary and charm abound allow this article to

make you think again.

LL: What would you say is your main attribute of appeal to the ladies of this university and beyond?

Reads a text and looks bewildered

DN: My most appealing attribute to the ladies is my charm. I’d say I’m themost charming person on this entire campus. Save for Dr. Gee. He hassome charm. It’s the bowtie. Oh, and the mustache must be included inthis answer.

LL: Give me a plan for a date for you and a lucky lady here on campus.

DN: ( Laughs to himself .) Well, first, we will begin with a nice dinner atMozart’s Bakery and Café. It’s a hole in the wall but it’s delicious…they’vegot a little guy playin’ the piano it’s pretty swag. ( Answers phone :) I’mbeing interviewed. For newsletter. Alrightsies. Fasho. Bye. So after thefantastic dinner, take a stroll down high street get some Jeni’s From Jeni’swe’d proceed to…well yeah, go to Jeni’s. Then she can take the 2 back to

campus. I’m not an impromptu date giver.

LL: What is your number one deal breaker and number one deal maker for you?

DN: She’s dumb…irritating to talk to. She doesn’t say anything...like, whatshe says is something somebody else has said. The opposite of the dealbreaker would be the deal maker: mentally stimulating. I feel like I can’t bethe only one with some charm…she’s gotta have some charm.

LL: What is a certain article of clothing you love when girls wear?

DN: A samurai top. You know with the flowing sleeves, but like, it’s still

hot?

LL: Hmm, never heard of one of those. Davon, what do you think isholding you back from nabbing “that girl”?

DN: I’m actively looking. Janky skanky chicks...that’s all I’m sayin’. Jankyskanky chicks. Say that fast. The right girl just hasn’t come along yet!



Interview With an Alien Tykie Theofilos

Interview with an Alien that crash landed in the back of SSP, and that’s been living in the basement of ScholarsWest for the past 2 months. For the sake of this being a musical article, let’s call him “Musical Alien”.

Me: Thanks for taking the time for this interview Musical Alien, I realize how busy you are messing with thetemperature in the building, and zapping my memory so I forget my cleaning shifts.

Alien: It’s no problem, I do what I can. Consider it payback for that time you locked me in the common room withthat awful television that makes the video game noise every time you turn it on and off.

Me: Fair. So Alien, how do you survive here? What do you eat?

Alien: I actually just eat the cardboard boxes that Marketplace stores food in.

Me: I eat cardboard too! Except I walk over to Marketplace, buy something called “General Tso’s Chicken” andpretend it’s not the same cardboard you’re eating. My life is weird.

Alien: That’s so messed up. I might demagnetize the front door swipe in apparatus again just to screw with you.

Me: Now Alien, you’ve mentioned your planet has learned to live with high technology without destroying itself, tellus how that happened.

Alien: Well it really wasn’t us, we’ve had a lot of help from Jesus.

Me: Wait a minute, the same Jesus from Earth? The Son of God?

Alien: Yes, the same one. His teachings really do help out a lot, plus He visits every two weeks or so, and Hebought season tickets to a bunch of sporting events out here-

Me: Wait a minute, you’re telling me Jesus comes back to your planet every two weeks?!? He only visited oncehere!

Alien: That’s weird? The first time He visited our planet we gave Him candy and a warm bed to stay in, what didyou guys do to Him?

Me: ...And we’re out of time.

Alien: Stay golden ponyboy.

Pictured Right: The Alien that’s been living inthe basement of Scholars West

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