better your writing (part ii)

Better your Writing Better your Writing (Part II)(Part II)

高雄市國民教育輔導團語文領域國小英語組輔導員許儷齡許儷齡 (Linda)(Linda)(( 高雄市正興國小高雄市正興國小 ))

Direction:Please work with a partner to select the option that best describes the use of clauses in each sentence.

Warm-up Activity –

Identifying the Independent Clauses

Text Level• From the bottom up, text is

comprised of: - context - discourse - paragraph - sentence / clause - words - letters / sounds

Sentence Structures We can categorize sentences into four

main types, depending on the number and type of clauses they contain:

• Simple (one independent clause): – We drove from Connecticut to Tennessee in

one day.• Compound (more than one

independent clause): – We were exhausted, but we arrived in time

for my father's birthday party.

• Complex (one independent clause and at least one dependent clause): – Although he is now 79 years old, he still

claims to be 65.• Compound-complex (more than one

independent clause and at least one dependent clause): – After it was all over, my dad claimed he

knew we were planning something, but we think he was really surprised.

Sentence Structures

Warm-up Activity• An exercise in locating and identifying clauses

: - underline the subject-verb sets you find. - In the spaces after the I and D, put the number of independent and dependent clauses you find within that numbered item. - You should end up with 25 independent

clauses and 10 dependent clauses in all.

The Need to Combine Sentences

• Sentences have to be combined to avoid the monotony that would surely result if all sentences were brief and of equal length.

• Part of language’s music lies within the rhythms of varied sentence length and structure.

• Varying our clauses and sentence length keeps the text alive and the reader awake.

Compounding Sentences

• Using coordinating conjunctions (e.g., and, but, or, for, yet, etc.) to connect two or more independent clauses to link ideas

• The clauses of a compound sentence can sometimes be separated by a semicolon.

Subordinating One Clause to Another

• Subordinating one clause to another shows that one idea depends on another in some way: a chronological development, a cause-and-effect relationship, a conditional relationship, etc.

- As the explorers approached the headwaters of the Missouri, they discovered, to their horror, that the Rocky Mountain range stood between them and their goal, a passage to the Pacific.

- Although William Clark was not officially granted the rank of captain prior to the expedition’s departure, Captain Lewis more ore less ignored this technicality and treated Clark as his equal in authority and rank.

Using Participial Phrases to Connect Idea

• A writer can integrate the idea of one sentence into a larger structure by turning that idea into a modifying phrase.

e.g., Captain Lewis allowed his men to make important decisions in a democratic manner.

This democratic attitude fostered a spirit of togetherness and commitment on the part of Lewis’s fellow explorers.

→ Allowing his men to make important decisions in a democratic manner, Lewis fostered a spirit of togetherness and commitment among his fellow explorers.

Using Absolute Phrases to Connect Ideas

• The absolute phrase is often found at the beginning of a sentence. It is made up of a noun (the phrase’s “subject”) followed by a participle.

• The absolute phrase modifies the entire clause that follows. (*the participial phrase modifies the subject of the independent clause that follows.)

The Participial Phrase vs. the Absolute phrase

• Lewis’s fame and fortune was virtually guaranteed by his exploits.

Lewis disappointed the entire world by inexplicably failing to publish his journals.

→ His fame and fortune virtually guaranteed by his exploits, Lewis disappointed the entire world by inexplicably failing to publish his journals.

• Lewis’s long journey was finally completed. His men in the Corps of Discovery were

dispersed. Lewis died a few years later on his way back

to Washington, D.C., completed alone.→His long journey completed and his men in

the Corps of Discovery dispersed, Lewis died a few years later on his way back to Washington, D.C., completely alone.

The Participial Phrase vs. the Absolute phrase

Direction:• Work with a partner.• Combine each group of sentences into one effective sentence containing only one independent clause.

