如何提高书面表达句子的档次

Welcome to our school

你的英国朋友正在做一个课题；世界各地的生你的英国朋友正在做一个课题；世界各地的生日庆祝方式。他请你介绍中国学生过生日的方式。日庆祝方式。他请你介绍中国学生过生日的方式。请你根据以下要点写一篇短文：请你根据以下要点写一篇短文：

一、通常方式一、通常方式

11 ．生日聚会．生日聚会

22 ．生日礼物．生日礼物

33 ．生日祝福．生日祝福

二、我认为更有意义的庆祝方式和理由 二、我认为更有意义的庆祝方式和理由

** 词数词数 100-120 100-120 （（ 2005 2005 浙江卷）浙江卷）

Now students in China celebrate their birthdays in many ways.

Usually, a party is held. Best friends and relatives will come to the party. They usually buy a gift. They show their best wishes. Sometimes, people send short messages too and it is becoming very popular.

But I think that it’s better to help other people. We know that it’s important to learn to help other people. Helping other people can do us a lot of good. People will help you because you’ve helped them and you’ll be happy…

学生作品（ 1 ）

Nowadays students in China celebrate their birthdayNowadays students in China celebrate their birthdays in various ways.s in various ways.

Usually, a party is held so that people can get togethUsually, a party is held so that people can get together. Best friends, as well as relatives, are going to be invier. Best friends, as well as relatives, are going to be invited. It’s polite to buy a small gift which stands for one’ted. It’s polite to buy a small gift which stands for one’s best wishes. What’s more, sending short messages on s best wishes. What’s more, sending short messages on one’s birthday is becoming more and more popular, as one’s birthday is becoming more and more popular, as a result of its convenience.a result of its convenience.

However, as far as I’m concerned, it’s more meaningHowever, as far as I’m concerned, it’s more meaningful to care about others than about oneself. As is knowful to care about others than about oneself. As is known to all, to give is better than to receive. Birthdays mean to all, to give is better than to receive. Birthdays mean not only being older but more helpful and useful to tn not only being older but more helpful and useful to the world. Therefore, it’s of importance to learn to help he world. Therefore, it’s of importance to learn to help others. Helping others on one’s birthday can do you a lothers. Helping others on one’s birthday can do you a lot of good. For one thing, people will help you in returot of good. For one thing, people will help you in return in the future; for another, you’ll be happy.n in the future; for another, you’ll be happy.

As a result, I think it better to help others to spend As a result, I think it better to help others to spend one’s birthday.one’s birthday.

学生作品（ 2 ）

Nowadays students in China celebrate their birthdayNowadays students in China celebrate their birthdays in various ways.s in various ways.

Usually, a party is held so that people can get togethUsually, a party is held so that people can get together. Best friends, as well as relatives, are going to be invier. Best friends, as well as relatives, are going to be invited. It’s polite to buy a small gift which stands for one’ted. It’s polite to buy a small gift which stands for one’s best wishes. What’s more, sending short messages on s best wishes. What’s more, sending short messages on one’s birthday is becoming more and more popular, as one’s birthday is becoming more and more popular, as a result of its convenience.a result of its convenience.

However, as far as I’m concerned, it’s more meaningHowever, as far as I’m concerned, it’s more meaningful to care about others than about oneself. As is knowful to care about others than about oneself. As is known to all, to give is better than to receive. Birthdays mean to all, to give is better than to receive. Birthdays mean not only being older but more helpful and useful to tn not only being older but more helpful and useful to the world. Therefore, it’s of importance to learn to help he world. Therefore, it’s of importance to learn to help others. Helping others on one’s birthday can do you a lothers. Helping others on one’s birthday can do you a lot of good. For one thing, people will help you in returot of good. For one thing, people will help you in return in the future; for another, you’ll be happy.n in the future; for another, you’ll be happy.

As a result, I think it better to help others to spend As a result, I think it better to help others to spend one’s birthday.one’s birthday.

