Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

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Week Five

Community Micro Choices

Family Swapportunity

Science Make the New Way Work

Framework Grocery Shopping Revisited

At-Home Quest for Good Demands

Fun Choices Put Money in the Bank

“Providing choice opportunities resulted in clinically significant reductions in the number of occurrences

of problem behavior.” •  The Effect of Choice-Making as an Intervention for Problem Behavior: a Meta-Analysis

(Shogren et al., Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 2004).

Community

Ways to Offer Choices Community

Open Ended Questions

Structured Choices

Micro Choices

You or Me Choices

So Close

•  Okay, bananas are a healthy option but you need to have apples or pears next time.

•  OK

•  You need to sit down, so you can eat them, OK?

•  [still walking around]

•  Please sit down. It isn’t safe to eat while you are walking around.

•  [still walking around]

•  Do you want to sit down in two minutes or in three minutes?

•  Five minutes!

•  Wish you had made it open-ended? Make a note for next time but commit & stick this time!

•  A sneaky “okay?” turned it into a (question) demand

•  Gave demand from a distance without follow through

•  Choice offered AFTER the demand

Parent: Do you want to have apples or pears with dinner? Child: Bananas.

Community

Just Right

•  Okay, we’ll have apples. Do you want cinnamon on them or no cinnamon?

•  Bananas!

•  Okay, cinnamon apples it is!

•  I don’t like cinnamon!

•  Do you want to shake the cinnamon on or do you want me to?

•  I want to.

•  Okay! You’ve got it! Are you going to shake a lot or a little?

•  A lot

•  Sure, lots of cinnamon! First, sit down. Then, you can shake lots of cinnamon on your apples!

•  Made a decision for the child & moved on without dwelling

•  Didn’t take the bait!

•  Advertised the joy of shaking

•  Kept positive choices coming

•  Used a Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

Community

Parent: Do you want to have apples or pears with dinner? Child: Bananas.

Sneak Peek: If Bad, Be Boring Community

You offer milk with breakfast. Child stomps feet and yells, “Almond milk.”

BEFORE: You say, “Please use your calm words. Do you want milk or almond milk?”

What’s the problem? Choices BEFORE, Consistency DURING, Changes LATER

AFTER: “I don’t understand. I will know you are ready to talk when your voice sounds like mine.” [screaming, yelling, throwing milk…]

If you must say something, every two minutes or so just repeat EXACTLY what you already said. [10 minutes later… “I would like almond milk.”]

Oh, I understand you now! You just said you would like almond milk at breakfast. Thank you for telling me with a voice I can understand. You can write a note to

remind yourself to ask nicely for almond milk tomorrow morning BEFORE breakfast.

Questions for the Table – 10 Minutes Community

• Were you offering choices often before the workshop?

– If yes, in what ways is this a little different?

– If no, did it feel natural to use it?

• What obstacles did you face?

• When did you find success using it?

End

Large Group Q & A Community

• Questions?

• Reflections?

Week Five

Community Micro Choices

Family Swapportunity

Science Make the New Way Work

Framework Grocery Shopping Revisited

At-Home Quest for Good Demands

Family

Swapportunity

•  See blog post on March 18th

Family

One Habit Drives Out Another

•  “…[O]ne habit drives out another. Lay new lines in the old place. Open avenues of kindness for him. Let him enjoy, daily, hourly, the pleasure of pleasing.” Charlotte Mason (Vol 2, pp 86-87)

•  “A nail is driven out by another nail, habit is overcome by habit.” Erasmus

What Would You Like to Swap? Family

•  Begin by operationally defining a challenging behavior that you would like to see less of at home

•  What consequence is currently maintaining that behavior?

•  What could the child do instead that will result in the same maintaining consequence (i.e. what is the function of the behavior?)

•  Now operationally define that NEW behavior

End

Your Pre-HAT Project This Week Family

• Write down the ABCs when the behavior you don’t want happens this week

HAT Meeting Five Assignment Family

•  Schedule 30 minutes of protected, kid-free time for each week of our workshop on your CALENDAR

Goal for Meeting Five

Review your ABC data

What is the maintaining consequence?

Continue to define your values!