Exercise : Combining Sentences

Exercise: Fragments and Run-Ons

• Direction: After each sentence, select the option

which best describes that sentence. The first option will always be that the sentence is fine. Other options will not only define the structural flaw but suggest a way of fixing it. Choose the option with the best remedy

• Sequencing points: - firstly, secondly, finally• Reinforce an idea: - in addition, furthermore, moreover• Contract things: - on the other hand, nevertheless, however

Letter Writing - formal

• Referring to a particular subject: - concerning (e.g., your visit to our

company…), • Suggestion: - May I suggest that you should… I

propose/recommend that you (contact our director, visit at the end of this year..)… I would be delighted to have your opinion on this matter if you would like to have feedback from the person you’re writing to.


• Request: - I would be grateful if you could

(provide the following information/organize a meeting to discuss the problem)....


• End of the letter: - Don’t hesitate to contact me should you require any further information, In conclusion…., Taking all things into consideration…, I look forward to hearing from you, - Dear Sir/Madame,,,,Yours faithfully Dear Mr./Mrs.XXX…Yours sincerely


• Suggestion (to do something together):

let’s…, why don’t we.., we could always…, let me know what you think.., I prefer…what about you?

Letter Writing - informal


•End of the letter: Get back to me quickly so that we can make plans. Anyway, I must go now. I have to pick up my daughter from school. …Take care and keep in touch. Can’t wait to see you again. •Final signature: best wishes, Take care, all the best, love XXX.

• You asked me about… (what you could give your father for his

birthday)…• Adding something: - also, as well • Contrasting: - after all, what’s more, mind you,

having said that• Making Suggestions: - if you like, why don’t you.., If I were

you…, what about…


• You are a high school student. You have just finished your mid-term exam. You plan to invite a friend to work as volunteer workers at St. Paul’s Hospital for a week.

• Write a letter of about 120 words to persuade him/her to join the plan. Indicate how you’ll be going there, when you’re going, and how long you’ll be working at the hospital.

Practice: Letter Writing

Brainstorming Strategies: 5W1H

WHO are involved in this letter? - I, my friend

WHERE will you go? - St. Paul’s Hospital

WHAT would you do? - volunteer at a

hospital - spend time with

lonely patients

HOW will you go to the hospital? - by bus

WHEN will you volunteer at the hospital? - 6 pm to 8 pm after school is over

WHY do you want to volunteer at the hospital? - to do something good for

the community - to cheer up the lonely

patients

Letter Writing

Outline:Topic sentence of Paragraph I

Now that our midterm exams are over, I was wondering if you’d like to join me in

volunteering at a hospital.(a) We could do something good for the

community.(b) We could go to the hospital after school for a week.(c) We could spend time with some patients.

Letter Writing

Topic sentence of Paragraph II(a)The place we’d be volunteering at is St. Paul’s Hospital.(b) We could go to St. Paul’s Hospital right after classes.(c) We could volunteer there from 6 p.m. to 8

p.m.(d) We could talk to patients, play board games with them, and make sure they are

comfortable.Conclusion sentenceLet me know if you’re interested.

Letter Writing

Dear Doris:

Now that our midterm exams are over, I was wondering if you would like to join me volunteering at a hospital. I think it would be a great chance for us to do something good for the community. We could go to the hospital every day after school for a week, and spend time with the patients there who have no one to keep them company. I’m sure we could brighten their days.

Informal letter – intermediate level

The place we’d be volunteering at is St. Paul’s Hospital. We could go to the hospital by bus. Our classes end at 5:30 pm, so we could head over there right after school and start our shift at 6:00 pm, and stay until 8:00 pm. During our time at the hospital, we’ll talk to the patients, play board games with them, and make sure they are comfortable. Let me know if you’re interested.

best wishes,Linda

Informal letter - intermediate level

Dear Doris: We can breathe a sigh of relief now that our midterm examinations have reached their conclusion! But now that we’ve finished our studies, do you find yourself at a loose end after school? I certainly do! And that is why I have decided to offer my services at the local hospital. Would you care to volunteer alongside me? I know you’re a community-minded person who enjoys giving back to society, and I personally can’t think of a better way to make a difference than by helping those who are infected with a malady.