学生作品（ 2 ）

1. 要点齐全2. 较多的语法结构和高级词汇 3. 全文结构紧凑

高档书面表达的要求：高档书面表达的要求：

1. 1. 时间：昨天下午放学后时间：昨天下午放学后 请根据下述情况写一篇请根据下述情况写一篇 80-12080-120 个单词的英语新闻个单词的英语新闻 广播稿，准备在你校广播台播出。广播稿，准备在你校广播台播出。2. 2. 地点：回家路上地点：回家路上3. 3. 人物：高一（人物：高一（ 22 ）班两名男生田力和段凯）班两名男生田力和段凯4. 4. 事件：边骑车边谈笑，后追逐一辆公交车，觉得好事件：边骑车边谈笑，后追逐一辆公交车，觉得好 玩。公交车遇红灯停下，两人来不及刹车，摔倒在玩。公交车遇红灯停下，两人来不及刹车，摔倒在 地。一人左手臂摔断，一人腿部受伤。地。一人左手臂摔断，一人腿部受伤。5. 5. 警示：严格遵守交通规则，切忌在马路上嬉笑玩耍。警示：严格遵守交通规则，切忌在马路上嬉笑玩耍。

1. There was an accident happened to two students

in our school yesterday afternoon. ( 典型病句）

There was an accident that happened to two

students in our school yesterday afternoon.

( 定语从句）

An accident occurred to two students in our

school yesterday afternoon. （高级词汇）

An accident happened to two students in our school yesterday afternoon.

2. Tian Li and Duan Kai were riding bikes side by

side on the way home after school. They were

talking and laughing loudly. ( 陈蝉 )

Tian Li and Duan Kai were riding bikes side

by side on the way home after school, talking

and laughing loudly. （用分词合并）

3. The traffic lights turned red. They found it

was too late to stop the bikes.

The lights turned red, but they found it was too

late to stop their bikes. ( 黄颖 ) （用连接词连接）Seeing the red traffic lights, they tried to stop but it was too late. （用分词合并）

4. One’s left arm was hurt and the other’s leg was hurt too. ( 戴靓 ) One’s left arm was broken while the other’s leg

got hurt. ( 边昶 ) ( 避免用相同结构和词汇）（高级连词）One had his left arm broken while the other got

his leg hurt. /the other was badly hurt in the leg.)

( 高级结构）They were knocked off their bikes, one with the

left arm broken, and the other with one leg hurt.

( 高级介词短语 / 独立主格结构） ( 昭昭 )

5. If we don’t obey traffic rules, we might die.

a. If we go against traffic rules, we might lose our

lives.

b. If we go against traffic rules, we might end up in

hospital.

c. Going against traffic rules might cost us our lives.

d. Don’t risk our lives going against traffic rules.

( 多种表达）

6. He got up at 7 o’clock. （使用多种句式使用多种句式 ）

It was not until 7 o’clock that he got up.

Not until 7 o’clock did he get up.

( 强调句）

（倒装句）

He didn’t get up until 7 o’clock.

1. I had a good idea.

a. A good idea occurred to me.

b. I came up with a good idea.

2. Don’t worry . We’ll try to help you.

make every effort to, make great efforts to

spare no efforts to, try every means to

do all we can to, do what we can to

多种表达 & 高级词汇

Practice:

1.  There are 80% of the population live on farming.

2. At 8 this morning, there were about 50 American

students came to visit our school.

80% of the population live on farming.

At 8 this morning, about 50 American students came to visit our school.

Practice: （用分词合并）

1. He had finished his homework.

He went out to play football.

2. I was moved by his words. I decided to lend

him a hand.

Moved by his words, I decided to lend him a hand.

Having finished his homework, he went out to play football.

Practice: （用连接词连接）1. The police searched everywhere. The missing

boy could not be found.

The police searched everywhere, but the missing

boy could not be found.

Though the police searched everywhere, the missing

boy could not be found.

Practice: ( 避免用相同结构和词汇）

1. I like sports. I like music, too.

a. I like sports and music as well.

b. I like sports as well as music.

2. My favorite subject is English while my sister’s favorite subject is history.

a. My favorite subject is English while my

sister’s is history.

b. My favorite subject is English while my

sister likes history best.

My old grandfather fell asleep in the sofa.

He had a book on his knees.

Practice: （用介词短语）

My old grandfather fell asleep in the sofa with a book on his knees.