Week Five

Community Micro Choices

Family Swapportunity

Science Make the New Way Work

Framework Grocery Shopping Revisited

At-Home Quest for Good Demands

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. •  politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit

her brother

•  passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

•  talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

•  giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

•  giving your child a big hug after she falls down

Science

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. •  politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit her brother

•  passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

•  talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

•  giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

•  giving your child a big hug after she falls down

ALL ARE CONSEQUENCES. A consequence is simply what happens as a result of a behavior, it could be reinforcing or

punishing or have no effect.

Science

Not-A-Test

•  Reinforcement has occurred in which of the following examples: a)  Your child completes a chore & receives a sticker on

her daily chore chart

b)  Your child is being too loud at a restaurant so you say, “If you don’t quiet down, I will take away your ipad” and he quiets down

c)  Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please” so you free her. She starts asking for help more often as a result.

Science

Not-A-Test

•  Reinforcement has occurred in which of the following examples: (c) Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please”

so you free her. She starts asking for help more often as a result.

This is the only example in which we know that the probability of behavior increased in the future as a

result of the consequence!

Science

Today’s Gift from Science

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Behavior

REPLACEMENT

Consequence

Science

What Goes Up…

•  If a behavior continues to occur it is because it continues to work (or has worked for a long time)

• When the probability of behavior increases as a result of a consequence we say that behavior has been reinforced

“In an American school if you ask for the salt in good French, you get an A. In France, you get the salt” (Skinner, 1968).

Science

…Can Go Down

• When the probability of behavior decreases as a result of its consequence we say that behavior has been punished  

Science

Severe Punishment “Works” but…

Severe punishment unquestionably has an immediate effect in reducing a tendency to act in a given way. This result is no doubt responsible

for its widespread use. We 'instinctively' attack anyone whose behavior displeases us - perhaps not in physical assault, but with criticism, disapproval, blame, or ridicule. Whether or not there is an

inherited tendency to do this, the immediate effect of the practice is reinforcing enough to explain its currency. In the long run, however, punishment does not actually eliminate behavior from a repertoire, and its temporary achievement is obtained at tremendous cost in

reducing the over-all efficiency and happiness of the group. (Skinner, Science & Human Behavior, p. 190)

Science

A New Way

•  The Million Dollar Questions: – What is the function of the challenging behavior?

– What can he or she do instead that will work just as well or better than the old behavior?

– How can I help him or her to take the new way BEFORE they start going the old way?

– How can I increase the probability that he or she will take the new way more often in the future?

Science

Not-A-Test

•  Behavior of both children and adults _________ be reinforced or punished. •  probably should

•  probably should not

•  will

•  will never

Science

Not-A-Test

•  Behavior of both children and adults WILL be reinforced or punished.

No matter our preferences or actions, the natural world and our social communities WILL dole out consequences serve to

reinforce and punish our behavior. It serves us best to understand how they work so that they can be employed to help strengthen “good” behavior, and transparently so that

“good” is democratically defined.

Science

Week Five

Community Micro Choices

Family Swapportunity

Science Make the New Way Work

Framework Grocery Shopping Revisited

At-Home Quest for Good Demands

Not-a-Test

•  While attempting to quickly pick up a few things for dinner with you, your child pointed to the candy aisle and said, “I need candy now!” You said, “Sorry, no candy today pal. We are having your favorite lunch though right when we get home! Macaroni & cheese!” Your child was not impressed. He threw himself to the ground and in a Broadway-style performance screamed, “You are a terrible parent! I am so hungry! CANDY!” You said, “Stop screaming. If you ask nicely, then you can have one piece of candy. Just one piece.” He stopped screaming and asked nicely. You let him pick one piece of candy. He was pleasant the whole ride home.

Framework

Not-a-Test, Part One

•  You are now preparing to go grocery shopping with your child again. (You tried to trade the chore with someone else but to no avail ☺) What would you expect to happen if you do nothing differently?

Answer: (one point) Groundhog’s Day – The behavior was reinforced so science tells us that the future probability of it occurring will increase

Framework

Not-a-Test, Part Two…

•  There are many ways you could probably get a better outcome. Please write ONE specific idea you have and WHY you think it would work (you may wish to consider making changes to the antecedent, behavior, or consequence).

Framework

Step One: Operationally Define Behavior

•  Pick a challenging behavior & select a new behavior to replace it with

• OLD: He threw himself to the ground and in a Broadway-style performance screamed, “You are a terrible parent! I am so hungry! CANDY!