Informal letter - advanced level

We would carry out our voluntary work at St. Paul’s Hospital on High Street. We could bus to this hospital. Whilst there, we’ll converse with the patients and help to relieve their boredom by playing games with them. I propose that we make our way there together immediately after school. You can assure your parents that you’ll be home in time for supper. Let me know you thoughts.

best wishes,Linda

Informal letter - advanced level

• Free writing• Thesis construction• Rough draft• Topic sentence• Paragraph development• Transitions• Introduction

Seven steps to effective writing

Everyone has a fear of something.It can be something alive or something you have to do. Please write two paragraphs of 120-150 words to talk about ‘The Thing I Fear Most.’

Topic-based Writing

Brainstorming Strategies: What & How

The Fear

WHAT? - spiders, snakes - heights, earthquakes - public speaking, debating - being alone

HOW to overcome? - do research - talk to a psychologist - face the fear - try to keep it under control - take measures to prevent

what might cause the fear

WHAT are my reactions? - screaming - getting sweaty hands - trembling body - running away - feeling dizzy - seeking help

It’s not unusual to have a fear, whether it’s of heights, public speaking, or small spaces. I

have perhaps the most common fear of all: the fear of spiders. When I see a spider, my hands get sweaty, and I begin to tremble. Cautiously and slowly, I back away to what I think is a safe distance, and then I turn and run. If the spider is in my bedroom or the bathroom, I will go to

my dad or brother for help. They have to catch and remove the spider before I will enter that room again.

Topic-based WritingParagraph I

As I got older, this fear became more and more depressing. Suddenly, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to live by myself unless I learned to deal with my fear of spiders. So, after speaking to a psychologist and doing some research, I started doing things to overcome my fear. I have a toy spider which I keep on my desk. And when I see a spider, I stop and watch it, taking a step toward it if I feel I can. My recovery is still in the early stages, but already I feel less frightened when I see a spider.

Topic-based WritingParagraph II

Brainstorming questions

• Why did the competition influence me so much?

- It gave me a lesson in overcoming obstacles

- We outworked superior rivals• What have I learned? - I need to have the strength of will to work harder - Talent is not the deciding factor - The crucial thing is how much effort one is willing to put in

Outline• Topic sentence of Paragraph I Life is full of contests, and the one that impressed me the most was the hockey city championship

game I played in when I was in junior high. - trailed by a goal - made it into overtime - scored a winning goal• Topic sentence of Paragraph II That contest influenced my life because it provided a lesson in overcoming obstacles. - defeat superior rivals - strength of will to work harder - deciding factor: effort, not talent• Concluding sentence More often, it comes down to how much effort one is willing to put in to succeed.

Life is full of contests, and the one that impressed me the most was the hockey city championship game I played in when I was in junior high. My team was trailing by a single goal with just a few minutes remaining in the game. As the clock ticked down, our coach yelled out words of inspiration. Amazingly, we were able to tie the game and send it to overtime, where we eventually score the game-winning goal to become city champions.

Topic-based WritingParagraph I – intermediate level

That contest influenced my life because it provided a lesson in overcoming obstacles. My team was up against a squad that possessed superior of skills, but we simply outworked them to win the game. In life, I have tried to keep this lesson in mind. There may be people who are better at certain things than I am, but I know that I have the strength of will to work harder than they do. It’s not always talent that is the deciding factor. More often, it comes down to how much effort one is willing to put in to succeed.

Paragraph II - intermediate levelTopic-based Writing

Life is full of contests, and the one that impressed me the most was the English speech contest I participated in last year. My best friend and I had devoted ourselves to mastering our speeches for months beforehand. Spending almost every spare moment writing, improving, memorizing, and practicing our speeches, we encouraged each other through out the whole process. But neither of us ever imagined what was to occur on the long-

awaited day of the competition. We both made it to the finals! That’s right – it was me and my best friend competing against each other. After giving the performances of our lives, it was my best friend who was proclaimed the winner.