提高句子档次的小结：

1. 用分词短语合并句子

用介词短语合并句子

用独立主格结构合并句子

用连接词连接句子

2. 用高级结构和词汇

3. 用定语从句、主语从句、强调句、倒装句

4. 用不同结构和词汇…

An accident happened to two students in our school yesterday afternoon. School was over. Tianli and Dunkai from Grade 1 were going home by bike. They were talking and laughing happily. When they saw a car which was passing by, they started to run after it. They thought it was very interesting. The bus stopped when the traffic light turned red. The two students were very close to the bus and they couldn’t stop their bikes in time. They fell off the bikes. Tianli broke his left arm and Dunkai hurt his leg.

( 学生作文）

①An accident happened to two students in our school yesterday afternoon. School was over. ②Tianli and Dunkai from Grade 1 were going home by bike. They were talking and laughing happily. ③When they saw a bus which was passing by, they started to run after it. They thought it was very interesting. The bus stopped when the traffic light ④turned red. The two students were very close to ⑤the bus and they couldn't stop their bikes in time.

They fell off the bikes. Tianli’s broke his his left ⑥arm and Dunkai hurt his leg.

① An accident happened to two students in our school yesterday afternoon.

② School was over. Tianli and Dunkai from Grade 1 were going home by bike. They were talking and laughing happily.

An accident occurred to two students in our school

yesterday afternoon.

After school was over, Tianli and Dunkai from Grade 1 were on their way home by bike, talking and laughing

happily.

③When they see a bus which was passing by, they started to run after it. They thought it was very interesting.

④ The bus stopped when the traffic light turned red.

Seeing a passing car, they started to chase it, thinking it great fun.

Unfortunately, the bus stopped the moment the traffic light turned red.

⑤ The two students were very close to the bus and they

couldn’t stop their bikes in time.

⑥ They fell off the bikes. Tianli’s broke his his left arm

and Dunkai hurt his leg.

The two students were so close to the bus that they

were not able to stop their bikes in time.

As a result, they were knocked off the bikes, one with

his left arm broken and the other with his leg hurt.

①An accident occurred to two students in our school yesterday afternoon. After school was over, Tianli an②d Dunkai from Grade 1 were heading home by bike, talking and laughing happily. ③ Seeing a passing bus, they started to chase it, thinking it was great fun. ④ Unfortunately, the bus stopped the moment the traffic light turned red. The two students were ⑤ so close to the bus that they were not able to stop their bikes in time. ⑥As a result, they were knocked off the bikes, one with his left arm broken and the other with his leg hurt.

(95 words)

Now students in China celebrate their birthdays in many ways.

Usually, a party is held. Best friends and relatives will come to the party. They usually buy a gift. They show their best wishes. Sometimes, people send short messages too and it is becoming very popular.

But I think that it’s better to help other people. We know that it’s important to learn to help other people. Helping other people can do us a lot of good. People will help you because you’ve helped them and you’ll be happy…

Improve this composition, try!

( 1) Now students in China celebrate their birthdays in many ways.

(2) Usually, a party is held. Best friends and relatives will come to the party. （用 where 定语从句） (3) They usually buy a gift. They show their best wishes. （和并句子） (4) Sometimes, people send short messages too and it is becoming very popular （用 which 定语从句） .

(5) But ( 替换） I think （替换） that it’s better to help other people.(6) We know that it’s important to learn to help others. Helping other people can do us a lot of good. (7) People will help you in return and you’ll be happy （用 For one thing, For another 替换） .

Nowadays students in China celebrate their birthdays in various ways.Usually, a party is held where best friends as well as relatives can get together and have fun.They usually buy a small gift with which to express their best wishes.Sometimes, people send short messages too, which is becoming very popular .However, as far as I’m concerned, it’s better to do something for others.As is known to all, it’s of importance to help others. Helping others on one’s birthday can be not only meaningful but also do you a lot of good.

For one thing people will help you in return; for another, you’ll get happiness out of that.

Nowadays students in China celebrate their birthdays in various ways.

Usually, a party is held where best friends as well as relatives can get together and have fun. They usually buy a small gift with which to express their best wishes. Sometimes, people send short messages too, which is becoming very popular .

However, as far as I’m concerned, it’s better to do something for others. As is known to all, it’s of importance to help others. Helping others on one’s birthday can be not only meaningful but also do you a lot of good. For one thing people will help you in return; for another, you’ll get happiness out of that.

In short, the best way to celebrate our birthdays is to help others.

Thank you!