•  NEW: Grocery helper finds all 5 items on list. Trades list in for a piece of candy at check-out.

Framework

Step Two: Make the New Way Work

•  Make sure that they SERVE THE SAME FUNCTION!

• OLD: Access to tangible (candy)

•  NEW: Access to tangible (candy)

Framework

Step Three: Un-Set the Stage

•  Make candy less valuable by grocery shopping on a full stomach

• OLD: We are having your favorite lunch though right when we get home! Macaroni & cheese!”

•  NEW: Have big snack before grocery shopping

Framework

Step Four: Prepare to Prevent

•  Do something different to get a different result

• OLD: Your child pointed to the candy aisle

•  NEW: Before entering the store, invite your child to pick how many items she wants on her list (5 or 10) & then take her to candy aisle to pick out her favorite piece when you enter the store

Framework

Step Five: Stop, Celebrate & Document

• When your child finds an item on her list…

•  Stop the shopping cart – Upside Down Principal: Adults often give bad behavior

their full attention, flip this paradigm

•  Celebrate their participation – Name the Good: “You found the butter! Now we will

be able to make our pie crust.”

•  Document their success – Invite child to cross it off the list and to count how many

more items she needs to find

Framework

Step Six: If Bad, Be Boring

•  Find a place where you can ride the wave & be boring – THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TEACH WITH YOUR WORDS – A child strapped into a shopping cart can scream and

cry while you carry on with your shopping

– A child walking independently in the store may need to be temporarily escorted to the car or bathroom or other safe place until calm enough to try again

– If you need to abort, that’s okay!

Framework

Week Five

Community Micro Choices

Family Swapportunity

Science Make the New Way Work

Framework Grocery Shopping Revisited

At-Home Quest for Good Demands

Junk Demands Summary

• Question Demands – Are you ready for bedtime?

•  Unnecessary Demands – No running (when it is actually safe)

•  Vague Demands – Be careful

•  Giant Demands – Get ready for school

•  Unenforceable Demands – Come here (from across the room)

Photos via awordywoman.com, amazon.com, mysafetysign.com, & telegraph.co.uk

At-Home

A Quest for Good Demands

•  Assertive – Polite but firm tone says, “This is not a question. When I make a

demand, you can trust that I will always follow through calmly.”

– Explanations belong outside the context of the demand. Either before you give it or after its been obeyed.

•  Necessary – Spend your “investment” only on important demands

•  Instructive – Tell child exactly what to do instead, not what to stop doing

•  Enforceable – Ask for something you can follow through on

At-Home

Desensitization: Micro Demands Game

• Old message. If I resist hard enough or ignore long enough, demands go away

•  New message. My parents only make assertive, necessary, instructive & enforceable demands

• Old message. Demands are things to be resisted or ignored

•  New message. All demands aren’t bad

At-Home

Making Life Easier… Eventually!

•  If every time you issue a demand, your child currently raises his boxing gloves to prepare for a fight… – Decrease your junk demands

– Increase fun demands & simple demands

– Make sure all demands are ASSERTIVE, NECESSARY, INSTRUCTIVE & ENFORCEABLE

– Commit & stick no matter the demand

At-Home

SWC Survival Guide to Demands

BEFORE PROBLEM ONE SOLUTION

Go get ready for school GIANT CHAIN Micro Demand Game

Fly like a bird! (Yahoo!)… Bring me your backpack!

It ’s time to leave the park COMPLIANCE = END OF FUN

Sure Y! First X, Then Y Would you like a piggyback

ride? Sure! First bye park. Then, piggyback ride.

We need to hurry up VAGUE Micro Choices Game

Would you to put on your rain boots or jacket first?

Don’t touch anything NOT INSTRUCTIVE Hands in pockets please

Come here (from upstairs) UNENFORCEABLE Come here (from 1 ft way)

Remember to be careful UNNECESSARY If not in peril, allow natural consequences to teach

At-Home

Typically Tricky Time Video At-Home

•  This week, send us 30 seconds of a typically tricky time in which you usually make lots of demands. Try to use only good demands!

At-Home

Making this Work at Home

•  Guided Practice Every Workshop Week – HAT meeting • This week: What is maintaining the challenging behavior?

– Daily Five • This week: Add Micro Demands, Subtract Junk Demands

– 30-Second Video • This week: Typically Tricky Time video

At-Home

Questions, Comments?

Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com

At-Home