Topic-based WritingParagraph I – advanced level

That contest influenced my life because it taught me some valuable lessons. First of all, I learned that dedication is of paramount importance to success. Without putting in the work, you cannot realistically expect to do well. Second of all, be passionate! My friend and I love English so much that it didn’t feel like work – it was fun! And finally, winning isn’t always everything. Though I felt disappointed that I lost, I was still sincerely happy for my friend. After all, there is much to be gained from taking part, and much to be said for losing graciously.

Topic-based WritingParagraph II – advanced level

Now, try to work out the brainstorming

chart with a partner!

Hands-on Activity

Elements of Successful Essays

• A strong introduction• Focused, Well-organized paragraphs• Logical transitions between paragraphs• Strong conclusions• Statement of the topic’s significance• Calling for further research (and give

specific reasons why)• Solution/Recommendation (e.g., ideas

about how to correct the problem, or how to make changes)

• The Introduction - a grabber: to catch & hold

attention * a joke, a proverb/quote, an anecdote, a surprising fact * arouse curiosity - the topic (subject) * give 3 reasons (main ideas) for it - the thesis (argument) * 5 Ws + strong statement - related (G/T/Th)

How to write an effective essay

1. Unity - start a paragraph with Topic Sentence * Topic Sentence – the topic of the paragraph (the subject), and the controlling idea (specific comments about the topic) * other controlling ideas: use 5Ws (who, when, where, what, why) and How to generates other controlling ideas

Elements of a successful paragraph

- Unity: all sentences in the paragraph focus on one main idea

- Coherence: all sentence are clearly related to each other

- Development: main ideas are supported with sufficient details and examples to give the validity

A structured paragraph

2. Coherence - how to achieve it? * create logical bridges from one sentence to another by 1) repeat key words 2) substitute with synonyms 3) use pronouns 4) use transition words and discourse markers


Hurricanes, which are also called tropical cyclones, exert tremendous power. These violent storms are usually a hundred miles in diameter and their winds can reach velocities of seventy-five miles an hour, or more. Furthermore, the strong winds and heavy rainfall that accompany them can completely destroy a small town in a couple of hours. The energy that is released by an hurricane in one day exceeds the total energy consumed by mankind throughout the world in one year.

repeat

synonym

pronoun

pronoun

discourse marker

Transitional Devices Function

Conjunctive Adverbs (Adverbial Conjunctions)

addition again, also, and, and then, besides, equally important, finally, first, further, furthermore, in addition, in the first place, last, moreover, next, second, still, too

Transitional Devices Function Conjunctive Adverbs

(Adverbial Conjunctions)

comparison

also, in the same way, likewise, similarly

concession

granted, naturally, of course

emphasis certainly, indeed, in fact, of course

Function


addition

again, also, and, and then, besides, equally important, finally, first, further, furthermore, in addition, in the first place, last, moreover, next, second, still, too

Transitional Devices



example orillustration

after all, as an illustration, even, for example, for instance, in conclusion, indeed, in fact, in other words, in short, it is true, of course, namely, specifically, that is, to illustrate, thus, truly



summary

all in all, altogether, as has been said, finally, in brief, in conclusion, in other words, in particular, in short, in simpler terms, in summary, on the whole, that is, therefore, to put it differently, to summarize



time sequence

after a while, afterward, again, also, and then, as long as, at last, at length, at that time, before, besides, earlier, eventually, finally, formerly, further, furthermore, in addition, in the first place, in the past, last, lately, meanwhile, moreover, next, now, presently, second, shortly, simultaneously, since, so far, soon, still, subsequently, then, thereafter, too, until, until now, when

Coherence Devices in Action

• example paragraph: The ancient Egyptians were masters of

preserving dead people's bodies by making mummies of them. Mummies several thousand years old have been discovered nearly intact. The skin, hair, teeth, fingernails and toenails, and facial features of the mummies were evident. It is possible to diagnose the disease they suffered in life, such as smallpox, arthritis, and nutritional deficiencies. The process was remarkably effective. Sometimes apparent were the fatal afflictions of the dead people: a middle-aged king died from a blow on the head, and polio killed a child king. Mummification consisted of removing the internal organs, applying natural preservatives inside and out, and then wrapping the body in layers of bandages.

• The paragraph starts with a topic sentence.

• It is unified. (i.e., it contains relevant details.)

• The paragraph is not coherent.


• the same paragraph is revised for coherence.

- Italics indicates pronouns and repeated/restated key words, - bold indicates transitional tag-

words, - underlining indicates parallel structures.


• The ancient Egyptians were masters of preserving dead people's bodies by making mummies of them. In short, mummification consisted of removing the internal organs, applying natural preservatives inside and out, and then wrapping the body in layers of bandages. And the process was remarkably effective. Indeed, mummies several thousand years old have been discovered nearly intact. Their skin, hair, teeth, fingernails and toenails, and facial features are still evident. Their diseases in life, such as smallpox, arthritis, and nutritional deficiencies, are still diagnosable. Even their fatal afflictions are still apparent: a middle-aged king died from a blow on the head; a child king died from polio.


• The writer uses a variety of coherence devices, sometimes in combination, to achieve overall paragraph coherence.

• The organization of the information and the links between sentences help readers move easily from one sentence to the next.


Transitions between Ideas

• Using transitional expressions• Repeating key words and

phrases• Using pronoun references• Using parallel forms

3. Development - how to explore the topic further? * use details and evidence * illustrate point with examples Use the TEE rule to structure the

paragraph: T (topic sentence) - E (explanation) - E (examples/Evidence)


• Introduction: - introductory paragraph * state topic of assignment and comment on its importance * state main argument * indicate how you intend to answer the questions• Body• Conclusion

How to arrange your writing?

Marketers often quote Coca Cola as being the greatest market success in the western world. However, they overlook a crucial competitor. The greatest marketing success in western history is surely Christianity.

State the essay’s topic:

Introductory paragraph - example

Evolving from a corporate background with no infrastructure, no advertising budget, no mass communications, and situated in a geographical backwater, Christianity was not only marketed as a product to the entire western world, but has excelled in product placement, having endured in a marketplace for over two thousand years.


State argument about the topic:

This essay will examine the insurmountable odds the Christian church has faced in the past two millenia to keep Christianity a viable brand in the face of stiff competition from other world religions.


Indicate how the questions will be answered:

A Proper Introduction

• The introductory paragraph should complete two tasks:

- get the reader’s interest - inform what the writing is going

to be about (= a carefully crafted thesis statement)

Five Basic Patterns of Interest Grabbers

• A brief historical review of the topic to lead into the discussion

• A small episode that leads into the topic

• Surprising statement• Famous person (e.g., something

he/she said or did)• A straight declarative of the topic

Introductory Paragraph

• The thesis statement• A mini-outline for the paper• A transitional “hook” which

moves the reader to the first paragraph of the body of the paper

The Thesis Statement

• The thesis statement is that sentence or two in your text that contains the focus of your essay and tells your reader what the essay is going to be about.

• The thesis statement is also a good test for the scope of your intent.

• The thesis statement should remain flexible until the paper is actually finished. If we discover new information in the process of writing our paper that ought to be included in the thesis statement, then we’ll have to rewrite our thesis statement.

• The thesis statement usually appears near the beginning of a paper. It can be the first sentence of an essay, but that often feels like a simplistic, unexciting beginning. It more frequently appears at or near the end of the first paragraph or two.

The Thesis Statement

What is the thesis statement?

What has happened to the American male? For a long time, he seemed utterly confident in his manhood, sure of his masculine role in society, easy and definite in his sense of sexual identity. The frontiersmen of James Fenimore Cooper, for example, never had any concern about masculinity; they were men, and it did not occur to them to think twice about it. Even well into the twentieth century, the heroes of Dreiser, of Fitzgerald, of Hemingway remain men. But one begins to

detect a new theme emerging in some of

these authors, especially in Hemingway: the theme of the male hero increasingly preoccupied with proving his virility to himself. And by mid-century, the male role had plainly lost its conscious of maleness not as a fact but as a problem. The ways by which American men affirm their masculinity are uncertain and obscure. There are multiplying signs, indeed, that something has gone badly wrong with the American male’s conception of himself.

What is the thesis statement?

Concluding Paragraph• It should include the following: - an allusion to the pattern used in the

introductory paragraph - a restatement of the thesis statement,

using language that “echoes” the original language

- a summary of the three main points from the body of the paper

- a final statement that gives the signals that the discussion has come to an end.

• Summarize the main points• State main conclusions• Ask: has the question been

answered? * DO NOT include new material! * DO NOT end with a

generalization! (be original, striking!) * DO NOT end with a quotation! (say your own opinion!)

Concluding paragraph

A paragraph with a conclusion

Gold, a precious metal, is prized for three important reasons. First of all, gold has a lustrous beauty that makes it suitable for jewellery and ornamental purposes. Secondly, it is resistant to corrosion. For example, an ancient Roman coin remains as untarnished today as the day it was minted two thousand years ago. Furthermore, for many years gold has been used in hundreds of industrial applications. Its most recent use has been in astronauts’ suits. Astronauts wear gold-plated heat shielding for protection outside the spaceship. In conclusion, gold is not only treasured for its durability and beauty, but also for its utility.

• Ask a question• Write a thesis statement (answer to the

question, must be strongly stated)• Write an introduction (including your

thesis)• Prove your thesis (body of the essay->

3 main reasons with 3 supporting ideas)• Write your conclusion

How to write an effective essay

The Five-paragraph Essay• Introductory paragraph• Body - first paragraph - second paragraph - third paragraph• Conclusion paragraph

Body - The First Paragraph

• It should contain the strongest argument, most significant example, cleverest illustration, or an obvious beginning point.

• The first sentence should tie in with the transitional hook at the end of the introductory paragraph

• The topic of this paragraph should be in the first or second sentence. It should relate to the thesis statement in the introductory paragraph.

• The last sentence should include a transitional hook to tie into the second paragraph of the body.

Body – the Second Paragraph

• It should contain the 2nd strongest argument, 2nd most significant example, 2nd cleverest illustration, or an obvious point to follow up the 1st paragraph of the body.

• The first sentence should tie in with the transitional hook at the end of the 1st paragraph of the body.

• The topic of this paragraph should be in the first or second sentence. It should relate to the thesis statement.

• The last sentence should include a transitional hook to tie into the 3rd paragraph of the body.

• It should contain the weakest argument, weakest example, weakest illustration, or an obvious follow-up to the 2nd paragraph of the body.

• The first sentence should tie in with the transitional hook at the end of the 2nd paragraph.

• The topic of this paragraph should be in the first or second sentence. It should relate to the thesis statement.

• The last sentence should include a transitional concluding hook that signals this is the final major point in this paper. The hook also leads into the concluding paragraph.

Body – the Third Paragraph

References• www.engVid.com• http://www.engvid.com• Writing structured paragraphs http://

www.youtube.com/watch?v=w183qB0KDFg&feature=related

• Inside the TOEFL Test: Writing Question 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hKJTJv4bjY&feature=related

• TOEFL Writing 2 (Independent Task)• http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=LdIYxv0JBU8&feature=related• How to structure your TOEFL essay• http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=dJg138YlwvA&feature=fvwrel• English Digest• Studio Classroom

http://www.engvid.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w183qB0KDFg&feature=related



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hKJTJv4bjY&feature=related



References• (2010, 11). Principles of Organization.

StudyMode.com. Retrieved 11, 2010, from http://www.studymode.com/essays/Principles-Of-Organization-491636.html

• Guide to Grammar and Writing http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index.htm

• Principles of Composition http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/composition.htm

• The Five-Paragraph Essay http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/five_par.htm

• http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm• http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/

quizzes/combining_quiz1.htm

http://www.studymode.com/essays/Principles-Of-Organization-491636.html

http://www.studymode.com/essays/Principles-Of-Organization-491636.html

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/composition.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/composition.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/five_par.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/five_par.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm

better your writing (part ii)

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